"After the whole thing with Azazel, to say that I was a mess would be the biggest understatement of all existence. I was inconsolable and nothing I could do was helping me. I wanted to go home, I thought I could go home after the whole Azazel thing but before he died, a hell's gate opened and countless demons escaped. I knew that I couldn't go home yet, I needed to take care of the demons."

"But I had no idea how to do it, so many demons were free after years in hell and just me and a handful of other hunters. And even then, there were hunters that knew I had been in the middle of everything and that was all they needed to know to believe that I had caused it."

"Maybe I did, I don't really know anymore. That night's such a blur that I don't really remember what happened."

"And then there were the hunters that wanted to kill me for it. So I had demons, other supernatural beings, and now humans after me. I had some people on my side but I didn't want them to get tangled up and possibly hurt by anyone or anything, so I kept my distance from them and only communicated through the phone."

"Made Ellen pissed off as anything, when I finally met her again she slapped me and warned me to never do it again."

"But then I realized exactly what Azazel had planned, he had wanted me to lead hell's army remember? I found that out from demons, because apparently there were some demons on board with it."

"Some demons were really on board with the idea."

"The thing is, with demons, you never knew which ones were technically on your side and which were the ones trying to rip your throat out. The demons that weren't on the idea of me running the army saw me as a competition, no matter how many times I told them that I didn't want it, they didn't care. They just wanted me dead."

"Demons don't listen to you unless you're the one holding the blade and there weren't any at that time that worked against them."

"Back then I only had a few things that I could use against demons. Holy water, devils traps, wardings. My saving grace was my anti-possession tattoo. Most of the time I ran."

"One night I got cornered, I couldn't get away without possibly killing myself. So I did the only thing I could, I faced them. And then I got desperate, and when I got desperate, I learned something that I had been avoiding. My powers came full force and forcefully exorcized the demons from their vessels, sending them back to hell."

"So after that, I tried to use my powers. Back then I had just known about seeing the future bullshit. I didn't know that there were other things added too."

"Maybe it wasn't really mine, the other kids back during the death match said that the more they killed, it almost seemed like they got the powers of the kids they killed. Maybe it was just an echo of that, I had killed some of them to be able to get away so maybe I got it from them."

"I don't really know and at this point, I don't really care."

"I tried to figure out how to use my powers, I couldn't really ask anyone for help. With psychics you never know who you can trust and considering everything and what everyone thought about me, I didn't want it known that I had any kind of powers. Especially not since they came from demons."

"I tried to figure it out myself, but it was a lot of failure combined with severe nosebleeds and crippling migraines. Most of the time after using anything I would be laid up for a few days. Not that I let it take me out for a few days, I had to keep being on the move so I just gave myself a few hours at most. Thing is...it kept building up until I apparently had a brain bleed of sorts. Collapsed one day with one foot out of the motel room."

"And when I woke up, Ruby was there."

"I had seen her before, just never knew her name. She had saved me from demons beforehand, it was her knife that I knew could kill a demon for good. But she never stayed for long, didn't tell me anything."

"But there she was, she had saved me and even healed me as best as she could. And she told me why I was having so much trouble and in so much pain. She offered her help to me and she bared it all to me, she told me the truth about herself and who she was; she knew that if she had held anything back I'd never trust her."

"Even though she had saved my life."

"So she told me that she was a demon that was on my side. She wasn't one of the demons that wanted me to take up the leader of the armies but she had been watching me and she liked me enough that she wanted to help."

"She told me the real truth behind my powers and what I really had to do to gain control over them. She said that they were demonic in origin so I needed to be able to properly get back in touch with that part of me. That this started because of Azazel feeding me his blood when I was a baby."

"That in order to really understand and use my powers, I had to return to that as well."

"Demon blood. I had to drink demon blood in order to not only be able to tap into my powers in ways that I couldn't before, but it would also be stronger as a result. The more blood I'd drink, the stronger I would be."

"I refused to do that, the whole thing was disgusting and morally wrong to begin with. Drinking demon blood? That was a line that I had no desire to cross."

"But...when you get desperate."

"...you're willing to do anything."

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