Chapter 34

TRAX

As I said before, stupid and angry are a bad combination, now add pride into it, and that's the perfect recipe for ruining the best thing that has ever happened to me. I guess I don't learn very quickly.

My old man always said I was a stupid piece of shit and I guess he's right, which pisses me off even more. He was an evil son of a bitch whose drunk ravings were always products of his alcohol soaked brain.

Except this one time he's fucking right.

I was angry with Sophie for not believing me. I don't lie. I never fucking lie and that she didn't believe me about Kat pissed me off. I got so furious in a split second that I got stupid.

Again.

And then my pride jumped in to make this an even bigger train wreck. Like crashing the train into a terminal full of people size disaster. Everything gone in a flash thanks to yours truly.

I pursued her right from the start. Well, that was once I knew where to find her. I should have got her number that day on the side of the road, but I didn't. Why not? Because I had never asked a woman for her number before…not even once.

It's like jumping out of a plane the first time. Unless someone gives you that big shove, it ain't gonna happen and I had no one to give me that push. It was like I was a damn teenager again.

But I got my shit together. Well sorta after that fucked up night at the club where I slugged Wolf, after that I made it known to her that she was gonna end up with me no matter what.

I never in all of my forty-one years did I ever go after a chick like I did Sophie. I pushed, I prodded, hell I even annoyed her just to get attention from her. I might as well have pulled her damn pigtails like I was a kid in grade school.

But I did end up with the girl.

That was fucking perfect. I found someone to love me. Me! Daryl As-white-trash-as-they-come Dixon found the woman made just for him and then I threw it all away.

All because of my pride. Because I was tired of chasing her. And I was angry that she didn't believe me.

That was the perfect recipe for me to fuck it all up.

I miss her. It's not just that I miss having the perfect pussy available to me whenever I want, I miss her smile. I miss the way that just having her at my side doesn't make the grumpy bastard I was known to be. She brought light and happiness into my life.

Damn, I'm turning into a fucking Hallmark greeting card. I think I need to check to see if I still have my balls.

As much as this hurts, I'm not going after her this time. What's done is done and I need to move on.

And I am.

She showed me it was time to make a few changes and that's what I'm doing. I've spent most of my life since I was sixteen living at the clubhouse. For a guy that's more loner than anything els,e my privacy was only available in a 12 x 12 room. The same room that I made Sophie live in for the past few months.

It was tight with the two of us but we made it work. That was until I realized we needed more. I needed more. So even now without her gone, I'm going for the change we both needed.

The real estate agent that Sophie had hooked up with called me when she couldn't get in touch with her. Apparently, there was a house that Sophie loved and wanted me to see. Instead of saying no because we were no longer together, I said yes I would meet her the next day.

I laid in bed half the night wondering what I should do. Most of the single guys lived here at the clubhouse. Bear and a few older guys had their own place along with anyone with an ol' lady. Me and Merle were two of the oldest guys still living so that made me think.

Why not get a place of my own? Being around all my brothers all the damn time did get annoying. A nice little house out in the country so I didn't have any neighbors would suit me just fine. Owning a house of my own would be throwing another middle finger up at my ol' man. He never had enough money to own a house. He always rented or squatted.

I needed a place of my own and I could afford it.

With that decision made, I saw the house that Sophie loved. I didn't want to like it, but it was a damn good house. It was set back off the road and far enough away from any neighbor that I doubted the sound of the exhaust pipes off my Harley wouldn't bother them as much. That is if I got that thing running again.

The house was probably a bit bigger than a single guy needed but I put in an all cash offer on the spot anyway. It was accepted within the hour and a week later, I owned a house.

And I had not one stick of furniture to put in it.

Then I did something else for the first time, I went furniture shopping. Within a half hour, since I hated shopping, I picked out a living room set including a leather sofa and recliner and a bedroom set that included a king bed and all of the shit that went with it.

The saleslady loved me. I took everything including the lamps from their floor models and I was quick with my decisions. When I again paid for everything in cash, she thanked me. There wasn't only dollar signs in her eyes when she looked at me. She gave me her business card with her cell number hand written on the back.

"Call me if you need anything, Daryl. Anything," she said flirting with me.

I had to look at the card to remember her name. "Sure, thanks, Alison." Maybe at one time I would have taken her up on it. She was pretty, but she did nothing for me.

The only person I told I was moving out of the clubhouse was Bear. It took my brother, Merle almost a month to realize I was gone. He showed up one day at the garage as I was putting the finishing touches on my bike. She was almost ready to ride again.

"Where the fuck have you been?" he demanded as he walked into the open area we had for bikes.

"Right here, bro."

He crossed his arms over his chest and glared at me. "That's not what I fuckin' mean and you know it. You moved out of the clubhouse and didn't tell me?"

I couldn't help but laugh at my dumbass brother. "Bro, I moved out a month ago and you're just figuring that out now?"

"Well, I've been…busy!" he yelled throwing his arms up in the air. "I shoulda known."

"Alright…maybe, but I haven't seen you around much."

"Did you buy or rent."

"Buy."

"How many bedrooms?"

"Three, why?" Then he smiled at me and I knew what was going through his thick skull. "Oh no! Don't even think about it. My place! Not yours! I like living alone so the empty extra bedrooms are gonna stay just that empty!"

"That bike ready for a test drive yet?" he asked.

I couldn't help but look at him suspiciously. "Yeah, why?"

"Show me this house of yours, little brother. Let's go."

Merle didn't even wait for a yes or no. He headed toward his bike as if I was going to follow him. He threw his leg over it before securing the strap of his lid. "Let's get going," he shouted over the roar of his pipes.

I hadn't had anyone over to the house. It was my get away from everyone. I enjoyed the solitude and knowing the beer in the fridge was mine. That I could watch whatever show I wanted on my big 70" TV. As much as I hated shopping, that sucker was fun to buy.

I was proud of what I had and I was ready to show it to Merle. Plus, I was dying to get back on my bike. I grabbed an extra helmet we had around for test rides and rolled mine out of the garage. Within a minute, he was following me the place I now called home.

Fifteen minutes later, we pulled up to my house. Merle didn't say a word as he got off his bike. I knew what he was seeing, a nice house that didn't have peeling paint and cracked windows. A yard that was recently mowed and clear of any type of rusted broken down equipment.

We walked inside and he saw my new living room set with the big TV, which got a nod of approval. The kitchen didn't have much besides a few basic necessities and a coffee maker. I let him wander through the rest of the house on his own, before he joined me again in the living room where I held out a beer to him.

"I wasn't expecting a place like this," he finally said.

I took a long sip of my beer. "What were you expecting a piece of crap like we grew up in?"

"No," he said shaking his head. "But not this nice. You got a mortgage on it?"

Now it was my turn to shake my head. "Nope. Mine free and clear."

"Fuck," he said looking around the open floor plan again. "If I hadn't fucked away all my money over these years I could be set up like this too. I'm such a stupid motherfucker."

"Gotta agree with you there, bro."

While I didn't save every penny I made, I did try to save a lot and this was why. I have something to show what I did with my life. I would furnish the rest of the house when I was ready, but what I had was good enough for now.

"You know what's missing," he before draining his beer.

Front porch furniture, a kitchen table, bar stools for the counter, maybe a pot or pan to cook with.

"What's missing, Merle?"

He gave me that look he always did when I called him by his given name. "C'mon. We ain't in the clubhouse and I'm talking to my blood brother here."

"You're missin' a family. This place needs a family…Daryl."

I wasn't expecting that. More furniture, a gas grill, but anything but that.

"Shit, neither one of us are family material. You know that, man." It was the truth. I never wanted to get married or even have any kids. Passing on the defective genes I got from both my Ma and my ol' man was not something I wanted to curse a kid with. Those genes needed to die with me and Merle.

"Sophie picked out this house." I had no idea why I told him this. We hadn't really talked much about her since she walked out on me.

Merle got up and walked into the kitchen. He grabbed two more beers before he sat down on my sofa and plopped his big dirty feet on my coffee table. "You never should have let her go."

"I didn't let her go. We talked and I got fed the fuck up with her fighting what we had, so I told her to get the fuck out. She didn't trust me, man and you know I'm big about that. She saw something and didn't let me explain. Sophie assumed the worst, not giving me the benefit of the doubt. If their ain't no trust then we got nothin'. And get your dirty ass boots off my new table you inconsiderate motherfucker. Have some respect."

He put his feet down slowly from the table on at a time. "She was a good woman, Daryl. Willing to put us with your grumpy ass all of the time. And she was hot as fuck. A woman like that you hold onto no matter how much trouble she is."

"She didn't trust me, man or even take the time to talk to me. I chased her all of this damn town. I ain't chasing her anymore."

"What did she see, brother?"

I took another sip of beer to give me a few seconds before I answered him. "She saw Kat and me, but it wasn't what she thought."

Merle looked at me and I could see the fire flare in his eyes, then he slammed his empty beer bottle on the table. "You were with Kat? Don't tell me you were fuckin' that blonde bitch and Sophie at the same time? You stupid motherfucker!"

"No, asshole! That ain't what happened. I ain't touched Kat since that night we kicked those guys asses at the strip club. It was when I was still recovering from the gunshots she showed up at the club and let herself into our room."

"Did you tell her about Sophie? If she knew that you had taken an ol' lady, she disrespected you."

She had, except I didn't know it at the time. "I didn't tell her, but apparently Raven did at the hospital. She showed up there when I was still in a coma and gave Sophie a hard time. Neither knew about the other."

"I bet that was a fuckin' mess."

"I didn't find out about it until recently. Sophie saw Kat kiss me and I didn't push Kat away like I should have or at least not as quickly as I should've. I fucked up, but Sophie ran. She didn't let me explain until a few days later when Cage called me cause she showed up at the club to pack her shit. I pissed me off that she didn't give me a chance to tell I was getting rid of Kat. That day I had told Kat that we were over. No more fuckin' around, but instead of listening to me, she was telling me she loved me. Man, it was a massive clusterfuck, but Sophie shoulda trusted me, so I told her to get the fuck out."

Merle just sat there shaking his head at me. "You need to explain to that girl that being a Dixon makes you not only hardheaded but stupid, too. Was your tongue down the bitch's throat when Sophie saw you?"

Unfortunately, it was, so I nodded my answer.

Merle jumped to his feet. "And here I thought you were the smart one in the family. What there fuck else was Sophie to think if you had your tongue down that blonde bitch's throat? That ain't a friendly kiss, you fucking moron! You need to find her. Tell her you're the dumbest fuckin' prick on the damn planet and apologize. She was the best thing to happen to you and you can't let a woman like that go, man. You'll regret that forever, trust me. You will."

I looked at him as if he had grown another head. "Why are you giving me advice on my love life? You ain't been involved with anyone for over thirty years. I don't see how that makes you a damn expert."

"I ain't an expert, but I know you. I've been stuck with you since the day you were born. I ain't never seen you smile as much as you did when you were with that woman. She was good for you, bro. And you need her back. That's why you brought her house."

"I did no fuckin' thing!" I yelled jumping to my feet. "Sure she liked this house but so did I. That we ain't together any more wasn't a reason not to buy it. I needed to get out of the clubhouse and finally have a bit of privacy in my life. Been living with you fuckers for too long."

"Women ain't easy. If they were, we'd all have one or two. I think you were a stupid fuck not to fight for her. She's worth it, asshole. And you know it. You need to get off your ass and get her back. Because if you don't you'll regret it for the rest of your life."

We sat there quietly for quite a few minutes. It scared me that my brother was making sense. Did I really act too rashly that day with Sophie? Should I have fought for her more? Fought for us?

"You still love her, don't you," he asked.

I looked up from the beer bottle I had been staring and met my brother's eyes. They were blue like my own. Eye's we had inherited from our mother. I didn't remember much about her since she died was I was a kid, but I remember her kind eyes when she wasn't drinking.

Merle and I spent more time arguing than we did having a normal conversation. This was unique for us and it slightly scared me to say I was starting to agree with him.

"Never stopped, bro. Never fuckin' stopped," I admitted.

She was never far from my thoughts. Sophie was in my head all the time and it was driving me crazy. She wouldn't leave and frankly I didn't want her to, but I had no idea what to do about it.

"Then go get her back, man. Don't settle for anything less than her moving in here with you. Cause if you don't…" he stood up before adding, "That blue bedroom will be mine. I'll just move my shit in here and you'll never get me out."

I laughed at him. "No way you're moving your messy ass in here. I've seen your room and you ain't bringing that here."

"Don't tempt me bro, this is one nice place."

He took a step toward the door and I followed him. "Hey, you've given me stuff to think about and I will. I appreciate it, I really do."

"That's what big brothers are for," he told me with a big smile.

"Shit, I thought they were around to annoy the fuck out of their younger brother all there time."

"That too," he laughed as he walked toward his bike.

He gave me a wave and took off. I leaned on the front porch railing as I watched him ride away. His bike's pipes were even louder than mine so I heard him for a good long time after he was out of sight. Maybe we were both getting old and I was losing my mind. He and I never did conversations like this, but he had me thinking of trying to get Sophie back.

Could I, was another part of the problem. I didn't know how forgiving she was. I had been a dick to her and I needed to apologize for that. Plus, I still had no idea where she was.

For all I knew she had left the area.

First, thing I had to do was to make sure this was what I really wanted. Once I figured that out, I'd either have to get over her, if that was at all possible, or get her back.

It would be a big challenge to make her mine again. It was all I thought about the rest of that day and overnight. By the time I was drinking my morning coffee the next day, I had my answer.

The challenge was on.