The Videotape

by StressedLemon

A videotape of a kidnapped victim was sent to the BAU, with no much time they have to find him before it's too late. But something is wrong with Spencer, and the team can't quite work out what, but something isn't adding up. What's wrong with Spencer? Who is this victim? Who is the unsub? and why is a member of their team smack bang in the middle of it all? MxM - gay fanfic

10. Ending 1

**WARNING - THIS STORY CONTENTS MENTIONS OF NON-CON, HOMOPHOBIC LANGUAGE IMAGES DEPICTING SELF HARM AND DRUG ABUSE. PLEASE IF YOU ARE EASILY TRIGGERED I SUGGEST NOT READING ON. THANK YOU**

- THIS IS ALSO ONE OF THE LONGEST CHAPTERS I HAVE EVER WRITTEN, SO DO I PRAY THAT YOU GUYS LIKE IT!

"What I did? I did nothing to you!". Alex grunted as he pushed the gun harder into Kento's temple. "NOTHING!". Alex screamed. But was met to another bellowing voice and a loud bang. "FBI!". Reid shot his head round to find his team standing in the door way, a suddenly chill waved through as they hoped that Reid would be happy, but Spencer's eyes glossed over, as they filled something more than fear.

What are they doing here? Reid thought to himself, panicking. They'll ruin everything! Reid didn't know what to do, he just stared at his team mates, and Shouta with fear. "Alex Henderson, you are under arrest for the kidnapping of Kento Takahiro...". Morgan bellowed, his voice strong and confident, his stance, clear and determined. Reid snapped his head forward, worrying for the repercussions. Alex didn't listen, instead he twisted his fingers in Ken's matted, long black hair, yanking his head back, Kento groaned with the sharp pain. Reid quickly raised raised his gun (having lowered earlier). "DON'T YOU FUCKING HURT HIM ALEX!" Reid's voice was loud and powerful, but you could still hear the panic and worry. Spencer was a tough being, he was gentle and soft, this was far beyond his comfort zone. "Then you should have done as you were told Spencey!". Reid shuddered at the name. Alex gripped Ken's hair harder, he whimpered in pain, scrunching up his face trying to bare the intense pain that ruptured through his skull. Tears trails Ken's dirtied cheeks, the water mixing with the dirt and blood before makings its way down his chin and onto his bare, attacked chest. Reid swallowed hard, trying his hardest not to cry, trying his hardest not to shoot Alex right here, right now - For Kento - Reid composed himself. "I didn't know they were following me, honestly Alex, I didn't". Reid voice, pleading.

"DON'T". He gripped tighter. "LIE". And harder. "TO ME!". Alex screamed pushing Kento's head forward before placing the gun the back of his head. Kento could feel the cold metal on his burning scalp, this is it...he thought. "WHY DO YOU ALWAYS LIE!". The team were confused by this statement, what does he mean? They know Spencer knows Alex, why how? Their guns still raised, backup on its way, they stood their ground, eyes locked on the Unsub. Alex kept screaming over and over again as he kept the gun placed on Kento's head. The team were panicking, Reid was in a state of shock. No one knew what to do, do they shoot the Unsub? Risking Kento's life?

The room began to spin, Reid didn't know what was up from down, let alone what he should be doing. He was frozen. This can't happen. The room was racing around, Alex's loud voice sounded like a distant echo as Reid's mind fogged. His heart raced, chest feeling as if someone just kicked him straight, and head, oh his head, the splitting pain felt as if it was taring his head in two. Without a second thought Reid screamed back. "I DIDN'T LIE!". His face scrunched up, chest raising and falling as his breathing was heavy and strong.

This angered Alex so much, he pulled the gun away from Kento's head as he placed the side next to his temple, his hand on the other as he gripped his head, doubling over. Smacking the gun against his head, as he let out grunts of anger. "LYING FAGGOT!". Alex shot up suddenly, now aiming his gun directly at Spencer. "SPENCER!". JJ Cried out. But her voice was drowned out by his own voice screaming in his head. But, nothing happened. Alex just stood there, pointing the Glock 19 at Reid as his faced became red with rage. "THAT NEVER HAPPENED! YOU LYING, FILTY FAGGOT!". The room went still, so still, Reid hear the dust falling.

"WHAT'S GOING ON REID?". Hotch called out from behind his gun. But Reid was fixed, frozen to his post. "REID!". Hotch cried again.

"YOU RUINED MY LIFE!". Alex screamed, once again.

"YOU RAPED ME!". Reid regretted everything. He didn't even have time to stop himself, everything was happening so quickly, he couldn't keep up and before he knew it he was running before he could walk. Kento looked at Spencer with saddened eyes, Kento knew what happened to Reid, but only after Reid had one too many drinks, and blurted it all out, it was 3 years that night since it happened. And on that day, every year, Reid is never right.

Reid just starred Alex straight in the eyes, without a blink. He could feel the multitude of eyes fixed to his back, the team just looked at him. Not knowing what to say nor do, it was a hostage situation, now wasn't the time. But, god did it hurt.

"LIAR!". Alex sure did love to use that word.

"How can I be lying Alex? I remember as it was yesterday!". Reid's voice broke, tears falling. "I REMEMBER EVERYTHING!". He roared. Alex looked at him in disbelief, Reid was doing what he never wanted to happen, his team to know the truth.

"I remember the house, I remember this room...". The teamed look at one another. Shouta was stood in the back, listening. He knew bits and pieces about the night, but he feels he's about to hear the whole thing tonight. He's stare switched between the blonde-haired psycho, Reid and his brother. Oh Kento Shouta thought. he was meant to be looking after him, protecting him, but instead he let this happen. It's all my fault. "I remember the smell of your cologne, you're breath...". The team listened in with broken heart. "I remember the feel of your hands...I remember the pain that shoot through me as you threw me to the floor...". Reid was shaking, his voice crying out in pain. "I remember you tying me up, shoving my head into the dusty floors...". Reid's mind was blank, he wasn't thinking like a genius, he was thing like himself, he was thinking like a panicked victim...

"I REMEMBER THE FEELING OF YOU RIPPING OF MY CLOTHES...". Tears were falling from the girls eyes, Morgan was in shear disbelief, Rossi's eyes glazed over, Hotch held his stern look but you could see the care he had for the boy, Shouta felt his heart ache...and Kento, oh Kento. He watched his lover through blurry eyes, he'd never heard Spence in such pain before. "I REMEMBER THE PAIN AS YOU FORCED YOURSELF INSIDE ME...". Reid chocked. His breathing was unhitched, as he choked on air as tried so hard to keep himself composed, to keep himself from fully breaking down.

Alex faced scrunched up so tightly, it looked as if it was going to fold up on itself. He ground his teeth together as he held the gun in his shaking hands. "I DID...".

"ADMIT IT!". Reid screamed. "ADMIT IT!'. Reid was turning the tables, Alex no longer had the high ground, he prepared for Spencer coming alone, not with a whole team of trained agents. "YOU BEGGED ME FOR IT!". Reid's shoulders lowered as if a weight had finally been lifted. He took in a deep breath as he lowered his gun. "Reid?". Hotch spoke from behind. They were all thinking the same thing, why was he lowering his weapon?

"Why are you doing this Alex?".

"You ruined my life".

"I ruined your life?". Reid spoke as if he was being offended.

"Those...things...I did to you...". Reid felt his stomach churn, never in his life did he think he would be back in from of the man who single handedly ruined his life. What's worth, was he had an audience, and audience filled with the people he loved the most, this was something he never wanted them knowing, Spencer's biggest secret.

"You made me do things to you...you seduced me...". Everyone was ready to kill this motherfucker. "Back when I first met you, we were friends...". Reid looked saddened as if he had lost a dear friend. "We were so close, until you kissed me...". Kento looked shocked, eyes widened. He'd never heard this part before, Reid always lead him onto believe it was a random attack but they were friends? How could Spence lie to him like that?

"I never meant to...". Reid was beginning to crumble. His stance become much weaker, his head fell lower and his voice got softer.

"We were friends...AND YOU RUINED IT YOU FILTHY MOTHERFUCKING COCK SUCKER!". The tension in the room changed, it become heavy and hot, this could be it, matter between life and death. "YOU MADE ME THINK THINGS, THINGS NO NORMAL MAN SHOULD THINK...". Reid changed with everyone else, he become taller again, as much as this was killing him, he needed to think about Kento, not himself. He could live with the team knowing everything, but he couldn't live if he left Ken die. "THE THINGS I WANTED TO DO..." Alex gave a dirty, sadistic laugh. "The things I DID do to you". his head lowered, eyes still fixed to Reid, his whole deemer changed from a manic to a fucking deranged psychopath. "Ohhhh..."He chuckled. "Oh the things I made you do...". Morgan felt JJ's eyes on him, he knew what she was doing, she was keeping him stable because any second know, Morgan was going to murder this sick fuck. Alex waved his gun around playful as he taunted the agent. "But don't act all innocent in all this Spencey". He walked behind Kento, leaning on his shoulders. Kento could smell his fowl breath, feel the warmth of it on his cheek.

"I-I don't know what you're on about...". Reid knew, at least he thinks he did. He did a lot of unforgiving things that day, things he needed to do to ensure he lived.

"Oh but you do...". Alex stood up, now talking directly to the FBI agents that stood in black and blue, behind the tall, gorgeous agent. "Did you know he begged for more..."Alex taunted.

"Stop...please".

"As he laid on the dirty floor, being pounded to his life content...". Reid wanted to die. He longed for death at this moment. He closed his eyes and tried block everything sick word that left the psychos mouth. "He begged me for more...". Alex gave a nasty laugh. "Can you believe that? You're precious agent, begged and moaned for more as I made him cum from pleasure". Everyones faces went white. "YOUR INNOCENT AGENT MOANED MY NAME AS HE BEGGED FOR MORE...AS HE BEGGED TO FEEL MY MANHOOD INSIDE HIM...HE BEEEEEGGGGGEDD!". Alex banged on his chest, his face red and veins popped from the tension as he gave the most evil scream, which was soon followed by the a laugh what would make a nightmare seem like nothing. He cocked his gun aiming at the lanky agent. Everything happened so quickly...a loud bang echoed through the wood, followed by a thud. Everyone was paying such close attention to Reid and Alex that no one realised Kento broke free, launching himself at the unsub, knocking the gun out of line of Spencer.

They both fell to the floor like a sack of potatoes. Alex cried in annoyance as in no time at all, grabbed hold of the weakened man, arm roped around his head as he pulled him to his feet. All that happened within seconds, the scenario had changed so many times it was like the work of fiction. But, no one could have possibly imagined what was going to happen next.

With Kento in Alex's grasp the team took a step forward. "STOP!". Reid cried. He held onto his stomach and winced. Under his palm, his shirt grew deeper in red. "SPENCEERRR!". Kento cried. Reid was shot, the blood seeped though his cotton shirt and dripped lightly on the floor. "Reid!". The team called once they cottoned on. "I'm fine! I'm fine!". He held his wound and Alex now has his full attention.

"Let him go!".

"Why should I?".

"This doesn't have to end this way Alex...we can all walk out of here". Alex scoffed.

"Walk out? How can I ever walk out of here? Not only shot and raped an FBI special agent...but kidnapped and tortured his lover!". Alex scoffed again. "Don't lie to me Spencer, we both know how this is going to end...".

What happened next felt like nothing but a blur. Everything happened so quickly yet it felt as if time had stopped. The sound of 6 screaming agents, a bother and a gun. The world went silent, as Reid looked straight at Kento's bugged eyes, stared as he watched the life leave them.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!". Reid screamed so loudly you could barely hear the sound gunshot. Alex shoulder shot back as the bullet stuck him, and another and another. Until his bloody body crumpled up besides Kento's limp one.

Reid ran to him, fallIng to his knees completely ignoring the pain the surge through his abdomen, he didn't care about anything but Ken . The team watched, Shouta scuffed his feet along the ground, unable to cry as he shuffles to his brothers lifeless body. Reid collapsed down beside him, moving his beautiful, dark locks from his even more beautiful eyes. The eyes that held such life, such love, eyes that Spencer could never tierer off. Moving from his knees to his behind, kinda relieved as the pain was intense but then again, nothing could compare to the pain that he was currently feeling. He picked up Kento's lifeless body...did he pray that he was imagining it, did he pray that this was all a harsh trick and Kento would jump and cover him in kisses. "Come on Kento...stop falling around". Reid cried as he shook Ken's body in pure denial, hoping to wake him. "Kento please...". The team all stood in silence as they watched, and heard the pain in their team mates voice. JJ and Emily both let the tears fall, Rossi and Morgan both in shock and Hotch...Hotch eye's were wide, mouth hung agape as he watched in pain. They all watched in pain.

Shouta slowly made his way to his brother, his baby brother, the brother he promised his parents he would protect with his life. Now laid lifeless on the floor.

'KENTOOOOOOO!". Spencer screams were horrific, as he collapsed over his boyfriends dead body, rocking back and forth as he cried his name. 'KENTOOOOO!". The room was filled with nothing but the sound of Spencer's pain and Shouta's muffled cries.

Reid felt nothing, not sadness, not anger and not hatred, just; nothing. As he sat on the floor of the run down shed, back against the wall, he was numb. Every bad thing that happened in here; his assault, and now the death of his boyfriend just felt non existent, a dream. He just sat there, staring at the opposite wall not taking in anything around him, everything was an echo. His team tried and tried talking to him but their voices were just blurs in his head, he had completely voided from reality.

"What we going to do?". JJ's voice was still filled with sadness, she could still hear Spencer's screams in her head and it still brought so much heartbreak, as it did to the rest of the team. Morgan had not long phone Garcia to tell her what happened, she tried to keep strong but as just like the others, she cried, she cried for her boy genius, she cried for Shouta, Garcia never could handle bad news, she filled her life with such love and joy after her parents died that when bad news does come her way the only thing she can think of doing, is to cry.

"I don't know JJ, I really don't know...". Hotch replied as his looked towards Spencer. "What exactly can we do right now?". He questioned.

"He needs to talk, he needs to open up otherwise that's it...we can't loose him again Hotch". Morgan asked, Spence was his little brother and seeing him like this crushed him. Hearing what happened fuelled him with such rage, now he knew why Reid didn't want the team to know anything. He would say why wouldn't Spencer talked to him but then he realised, only Hotch and Gideon knew what Buford had done to him, he gathered the others might have caught on but no one mentioned it, probably out of respect for Morgan's privacy.

"I know Morgan, but what can we do really? The kid has just watched the man he loves die...". They all had that same pit feeling in their gut, they knew that this could be it. Spencer has put up with so much shit in his lifetime that this is most likely the straw that breaks the camels back. But just as they fell silent watching their team mate mourn, Shouta walked over. Shouta had been talking to one of the leading officers, because he is technically a bystander, he was asked for a witnesses statement. He had been talking with the officers before the past 45 minutes, as CSI came, 10 officers, 2 Ambulances and more. He hasn't even had the time to register is brothers death.

"The officer wants to speak to Spence". Shouta's voice was soft and mournful.

"What for?". JJ asked, mama bear kicked in, couldn't they see Spencer isn't in the right space of mind to talk to anyone, took 20 minutes for anyone to be able to stitch him up and even then refused to go to the hospital. Which was definitely not Reid like, god JJ can have the smallest of gaze and he'll make her go for a check over. Spencer wasn't himself, and no reckons he ever will be. "They want to question him regarding Ken...". Shouta couldn't even finish his brothers name, that in itself brought pain. "...And about the thing with *cough* um Alex".

"How could he not tell us?". Emily said with a sadden tone.

"How could he?". Shouta was soft and kind. "When Alex assaulted him he was trying to figure out who, what he was...". he looked at them. "He always blamed himself, always believed he got what he deserved, that he wasn't...".

"Rape...". Morgan said, flat and blunt.

"Spencer did go to the police but they turned him away and told him it wasn't a case because...because". Shouta didn't feel right telling them, but they needed to hear it, otherwise they can't help him. "Spencer also finished...they told him he must have enjoyed it". Anger fleered up in the three men, how could any officer say that.

"What the fuck?". Rossi spoke sharply.

"He always thought because of that it wasn't rape, and he was disgusting and unnatural, until, until he met my brother". Kento bowed his head, fighting back the tears. "Kento showed him that there was nothing wrong with him, that he was normal, he made Spence feel love". He chocked as a small ball formed in the back on his throat, but still not allowing the tears to break, trying to stay strong.

"Oh Spence...". Jj said through her tears. Shouta gave them a soft smile before walking over to Spencer and they all watched on. Shouta bent down in front of the man, trying to get in eye shot. "Spence?". Shouta placed his hand delicately on Spencer's shoulder. It took a few moments for break Spencer out of whatever, or wherever he was. He finally looked up, his eyes were glossed over, filled with such sadness, such loneliness, but also it looked as if they were screaming. Screaming in pain, screaming for help, screaming for Kento. "An officer needs to talk to you Spence about Kento and Alex...". Keep with it Shouta.

Spencer gave a small nod, but trying to stand but struggled, so Shouta grabbed him by the arm and waist, hauling him to his feet. Spencer winced in pain as Shouta accidentally catches his fresh stitches. "Ooh sorry Spence". Giving Spencer an apologetic smile.

Shouta and Spencer made their way out of the shed, blue lights illuminated the black night sky, the sound of sirens and people shelter out the eerie quietness that normal beholds the abandoned land. Shouta guided Reid through the long, wet weeds towards the hordes of people all whilst being followed by his team.

But, just as they reached the top of the path, what they wasn't expecting to see what officers taking one last look, photographers taking last minute photos of Kento's body, with the attendance from the morgue stood there waiting to shovel his body into the back of a van.

Reid halted in place. He watched as the man he loved, the man who was filled with such light, such beauty, filled with so much life and love, just laid cold and lifeless. His skin pale, transparent. Once they were finished, the lifted the sheet over his gentle face, as Shouta watched on he could feel his heart become heavy, could feel the pit in his stomach grow as the tears stung the back of his eyes. But nothing prepared him for what happened next.

Spencer's legs turned to jelly, dizziness and nausea washed over him as he sunk to the ground with a compressing feel in his chest. He starred at his boyfriends body as tear flowed out of him like a broken dam. Spencer screamed. His loud cries made everyone holt as he crashed to the floor, the sound of pure pain filled the empty night air. Everyone watched with either compassion or sorrow. The distress that bellowed out of one man's heart was enough to make a city stop. The team all watched, they couldn't take this no more, the sound of his cries, the sound of his pure crushed heart was to much. His broken cries got louder and louder, Shouta collapsed next to him, pulling him in close, hugging him tightly. He held him for dear life, held the man who became his brother, as they cried of one he lost.

2 Weeks later

It has been 2 weeks since the death of Kento Takahiro, and 2 weeks since anyone has seen or heard from Spencer. They knew he was alive because everyday they took it in turns to come knock on his door, bringing him food and anything else he might be needing. He gave them the knock they needed but waited until they gave there little message or support and love, and left before he went to the door, taking in the treats, presents and little notes they gave him. He was missing them greatly and knew it wasn't the best idea for him to keep himself isolated like this as it wasn't good for him or his mental health.

Spencer had already slipped. His arms were laced with tens, if not hundreds of red lines, healed and fresh. Some were short and sweet but others, others were long and deep, clearly filled with the most loathing.

He just laid there, hair askew, face unshaven and unwashed, as he curled him in one of Kento's favourite jumpers as he cradles a photo of them.

"Hey Spence! Let's take a picture here". Ken smile was always so bright and full of life, it made Spencer tingle all over. "What if people see?". Spencer feared.

"Who cares? Just look at that view". Kento was right, the view was beautiful. The sun was just setting, filling the sky with a multitude of colours, different oranges and yellows, reds and pinks. Spencer watched as Kento became mesmerised by the falling sun. He looked on, not watching the sunset, but another beautiful view in front of him. He watched Ken's eyes glow, watched his long, soft black locks sway in the soft autumn breeze, watched his love grow ever so much for the man. "Come on then". Spencer smiled.

"Hontoni?". Kento smiled wide. He quickly grabbed his camera making sure Spencer doesn't have enough time to change his mind. Spencer wasn't use to showing his romantic side in public, he loved Kento but the idea of people finding out scared him. He always held his hand when no one is around but the moment someone is, they go back to being friends.

Spencer looked around, no was in eye sight par a couple on the bench, the other side of the park. They were too busy sucking out each others souls to notice them. "Say cheese". Kento grinned.

"Cheese". Spencer said as he gave a loving smile. But, Kento was sly, just as he took the photo he turned, kissing Spencer on the cheek. Spencer's eyes filled with shock, but his smile grew larger if it even could. They looked at the photo, and Spencer could feel his heart grow, he could feel the sensation throughout his body, because he knew that Ken was the one he'd happily spend the rest of his life with.

**Hontoni - means 'Really'.

Spencer curled up tighter with the photo of that day, as he tenderly cries into his mass of hair. He had never felt such pain before, he remember the pain of Gideon leaving because he was like a father too this, this was something completely different. It was like a part of his soul was missing a huge piece and he will never be able to function without it. It hurt like crazy and to be honest, he didn't know how long he could take the heart ache for.

Reid had stayed like this all day, not moving an inch, hunger clawed away at his stomach and sleep deprivation pleaded with him. But he ignored it all, food didn't matter to him and every time he tried to close his eyes he pictured that moment, the moment as he watched the man he loved get shot and fall to the ground effortlessly. He just wanted him home.

As he laid sideways, he looked around the room, every inch held some memory with Kento, not a single place wasn't filled with either memories of them laughing together, having dinner, arguing over something stupid, or sharing a passionate kiss. Pain once again surge throughout his body, but this time he couldn't take it. He slowly lifted his body til he was seated, tears stained his face as fresh ones ran over them. He felt empty, hollow, and the truth is, he couldn't do this with Kento. He sat and stared at the contents of his coffee table; a mountain of used tissue, photos and items that belonged to Kento, his phone which had over 150 missed calls and nearly 300 texts. His team was worried about him, and rightly should be. Spencer wasn't in a good mindset because right next his phone was a small blade. The blade sat reflecting glimpse of light that struck the silver, metal surface making his seem as if it was shinning.

Spencer stared at the silver object for what felt like hours, questioning if it was the right thing to bp, but this pain was becoming so unbearable. Surely, his team would understand? Surely they would understand why he had to do it? Would they really want him to live with such hurt? After questioning and trying to justify him self, he became numb to the idea. He picked up and phone, eyes glossing over was fresh, sharp tears. He ignored all the previous texts from his colleagues as he didn't want or need anything to steer him away, he had to do this, he had to be with Kento, it was the only way he could be happy.

He slowly hauled himself up, legs feeling weak as they hadn't been used for a while. Taking small, sluggish step towards his bedroom, the bedroom that again held so many painful memories. It was the place him and Kento slept side my side every night, the place where'd they would spend lazy Sunday mornings snuggled up as they drank coffee and chatted till the afternoon. It was also the place where they were intermit with another, the closest and most passionate you could be with a person. He dreaded going back in, but he needed too because he need to explain what and why he was doing what he was doing.

After about 5 minutes he submerged from the darkness back to the sofa. With him was a box, and 9 pieces of paper. He spent the next couple of hours spilling his feelings, mistakes and guilt onto them, each different to match the person it was addressed too. At this point he thought he was all out of tears, but they just kept falling.

One letter, one letter for every person he loved. He placed them on top of the box before sending everyone (par his mother) the same text...Hotch, JJ, Emily, Morgan, Rossi, Garcia and Shouta...

'I'm Sorry.'

That was all he wrote, before hitting send.

There was not turning back now, and without a second thought, Spencer picked up the cold blade stale with dried blood from previous breakdowns over the past couple of weeks. He kissed the blade to his skin as he pushed, pushing hard enough the split the skin in two as he dragged the blade up his arm. The agonising pain shoot through his arm, sending him in a state of shock, but he didn't stop for this had nothing on what he was already feeling. Fresh red blood flooded from his arm as he cut along the vein, the only thing he was regretting, was not taking anything prior to numb everything.

3 very large and long cuts sat upwards on his arm as he placed the blade down, before laying back in the spot he has called home for the past 2 weeks. He knew he was hurting people by doing this, but isn't it keeping him alive when he didn't want to be? Wasn't that a much crueler fate? He needed to be with Kento, he completed him and without him, Spencer felt like nothing. He was already feeling drained, feeling sleepy, feeling everything just leave him. He closed his eyes and waited for the darkness to take him.

The team were all sat around the table in the briefing room, talking about a case they had just closed. "The room feels empty without Reid spurting facts and statistic...". Emily said giving a saddened smile.

"Cant believed I'd ever say that I'd miss that, but good do I". Morgan chuckled.

"Has anyone actually spoken to him?". All shaking their heads in unison. No one had heard a peep out of him in 2 weeks, he didn't even come to his funeral. That was also the last time they had heard from Shouta, the pair had just vanished off the face of the earth. As much as none of them knew Kento or even Shouta, they felt this huge loss, not sure if it was because of the pain Reid was in or if they truly felt the loss.

"Look, Reid will return at his own pace, we need to give him time to grieve". Hotch had gone back to being harsh and stern, he missed the kid but he knew he would bounce back, he hoped.

"This team isn't that same without him". Everyone agreed, the boy genius was the biggest link to their not so normal family, and not having that link there meant they weren't working to the best and full extent they could be. The case they just solved was a fairly easy one, but Strauss is sticking them all to desk duty for the next week or so, just to clear the minds and make sure they are working to full capacity, they couldn't be spacing out on the job, not when someones life/lives were at stake.

It was round 9ish when there world was about to be turned upside down. They all agreed to go out for some drinks, and had gathered at Emily desk in the ball pen. "Where is my Mama?". Morgan tutted. Hotch and Rossi was walking down the stairs, when in perfect harmony, their phones buzz. "Please don't be a case". Emily sighed, she was really looking forward to a very VERY large cocktail.

"Its Spence?". JJ said, confused.

"GUYS!". Garcia cried as she ran into the bullpen, tears running down her face. "Have you seen it?". But it was clear they did, there heads sucked low, eyes wide and faces pale with shock.

"HOTCH!".

"Reid's NOW!". Everyone raced towards the elevator a quickly as they could.

"Please don't be what I think it is". Morgan panicked. HIs heart raced at a hundred miles per hour, he can't loose his brother, he can't.

"Someone phone Shouta!".

"On it sir". Jj said, opening her phone, scrolling to Shouta's number, praying he picks up.

They were all split between two cars, racing towards Spencer's house as quickly as they could. Rossi had called for an Ambulance just in case, he made them aware of the situation and was sending one out as a precaution. "I still can't get hold of him!". Jj voice was shaking as she panicked, this can't be happening.

It wasn't long before they pulled up outside Spencers apartment, not caring about parking, they all jumped out and rushed inside. As they climbed the stairs, they heard loud banging and some crying Spencers name. "Shouta...". Emily said, painfully. They got to the top of the stairs, and she was right, it was Shouta kicking down the door as he cried. "Shouta?". Morgan called.

"I can't get in...I can't get in". He bellowed, still attempting to kick the door in. "I couldn't find my key".

"its okay, we have one". Hotch said as he pushed passed the distort man.

"I got this text...I can't, I can't loose him too!". Shouta's voice was raspy and quick, chest raising and falling rapidly. "Don't think the worst just yet okay". Hotch tried to reassure everyone, but he himself wasn't so hopeful. "Shouta, Morgan you come in with me, everyone else wait for the ambulance".

"But sir...". Emily called.

"But nothing Emily, this isn't something to argue about, do you understand me?". His eyes sharp and eyebrows raised. "If this is what we think it is, you guys can't see okay". As much as his voice was aggressive and strict, he was just looking out for them because he's right, if this is what they dread, then it will destroy them.

Hotch unlocked Reid's door with a shakey hand, Spencer was like a son to him, he'd watched him grow from this awkward, nerdy little kid to this even bigger, awkward, nerdy kid. He giggled a little in his mind, just remembering Spencer when he first joined the BAU, he was this long, lanky thing that had a bigger brain then any computer.

The room was dark and still, a coldness washed over them as they walked further into the room. Morgan was behind, turning on the lights. The room was how it always was, an organised messed. Books, case files and junk littered his apartment, the strong smell of coffee filled his nose. Morgan stood dead still, he looked over at Hotch and Shouta who just stood there, not saying anything. Eye's just staring. Morgan felt this lump in his chest, he was too scared to walk over there, to scared to see what they were seeing. "Morgan...".

"Yeah?".

"Where's the ambulance?". Hotch's voice was broken, the sound of tears clogged his throat.

"Aaron...please tell me he's not...". Hotch didn't need to say anything, he just looked up at him, eyes red, tears running down his face. "No..no...no...". Morgans voice changed octaves as he shook his head in denial.

"Paramedics...". Morgan snapped out of his state long enough to walk to the door. His head lowered slightly, he couldn't get over what just happened, he couldn't get over the feeling, he didn't see Spence to know what had happened.

"Morgan...?". Jj's voice was shaking. The paramedics were stood at the top of the stairs, fully geared up and awaiting for the signal. Morgan can't even manage to keep his head up, blurring everything out.

"He's...he's in there". The tears fell.

"No no no no no". JJ just kept saying over and over again as she shakes her head in denial, Emily did the same. Whereas, Garcia couldn't even find the words as she covered her mouth in shock, as she chocked up the tears and streamed down her pale, pink cheeks. Rossi watched from the end of the hall, head tilted backwards as he takes in a deep breath, the boy he considered a son, was gone.

And Morgan, Morgan just did what Morgan did best, he turned round and punched the wall, he punched the wall till his hand was bloody, till a broken hole sat within it and no one wanted to stop him, no one thought that had the right too, they just let him be.

The night was cool and crisp, a sharp chill danced in the gloomy lit street. Street lights painted the surroundings in a golden yellow glow, but would be drowned out by the flashing blues of the ambulance and police cars. The girls all sat on the steps of Spencer's apartment, blanket wrapped round them to keep themselves from freezing to death. Morgan and Rossi stood beside them, eerily quite. They watched as Hotch and Shouta spoke to the officer in charge, Shouta never imagined in the space of 2 weeks he'd be saying go by to his best friend as he buries him next to his brother. They all turned and watched as they lifted their team mates, the friends, their brothers lifeless body into the back of the van, a white sheet draped over him. JJ asked to see him but Hotch told her that wouldn't be wises, for it would just break her delicate heart more.

"Okay, I think we are done for this evening but would you both be able to come down the station tomorrow to give a full statement?". Asked the officer in charge.

"Of course officer". Hotch replied politely. The officer took off his head as he bowed in respect.

"I am very sorry for your loss". The officer took off his head as he bowed in respect, before heading over to the other officers stood by the cars. Hotch and Shouta walked over to the team, all eyes fixed on the cart carrying Spencer. Shouta grabbed the blanket, wrapping it around himself as he curled up next to JJ allowing her to rest her head on his shoulder. They had only know each other for a couple of weeks, but they both needed comforting at this moment in time. The three male members of the team all stood beside them, they once would have stood tall and proud, but now, all 3 hunched over, shoulder slumped as their eyes were filled with such sadness.

The brisk, cold wind sent shivers down their spines, faced froze from the freshly formed tears they rolled down every one of their faces as they watched the youngest family member get put in the back of the van, ready to be taken to the morgue. JJ did no such thing to try and hid her loud cries as she watered Shouta's shoulder, covering it in fresh snot. They all begged for this to be one messed up dream, waiting for them all to awake, waiting for Spencer to jump up from the gurney and scream 'SURPRISE', but nothing. This was it, this was how it was.

Spencer was gone.

A MONTH LATER

Spencer had the sending of he deserved, surrounded by the people who love him, surrounded by people who will cherish such amazing memories with the young genius. JJ had the uncaring job of breaking the news to his mother, she travelled down to her hospital in Vegas where she gave her the letter Spencer wrote her, it went just as you would have suspecting it would have gone. Diana first broke down in a fit of tears, to suddenly go in to this big spout of denial, screaming at JJ claiming she (the government) had taken him and was keeping him away from her because they suspected he told her things he know regarding the FBI. It took 3 male and 2 female nurses to calm her down, finally managing to sedate her. JJ left wet faced.

They had a wake for all the others who wanted to bid Spencer a fair well in a small cafe the Spence like to frequent. But, the real wake was being held at Garcia's. They would have gone to his home, being surrounded by him would have been the best way, but after what happened there, no one could go back. Garcia's worked just as well.

"I can't believe today is already over". Shouta said with a raspy voice. He had down nothing but cry for the past month and a half, that his throat had become raw.

"It was the perfect send off, don't you think?". Emily said, trying to smile.

"How can bury a family member be perfect?". Morgan snapped. He hadn't been this same since that day, he was different more reserved, more snappy.

"It was just right Emily...". Hotch replied, shooting daggers at Morgan. "This is meant to be a day of memories and love, not your attitude Derek".

They all sat around Pen's living room, Morgan, Hotch and Rossi accompanied one sofa, the other was taken by Emily and Penelope as they cuddle up. Shouta and JJ huddled on the floor together in front of them all. They were all huddled round the coffee table, and featured was the small fancy brown box, and a photo album. "Did you read them?". Shouta asked. "the letters, did you read them?". Everyone nodded. Spencer had left each one of them a letter explaining why he did what he did, telling them how sorry he was, talking about the memories he would forever cherish, told them how much he loved them before bidding a farewell.

"He added a photo of us at comic con together in mine...". Garcia said as she chuckled slightly through her soft whimpers. She passed the photo round, letting everyone have a good laugh at how bloody ridiculous they looked. Penelope had gone dressed as the Tardis from their favourite sci-fi show, Doctor Who and Spencer was dressed as the fourth doctor himself. He looked so young, so happy..."God he was a nerd". Morgan cracked up laughing, not a small or soft laugh, but a full blown hurting your ribs kind of laugh. This caused everyone else to break into a moment of hysteria, as they remembered all the funny things, the nerdy things and just straight her Spencer things he had down over the years they had spent together.

"Oh that brings back such disturbing images". Shouta giggled, not realising everyone heard him.

"Disturbing?". Emily asked with an inquisitive raised brow.

"What? Oh nothing". Shouta tried to change the subject. "What did everyone else get?".

"That's not going to work on his you gorgeous hunk of meat". Garcia wanted to know the dirt, and she would go about any to get said dirt.

"Please don't make me". Shouta giggled in fear.

"You've got to tell us now Shouta, you can't say that and expect us not to be 100% curious...". Hotch said giving a side smile.

"Fine but, be scarred". Everyone looked at each other to say whether or not they had made the right choice. "See that to you Pen is a happy, fond memory right , well to me its an image I really don't want scorched into my brain for life...".

"Go on...". Mama said as he rubbed her hands together in anticipation.

"One day I popped round my brothers place because I had ordered something and he collected it for, so I went round to pick it up" He took a breath. "I had my own set of keys, and he said he would be at work so I didn't think to knock...oh god did I regret that decision very, very quickly". He stopped as if to say do I have to continue? But they all stared at him like a bunch of madmen. Shouta scoffed. "The moment I opened the door I was graced with...".

"Oh come on Mama is getting impatient...". Garcia pleaded.

"I walked in to Spencer butt naked wearing nothing but the scarf and the hot over his you-know-whats...". Everyone went wide eyed, trying se desperately to hold in their laughs but the room was soon filled the eruption of roars from them all. "Don't laugh...its not funny". Shouta coughed trying, himself, not to laugh.

"How is it not?". Emily said, practically on the floor, Morgan was doubled over in stitches. Everyone died down, wiping the small tear that fell from the laughter. "And what oh Kento?". JJ asked, holding her ribs.

"My brother...my brother was wearing a bow tie and a fez...". That was it, the room was yet again filled with a mountain of laughter. Shouta looked around, a small smile crept onto his face as a small happy tear fell. It was nice to see, the past few weeks had been filled with nothing but depression, and misery. To see everyone laughing and having a good time, remembering Spencer in a way he would have wanted them too, laughing at this awkwardness.

"What happened next?". Rossi asked.

"A pillow in my face...". He chuckled. "Anyway, umm I know were trying to bring more joy then sadness today but I was wondering, I found a letter address to Kento...". Shouta reached into his bag, pulling out the pale cream envelope that had Kento's scratched across it.

"Spence wrote one for your brother too?". Jj was surprised, Spence killed himself because of loosing Kento, why would he write him a letter?

"I think he wanted us to read it...". All looking at one another, making sure each of them was going to be okay with this, and they were, giving a gentle nod. the girls all curled up together as the lads sat with a fresh whiskey in hand.

My Kento,

I never thought I would have to be writing a letter like this, I never thought in a million years that I would be saying goodbye to you this way. I was meant to care and look after you, I was meant to be there for you, always but I couldn't even save you. Instead, I watched and felt you die in my arms.

Shouta lifted his head back, trying to hold in the tears, giving a small cough to clear his throat.

I had never felt such pain before as I did in those short seconds, feeling your body become limp in my arms, feeling the life leave your body, I can't get it out of my head. I have tried so many different ways to forget, ways you would have no doubtably would have scolded me for. I slipped up again Ken and in more ways than one, I didn't mean too but I did. I just needed the pain to be gone, I needed to be freed from the cage of suffering that trapped me and held me hostage. I messed up and wanted nothing more for you to hold me in your arms as you rocked me back and though, telling me everything was going to be okay, telling me that it didn't matter, everyone had a bad day. But you wasn't there, you wasn't there to clean up as I came down from my high, you wasn't there to stitch up the marks that covered my body...

The room was filled with quiet, delicate sniffles. Reid was in such pain, and they couldn't do anything to help him for they were completely clueless. Most if not all blamed themselves for the death of Dr Spencer Reid, there was so much more they could have down, they could have forced their way into his apartment, but they didn't. And now he's gone.

I wanted nothing more but to be with you, for you make everything better, every ache, every bad thought, and make my day so much warmer. But now, it just stays cold, you warm smile and laugh have gone and I am all alone. I have the team, but it wasn't the same. I don't think Derek would be hundred percent happy if I curled up into bed with him and gave him a big passionate kiss.

Morgan chuckled. "Your damn right Pretty boy".

I need you. I need you Ken, I miss you so much. It wasn't meant to end this way, we had so much planned, so many things we wanted to do together. Get our own place, get a dog, visit Japan and share a kiss at the bottom of Fuji Mt. So many things! Do you remember the day we first met? I was such an awkward thing, just standing there, starring at you. You were waiting to collect your coffee whilst I stood in line. Who blew my mind, I had never seen anyone as beautiful as you. They way your long black hair sat around your shoulders, the larger rimmed hat that sat at an angle, your oversized knitted jumper, that definitly made you look small and adorable, the trousers that hugged you in all the right places. Oh you were so perfect Kento. I knew there and then that you had to be mine.

Open the box Shouta...

Shouta looked up, was Spencer talking directly to him? He really was meant to be reading this letter. "Open it then...". Emily said, impatiently. Shouta took the brown box from off the coffee table, placing it in his lap and slowly lifting the lid. Inside was a hundred pictures of the pair of them together, from their first day, to their first weekend trip away, even the night before Kento disappeared.

But it wasn't just photos, inside, right in the middle was a small black box. Shouta lifted it out and held it tightly in his grasp. Tears stung the back of his eyes, as he rubbed his mouth with his hand. "Is that what we think it is?". Asked Rossi.

I was meant to give you this on our anniversary, I had everything planned out down to the smallest detail. I booked us a weekend to Japan, I was going to give you that kiss at the base of the mountain, right after I got down on one knee and asked you to be mine. I wanted you to be mine Kento, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, but I guess we'd spend the afterlife together instead. Don't worry Sho, I will look after him now, I will watch over him forever and be by his side, so please don't worry. He is safe now.

I am so sorry I have to do this, but I cannot live without you, at least this way we will always be together, just as it was meant to be. I love you Ken, with all my heart, now and forever.

Love, Spence x

Shouta lowered the letter, there wasn't a dry eye in the house. His tears landed on the paper with a small drip sound, why did this have to happen, why did they have to go? But Spencer was right, at least his brother isn't alone, Spencer was with him. He watched as the team tried to dry their eyes, wipe away the ugliness that resides on them. "A toast...". Morgan said, holding up his own glass of syrup looking liquid. "To Spencer". They all hold up a glass.

"To Spencer!". They spoke in unison as they took a sip fo their drinks. Shouta was the last to lift his drink, looking at the ring that sat in his other hand, and gave a gentle smile...

"Goodbye Spencer".

WOW! That was be far the hardest thing I have ever had to write. I tried so hard not to cry at my own work, but god was it hard. I apologise for such a longer chapter, I was going to split it in two but because of how I have planned out the endings, it wouldn't have worked. So I put it all together. It was a little more rushed towards the end, and I deeply apologise for that, I felt it was getting far too long and needed to fit it all in. I might come back to this at a later date and more story, more plot into if you guys want. Let me know.

I really hope you enjoyed the chapter, and the rest of the story. I am so thankful to everyone who has read and stuck by me till the very end. I means so much to me, and gives me such motivation to carry on writing.

Now, I don't want to leave you all so upset - even if you didn't, you probably didn't to be honest but I'm not the best of writers to be fair...- but if you want, I hope you go read the second ending, that might be a little less depressing.

Please no spoilers to be left down in the comments as I want it to be surprise for everything! If I see anything containing a spoiler, your comment will be deleted.

Thank you again for sticking by me, please vote and comment below. Now, go read the other ending.

Bye!