So much for a one-shot
You are all wonderful. WONDERFUL I tell you.
The song is "Silhouettes" by Of Monsters and Men
No one really understood where it came from but the near feral look in Damon's eyes hadn't budged since he first remembered that he'd returned without Bonnie. Then, when he realised that Alaric had removed him from Elena's mind there was no consoling him. Stefan tried his best but he couldn't rein Damon in for much longer so when he woke up again, at three AM, wild-eyed and spluttering demanding to know where Bonnie was Stefan knew something had to be done.
"You're either helping or getting in my way." Damon had all but snarled at Stefan and Alaric before Caroline and Enzo stepped in and said they'd accompany Damon on his wild goose chase to get Bonnie back. Caroline hadn't been the same since Damon's return either, her hope for Bonnie's life was dwindling before everyone's eyes and she was quickly giving up the pretence that everything was okay. It felt like everyone was, because Damon may have returned but the state he was in and the fact that Bonnie wasn't here made it all worse somehow.
It's hard, letting go
I'm finally at peace
But it feels wrong
"What about Elena?" Stefan asked, knowing that he was grasping at straws. Damon's head turned slowly to regard his brother with a barely veiled annoyance.
"She'll remember me in the snap of Alaric's fingers," Damon replied his voice fumbling over itself as he sought out reason, "Bonnie doesn't have that time, she ran out time when she sent me here. We need to get her back." Stefan pressed his mouth shut then and let everyone else do the talking. Damon waved them all off and went to pack up a few things, like he suggested they did too over his shoulder as he walked away.
Slow, I'm getting up
My hands and feet are weaker than before
Damon kept picturing the state that Bonnie'd been left in, he'd been dreaming of his last moments with her, hallucinating her when he was awake during the day. He couldn't get away from her no matter what he did. He couldn't drink it away, with blood or bourbon and without Elena to console him in other ways – not that he'd be able to explain his night terrors to her in any case, he'd left himself no other choice. He needed to stay sane long enough to think up a plan to get Bonnie back. He remembered telling her to go and he remembered that stupid smile on her stupid face when she sent him off without her. And now he couldn't go a second without mourning her.
And you, are folded on the bed
Where I rest my head
There's nothing I can see
Darkness becomes me
The dreams he had nightly were the worst because they felt so real. The 'hell' that Damon believed himself to be in with her and Kai was nothing compared to the guilt that had struck him when he returned to Earth after Bonnie sacrificed herself once more. The witch had stuc to putting everyone before herself as always and this time, and because she'd done it for him – Damon Salvatore of all creatures, it unwound something that had been lying dormant in his chest for decades. He couldn't let her stay there – not with that psycho who could snap without a second's notice and attack her with another arrow, or any of the variety of ways Damon had dreamt that he'd killed Bonnie since he'd returned home.
Elena was moments away, he knew, she always was. There was always something standing between them and there was always something to bring them back together but Bonnie needed him now. She needed him as much as he needed her to have come home with him, he didn't very much feel like he deserved to be back. A sentiment Jeremy wholly encouraged, which didn't really make sense considering the girl Damon had seen sneaking about the house every now and then. Damon considered killing her just to get his mind off of everything but then he'd have to deal with Jeremy and killing Baby Gilbert would just make him miss Bonnie even more. To say he was a little unhinged was an understatement.
Yes, words couldn't describe the mind-numbing relief he felt when he saw his brother again and when he realised he was home and safe and alive and that he'd made it. But almost instantly that giddy euphoria was drowned in a sickening awareness that Bonnie may never feel the same way. That she was alone and scared with nothing but that blasted teddy bear and a grimoire to protect her. That coupled with the fact that his girlfriend had gone from a herbal hallucinogenic addict to self-inflicted amnesiac and therefor no longer remembered her love for him was too much – because she too, sided with her brother, glaring and wondering why he didn't try harder to save Bonnie. Why he didn't put in 'more of an effort'… Like he'd planned it all out himself.
But I'm already there
I'm already there
Wherever there is you
I will be there too
"Damon? What are you doing?" Damon squeezed his eyes shut at the sound of her voice from where he stood in Stefan's closet, packing the few things he had in his possession, most of them recently purchased upon his return. He turned and even though he knew she'd be there he still couldn't help the twist in his chest at the sight of Bonnie looking at him with open curiosity. She was wearing a white lace trimmed dress with Miss Cuddles dangling from her left hand, the other on her hip.
"I'm packing." He said simply, not bothering to hide the fact that he was talking to a figment of his imagination anymore.
"Fun!" She smiled and this was what killed him even more, she was so pleasant to him when he imagined her now, so excited for him to be home, so happy all the damn time. It reminded him instantly that none of it was real and that the real Bonnie was probably somewhere, running terrified through an otherwise deserted alternate universe. "Where are we going?" Damon tutted and flicked the space near her nose as he stepped around her to reach for his leather jacket.
"We're not going anywhere," he said to her managing to sound playful for the first time in who knows how long, "Because you're not real and I have to keep my head above water if I want to get the real you back."
"Of course I'm real." Bonnie said with a bright smile, "Look." She stepped up to him and reached out a hand to touch his chest but he flashed a few feet away before she could hope to make contact.
There's nothing that I'd take back
But it's hard to say there's nothing I regret
"Don't." Damon warned and she giggled playfully, swinging her arms around a little as she peeked at what he'd packed.
"You look better with a little colour in your clothing." She commented offhandedly. He'd never get used to Judgy giving him a compliment, so he showed her as much.
"What do you care," Damon said, growing tired of the exchange, "You only have googly eyes for tweens."
"Like you're any different." Bonnie snapped and then stilled her motions, her mouth falling open and then she blushed profusely. "I didn't mean that." Damon shrugged.
"I'd prefer it if you did." He replied honestly. He zipped up his bag and then stood upright to take one last look at her – for now. "You know," he began shaking his head slowly as the sentence formed in his head, "I don't know why you did what you did. Why you saved me and not yourself." She spun around with a lopsided grin and skipped up to him and craned her neck and lifted her free hand to cup his cheek like she always did. And like always, he felt himself grow cold, ice spreading through his body from where she touched him.
"I saved you because you deserve to be saved." She replied, like it was the most obvious thing in the world and Damon's face stretched into an angry sneer.
"And you don't?" He snapped, pulling out of her hold, ignoring the hurt that flashed across her pretty face. The image of her standing before him flickered and before Damon could protest he was assaulted with a separate image of her writhing on the floor in a pool of her own blood, crying and screaming.
You bleed, we crawl
Like animals
But when it's over
I'm still awake
Damon grunted as he fell to the floor, his head reeling as he tried to find some semblance of composure.
A thousand silhouettes dancing on my chest
No matter where I sleep, you are haunting me
Cool, slender, child-like fingers lifted his face by his chin and his vision cleared and Bonnie's face came into focus.
"I only wanted you to have peace." She said softly, folding her legs underneath her as Damon sat up and narrowed his eyes at her.
"Well the Universe is set on proving that I can't find it until you do… so joke's on you." He bit out through clenched teeth. She sighed unhappily before looking over her shoulder. Her green eyes returned to his and she smiled softly.
"Don't drive her too crazy okay? She's hurting enough and she only wants to help, as for Enzo…You're on your own."
"On my own huh?" Damon echoed with a mirthless scoff.
"As alone as you're meant to be." She said and then disappeared from view as Caroline stepped around the corner, frowning when she saw him sitting on the floor staring at the one wall.
"Uh…Are you ready?" she asked, a little apprehensively. Damon's eyes snapped to hers and took a few moments to go into focus and she knew what that meant so she helped him to his feet and smiled.
"Where did Bonnie go? She was here like a second ago…" Damon said, his brain feeling suddenly muddled as he waved a hand in the general direction of where the witch had disappeared - why had she disappeared? Caroline froze for a second before her smile returned.
"Let's go get her, huh?" Caroline said after a few moments. What the hell had they gotten themselves into now?
"Yes," Damon replied tiredly, "Let's."
But I'm already there
I'm already there
Wherever there is you
I will be there too
I don't know what the hell I'm doing with this but I hope you guys like it.
Also, you may have noticed that Damon's only really himself when he's hallucinating Bonnie, when she's not right in front of him his head starts going all hazy and crazy…hmm. But in general his awareness comes and goes. But enough out of me.
Stay excellent.