Chapter 31

TRAX

I was a fucking mess.

When I got that text back from Sophie, I knew she had seen me with Kat. It wasn't what it looked like, but I knew I had still screwed up badly. Like really, I'm-such-an fucking-idiot badly.

Sophie must have seen the kiss. It meant nothing to me. Absolutely nothing except two old friends saying goodbye. At least that's where I stood with it. Kat, I know, felt differently, so that's why the kiss lingered.

Lingered too long and that was my own damn fault. I knew I should have stopped it sooner, but I didn't. I have no one to blame except myself.

Fuck me!

Now, I'm pacing my room non-stop as I don't know what to do since Sophie isn't answering her phone to texts. It goes straight to voicemail so I think she's turned off her phone.

Not to mention that I have no idea where she is.

None at all.

I drove around for a while trying to find her while everyone is still out on the ride. I came up empty. I went everywhere I could think of, but there was no sign of her or her car anywhere. There was no place else to go except back to the clubhouse since I had run out of ideas of where to look next.

I'm pacing this small room non-stop. I know I have to explain to her what happened. That Kat is only a friend and nothing more. At least now she's nothing more but she sort of was before, is what has me fucked badly.

I want to slam my fist through a wall. I'm fucking pissed off at myself. I was stupid to get myself in this position. It wasn't like I lied to Sophie, I just didn't tell her everything. Why didn't it? No fucking clue whatsoever. It was like once I met Sophie, no one else mattered.

Sure I fucked Kat one time after the day I changed Sophie's tire, but that was because I never thought I'd see Sophie again. When I did, no one else existed except for her. Can't she see that? I know we haven't been together real long but doesn't she realize I would never do that to her?

Except bikers aren't known for being faithful and I ain't a normal biker. I never was. Fuck it man, I told her I loved ner and I ain't never said that to anyone else fucking ever. Don't she get that I would never destroy what we have?

Now I'm getting pissed at her, too. She oughta had enough faith in me to know I'd never fuck around on her. I'm getting riled up mad at everyone and pacing so much that my belly is starting to hurt me something fierce. I have pain meds I can take, but they will mess with my head, and I need to have my wits about me.

Instead, of taking the strong pain meds, I sit on the edge of the bed trying to get control of the pain. No matter what I try, nothing's working. I'm eyeing the orange pill bottle when I hear the sound of dozens of Harley's approaching.

I get my ass down to the common room as quickly as I can. Before the drinks start flowing, I need to find Diesel and his ol' lady. If anyone knows where Sophie is it will be her cousin Chrissy.

Except, even as tall as Diesel is, I don't see him above the heads of all these bikers.

Ain't anything going to go right for me today?

I see my brother headed my way with a beer in his hand. I'm not in the mood to talk to him, but it looks like I don't have any choice.

"Missed you out there today, brother. It was a good fucking ride," he says as he walks up to me.

"Wish I could've gone, too. Definitely next time," I absently responded, still looking over the crowd of bikers for Diesel or Chrissy.

"Who you looking for? Your ol' lady?"

Merle's always been observant at the wrong damn time.

I am, but I ain't gonna tell him that. "Looking for Diesel. You seen him?"

"He had to drop his ol' lady off, I think. They split off from us on our way back. What you need him for?" Sugar asked as he took a long pull from his beer.

"Naw, I wanna talk to his ol' lady. I can wait." I really couldn't, but there was no way in hell I was going to tell Sugar that I had fucked up.

I wanted him to let it go. He should have let it go, but he didn't. He kept looking at me until a smile slowly crept across his face. "His ol' lady and yours are close…cousins, right? And I don't see Sophie around here, so what'd you do to piss her off?"

When did he get so damn perceptive?

I walk over to the bar with Merle following me. "Give me a shot, Dutch," I demanded from the prospect. I slid my ass onto a barstool as I was still feeling the pain from before. That damn gunshot took more out of me than I liked.

Dutch poured one for each of us, even though Sugar hadn't asked for it. The kid was smart enough to know that Sugar never turned down whiskey.

"Well?" he asked after we threw them back.

I stroked with the hair on my chin as I always do when I'm not sure what to say. I try an abbreviated version of my fuck up. "She saw something, and it wasn't what she thought it was. I just need to explain it to her."

"But you got to find her first, right?" Seriously, when did he get a brain?

"Yeah," I admit. "I'm hoping Chrissy knows where she took off to."

"Who did she see you fucking?"

"No one! Shit, man. I'd never do that to her. I had a talk with...Kat. She stopped by. While she was telling me she wanted more from me, I was telling her it was over. She's a good person and deserves better than what we had. I was trying to let her down easy, but I never wanted more from her, not like I have with Sophie. Sophie must have seen her in my room."

"Naw, she saw more than you just talkin' to Kat. What did she see, bro?"

So much for trying to keep this easy. "She saw Kat kissing me...I think."

"Was Kat dressed in one of those tight dresses that show off her big titties?"

I nodded yes.

"Did she have her tongue down your throat?"

I felt like I was in a fucking interrogation. "Yeah," I begrudgingly admitted.

"You're a stupid fuck. How're you sure she saw you? Could she just be late coming back?"

I had Dutch pour me another shot, and I threw that back before I showed him her text. Merle then slapped me alongside the head hard enough to make me almost slug him back.

"What the fuck, man?"

"No! What the fuck, Trax! You find the best damn woman out there, and you fuck it up by kissing Kat? Someone that you not only fucked around with but meant shit to you! I knew you were stubborn, but I didn't think you were stupid!"

I'm surprised by the fire I see in Merle's eyes. He and Sophie had problems in the beginning and even though they worked it out, I didn't think he was that accepting of her. Except, he is wrong about one thing. Kat didn't mean shit to me, we were friends. We had each other's backs before the friends with benefits shit started.

"Listen man, I know I shouldn't have let Kat kiss me like that, but she wasn't simply an easy lay. We've been friends longer than I've been patched. I was already hurting her cause she had to go and say that she loved me, but I don't love her. Not like I love Sophie. Man, Sophie's my goddamn world, but I couldn't just kick Kat out. I ain't that cold and she didn't deserve it. I just gotta find Sophie and explain."

"Hopefully, she'll listen. Fix it, cause I like the broad. I ain't seen you smile for years until you met her. She looks good on you, real good. And if I ain't mistaken, that's Diesel's big ass walking in the door now. Go fix this shit."

I quickly turned around and saw Diesel making his way toward the bar. I left Sugar standing there as I walked away toward Diesel. The room was crowded, so it took me a few minutes to push my way through the bikers and women to make my way over to him. He had downed a shot of tequila and was halfway into a draft beer before I got there.

Once again, I had to explain what a fucking idiot I was before he'd give me his ol' lady's phone number. I hated having to make this call, but I had no choice.

I dialed Chrissy's cell and waited for her to answer.

"Hey who's this?" she answered. Her voice sounded distracted.

I hated having to do this, but I had no choice. "It's Trax. Is Sophie over there with you?"

I heard something clatter in what sounded like a sink and she muttered "shit" under her breath. "No, why would she be? You guys weren't on the ride today and I'm getting ready to come back for the party. What's going on, Trax?"

"Ah, just trying to track her down. If you talk to her, tell her to call me. I need to talk to her."

Yeah, I was trying to be vague. I knew it sounded like total bullshit, but this was really between Sophie and me.

"Trax, did you piss her off? What did you do?"

"Why are you sure I did something wrong?" Even though it was true, I hated that she assumed I had fucked up, even if it was me. Guys aren't always wrong, are we?

Chrissy sighed loudly over the phone. "What. Did. You. Do."

"Alright, alright. We had a misunderstanding, and I just need to talk to her. So if you talk to her, please tell her to call me or come back to the clubhouse. Okay?"

I was a private guy. I never told anyone what was going on in my life. I never had shit to share, but even if I did, it would stay with me. Now everyone wanted to know what the fuck I did to Sophie. I hated this but Chrissy was my best lead to finding my girl.

"It was...a misunderstanding that I need to explain. If you talk to her or see her, please let me know. I need to fix this, Chrissy. I need Sophie back like I need to breathe. Okay?"

Shit, I hadn't meant to say that, but it was the truth.

Chrissy was quiet for a moment. I know her loyalty would be to her cousin, but I really needed her help. I had no place else to go.

"Did you fuck someone else?"

"Oh hell, no!" I growled at her. "I'd never do that to Sophie."

"Alright. I'll try to get in touch with her, but you need to fix this, Trax. Sophie was really happy with you, hell wasn't she house hunting today? So fix this, as my cousin deserves to be happy again. But if you are lying to me, I'll be the one holding your dick as she cuts it off. Got me?"

I couldn't help the shiver that ran through me. There's not one guy in this damned world that doesn't cringe at the thought of losing his dick. "Got you."

Chrissy hung up without saying goodbye. I knew I couldn't sit here waiting for her to possibly come back. I had to go out and look for her again. I had tracked her once to save her life, now I needed to do it again to save us. Plus, if I stayed here at the clubhouse any longer, I'd probably end up killing somebody.

It was better than sitting around here doing nothing. I headed back up to my room to grab my keys. This time I wanted my old pickup with me while I searched for my ol' lady. I had no choice but to go.

I loved that woman.

Sophie

I was sitting in the car feeling like an idiot. I was trying to hide from Daryl, so I had my hair hidden under a hat. Sunglasses to try to hide my face, but did I do anything to hide my car beside park it along the side of the grocery store?

No.

I should have asked Maddie if I could borrow hers, but I didn't even think of it until about three minutes ago. I knew I could check off being an undercover cop as a future job I was definitely not suited for. Everyone in the club knew my car so if anyone saw it I knew it would make it's way back to Daryl in an instant.

I was going to have to see him at some point if I wanted my stuff back. Even though I was angry at him and not to mention being extremely hurt, I wasn't going to abandon everything I had brought with me from Kansas. I had photos of my Mom and me there and there was no way I was going to lose them. They were some of the only memories I had left of her.

Seeing Daryl was going to be tough. I didn't want to hear any explanation he had. I know what I saw with my own two eyes and that was not a friendly or brotherly kiss. If a man loves you, he does not kiss another woman that way.

Hell, no.

And if that's the way the Road Devil's members do it, then I want no part of them. None at all. I should have gone with my gut feeling about them months ago. But no and even though I tried to fight it, my heart and my girly parts won out.

I let Daryl in and he ended being just another male that screwed me over. I am so done with guys.

I had gotten to the parking lot early, scoping out a place to meet Chrissy that wasn't out in the open. A quick text told her where to find me. Then I sat. Having this time to think was both a curse and a blessing. It gave me a moment to catch my breath.

It had been a couple of hours since my life fell apart. I knew what I needed to do, but that didn't mean that my heart was begging me not to. I would be a sobbing mess if I kept thinking of what I lost. Now wasn't the time for that. Tonight, when I was alone I knew I'd fall part worse that I already had.

Daryl had fooled me. I thought he really loved me. I fell for his "you're the first woman I ever cared about" line. He was my gruff biker. When he smiled he lit up my heart. He also knew how to work my body. That was the best sex I ever had. My body would just alive for his. My orgasms were off the damn charts.

Every single damn time.

I shouldn't be thinking of how happy I was these last few months. Daryl was unlike any other man I had ever been with. He was strong without being overbearing. He had shown me how much he cared not just by his words, but by his actions. And he made me feel more desired and beautiful than any man ever had.

Except, he threw it all away. Tossed me aside for fake boobs and big hair.

What I didn't get was if he had this Kat, then why did he need me? Why pursue me? Why have me not only move in with him but have me look to buy a house for us? I didn't understand why he thought these two worlds wouldn't collide.

Just as the tears started to escape again, I saw Chrissy pull up beside me. I quickly wiped my eyes with my fingers before stepping out of the car into the hot Georgia sun. We met at the back of my SUV with Chrissy wrapping her arms around me.

Of course, that made me burst into not just tears, but all-out sobs.

After a minute or two, I stepped back from her once again wiping my wet eyes with my hands. "Thanks for coming," I mumbled.

"Stop that. Do not thank me for coming to help you. You're my family. Soph, we grew up together. Of course, I'm here. Let's sit your car and talk for a minute. Okay?"

I nodded that was fine and we slid into the front seats of my Honda. I turned the motor on so the air conditioning would kick in.

"He's looking for you, you know? Diesel called me to see what was going on. He said Trax is out in his pickup trying to find you. Trax called me to see if I knew where you were. I didn't as I hadn't even spoken to you yet, but he sounded a bit desperate on the phone, Soph. You know I have your back no matter what, but maybe you should hear him out?"

"Why Chrissy? So he can tell me more lies? I was gullible the first time, but I won't fall for that again. I know what I saw, so why are you suggesting I listen to him?" I didn't like that my cousin was trying to get me to give him a chance. I thought she was on my side.

"Hear me out, please. Diesel's known Trax a real long time. Much longer than me or you. Trax made use of the Hellions and Bang Bunnies like they all did, but not all the time like many of the guys do. He never really attached himself to one girl much."

"Lola?" She couldn't miss my sarcastic tone.

"That was in her own fucked up head, girl. You know that. She's not ever going to be a problem anymore." There was a confidence in her voice that I didn't understand.

"How do you know that?" I asked not sure I really wanted to know the answer.

Chrissy quickly hid the look of surprise on her face from me. "Umm, well…she's gone."

"Gone? Like moved away gone?"

Maybe she moved out of the county or even out of the state. I hated her but I wasn't sure where to go with it.

"Oh man, Diesel is going to kill me. I thought Trax would have told you. Soph, she's gone like never ever coming back…like dead gone."

Holy crap! They killed her? I know she was the one that helped that other club ambush the guys, but I didn't expect that. "Shit, Chrissy. That's some serious revenge. I don't know what to say."

Chrissy put a hand on my arm. "She was a traitor to the club. The guys can't ignore that or the club is weak. They needed to take care of the Outlaw Knights and what they did to us. This was a long time coming. Diesel was pretty sure she was in their half-ass clubhouse when they burned it to the ground with everyone in it. Her car was parked outside. Been no sign of anyone since that night last I heard."

The club was a lot more dangerous than I thought. I knew Daryl hadn't been involved in any of that as he was still recovering from the gunshots, but what they did left me speechless. I know they lived by a different code, but this was way worse than I ever imagined.

I guess she could see the shock on my face. "Sophie, it was either them or us. The OK's forced our hand when they killed Cue and almost Trax, not to mention Blade's leg is really messed up, Jet was also hit twice, and Ghost and my Diesel were lucky their injuries weren't worse. They tried to takeout all of those guys, Soph. There was only one response that the Road Devils could do and that's exactly what they did."

"You're good with what they did?" I knew what her answer was going to be. I could hear her approval coming out through her explanation. I didn't know if I could do that.

"If it means keeping my Diesel alive and his MC brothers, then yeah, I'm good with it. Family has to take care of family and that's what the Road Devils are…family. And so are you, Sophie. You're not going to want to hear this but I think you should talk to Daryl. He knows you saw him with Kat and he knows he should have told you about her, but he said he didn't because she was only a casual hook up every now and then. They weren't serious."

I saw the hope in Chrissy's eyes. We were blood family and she wanted me to also be in her MC family. However, I didn't trust Daryl anymore. He lied to me and I was pretty sure cheated on me with Kat. He deserved nothing from me.

I shook my head. "Sorry, I don't believe him. I think he's just covering his ass trying to get me back which I don't understand. He has Kat, he should just stay with her. I don't think I'm meant for the MC life. I tried it Chrissy and as much as I wanted to do it, it's not where I want my life to go. Please don't let my decision lose you too."

My cousin was the last family I had. Her mother was in Florida, so I moved back to Georgia to be closer to Chrissy. If I lost her and Aunt Patty, I'm not sure I could stand to be completely alone here. That would devastate me even more.

The smile that spread across Chrissy's face immediately put me at ease. "You're never going to lose me. You're my blood family and we practically grew up as sisters. If You're my blood family and we practically grew up as sisters. If you stay out of the MC life, you're still in mine. I love you, Soph."

"I love you too, Chrissy." This was why I moved back to Georgia. It wasn't to get involved with a guy minutes after I crossed the state line, it was to be with my real family.

It was time for me to get going. We transferred the clothes she brought for me into my car and hugged each other goodbye.

"You are safe, right?" she asked.

"Yes, I am. I'll stay in touch. I promise."

"Okay, but if you need anything, including money, call me. Promise me that, please?"

My gorgeous cousin had a heart of gold. I knew she'd do anything for me. "I will."

"And promise me one more thing?"

I'm not sure I was going to like this. "What's that?"

'That when you talk to Trax because at some point you will have to, that you listen with an open mind. This reminds me of a song I used to like by this obscure artist. It's called 'Three Sides to Every Story.' It talks about there being your side, his, and the truth which is usually a combination of them all. I'm only asking you to listen and think before you make any permanent decisions. Okay?"

I wish I knew why she was so into having me listen to him. I know what I saw. "All I can promise is that I will try, that's it. Now, don't you have a party "All I can promise is that I will try, that's it. Now, don't you have a party to get to?"

"I do," she said with a smile. "But it won't be the same without you."

"Of course not," I laughed. "Go and thanks again for everything."

We hugged again before we both got into our cars and headed out. Chrissy was going to a party at the club that I used to call home. Her man was waiting there to make her his priority. Me? I was going back to Maddie's spare bedroom. I had no place else to go.

This was even worse than that happened with Sean in Kansas. Why did I pick guys that only knew how to break my heart? Someday I would learn, but in the meantime, I still had more crying to do.

Fuck you Daryl Dixon and fuck my life.