"You've been coming here often lately. Is anything bothering you?"
It's strange to hear this voice, once so filled with mockery, anger, and not so obvious despair for a long time in the past. Now it's all gone, replaced with caring, gentle smile and... well, mockery is still here. But not in an unkind way.
Catra crosses her arms over the chest, tilts her head to one side and twitches the pointed ear while looking behind her shoulder. At the very least she seems curious, at the very most, she is concerned about her friend's condition and she doesn't even try to hide it. Why should she now?
"Huh? No! No... I just... Got lost in my thoughts."
Adora had just stopped weaving flowers into the wild mane, so she shakes her head and gives a bright smile in an attempt to convince the Magicat that everything is just fine. And really, wasn't it?
Catra seems unimpressed. Maybe it was because of her being the eldest friend of Adora, growing up with her, still knowing her better than anyone else and sometimes even better than Adora herself, especially lately. Or perhaps it was because of Adora's lack of deceiving. Or both.
"Uh-huh. Sure. And now spill it out!"
She grins and flexes her arms, turning her body around and releasing the claws, clearly preparing to tickle her friend, receiving a nervous chuckle from the mentioned friend. Adora hugs her abdomen, feeling a dull, almost phantom pain from once-broken ribs.
Well, Catra has a point. There is no need for hiding anything from her. Moreover, it would be only fair if Catra knows, despite how much Adora didn't want to submit to the situation. With a sigh of defeat, she drops her hands.
"It's nothing, really. Glimmer needs me to help another kingdom."
She shrugs and stays quiet. Catra waits a little longer and then raises her eyebrow when she hears nothing more.
"So... What about it?" prods she quite impatiently for more explanations, which makes Adora grumble and avert her eyes from the Magicat towards one of the trees in the park they were taking a walk. "I... Don't want to leave you alone for a long time again," finally admits she, definitely taking Catra by surprise.
"That's it? This is the big deal you are worried about?"
When she receives a serious nod in response, the Magicat snorts, but it quickly turns into a full-fledged laugh.
"Okay, honestly, I was expecting like some of the Prime's clones are back and you're getting ready for the new war you are not coming back from... But this? This is just ridiculous!"
She swipes some tears, ignoring (or genuinely not being able to see) what effect her words made to Adora. Adora, who clenches her fists in helpless anger at herself. To hear that from Catra, to hear her derisive (at least to Adora) laugh... It hurts. It really, really hurts, throwing her to the past and not to the happiest times. She is overcome by her regrets and mistakes, which are still deep inside her, slowly poisoning her every single day. Yes, Adora is still confident that her decision to leave the Horde was the only good option, but... she still blames herself for leaving Catra there. Sure, she was told that Magicat had to make her own decision, one time she even persuaded herself about it too. However, deep in her guts, she knows that it was only up to her. Catra relied on her too much those days. She needed to be dragged if Adora really wanted her to switch sides as well.
It seems, in reality, she really just wanted to get rid of her troubled friend? She convinced herself that it was Catra's mistake after all, but maybe she was wrong about it. Maybe all of it wouldn't happen if she just...
"Adora? Hey, what's wrong?"
A gentle touch on her shoulder pulls Adora back from her toxic thoughts. She blinks twice before she is able to see a familiar face full of concern.
"You good here?"
"It's nothing" answers Adora hoarsely, avoiding eye contact once more. She is far from "good," but she cannot admit it. Not now, not in front of Catra.
"... Sure. If you say so."
To her surprise, Catra lets her drop the subject and gives her sleeve a tug, urging to follow her and leading their way towards the main alley in the park.
"Are you tired of me already?" smiles Adora bitterly, but obeys, receiving a snort in response.
"Come on, we both know Glimmer. Don't make her wait, especially now. She has full hands of other worries!"
And before Adora can response, Catra quickly continues, giving her an impish smile. "Moreover, the sooner you leave, the sooner you'll come back! Am I right? Of course I am!"
Still, no room for argument, as the Magicat presses the palm to her chest, changing the smile to the smugger one. And it looks just so... familiar, so adorable, that it is almost impossible not to laugh. Taking into account the satisfied expression on Catra's face, Adora is almost sure, that she did the whole scene on purpose.
"... Thank you."
"I don't know what you're talking about!" smirks the ex-commander back, stopping in front of the two imposing white statues and raising her head, silently observing. Fearlessly facing danger, confident in themselves and in each other, Netossa and Spinnerella are depicted as they were when they were still alive.
Her ear twitches when Adora stops nearby, but none of them say anything. To be honest, Catra is a little bit jealous. She wasn't able to know in person any of these two princesses, but she has heard a lot about them. And about their relationship too.
Catra glances to the side just to see Adora, watching her closely.
"What?"
"Uh? Nothing. But it's still weird to see you... to see you without your mask."
Adora reaches out to brush a strand of hair from Catra's face, but instead of short gentle fur, she feels something warm and sticky at the end of her fingertips. She blinks in surprise and looks down to see blood. On her fingers, on the palm and on the face of an unconscious friend.
Adora gasps and clutches her head when she feels a sharp stab of pain. The noise in her ears increases and she can't tell if she can hear her own heart racing or the roar of a spaceship's engines. Where are they? What are they doing right now? Is the battle over or did she lose consciousness and the hell is yet ahead?
"Adora? Hey, Adora!"
She can hear Catra's concerned voice like if she was under the quarts of water. Adora wouldn't be surprised if it is true - she definitely feels like she is drowning.
It takes a few more moments before she is able to concentrate on firm, yet soothing voice of the Magicat.
"Breathe with me, okay? In! And out! In! Out!"
Several shallow breaths escape Adora's chest before she is able to take control over her own body and over her mind. Well... At least, over the most part of it. And now she realizes that she is sitting on the ground, pressing her back against the pedestal on which the statues stand. It's solid and cold, somehow soothing, but nothing compared to the caring look of Catra, kneeling in front of her.
It makes her heart warmer and stabs with guilt at the same time.
"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."
She doesn't cry. All of the tears were dropped a long time ago. Now she is just... tired. Tired and broken and lost. When they were fighting Horde Prime, she did what she had to, did her best, but it clearly wasn't enough. The statues (and not only them) in this memorial park are direct proof of this.
"So am I."
The response is calm, sincere. The Magicat sits down, slightly whipping with her tail and she is looking at Adora with so much understanding... But how could it be other way? After all, she was the Hordak's second-in-command and committed a lot of crimes at her own discretion. They both know that there is a lot of innocents' blood on Catra's hands.
Adora closes her eyes and tilts the head, slightly banging against the pedestal.
"I didn't want this to happen."
"I know you didn't," hums Catra in response. "Everyone knows it."
"But it doesn't change anything."
All of the destruction that happened, the deaths... She is responsible for that. As She-ra, as Adora, it really doesn't matter. She was supposed to be the protector of Etheria, but...
"Of course it does not," readily agrees Catra. "It would be naive to believe that."
They both fall in silence less intense than Adora originally expected. But maybe it was the main reason - Catra understands her because she is at the same situation. Or worse.
She is forced to open her eyes when she hears a giggle form the Magicat. "You know that your emotions are still written all over your face?"
Adora doesn't share her amusement and glares at her friend, making her sigh.
"Look, I can't say that I know how you are feeling. After all, you are a hero and I am a wildcat."
No room for argument is left again as Adora opens her mouth, but is stopped with raising hand.
"Just shut up and listen, okay?"
When she gets no response, Catra curls her tail around and quickly licks her lips. It is hard to talk about what she did, but she knows that she has to. Adora needs help and Catra doesn't want to see her suffer any more.
"I know that you're blaming yourself. I can say that you don't have to, that we all understand that you did your best and if you could you'll definitely exchange your life for the lives of those who passed away, but... Well, that's not happening."
She shrugs as if it was no big deal. And it really wasn't for her now. Unlike Adora she has already accepted her sins and that there is no way she can pay for all of them, but... She tried. She was granted the possibility to make up for the mess she made and Catra took advantage of it.
"We cannot change the past. And it's not good to cling to it," ads she with a smirk. "Trust me, I know."
At least now a small, sad smile appears on Adora's lips. "You sure do."
"So, what I'm trying to say is... Yeah. The past hurts. Especially the mistakes we've made, all of the possibilities that "could-have-happen," but never will. I cannot say that the past wouldn't haunt you, because it sure will. From time to time, maybe at your most vulnerable moments. But as the time flows, the pain wouldn't be so sharp and you kinda... get used to it? It wouldn't hurt that much."
It is not the speech Adora hears from others. Usually, they try to convince her that it wasn't her fault, that she did her best, but she still wasn't ready to accept that. Catra didn't even try to take that path. Instead, she explains the situation and what will happen later in her own manner, and why Adora shouldn't trust her? They both know that the Magicat is guilty as well as Adora is, but in her own way.
"Hey, after all, somehow I had to overcome it. And if I was able to do such a thing after all my past mistakes... I see no reason you couldn't do the same."
With another smile, she presses her fingertip against Adora's forehead. Adora smirks back.
"Well, if you say so."
She falls silent again, but now it is almost comfortable until Catra breaks it with a question.
"How is Scorpia doing?"
The smile on Adora's lips grows a little bit more.
"She is fine. Enjoying her new life and new arm too. Entrapta was able to construct a mechanical one that functions as a human arm and not the claw, so... Well, she is happy with it. They both are, actually."
The tense slowly begins to leave her body and she chuckles when she sees the pure happiness in Catra's eyes. After all, she still misses the scientist and the "Big Gal" even if she isn't ready to admit it loudly.
"I'll tell them you said Hey!"
With a smirk Adora gets on her feet, receiving a snort and a grumble. She is feeling better now, so she takes the few steps that separate them from the main alley and looks over her shoulder. "Are you coming?"
With no more words, but with a stretch and a grace only cats are able to, Catra stands up and reaches to her friend, who is looking towards the statues again. With a low grunt, Catra takes her hand and leads away, letting her go when they stop in front of the park's main gate. She can see that Adora doesn't want to leave, but Catra knows that she has to.
"Hey dork, don't be so upset. It's not like I'm going anywhere, so just do your job and relax a little bit, okay? You know, spend some time with your other friends? Throw a party or do some other dumb things! Just... Live, you know?"
She tries to look Adora in the eyes, but the other one avoids eye contact and remains quiet. At least until the Magicat lightly brushes the fingers against her own.
"It's fine, Adora. It will be fine even if you don't believe it now. I know it's hard, but you have to trust me. Okay?"
When was the last time Catra sounded so gentle and carrying? Adora's shoulders twitch and she quickly wipes her eyes with the palm of her hand.
"I had no idea you can be so sentimental! Are you sure you don't have a concussion?"
Her smile is broken, but at least Catra can see the same old determination in her eyes which makes the Magicat calm down. Adora will be fine. It will take some time, but she definitely will.
"Maybe I surprise you with something else when you'll visit me next time. But don't come back too soon! Otherwise, Bow and Sparkles can get jealous."
"They sure will."
Adora is still smiling as she slowly turns toward the entrance. After all, Catra is right. It's time for her to go now.
However, after a few more steps, she is reached by a familiar voice.
"I know that you are not ready to forgive yourself yet, but... We don't blame you for what had happened. So don't be too hard on yourself, okay? For me?"
She stops and clenches her fists, only to open them the next moment with a defeated smile.
"I'll do my best."
"You promise?"
Adora doesn't look back, but she is sure that Catra is smiling as well. And when she finally allows herself to glance behind her shoulder, the Magicat was gone. Only the flowers on her memorial plaque is proof of a recent visit. What Catra has done as a commander is unforgettable, but her sacrifice during the war of Horde Prime was undeniable too. That was the reason she is remembered here, among other heroes who gave their lives to save others.
For one certain person, these memories of her best friend are still too real. But one day, she'll finally forgive herself and maybe it will be the same day she let Catra go.
"... I promise."