It was Edwards birthday; and there wasn't a party. He had said that he didn't want to throw a party, that he just wanted to have dinner with me, his sister and his parents. The place was fancy- beautiful and expensive. Edward was really proud that he could afford it himself this year. His parents could afford pretty much everything he wanted, but Edward didn't want to depend on their wealth and power anymore. And for the past year, he was actually capable of doing it. He did save some money for this event though, which was nice and I was on strict directions to not tell his father that.

It was the two of us at the restaurant, waiting for the rest to arrive, and for a change he was being affectionate. It was something I hadn't expected, since the other day he got so offended because of my white undies. It had been a full month since we were having a fight about where our sexual desires were heading. Or weren't.

He was holding my hand on the table, his new watch, I had gifted him, proudly on his hand. I too was working hard to give him a gift he would be proud to wear. I saved some money as well, doing extra shifts and hours at the library, saving money on food on others stuff. The good news was that he loved the gift.

His face twisted suddenly, and he huffed out "Bella, about the other night... I'm so sorry I overreacted. I googled those things and I just don't think it's in me, you know? And I didn't want to be pushed into something I wasn't comfortable doing. I want us to just be us again."

I was slightly annoyed he was bringing this up again and at his birthday dinner no less, where his family was about to arrive at any moment.

Trying to look at it differently, perhaps it was a good chance to clear it up. I was thinking about Jasper since then, and I shook my head automatically. Ok, but perhaps, I didn't need to have my sexual fantasies fulfilled. A lot of people weren't sexually fulfilled, and they were okay... Right? I had a good boyfriend who cared and loved me. Why couldn't it be enough?

"It's okay Edward. It's nothing." I said squishing his hands in mine, hoping that I would believe what I had said to be true "I hope you'll enjoy your birthday, sweety. Speaking of which; Where's Alice?"

It wasn't like I didn't want to be with him, but if there were more people around us, perhaps I could believe that we were meant to be. His family loved us as a couple, our friends always thought that we were a match made in heaven. It was tiresome and not true, but I needed it sometimes as well so I could believe it myself.

He looked at his cell "Oh, Alice called!" With a furrowed brow, he let go of my hand and started to text, what I presumed was to Alice.

"Well, thank you for answering, dear brother." Her voice rang behind us. I turned back to see her standing there, her hands on her hips "Happy birthday! Now come give your sister a hug!" And he did just that. He almost covered all of her, her frame being so small.

Alice was such a fire ball in life. She was nice, she really was. Alice was always doing something, meeting someone and seeing everything. We tried to be friends, but I couldn't really handle her bossy nature. She had said that she wanted a sister, but I always thought that it was a doll she wanted. Edward was always so sad that we didn't click as friends, but I never understood it – I was always polite and nice to her, I just didn't want to spend my free time with her. I of course didn't know what she said to Edward about me.

I got up from my seat to give her a hug as well "It's lovely to see you Alice!" I commented "Where are your parents?"

She looked me up and down and smiled. I didn't know what she meant with that smile, I never did, but it didn't make me feel better. I was wearing a pink strappy satin dress, that I loved, and I knew I looked good in. I tried not to overthink it as I had gotten that dress before Edward had told me about the intimate dinner. In contrast to me, Alice was wearing a long, fluffy black chiffon dress.

"Esme and Carlisle are on their way as a matter of fact. No less than ten minutes. What are we having?" She sat down next to Edward, looking at our drinks.

The evening was mild. It wasn't bad, it was lovely more or less. It felt fancy and glorious. It also felt cold, his parent barely engaging – I didn't want to disappoint his parents, so I was extra smiley towards everyone.

Since we all had champagne, we decided to take an uber back to Edwards. I was feeling anticipation because I knew Jasper was there. It was nothing, at least I told myself that. Nothing happened but I guess nothing had to happen, for me to get excited. The idea was exciting enough. The night with Jasper ended with his friends saying he could help my little problem. They decided to head out again, saying that they came back for something – they didn't specify what, and I was left to retrieve to Edwards room. I hadn't seen him since, seeing as I was at my place since his birthday tonight.

I turned to Edward, not being able to stop what I was thinking about, hoping that I was going to channel some of those feelings towards him "You looked really good tonight." Whispering to him I slipped my hand in his jacket and kissed his neck.

"Bella…" he didn't say anything else, and as he turned his head, we kissed.

I was almost in his lap, when we pulled to his apartment building, and we went out in the cold air quickly. We couldn't take our hands off of each other as we were stumbling to his place.

As we were close to his building, he pushed me against the wall, and deepened the kiss. I knew he had it in him! His hands were everywhere, and I couldn't melt enough in them. See? I could live with doing that, if he was engaging at least like this. It was something and I was finally happy to be with him again.

When I hitched up my leg, I was barely thinking, but what was coming to me was that finally he was giving in! Or even touching me. And it was exciting too! It wasn't just under the sheets in the dark – it was where everyone could see!

Just when I moaned, Edward pushed off of me, leaving my coat open, myself feeling bare and the disappointment coming to me already, not even knowing what he was about to say, but having a slight idea where this was going.

"Bella let's go inside. This is so… uncomfortable." And he did look it. He was looking at his feet with his hand in his hair.

I felt heartbroken. What turned me on, what made feel alive, made him feel uncomfortable. I felt tears coming to my eyes, and I pushed past him, inside the building, beelining in the apartment.

"Bella!" he was yelling after me. I could tell he was becoming angry.

I could tell he was running after me, as I entered the apartment.

"God Bella! Can you stop overreacting? It's not rocket science – I don't want to fuck in public! What's so hard to understand about that!" he exclaimed so loud I was sure the upstairs neighbors heard him.

I wanted to yell back at him, but I stopped in my tracks when I saw Jasper sitting at the kitchen table, trying very hard to ignore us. I was more embarrassed suddenly than I was before. Jasper knew more than he should know and Edwards outburst just cemented that.

I turned to Edward, trying to calm down "It's your birthday. I don't want to fight. Let's just go to bed?"

He seemed shocked that I was saying what I was saying, and I carried on "I get it. I finally get it Edward. I just want us, that's it." I lied through my teeth.

Did it matter that I lied? He nodded and went straight to his room, with me.

Once Edward was sound asleep, I went out of his room to Jasper who was still sitting in the kitchen. He had his laptop open and some books around. He was probably studying, no questions about if he was busy or not. I just realized that I didn't know what he was studying or if he was, and what he was doing with his life. I didn't know much about Jasper. Then again, why would I?

But I should know, seeing as what I was about to say to him.

"I'm sorry about your fight, " he looked up from his business "seemed like the same old same old?" He had his hair in his eyes, and I was going to lie if I would say he didn't look beautiful.

"Yeah. I just must come to terms with him not being a sexual person. I realize that we won't be having the sex that I want… Hell, we're not having even the sex that I don't want." I only half joked about that.

It actually sucked how true it was.

Jasper sat up straighter, and turned his head, looking at me, really looking at me. I felt like he could see inside of me, like he was looking for the truth. And I was about to give it to him.

"What are you going to do about it?"

I felt myself go beet red as I knew what I was going to say, "What did you friend, Emmett, say about you knowing how to help my problem?"

He smiled at me slightly "And Edward?"

This is where my blush covered my neck and chest as well "He doesn't have to know. I just want to know more about the lifestyle. I want to be a part of it. Edward will always be Edward, and I can't change that." I admitted.

He licked his lips and my eyes went down. How was it that I was more excited now than I was for the whole night with Edward?

"So, you want to keep it pg13?" he smiled "We can try. I still have to get to know what you like and what you don't."

I nodded in anticipation, biting my own lip. It was a nervous habit I had picked up, that I was trying to unlearn.

"Not now though, okay? I have to finish this first and then we can talk if you want." He still had a smirk on his face.

I looked at what he was doing. Of course, he didn't have time to educate or to show me now- he was busy.

"What are you studying?" I finally asked.

"I'm not studying. Just doing research for work. I'll be done in like twenty more minutes, do you think you can wait? It's late, we could also do this another day if you're too tired."

"I can wait." I nodded and got up from the kitchen and went to sit in the sofa, to watch some television. Truthfully I was a bit sleepy, but I wanted to wait.

I started to drift off, but I was still watching some comedy video show that on.

Jasper came over, sat next to me and put his hand on my chin, turning it towards him "If you really want to learn, I can show you, really show you."

I couldn't speak, I just nodded; ready for whatever he had instore for us. I was ready.

"Turn around." He showed me the cuffs he had with him and I did what he said, feeling myself getting wetter and wetter by the second. I turned my back towards him, and he cuffed my hands. He started kissing my back slowly towards my neck, biting in occasion. I was tingling all over and I was going to do whatever he asked me to.

"Jasper please." I begged him, not even knowing what I was begging for.

"Tell me Bella, what do you want."

"Bella?"

"Bella?"

"Bella, you should go to bed."

What?

I slowly opened my eyes and looked at Jaspers icy blue eyes. I tried to pick my brain but came up blank. I was so embarrassed. It was a dream. It was just a dream! I had a sex dream about Jasper, my boyfriend's roommate… Or started at least to dream one up.

"I must have snoozed off." I mumbled.

He smiled a toothy smile "Yeah, it seemed like it was a good one. You were making all the happy noses."

I felt the heat on my face, but I stayed silent. I also noticed both of Jaspers hands were holding me still.

"Will you tell me what your dream was about?" He asked, slowly caressing my shoulders.

I shook my head, too embarrassed. I could never.

"Well, one of these days you will."