John
There was a bleakness in the city that mirrored John's own feelings. He could see it in the sky, in the trees, even in the people. The problem with the city in the forest was that during winter it looked all the more desolate. John was struggling, battling off the constant reminders of Maggie and what he would never have. He threw himself into his work, trying to fill his mind with agents and bookings so that he could push thought of Maggie out.
To make things worse, he was having trouble sitting still. He'd had these feelings before, after coming back from deployment. It was an anxious energy that made his bones itch and his skin crawl. He had a sense that something bad was about to happen like he needed to watch his back and be on even higher alert. This made him constantly tense, always looking over his shoulder to try an expect the unexpected.
Walking helped burn off some of that tension, gave him time to think and catch his breath. The cold and damp helped numb the feelings eating away at his inside. That's why he took off walking, despite the bitter cold and chaffing wind. There weren't many people on the streets; most everyone was bundled up in their houses, avoiding the short winter weather altogether.
That's why he was surprised to hear his own name being called from across the street. "Thornton!" John wasn't altogether pleased to see Mr. Bell waving him over, but he couldn't bring himself to ignore his beckoning. "Congratulations!" Mr. Bell said as John drew closer. "Fine work handling the boycott. I assume everything is back to normal, then?"
"It's a bit more complicated than that," John responded gruffly. "It will take some time."
Mr. Bell smiled a bit, before gesturing behind John. "Mr. Latimer! How nice to see you. You know the Latimers, don't you, John?"
John nodded as he turned to greet them. "Of course," he said, shaking Mr. Latimer's hand and nodding to his daughter, Annie.
Something on the other side of the street distracted Mr. Bell again as he called out, "Maggie!" He waved her over as well, much to John's dismay. Just seeing her knocked the breath out of him, looking so beautiful in a red peacoat that matched her rosy cheeks. The last thing he needed was to spend any significant amount of time in her presence, especially when he was trying to clear his head. "What luck," Mr. Bell said as Maggie reluctantly walked towards them. "Two of the loveliest girls in the city. You remember the Latimers, Maggie." She nodded while he reintroduced them, staunchly avoiding looking in John's direction.
The three younger people were obviously uncomfortable, though each for different reasons. John thought Maggie's face looked drawn and tired; he wondered if he looked the same. He probably looked worse, if he was being honest. His mother had been fussing over him lately, trying to make him eat and sleep more and work less. It was no use, he was determined to work himself into the ground.
"Where are you headed, Maggie?" Mr. Bell's voice cut off John's train of thought. He was glad for it; who knows how long he would have been staring at Maggie otherwise.
She still hadn't looked directly at him. It was hard to read her expression, though her voice seemed strained when she responded, "Nowhere."
"Oh, well. You can keep your secrets. Young women all have their own secrets, isn't that right?" Mr. Bell's jovial tone grated on John's already irritated nerves, making him want to lash out.
He needed to get out of there. "I wouldn't be the one to ask. Have a good one," he said curtly, walking about without another glance at Maggie. It wasn't the politest exit but was the best he could manage. Just being next to Maggie made his heart hurt, a deep aching pain that made it a struggle to breathe. The last thing he needed was for someone- Mr. Bell, Mr. Latimer, Annie- to catch on to his feelings, and John wasn't sure he could be subtle about it.
Unfortunately, Annie also used this moment to make her exit. She walked quietly beside him for a bit before speaking softly. "Strange to run into so many people on a day like today, isn't it?" John had just been thinking the same thing and told her so. She smiled brightly as her father caught up to them. "It was good to see you, though, John. Maybe we'll see each other again soon." He gave her a small smile in return as he waved goodbye while they parted ways.
Somehow, he ended up in the park. It was almost deserted, full of leafless trees and brown grass. The sights fit his mood perfectly, so he decided to sit on a bench and rest for a while. Going home wasn't an option at the moment; he didn't want to answer the questioning looks his mother was sure to throw his way. The wind pricked his eyes, bringing up unbidden tears. It was a good excuse, anyway. He closed his eyes and said a silent prayer, one without words but made of feelings.
Maggie
She was on her way to the park when she spotted John on the street. It was jarring to see him, his tall straight form unmistakable even from a distance. She kept her head down and tried to walk by without notice. Her plan was shot down by Mr. Bell calling out her name. It was too late to pretend she didn't notice them, so she had no choice but to make her way over to the small group. Annie's pinched face told her she wasn't too pleased about the interruption, and Maggie avoided looking at John completely, though she could feel his eyes on her.
"Nowhere." She could hear the strained tone of her voice in answer to Mr. Bell's question. It irritated her; she didn't want any of the emotions she was feeling to be broadcast to the strange collection of people around her, especially not John.
The terseness of John's farewell was also upsetting. She wondered what he was thinking. Was he still angry? She covertly watched him leave, his back as straight and tense as ever. His right hand clenched briefly into a fist before relaxing. Probably still angry, then, she thought. Jealously reared up inside her as she watched Annie walk away with him. Maggie had no right to be jealous, of course. She'd given up that right when she scoffed at the offering of his affection.
The rest of the group recovered from the awkwardness of John's departure. "What's the point of spending all this money on college if you're just going to have to spend more on a wedding once they graduate?" Mr. Latimer joked before moving to follow his daughter. Mr. Bell just laughed and bid him farewell as he walked away, leaving just the two of them on the sidewalk.
Mr. Bell's smile fell quickly when he noticed the grim look on his goddaughter's face. "My dear, what's wrong?" He asked with concern in his voice.
"Mr. Bell," Maggie said, pausing and trying to choose her words carefully. "I know you are my dad's friend, and I really appreciate everything you've done for him since we've moved…" She trailed off, unsure of how to finish her thought.
His smile returned, though far more rueful now. "But you wish I would mind my own business and stop being so goddamn facetious, right?" Maggie's own smile told him he was right. "You're right, love, and I will stop it immediately. But you know, I do care. If you ever need anything, any help at all, call me first, alright?"
"Absolutely, I promise." She smiled again as they said goodbye.
Finally alone again, Maggie was able to continue her walk to the park. She'd lost sight of John and the Latimers, assuming that they'd turned down another street at some point. She was heading through the park gate when she saw John sitting alone on a bench in the distance. Ducking behind a tree, her heart racing, she cursed quietly to herself. What were the odds? That very bench was where she had been heading. Had he seen her? She looked around the tree to see him sitting there, still as a statue.
Luckily, there were many trails through the park grounds, which she had thoroughly explored. She decided to take a roundabout route to the bench, curving around along the lake and through the trees. She hoped that he would be gone by the time she made it back around. How long could he possibly stay? John wasn't the kind of person to stay idle for long periods of time.
She was wrong. John was still sitting in exactly the same place as she quietly came down the path behind him. The black of his hair stood out starkly against the grey sky, which threatened rain at any moment. His cheeks and ears were red from the biting wind, eyes clenched tight against its onslaught. She was about to back away and find somewhere else to sit when he moved, breaking the stillness. He drew his feet up onto the bench, wrapping his arms around his knees like a child.
Maggie's heart ached as his shoulders shook. She knew it wasn't from the cold, though he didn't make a sound. She wanted nothing more than to sit next to him and hold him close, to take away the sadness that marked his every movement. But it was far too late for that. Instead, she turned and ran, not caring about being quiet anymore, unable to stand there and watch the man she had singlehandedly destroyed.
John
Rustling leaves broke through his misery, prompting him to stand and turn in the direction of the sound. A flash of red through the trees, gone before he could see who it was. "Maggie?" He whispered to himself. No, he knew that was ridiculous. It was probably some kid, playing hide and seek or tag with friends. Though kids weren't usually so sneaky. John considered chasing after the person, then thought better of it. He was in no condition to chase after anyone, breath still shaky and eyes still damp. Let it go, Thornton. He had other things to worry about, anyway.
Feeling slightly better after indulging his self-pity, John shook off any remaining tears and straightened his shoulders. Time to get back to work. There was a lot to do; William's concert was just a few weeks away, already sold out, of course. John needed to make sure he could ensure the safety of everyone there. He didn't think there would be any more violence, now that the boycott was over, but he couldn't be too careful. Calls for last minute bookings were coming in pretty regularly now, in addition to agents vying to get their clients added to the Excelsior lineup.
He should be happy; things were finally turning around. Instead, he still felt restless and tired. Any time he started to feel a little bit satisfied, thoughts of Maggie came up. No matter what he did, he couldn't shake the shadow she cast over his life. Even though Faith was pushing Annie Latimer on him as a viable alternative. She was an admittedly pretty girl. And judging from her actions today, she seemed interested in him, if he was being honest. But he had no romantic feelings for her, knowing she could never measure up to Maggie. It wouldn't be fair to lead her on when he knew nothing would ever come of it.
It was time to push such thoughts away and focus on the work at hand. With some effort he put both women out of his mind and sat down at his desk, eager to sink back into the oblivion of balancing The Mill's accounts. He worked late into the night, losing track of time until his mom appeared in the office doorway, telling him to call it a night and come home, she had a plate set aside for him from dinner.
Maggie
Mr. Hale was already home when Maggie returned, which was unusual. He had picked up a few extra students, mostly kids that he taught after they got off school. This meant he was often gone into the evening.
"You're home early," Maggie remarked as she took off her coat.
Her father looked a little down. "Oh, yeah, my last student canceled their appointment today. I was really looking forward to seeing John this evening, but he left a message saying he's afraid he won't be able to make our appointment, either." Mr. Hale was obviously disappointed by this turn of events.
Seeing her father's sad mood struck Maggie with guilt. She knew she was at least partly to blame for John's absence. "I think it's been a very busy week," she said, trying to make excuses both for her father and for her own benefit. "I'm sure John will pick back up when things quiet down."
"Sure, sure…" he trailed off. "Maybe I'll give him a call, give him some encouragement." Mr. Hale seemed satisfied with this, picking up the stack of mail next to his chair to sort through it. Maggie looked over his shoulder, curious. "Are you expecting a letter, Magpie?" Her father asked, noticing her unusual interest in the mail.
"Oh, no. I mean, yes." She gathered up the courage to tell him. "Dad, I've done something I probably shouldn't have. I wrote to Finn."
Her father turned to her with worry in his eyes. "Because of your mother? You think he needs to come to see her?"
Maggie nodded solemnly. She was surprised by her father's bluntness when he usually avoided the subject like the plague. "Please tell me I did the right thing. Is it really so dangerous?"
Sighing, Mr. Hale closed his eyes. "Yes, I'm afraid it is. The army doesn't take these things lightly, especially when there is a war going on. There will be harsh consequences if he's found. When did you send the letter?"
"A few days ago," She responded. "But everything happened so long ago…"
Her father shook his head sadly. "The army has very deep pockets and even better memories. They don't forget anything; it's as if it happened yesterday to them. Nothing but their version of justice will satisfy them."
"But his reasons were so noble! If only I hadn't written to him. What if I've asked him to come back only to be arrested? Mom would never make it through that." Maggie's heart wrenched with fear for her brother.
Patting her hand, Mr. Hale gave her a small smile of encouragement. "No, Magpie, you did the right thing. You did what you needed to for your mother's sake. I'm glad you didn't tell me sooner, I probably would have stopped you." This made her feel somewhat better, though she still worried later while she sat on her bed, struggling to write an email to Eden. There was so much she wanted to tell her, but she didn't even know how to begin. Maggie knew her cousin wouldn't understand most of what had happened in recent weeks; she didn't know the people here, had never met her friends. She closed her computer, deciding to run over to Nick and Becca's instead.
Nick opened the door. "Hey, I came to talk to Bec—" her words died on her lips when she saw Nick's face. His mouth was pulled into a frown and his eyes looked like he'd been crying.
He just shook his head and opened the door, motioning for her to come in. "Becca's gone." He said, voice emotionless, sinking onto the couch.
"Gone? What do you mean?" Maggie felt panic rising up in her throat.
Handing Maggie a tearstained letter that sat on the coffee table, Nick continued, "I don't exactly know. She went to the doctor again today, I guess, and when I got home she was gone. She left this letter, that's it."
Maggie quickly skimmed the letter, half listening to Nick's explanation. "She went to the doctor alone?" She regretted the accusation in her voice and hoped Nick didn't pick up on it.
"She didn't even tell me she had an appointment," he said defensively, before burying his head in his hands. "Things looked worse than they thought, initially. The letter says she couldn't bear to go through treatment again, not when the chances they would work were slim. We couldn't afford it, she said. It wasn't worth it. Why couldn't she tell me in person?" He broke down, sobs wracking his body as Maggie sat on the couch beside him.
I don't want to spend my last days sick and miserable from chemo. I can't in good conscience force my family into further debt to buy me useless time, delaying the inevitable. Y'all won't agree with this decision, I know, and we all know y'all would try to convince me to change my mind. And you would succeed. That's why I'm leaving now, while I'm still determined to go.
There are so many things I want to do while I still have the energy. I wish you could be with me, Nick. But we would be fighting about this the whole time, and you would win in the end. That's not what I want. I want to see the mountains, breathe in the fresh country air, dip my toes in the Pacific Ocean.
I'm sorry to put you through this. Just know that I'll be happy, and I want you to be happy, too. You've been the best big brother a girl could ask for. I just wish I could have been as good of a sister. Thank you for everything you've done for me, you and dad both. I'll be sending him his own letter.
"There's another letter with your name on it," Nick's broken voice pulled Maggie's attention away from the letter.
She took the envelope he held out, tears streaming down her face. "Thank you. I don't know if I can bear to read it right now."
Nick nodded with understanding, a fresh wave of sorrow breaking over his face. Maggie didn't want to leave him alone but couldn't think of anything to say that could possibly be of any comfort. So, she decided to go to the one person she could always count on to be there when she needed them. "Come back to my house with me. Maybe it will help to talk to someone."
He reluctantly followed her back to her car, wondering what she thought her family could possibly do to make this any better. But he didn't feel like being alone, knowing that sorrow would eat him alive. So he went with Maggie, wiping his eyes and trying to put on a brave face while they drove to her house.