AN: "Timetagger" never happened in this universe (for a variety of reasons, mostly involving the Rabbit Miraculous mechanics), so Alix doesn't know about Kwamis. And her pocket watch isn't a miraculous.
To anonymousfriend27: Yeah, he isn't living that one down any time soon…
Kim groaned in frustration and pushed himself to his feet. He didn't seem to be any worse for wear, considering that a bear had been sitting on his back. He ran a hand around the circlet in his hair to make sure it was still intact. "Xuppu?" he called. "What happened to you, little guy?"
Xuppu flew out of a hiding spot in Kim's hood and stopped in front of his face. "Do you mean before or after you let a black bear use you as a bean bag chair?" the kwami retorted, sticking out his tongue at him and making a face. "Because that part was totally fun."
"Heh, sorry about that." Kim ran a hand through his hair and grinned. "But getting to ride a wildebeest and an elephant today was totally worth it!"
"I must be going insane," Alix muttered to herself, glancing back and forth between Kim and the Kwami. "This is what it feels like to be losing your mind. That bear ripped apart my last remaining shred of sanity, and the men in the white coats are going to show up any minute now to take me to the happy farm. And now Kim is talking to a flying beanie baby."
"Excuse me, Pinky," Xuppu retorted, flying over to Alix, floating centimeters away from her face, and poking her in the nose. He folded his arms and glared. "I happen to be a Kwami! I'm an immortal being that embodies Jubilation, and I would appreciate a little respect!"
Kim stifled a laugh at seeing the look of openmouthed shock on Alix's face as she took in the tiny monkey-being glaring at her. He'd been with Xuppu long enough by now to realize that his brand of "Jubilation" involved as much mockery as anything else. Xuppu tossed his head arrogantly and turned his back on Alix, whose jaw was still hanging open, only to spin into a flip while laughing uproariously and kicking his tiny feet in the air. Kim's straight face cracked at the same time, and he fell backward laughing wildly. There was a soft pressure on his stomach as Xuppu landed on him, and the two of them were left laughing with tears in their eyes while Alix stared at them in bewilderment.
"This… this is what my life has turned into, isn't it?" She slapped herself across the face and coughed. "Don't we have a bear to track down?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.
Kim shrugged. "It's a bear running loose in the middle of Paris. What's the worst that can happen?" Alix stared at him in disbelief.
Xuppu groaned. "I'll pretend you didn't say something so asinine. But I do need a snack before you transform again."
Kim felt around in his pockets. "Shoot, I forgot to pack any snacks today." He grimaced and shrank back from the Kwami's glare.
"You came out here for the express purpose of doing hero things and you forgot to pack snacks just in case you had to do hero things?" Xuppo demanded, smacking Kim's forehead. He turned to look at Alix. "Is he always this dense, Pinky?"
Alix smirked. "I'm pretty sure he was dropped a couple time as an infant," she replied. She slid her backpack off one shoulder and rummaged around before pulling out a bag of blueberries. "Are these okay?" she asked, holding a handful out to the Kwami. "I had some left over after practice today."
The Kwami grabbed a few berries and shoved them in his mouth. "You know what? You're okay, Pinky."
Alix rolled her eyes. "I have a name."
"I know."
As soon as Xuppu was finished eating, Kim shouted, "Xuppu, Show time!"
As the golden light around King Monkey faded, he heard Alix whisper, "Now that was cool."
"Don't you forget how cool I am!" King Monkey told her, wagging his eyebrows, flexing his arms, and striking a pose.
"Dream on, Monkey Brains," she retorted, putting a hand on her hip and rolling her eyes as she blew a languid bubble. She smirked. "I was talking about the Kwami, not the lug using the Kwami!" Then without a backward glance she shot away down the path toward the zoo exit.
King Monkey raced to catch up to her. The miraculous did enhance his speed, but Alix's speed on her skates was fast enough that he didn't need to hold back much for her sake. "Do you have any idea where you're going?" he asked, running beside her.
"The bear went this way," she told him. "You can see scratch marks on that tree. Plus, I watched it walk away while you were lying there. Unconscious. Because a bear sat on you. That I had to chase off. You're welcome."
"I get it, I get it," he grumbled. "You're not going to let that go, are you?"
"Not even a little bit." She grinned mischievously.
"You realize there is literally no one on the planet you can tell that to, right?" He winced, dreading her response.
"Maybe not about Kim," she acknowledged, "but about King Monkey?" Her eye twinkled.
"Oh, no," he groaned. "How about this: if I see the bear first, you can't bring this up ever again; if you see the bear first, you can tell everyone."
"Deal," she replied, smirking. "Now who should I tell first?" She stroked her chin contemplatively. "Do you think I can work it into a speech at your wedding somehow?" He gave her a look. "Oh, right, you'd need to find a girl brain-damaged enough to marry you for that to happen!"
"Don't count your monkeys before they've shrieked," he told her, grinning and pointing ahead. "Look!"
What he saw was not the bear. Instead, it was a tree that had been pushed over until its roots were almost sticking out of the ground. A smashed beehive lay next to the tree, honey spilling out onto the ground. King Monkey stopped momentarily to push the tree back into the ground and tamp the dirt down around its base.
"So we're definitely going the right direction," Alix observed, ducking under a swarm of angry bees and watching him work, eyes scanning the area carefully. "I don't see any bear here, though. If you think the bear's here, you must've hit your head a lot harder than I thought. When the bear sat on you, remember?"
King Monkey was just thinking of a comeback when they reached the zoo entrance and a trio of stray dogs met them at the gate, standing side by side in a straight line. In front of the dogs was a mixed group of squirrels and rats.
"What the hell is going on today?" Alix muttered, skidding to a stop meters away from the animals. "Are we sure I'm not the one with the concussion?"
"It's gotta be the necklace thing again," he muttered back, stopping next to her and testing his Ruyi Jingu Bang in his hands. "I disabled it, but it must have worn off."
"A 'necklace,'" she repeated. "And it makes animals do this." She shrugged and extracted her field hockey stick from its spot on her backpack. "After the last few years, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised by any of the weird stuff that happens in Paris!"
With a yell, the two of them charged into the pack of animals side by side. King Monkey held his Ruyi Jingu Bang like a baseball bat, swung, and smacked one of the dogs away from himself before kicking the next one – gently, of course. Next to him, Alix was using her field hockey stick to clear a path through the mass of rodents, shoving them to the sides. However, for each one she pushed aside, two more sprang in to take its place.
"We can't exactly stop them without stopping whoever's controlling them," King Monkey called, dancing on his tiptoes around a cluster of squirrels. He stepped on a tail, and the squirrel attached to it shrieked and scrabbled at his boots with its claws. "All we can do is get past them!"
"Easier said than done!" Alix grunted. One of the dogs grabbed her field hockey stick in its mouth and tugged at it, nearly pulling her off-balance. She held on tight, and the dog started dragging her off the path. Alix let go with one hand, reached back, and pulled a field hockey ball from a side pouch on her backpack. She waved the ball until the dog released her stick and started panting and wagging its tail. Then she threw the ball as far as it could go. All three dogs raced off after the ball.
"Couldn't you have led with that?" King Monkey asked, shaking his head and pushing a dozen rats aside with his foot.
"Now where's the fun in that?" she smirked. "Besides, I think I had enough smart ideas when I rescued you from getting turned into a crepe! I'd say it's your turn to use your brain, but that would imply you have one, so…"
He ignored her. "Come on," he shouted, running down the sidewalk to the right. "The bear went this way!"
Alix raced to catch up. "What makes you so sure?" she asked.
In reply, King Monkey pointed down the street at a streetlamp that had nearly been wrenched from the ground. "Does that answer your question?"
"No," Alix told him, "but that does!" She pointed several blocks away to where King Monkey could see a bear waddling along toward the business district.
"Are you kidding me?" King Monkey groaned. He glared at Alix. "How about double or nothing?"
"No deal," she replied, grinning. "Maybe I should give Alya an interview for the Ladyblog…"
"Don't you dare!" he growled threateningly.
Alix hummed. "You're right," she decided, eyeing him predatorily. "The Ladyblog is a little too niche. Maybe I should put it in all the newspapers in the city. Along with a picture! Think it could get syndicated? Maybe I can get an interview with Nadja Chamack!"
"Hold up," he called, stopping a block away from the bear. The bear had stopped and was lying on its back sunning itself on the sidewalk outside of a building that King Monkey recognized as a bank. "Of all the places in the city, why would the bear decide to come here? What's so special about this bank?"
"Maybe it needs to make a deposit," Alix joked.
"If it does, you're cleaning it up!" he retorted.
"Hey!" she shot back. "You still owe me for saving your life, Monkey Boy!"
The bear chose that moment to sit up, roll over onto its paws, and walk into the bank. No sooner had the bear entered than the bank's front windows were blown out by the discharge of an energy weapon.