Reiner

Braunie0801: Promise you're not an axe murderer lol

DaddyOnTop1975: Haha I promise I'm not

Feeling an involuntary smile pull at the corners of his lips, Reiner locked his phone and shoved it in his jeans' pocket before he straightened up. He's been standing in front of his date's room for five minutes now and even though this wasn't even his first time, he couldn't help but feel slightly nervous. He always did feel a bit wary before every encounter, and sometimes, he was right to be. Granted, he didn't run into any deranged ones so far and he hoped he never would but, if he has ever learnt anything from his experiences is that in one way or another, they were all the same. They already had the same profile to begin with; Cis, white, married or in a long committed relationship, and always, always -

"I'm like...a hundred percent straight" an obvious, blatant lie that Reiner never found it in his heart to point out. Who was he to judge anyone for anything anyway?

He closed his eyes for a few seconds, trying to focus on the feeling of the night's crisp air on his face. He breathed in and breathed out for a few minutes, in an attempt to will his racing heart to beat at a normal rate. The moment he felt more composed, he opened his eyes and took steady, assured steps towards the door and raised his hand before knocking twice. He heard shuffling from inside and a minute later, the door was pulled open and Reiner took in the sight in front of him. A tall, broad-shouldered man with some grays in his sandy blond hair stood in front of him. He was seemingly in the beginning of his forties, so definitely quite older for him but it didn't matter - Reiner has never been picky about their age anyway. The guy wore a serene smile on his face as he looked up at Reiner who was at least three inches taller than him. Reiner knew then that he liked what he saw - everyone did as soon as they saw his firmly toned body and took in his boyish grin.

When he was younger, Reiner was quite popular among the girls but unfortunately for them, a woman's charm did nothing to him so he spared them the embarrassment of finding that out the hard way by declining politely every time they asked him out. However, by the time he reached sixteen, Reiner had gotten a little bold (he could hear Pieck's voice in his head correcting him by saying that slutty was a more appropriate word to describe his behavior and frankly he didn't mind either and he would disagree with anyone who'd say that there was anything wrong with it) and started exploring his sexuality more. Having lived his childhood and teenage years in a very conservative town where one couldn't really be open about who they were, Reiner found it easier to sneak around his mother to be with other guys. Everyone knew that those sorts of relationships would lead nowhere so, he was fine with the arrangement he had at that time. He did get to enjoy himself and have a good time, no strings attached. He'd only had to meet them once - anywhere away from prying eyes even if that sometimes required of him to leave his town for a couple of hours and lie to his mum that he would be spending the night with a classmate to prepare for a school project – and never see them again after that. Most of them never gave him a reason to call again anyway. He would never tell Pieck this but he didn't always end up having a great time after those encounters as one would've expected him to. The sex wasn't always bad but, it wasn't great either, and yet, that wasn't really the reason that put him off of wanting anything more after his hook-ups.

"Come on in." Reiner was jolted from his thoughts by the guy's invitation, and he felt himself blush for standing like that for god knows how long, daydreaming about his younger days. The man smiled at him nonetheless, seemingly amused at him getting flustered and Reiner felt himself relax in his presence. He seemed nice - gentle even, and there haven't been many like him before. One of the reasons Reiner didn't bother with them after having gotten what they wanted from each other.

Reiner nodded in response, his blush fading to a light pink dusting his cheeks, before crossing the threshold.

"I promised Champagne," the man said as he poured them both a drink. "so, here you go." He offered him a glass but Reiner shook his head.

"I don't drink." He said quickly, at which the man raised an eyebrow.

"How old are you?" He questioned, and seemed like he was reconsidering his plans for the night in case Reiner's answer wouldn't be convenient for him.

"Twenty-six." Reiner answered in earnest, smiling coyly.

"Really?" He took a sip from his glass as he locked his gaze upon him, an unmistakable glint in his eyes "You don't look it." He said, failing to hide the surprise from his statement. Reiner could see his tense posture relax the moment he became certain he wouldn't be in any legal trouble.

"Thank you." Reiner said smugly, earning himself a chuckle from the handsome man in front of him. Yes, he did like this guy, despite his ridiculous username. He felt almost remorseful of the nature of their date as he gazed at his wedding band, dreaming for a fraction of second of how nice it would've been if he could see him again after this.

It was one of the drawbacks of these kinds of arrangements, and Reiner has long since made peace with not being able to have anything more after parting ways with them. During his escapades, he met all kinds of men; sweet men, rough men, weird men and definitely an aggressive one among all of those. He could still vividly remember the way he pinned him to the bed as soon as Reiner took off his shirt, hand enclosing around his throat without warning in a vice grip. Given his above average physical strength, he was able to knee the guy in the stomach before things got out of control. Despite being crippled with fear, Reiner almost laughed then at his distraught face as he sputtered an apology.

"I'm sorry, I just... I thought you liked that-"

"Why the fuck would I like that?" he spat angrily then, wincing as he felt the sore bruise quickly forming on his neck.

The guy didn't know what to reply to that back then but, Reiner knew what he thought - What most of them actually thought of him. Yet, Reiner never relented in making it clear that he was no one's fucking prostitute, whom they assumed they can kick to the curb the moment they've done whatever they wanted to. That guy was no exception and he told him so before storming off from the room.

It took an insane amount of concealer that a seething Pieck applied vigorously to his neck to hide his bruises for the next two weeks, each day coming up with a new argument in a desperate attempt to convince him to press charges for assault. Which he didn't end up doing despite the temptation - he had as much to lose as that guy did, his own mother being at the very top of that list.

He watched as the man took small sips from his drink, seemingly not finding it as entertaining to be drinking alone and Reiner had half a heart to ask for his own glass back. He stopped himself from doing so, because contrary to what Pieck seemed to assume of his actions being the mirror of hers when she was in college, he never did this drunk. He never told Pieck why it was important to him to be sober in those moments, because she wouldn't understand what this even meant to him in the first place.

Reiner saw the man put down his half-finished glass on the bedside table before he moved slowly to where he was sitting on the edge of the bed. He stood in front of him, silent for a few minutes that for Reiner felt like hours, gazing down at him as if lost in some distant memory. He could feel butterflies doing somersaults in the pit of his stomach as the man reached with a gentle hand to stroke his cheek. Despite Reiner's usual self-control, he couldn't resist leaning a bit into the soothing touch. He closed his eyes as the man's hand continued its tender caress, moving from his cheekbone to the nape of his neck. Reiner wished he could freeze this exact moment and seal its memory in his brain for the rest of his life.

Pieck would never really understand him, despite her voicing on numerous occasions how much she wished he could let her in and explain to her what he was really getting out of this.

It wasn't the sex that he really wanted from all of this – it was everything that led to it. These moments of tenderness where he truly felt loved and seen were what he had always sought from these short encounters. He knew that if he ever told this to anyone else, they would frown upon his conviction that old motels and lying, cheating husbands were the only way he could truly experience love. New York was a huge city, where millions of different people lived and no one would've batted an eyelid if they saw a guy holding the hand of another guy as they walked down its streets. For Pieck, and for everyone else, him finding a loving, emotionally available boyfriend was the safest bet for him but, he had to disagree.

Reiner simply didn't want the emotional luggage that came with being in a relationship. He wanted to be loved without getting hurt and he learnt the hard way that thinking that he could have both of those things at the same time was only wishful thinking.

Contrary to what everyone thought of his "dating" life, he was safer here even when he'd end up with a bruise on his neck.

He opened his eyes as soon as he felt the hand caressing his face retreating and watched as the man turned his back to him before he started shrugging off his clothes.

It didn't matter if those sweet moments were short-lived, Reiner thought as he proceeded to take off his own clothes, he'd value them no matter what'd happen afterwards. Almost every time, Reiner could predict what would follow those most desired, healing touches. It looked like tonight would be one of those times, again, because the moment that sweet man stood in front of him clutching tightly a condom's package in his hand, Reiner knew that those soft caresses would be the only affection he would ever show him.

He took a deep breath as the guy pushed him slowly on his back, before proceeding to turn him roughly on his stomach. He didn't remember a time he did it with anyone while facing them. This too was something he could predict, because he knew what those men wanted the moment they'd set eyes on him. He was a tall, strongly-built man that most would find intimidating and would think twice before trying anything funny with him. So, that's how straight men with internalized homophobia got off - by having a guy like him face pushed down into a mattress underneath them. It was the only way they could make peace with who they were, as fucked-up as that was. This guy, as kind and gentle as he seemed to be a few moments ago, was no different.

However, as predictable as this guy has been, Reiner would still admit that he was taken off-guard when the man yanked his head back and reached with his hand for his mouth, asking him to spit.

Spit as lube. Really fucking classy.

Reiner has long learned that if he ever wanted something, he had to compromise. His desire for affection and love was no exception to that rule. However, those kinds of nights have taught him how to protect himself from whatever could possibly break him. He only needed to pretend that it wasn't him that was pinned down into that creaking bed, that his body was no longer his so, whatever was happening to it wasn't happening to him.

He would no longer then feel the blood trickling down his lips, before dripping into the white sheets beneath him - a small distraction to keep him from feeling or thinking for the next minutes.