Chapter 33

Sophie

I felt like I was going to throw up. All morning my stomach has been in knots so much that I barely handled the cup of tea I had for breakfast. I knew I had to go back to the clubhouse to get my stuff and today was the day.

And I was a mess.

This was Friday morning, almost a week after I left Daryl. I wanted the least amount of people around the clubhouse to witness my official leaving. Plus, I hoped that Daryl was back to work by now.

My best and most unlikely scenario was I wouldn't see him at all. The worst would be him still in our old room when I got there. Most likely, it would be something in between. I hated doing this. Leaving him was the last thing I wanted to do, but if I didn't trust him, there was no way I could be with him.

And I didn't trust him. Or the club.

Cage was on gate duty and let me through. His acknowledgement was just a simple chin lift as I drove by. With any luck, the prospect didn't know what was going on between Daryl and me.

There weren't many bikes around so I was able to park closer to the door than normal. This was going to be a super-fast packing job. Neatness was not an option. My plan was to get in, throw everything into the suitcases I had stored under the bed and into the two boxes I had brought along and hightail it out of there as quickly as I could.

I walked into the dark clubhouse with my heart beating wildly in my chest. It took a few seconds for my eyes to adjust from the bright Georgia sun that was outside. When they did I had a huge sigh of relief that the main room was empty.

At least for now.

I ran through the room and up the stairs stopping abruptly outside a door. It was the door to the room that Daryl and I had shared. This small room that barely fit the two of us, I had found the happiness I never imagined I would find.

This is where Daryl and I fell in love. It had started out as pure lust, but once his persistence won me over, we quickly fell in love. It was a head over heels all-consuming love and maybe that was the problem. It was too much, too strong, and just too fast.

But it was good. Make that way fucking better than good. It was the best I could ever have hoped for, but now it's gone.

The love is still there…at least on my part. Not loving Daryl isn't the problem. It's that I still do that's killing me.

I'm just not sure about him. Maybe he really doesn't know what love it? He had never been in love nor had anyone loved him, so how was he to know what love was? Which meant, what if he never really loved me?

And that thought broke my already shattered heart even more. I wanted to curl up into a ball and cry until I didn't have any more tears left, but this wasn't the place to do it. Not in the hallway of the clubhouse where anyone could come upon me at any second.

I needed to pull my shit together and do what I came here to do. Later, I could fall apart as I did each night, but not now.

My shaky hand reached for the doorknob. I had no idea if Daryl was in the room or not. In my haste, I had forgotten to look to see if his pickup was parked alongside the building. His bike needed extensive repairs after the accident and I knew he was planning on working on it when he got better, but I completely forgot to look for his truck.

The least amount of people that saw me the easier I would have a chance to get in and out without Daryl showing up. I wondered if I should knock, but this had been my room too. Instead, I tried to turn the knob but it didn't move. The door was locked, which at this time of day most likely meant he was not in the room. I pulled out the key I still had and unlocked the door before quickly closing it behind me.

I couldn't help the huge sigh of relief that escaped when I saw that the room was indeed empty. The boxes I brought with me we dropped onto the floor as I headed toward the bed. I knelt down next to it to pull my suitcases out from underneath when I stopped.

The bed was made. Daryl never made the bed before I moved in. It made me smile. It was a small thing and even though he wasn't expecting me to see it, it meant a lot. The pillows then caught my eye. His always held his scent which was why I would switch them out every night. Even though he was sleeping right up against me and we always had sex before we went to bed, I still needed to smell him as I fell asleep.

My hand reached out for the one and brought it to my face. I inhaled deeply. It was all Daryl. It was the scent that was uniquely him and God, did I miss that…and him. I held the pillow to my face for a good minute before I put it back. I didn't wipe away the tears as I pulled out my two big suitcases from under the bed.

Along with them came a ripped pair of panties that I had lost. The memory put a smile on my face for the first time today. It was early on after I moved in here with Daryl. The club was having another one of their crazy Friday night parties.

A few too many beers on my part and a bunch of shots of Jack for Daryl had us both feeling pretty good that night. I still hadn't gotten used to the sex acts that would happen out in the open here, but that night I wasn't nervous about them as I had been. In fact, I was feeling rather frisky even though we had fucked in the shower just before we came down to join the party.

Maybe it was because I was feeling a little bit drunk or maybe it was that everything going on around us wasn't so bad anymore. Girls were blowing guys. Guys were fucking girls, but it was the threesome on the sofa that kind of revved me up.

I had only seen anything like that on the internet. Everyone's looked at porn at some point in their life and I wasn't any different, but seeing it in person was unlike anything I had ever expereinced. What got to me the most was the woman, who I had never seen before, was totally into it. She had one guy in her pussy and one in her ass and she kept begging for them to go harder.

It was crazy, but it also was very hot. Like panty soaking hot.

I remember downing my beer and grabbing Daryl's cock through his jeans. It didn't matter that he was talking to someone. I just grabbed it and squeezed. He looked over at me before downing the rest of his beer.

"You want it now?" he whispered in my ear.

All I did was smile back at him.

He didn't even excuse himself from the guy he had been talking with, but just grabbed my hand and we practically ran up the stairs toward our room. The second the door closed, we started tearing off each other's clothes. That's how my panties got ripped off of me. I lost them in the frantic moments of us trying to get naked as quickly as possible.

All either one of us cared about was how quickly the clothes came off so Daryl and his big cock could fuck me…again. That night it was the roughest he'd been with me and I loved it. It started with him throwing me on the edge of the bed face down and plunged himself into me without any warning.

He was huge and it hurt, but I loved every damn second of it.

"Pull it together, Sophie!" I berated myself. "Memories are not going to get your shit packed."

I pulled my head out of the clouds and started to get to work. This was not a time to be neat. I was opening up drawers and grabbing armloads of clothes and dumping them in the open suitcases. Hangers were left swinging wildly as I yanked piece after piece off of them.

Then I grabbed a box and headed into the bathroom. Make-up, brushes, hair products and anything that was mine I dropped in haphazardly. I was carrying the overflowing box back into the bedroom when I heard, "Going somewhere?"

I froze.

God, I loved that deep, raspy voice he had. It always made my body tingle and now wasn't any different. But how did he get in here without me hearing him? The door hinges creaked. It was something we laughed about all the time because he always forgot to bring the WD40 from the garage to fix it.

Apparently, he had finally remembered.

I gradually looked up over to the door and saw Daryl leaning casually against the frame. His arms were across his chest and his eyes bore into me. This is what I was trying to avoid.

"Daryl, don't make this harder than it has to be. Just let me pack everything up and I'll be gone so we can move on with our lives." I put the box down on the floor and went to pick up the other one.

"Not happening, babe. Drop that fuckin' box and sit your fine ass down on that bed. I've been trying to track you down for a damn week so we can talk, so are we are gonna fuckin' talk and you need to hear what I'm sayin'."

Who the hell did he think he was?

"Daryl, I have nothing to say to you and I have no desire to be with a man who lies and cheats on me. I'm not going through that again. I know what I saw and nothing you can say will change my mind." I knew the chance of this conversation was high, but I was so hopeful that I could get away without seeing him.

I had turned away from looking at him while I spoke, but I couldn't help but glance back at him. The fire in his eyes told me he was angry…like really, really angry. Nothing else in his expression said anything except those damned eyes of his. I had never met a man who could say so much with just his eyes.

Those beautiful blue eyes of his got to me every single damn time. And there was no way in hell I was going to tell him how much they turned me on right now. I had no desire to talk to him about anything including how wet he still made my panties.

Daryl strutted over to the bed andtossed my overflowing suitcases to the floor. Since they weren't closed everything in them went all over the worn carpet.

"Hey!" Now I was really starting to get mad.

"Sit your ass down on the bed and give me a damn chance to explain." My fiery eyes met his and just as I was going to tell him where he could shove his explanation, he added in a softer tone, "Please."

So my ass sat down on the bed.

Daryl closed the door to give us the privacy we needed. Before he could say anything, I asked him, "Why didn't you tell me about her?"

"Because she wasn't a relationship. She was a friend," he said sitting next to me on the bed. "A friend…"

"…who you fucked. Am I right?"

He actually rolled his eyes at me. "Yeah, but can I explain without you interrupting? Please, Soph. I'm trying here."

I took a deep breath before saying, "Alright. Go ahead."

"I met Kat before I even became a Road Devil. It was always strictly a friend deal with us. Then one night her date stood her up and I had unfortunately met my old man by accident in town. After he finished calling me every name in the book, he had the balls to ask me for some cash to get him by."

"Did you give it to him?" I interrupted. I knew how Daryl felt about his father and even though this was maybe twenty years ago, I was curious to know what happened.

He shook his head. "That cock sucker didn't get one penny from me. Anyway, Kat and I met up by accident that night at a local bar. She was pissed about getting stood up and I was just pissed. A hell of a lot of beers and shots later, we ended up in bed together. Then a couple more months went by and it happened again with us both drunk, but not wasted like the first time. It just became an occasional thing we'd do. Sometimes a year or two would go by, but something would bring us together. We both agreed this was just a casual thing."

There were still a few things bothering me about them. "How does she and the strip club fit in?"

Daryl ran his fingers through his long hair. That was definitely one of his nervous 'tells'. "I hadn't seen her for a while when she showed up here at the garage. Not only was I surprised to see her, but she had changed."

"How?"

"She apparently had an 'upgrade' in the time I hadn't seen her which was maybe a year or so."

"Upgrade?"

Daryl cupped his hands near his chest, "Tits, hair, lips, the works."

"I knew they were fake," I mumbled under my breath. Kat's breasts were way bigger than normal and also too firm to have been real. Is that what he really likes, cause my boobs were nowhere that big? I turned my head and looked him in the eye. "You like tits like that?"

He quickly shook his head. "Nope and I ain't just saying that. I prefer natural and you. Soph, you know I think your tits are fuckin' perfect and ain't no line."

I believed him. I actually did, and as pissed off at him as I was, that made me smile…just a little bit.

"Anyway, she came to the garage with an idea that she wanted me to ask Bear about. She wanted to open a strip club and was smart enough to know that she'd have to run it by us first. I talked to Bear and we brought it to the club. She opened it with us as silent partners. Then I guess with her around more, we hooked up a little more often than we had before."

"And you still didn't say a word to me about her." I still didn't get why he hid this from me.

Daryl got up off the bed and stood in the middle of the room. He looked stronger than when I had last seen him. The fatigue that had plagued him after he left the hospital was gone. I could always tell by his eyes if he was tired in the short time since he had been shot. He looked much better in only a week.

"That's because we were fuck buddies, it was never more serious than that. Sure we were friends too, but the fuckin' was just that…fuckin'."

"Except, she didn't see it that way, did she?" I was keeping my questions easy and to the point.

"I need a cigarette. Can I smoke in here, please? Just this one time," he asked.

That was one of the few things I asked of him was not to smoke in here. And he didn't, but this wasn't my room anymore. "Daryl, you can do whatever you want in here."

He lit up the cigarette but tossed me a frustrated look at my response. I know he still wanted this to be our room, but it wasn't. It was his now.

I watched him take a deep inhale, before slowly letting it out. "Alright, I swear I had no idea that our fuckin' meant more to Kat than me. In fact, the last time I was with her, I knew I was never gonna be with her again."

"Did you tell her that?"

"No, I didn't think I had to."

I couldn't help but laugh. Men can be so stupid when it came to understanding women. "You," I said pointing a finger at him, "Are so fucking clueless. No woman is going to keep having sex with a guy for years and think of you as nothing more than a convenient dick. We aren't made that."

I watched him roll my blunt words around in his head. He knew he had fucked up…both with me and her. What I didn't expect was for him to turn this around to me. "Why didn't you tell me that you and her had it out at the hospital?"

"When was the last time you two had sex?" I demanded. I could play the game just as well as he could.

He took another long drag off of the cigarette but his eyes never left mine. "You answer first."

I wondered what excuse he was trying to come up with but I had no problem going first. I had nothing to hide unlike he did. "I didn't tell you because I really had no idea who she was. I figured she was some bang bunny trying to make a couple of fucks into something more. Raven had her leave and then I was too worried about you to give it much thought. I just wanted you to wake up from the coma. That was my main concern and not some blonde with huge fake boobs. Your turn."

I could see he was still struggling with what to say. That proved that he had cheated on me with her. Or did he cheat on her with me? I wasn't sure where I stood in this damn mess.

"It was after we met…" I guess the instant fury he saw in my face had him quickly adding, "… but before I knew you were back in Angel Valley. It was one time, the last time since I knew I couldn't do it anymore."

"Why not? It was easy sex."

"Because Kat deserved better than what I could give her. She should be with a guy that could offer her a future and that wasn't going to be me. Hell, I had to pretend she was you just to fuck her that night. I had been with you just that one time in the car, but what I already felt for you was way more than I ever felt with Kat or anyone else. That's why I knew it was over with her."

I always knew that Daryl had a hard time talking about emotions and feelings. It wasn't just because he was a guy, but of how he was raised. He grew up in a household of hate and violence so opening up this way was not easy for him. There was still one thing about Kat that bothered me.

"If it was over, then why did I see you with your tongue down her throat? That wasn't a quick peck not to mention you were only wearing jeans. Since when do you talk to anyone shirtless?"

I knew better than anyone how much his scars bothered him. There were so many on his back and chest that you couldn't help but notice them. He hid them from everyone, except me. Even when he had sex with women before me, he told me he kept his shirt on since he was a hit it and quit it type of guy.

"That was all Dutch's fault. I was downstairs waiting for you to get back and that stupid prospect slid a mug of beer down the bar and it landed in my fuckin' lap. I stunk of beer so I had to take a shower. I was tired when I got done, so this big, bad biker thought it would be a good time for another fuckin' nap. So just like a two-year-old, I took my second nap of the day. When I woke up, she was sitting next to me on the bed. That's when she said that she wanted more from our relationship and I tried to let her down as nicely as I could. She's a good person and I was a shit to treat her the way I did. What you saw was a kiss goodbye."

That bitch. Raven had already told her I was his ol' lady. That was disrespectful to not just me but to Daryl also that she was trying to break us up. And that skank succeeded.

Not to mention that was one hell of a goodbye kiss.

"I've never French kissed anyone goodbye."

"Yeah, well that was wrong. I admit that. She pushed the kiss and I should have put a stop to it right then. I take full blame for that, but that's it. Nothing else happened that day, Soph. Please you gotta believe me."

"I don't know, Daryl" was all I could say. It was no longer just what had happened with Kat that had me backing away. It was the club. I had always been afraid of what the club was, but I had pushed those thoughts aside for Daryl. I wasn't sure I could do that anymore.

He was angry again and this time it scared me. Daryl bent over and got inches from my face. "The one thing you should have known about me is that I don't lie. I may have to omit telling you somethin' but I never lie. If you don't want to believe me, then we're done here. I've been a stupid fuck all these months trying to get you to stay with me, but that's done. You want outta this thing between us, then go and we are done. Finish packing your shit and get the fuck outta my room. I'll send a prospect up to grab the bags. You got five minutes to get done and get gone."

The door slammed against the wall as Daryl threw it open as he stormed out. I don't know why it felt like a knife in my chest as

I watched him walk out. This was what I wanted, wasn't it? I snuck in here to get my stuff so I wouldn't have to see him again. If that was true, why did it hurt so much?

Tears streamed down my face as I shoved everything back into the suitcases that were lying on the floor. I felt someone behind me, so I turned and saw Dutch standing in the doorway. I zipped the two bags closed, before saying "You can take these."

He took them without saying a word. I grabbed a duffle bag that I filled with shoes. I didn't even check to make sure I had them all. With my luck, I had left several behind but I just needed to get done and get out of there.

By the time Dutch had come back, I was as ready as I could be. He took a box and the duffle full of loose shoes. I took the last box and followed him downstairs. Before I closed the door I left my room key on the dresser. I was still crying as I made my way through the empty clubhouse out to my car.

Daryl was nowhere in sight.

Dutch put the box on the backseat and turned to me. "I ain't supposed to say anything to you, but I'm gonna miss you. It was nice having you around and I think he's fucking stupid to do this. I may not have known Trax for long, but even I noticed he was happier with you around."

"Thank you, Dutch. It's not just him, it was both of us. It sadly wasn't working. I appreciate your help."

"Anytime."

Dutch closed the side door as I headed to the driver's side. I started the car and drove out of the gate that Cage already had open for me. Why did it feel like my world was ending? I came here today to get my stuff so I could be finished with Daryl and his club. Now that it was actually happening, why did it feel so wrong?

I had to remember that even if I forgave Daryl, how could I live with us being involved with a club that could kill so easily? That was not the type of life I wanted to lead. I couldn't be afraid all of the time that Daryl would get shot again and maybe this time die. As much as I loved him, I couldn't do that to myself.

And as much as I tried to convince myself that during the drive back to Maddie's, I knew one thing for sure. I would never love another man the way I loved Daryl. I doubt I'd ever fall in love again.