I have to admit that this chapter and the next were a bit of a struggle, as I had something else in mind, and then it kinda wrote itself...
And then I divided it up into two chapters because it was HELLA long. I am proud of myself though, for updating in less than a week!
…..
Kit awoke to toddler giggles and Charlotte bouncing up and down happily on the bed, "Kitty, wake up! Wake up!"
He grumbled in response, pulling the blanket over his head, earning him more giggles from the almost three year old. She crawled underneath the blanket, squirming along against his side and tickling him.
He gave in to her toddler whims. There was no way he was falling back to sleep with her wriggling beside him, anyway. He had grown used to it when he lived in Devon; she had crawled into bed with him almost every morning, and he had missed it immensely when he first moved to the Institute.
He pulled her into his arms and tickled her tummy, and Charlotte erupted into a fit of laughter. "That's what you get!" he laughed, poking her in the side and burying her under a pile of blankets.
He pretended not to know where she disappeared to and when she tunneled herself out of the mountain of fabric, she responded with "peek-a-boo!"
"Oh! There you are!" he feigned surprise.
"Charlotte," came a stern motherly voice at his door. "Enough pestering Kit. Time for breakfast." Tessa stood just outside the doorframe, wavy brown hair pulled back into a clip at her neck. She wore a simple navy blue dress that accented her dark gray eyes nicely. There had been times when her eyes reminded him of Ty's; comforting in the way that a sharp blade sat comfortably in his hand. It was only now that he realized he had forgotten the exact way Ty's eyes shone like liquid silver under moonbeams. Lovely; and altogether different.
"Okay, momma." She ceased her toddler playfulness immediately, hopping off the bed and across the room to Tessa. She turned back to Kit before taking her mother's hand, "Kitty coming too?"
He smiled back at her tenderly, "I'll be down in a moment Char-Char."
"Yay!" she exclaimed happily. "Breakfast with Kitty!" She took off down the hall on her short little kid legs.
Tessa shook her head and looked up at him apologetically. "I'm sorry she woke you up."
"No worries. She's lucky she's cute."
Tessa chuckled, eyes lighting up. "You're really very good with her."
"Strange, since I didn't have any siblings. Or any social interaction, really, growing up." The thought left him feeling bitter about opportunities and experiences that he sorely lacked growing up with Johnny as his father. Not that it was all bad. At least he hadn't thought so at the time, until he came to live with the Blackthorns and then Jem and Tessa and realized that his childhood had been anything but normal. Or good.
"You have adjusted remarkably well considering," Tessa mused.
"Thanks," he replied sheepishly. For some reason, receiving compliments from Tessa made him uncomfortable and he never knew how to respond. Maybe it was because he never knew his mother and never had a mother figure in his life. Johnny was never one for unnecessary affection or positive reinforcement, either.
"Is everything alright, Christopher?" She moved forward into the room, seating herself on the bed next to him. He wasn't sure how she always knew when something was wrong, but it was uncanny and it did no good to deny it.
"Not really," he shrugged. "Dalton told me he was in love with me."
She was thoughtful for a short time. "You don't seem happy about that."
"No...I mean, I don't know. To be honest, I don't know what I want from the relationship yet. I've known him long enough, but it's still so new. And things with Ty are…complicated to say the least. And the murders…" he trailed off, unable to really put into words the mess of thoughts in his head. "It's all so confusing and my magic keeps flaring and I feel like I'm suffocating," he blurted.
It was probably the most honest he'd been about his feelings in the last week. Tessa had a way of bringing it out of him.
She put an arm around his shoulders, pulling him into her side. "I'm sorry, love. That must all be very frustrating. Can I give you my advice?"
He nodded, unable to help himself. He knew she would have dropped it if he told her to, but honestly, he'd take all the advice he could get these days. Tessa had more than enough experience with complicated feelings and death and Shadowhunter affairs. Sometimes he was even jealous of the way Tessa and Jem found their way back to each other; the intense love that carried them through the decades. He wanted a love like that.
"Focus on your priorities. And if you don't know what they are, focus on that. The rest will figure itself out." She paused, lost in her own thoughts. "It may not seem like everything is working out, and it may take time and patience…" she trailed off. "But if you focus your energy on what's important to you, everything else will fall into place."
What was important to him, though?
"How will I know?"
She placed a slender hand gently over his heart, "You'll feel it in here."
He closed his eyes for a moment, letting her words wash over him. "Thank you, Tessa," he breathed.
She stood and bent to drop a tender kiss to his forehead. "Come now, let's head down to breakfast. Jem, Charlotte and I are heading back to Devon after."
"Oh…" Kit said sadly. He'd been so busy dealing with everything else that he hadn't actually spent much quality time with any of them. "When will you visit next?"
"I'm not sure. With Charlotte's birthday at the end of the month, I don't think I'll be able to return. I do hope you'll be able to come home for it? It would mean a lot to us."
He smiled as they walked down the hall, "I wouldn't miss it."
"You can bring the others with if you'd like. They are always welcome."
He nodded assent as they entered the kitchen.
Charlotte beamed up at him from the floor, "Kitty! Look, it's a big kitty." She pointed enthusiastically in the direction of Ty's pet, lazily sprawled out next to her on the tiles.
Kit's eyes widened in horror, and then he saw the corner of Ty's mouth curve upward in a small smile, amused by the spectacle. "Be careful, Char-Char."
"I wouldn't let Shadow near her if she were in any danger," Ty said matter-of-factly from his seat at the counter, not meeting Kit's eyes.
Kit supposed he was right, and allowed himself to relax just a little. A pang coursed through him as he took a moment to gaze at Ty. His hair was disheveled, eyes dark with lack of sleep. It struck him suddenly that Ty looked unwell. But he remained silent, not daring to ask if he was alright.
Not after last night.
Sherlock learned to do things without Watson.
Ty's words had kept him up most of the night. When he retreated into his room, he sank to the floor against his door and gave in to the tears that demanded release. Shame, anger, and despair all took turns raging like a hurricane in his mind, convincing him that he didn't deserve to be happy. It was a small miracle that he got any sleep at all.
Tessa's words rang through him in response. You'll feel it in here, she had said about what was important to him. The pain in his chest as he looked at Ty told him he knew, without a doubt, exactly what was important.
Tiberius Blackthorn, you'll be the end of me.
He sighed, and risked taking a seat next to Ty at the counter. Ty didn't so much as look up, just continued to munch on his bowl of...chips?
Kit gaped. "What kind of breakfast is that?"
Ty's eyes shifted to Kit's for a fraction of a second before returning to his bowl and the newspaper in front of him. "No one here makes pancakes like Jules does...so I'm eating chips."
Kit had actually prided himself in learning how to make said pancakes. He had asked for Julian's recipe during one of their correspondences over the years, simply because he had missed them, and he had wanted to learn how to cook.
"That's it. I'm making pancakes today," he proclaimed. "Chips are not breakfast food."
He swiped the bowl away from Ty in a swift motion and stalked to the fridge, ignoring his objections. He pulled out eggs, milk and the dry ingredients and set himself to mixing the batter.
At some point, the kitchen filled up with the rest of the institute inhabitants. Charlotte was still playing contentedly with her new feline friend, and Kit observed with an unexpected burst of fondness that Ty had joined her on the floor, showing the toddler how to be gentle, and entertaining her with one of the pipe cleaners the lynx appeared to enjoy batting around with her paw.
He glanced expectantly at Jem and Tessa, and found they were entirely nonchalant about their toddler playing a wild animal. For the first time, Kit wasn't completely terrified of the enormous cat, and smiled, just a little, at the scene before him.
Dalton came up behind him, wrapping his arms around Kit's waist and nuzzling into his neck. "Those look and smell phenomenal," he purred. There was a part of Kit that wanted to shake Dalton off; it was too much physical affection in front of so many people. But after his declaration the night before, and his request that Kit try to give their relationship a real chance, he let himself relax into the touch for a long moment, and found he felt better for it.
"Go sit," Kit urged. "They'll be ready soon." He gave Dalton a swift peck on the cheek and returned to the griddle, flipping the last of the pancakes expertly. He caught sight of Ty watching the exchange and felt an embarrassed blush creep into his cheeks.
Why was he embarrassed? It wasn't as if Ty had never seen two people share an intimate moment before. Kit found himself wondering if Ty had ever been intimate with anyone while at the Scholomance, or if he currently had a significant other. For some reason, the thought bothered him. Which was stupid, because he was with Dalton, and Ty had made his feelings about Kit abundantly clear, over and over again.
He set the heaping plate of pancakes in the center of the island, everyone digging in ravenously. He watched as Ty dumped far more syrup on the cakes than was humanly necessary, relieved to see him eating. He realized that he hadn't actually seen Ty eat much of anything since he arrived.
Kit hadn't touched his own yet, waiting for everyone else and pleased that everyone was eating together. He realized the institute suddenly felt more like a home than it ever had.
Ty looked up at him from across the counter, gray eyes meeting blue for only a moment, before he smiled a small, yet genuine smile. "These are good, Kit."
Satisfied, Kit finally dug into his own breakfast, devouring the pancakes happily.
…
"Can we get matching shirts that say 'parabatai for life' and wear them for the ceremony?" Thais asked, looking up from her book. She lay sprawled out on her stomach on Dru's bed, feet kicked up behind her. She was supposed to be memorizing the parabatai vows; instead, she had found some romance novel tucked away on one of the shelves in the library.
Dru chuckled, "I don't think the Silent Brothers or the Council would be too happy about that." Dru had actually memorized the vows a long time ago, having watched Emma and Julian prepare and take part in their own ceremony. She always knew she wanted a parabatai and it was finally becoming a reality.
Thais groaned, flipping her book shut for emphasis. "That's the point, though."
"It would be pretty epic," Dru agreed. "But no. We can get them and wear them for the celebration after, though."
"Deal," Thais smiled happily. "Is your family coming?"
"I would imagine so, unless something else comes up. What about your mom?"
"Nao sei, mother has been crazy busy lately." She didn't elaborate. Dru had picked up on many of Thais' Portuguese phrases over the years, and also knew when not to press her further. Now seemed to be one of those times.
"Where do you want your parabatai rune?" Dru asked curiously after a few moments of silence.
"Right here." Thais sat upright and placed her hand on her chest, opposite the spot over her heart. "Near my heart."
Dru's heart swelled with adoration for her best friend. "Mine, too," she said.
A knock at her door grabbed her attention and she turned to find Kit leaning against the frame, golden curls lit by a ray of late afternoon sun shining through her window. She recalled a time while she was at the academy when she had a crush on him. It didn't last long, once she realized he was very much more into boys than girls. That's when she decided to introduce him to Dalton.
She wondered how things between them were going since Ty's arrival. There had been a tension between them that hadn't been there previously. But it didn't even come close to the tension between Kit and Ty whenever they were in a room together. Not for the first time, she wished she could do something to help, but Kit was right; it was something they needed to sort through on their own.
"What's up?" Dru asked.
"I'm sending you and Thais out on first patrol tonight. I know there aren't many of us here but we need to get into a better patrolling routine. I'll be making up a rotation schedule in the next few days."
"Look at you, taking charge and shit. I like it," Dru responded proudly.
"What's not to like?"
"Hmmmm. I can think of a few things," she joked and Thais chuckled next to her. She had returned to reading her steamy romance novel.
"Doubtful. I'm amazing."
"For one, you're not straight. Not that there's a problem with that, but it's kind of a bummer for the ladies," Thais volunteered. "I'd be all over you if you were into girls."
Dru shot her a withering look.
"What? I'm just keeping it real here."
Kit laughed regardless, eyes lighting up merrily. "Sorry, I didn't choose my biological preferences. Besides, aren't you and Jaime a thing now?"
Thais huffed, "Jaime is Jaime. We danced and we flirt. But he has no clue what he wants."
"Ain't that the truth," Kit agreed. "I'll be sure to kick his ass for you. He can always use a good ass-whooping."
Dru and Thais burst into giggles, but it was Dru who spoke. "Are you sure about that? You got your ass handed to you last time you and Jaime fought."
"That wasn't my fault. He didn't fight fair."
Dru rolled her eyes, "Whatever you say, Herondale."
Kit turned to leave and Dru hopped off the bed, following him out into the hall. "Kit, wait up." He paused, letting her catch up. "You never told me how the mission with Ty and Dalton went."
He groaned in response.
"That good, huh?"
"Yeah it was fucking fantastic. Like being chased by a duck or having my limbs torn off by mantid demons." He sighed in exasperation. "I don't know what the hell I'm doing with my life."
"Failing, apparently?"
"Very helpful, Dru. Thanks."
"Maybe you need to figure out what it is you actually want? You've been thrown into this position as head of the institute, all while trying to maintain a relationship with Dalton, deal with your fallout with Ty, figure out these gruesome murders, and Angel knows whatever else you've chosen not to tell me. Maybe you need to take a step back. Or, you know, quit being a stubborn jackass and actually talk about it with someone before you self-implode."
Dru hadn't actually meant to go off on him like that, but she was getting sick and tired of watching him self-destruct and avoid dealing with his feelings.
"It's time you quit shutting everyone else out and start trusting that no one here is going to abandon you if you are honest with them."
She knew she hit the nail on the head about his fear of abandonment by the way he seemed to crumple in on himself.
"There are things in my life that I'm ashamed of," he muttered, almost to himself.
"Big deal. We all have shit to deal with. We're Shadowhunters. It might as well be part of the job description."
Kit grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her abruptly into an empty room, shutting the door behind them with a solid click. "Is it part of the job description to tell your best friend you love them and then run away to another country because they said nothing in response? What about being the lost descendant of the first heir, meaning you suddenly also have a claim to the seelie and unseelie courts of faerie, but no one can know that otherwise you might as well wear a giant bullseye on your back?" He paused, breathing heavily. "How's that for honesty?"
Well, shit.
Just like that, everything made ten million times more sense. Kit leaving so suddenly, his anger at Ty, the avoidance and secrecy.
She wasn't sure which of his two confessions was more shocking; Kit having been in love with her brother or being a lost prince of faerie. She should have been more surprised by the faerie revelation, but she couldn't believe she hadn't noticed the way Kit felt about Ty. It seemed glaringly obvious in hindsight.
She knew she stood there gaping at him for longer than necessary before she finally found her voice again. "Ho-ly shit. That's a lot to take in."
"Ya think?" Kit sank to the floor, and Dru followed suit, sitting cross-legged in front of him.
"Tell me everything."
He did.
Dru listened avidly as he recounted everything about that night at Lake Lyn, including telling Ty he wished they'd never met. She wanted to throttle both of them for being dense idiots; Kit for saying things he didn't mean and Ty for ignoring Kit's feelings in the first place.
She couldn't help but gasp when he described his faerie magic and how he'd made the Riders of Mannan disappear at the Imperishable Fields. How his magic flared with intense emotions—that Ty's arrival had sent him into a spiral of chaos and uncertainty. That he didn't know if he could return the feelings Dalton had for him, but that he didn't want to throw in the towel and give up, either. But most importantly, that he didn't want to disappoint Jem and Tessa, who had wormed their way into his heart, becoming the family he wished he'd always had.
He even told her about the mysterious amulet and what the ring they found at the safe deposit facility was capable of.
She had reached for his hand at some point, squeezing tightly to let him know that she wasn't going anywhere. She had never seen him cry—not after his father died, or even after Livvy died. But he cried freely when it came to Ty and his fears of abandonment and rejection.
It damn near broke her heart.
Two hours had gone by in the time it took to explain everything. They had sat in silence for the last ten minutes or so, as Dru processed it all.
"What are you going to do?" she asked quietly.
He huffed, "About which part?"
"All of it?" she shrugged, an inflection in her voice at the end.
"I have no idea."
...
Kit skipped dinner in favor of running errands by himself while Dru and Thais were out on patrol. He was emotionally exhausted and entirely unable to deal with social interactions. He couldn't deny though, that finally being able to tell someone everything was liberating. Part of him wished he had done it sooner, yet it took a good ass chewing from Dru for him to finally drop his guard for a moment—or two hours.
Now he was driving back from Oxford Street, music blasting and feeling lighter than he had in a while. Not that he had any less problems than he began with; his head just felt clearer.
He pulled up to the institute and lugged the boxes he'd picked up through the front door, depositing them in the entryway.
"Kit?" It was Dalton, just coming out of the kitchen with a bowl of cereal in his hand. He was dressed in his patrolling gear. "Where have you been?"
"I needed to go get these," he gestured to the boxes.
Dalton squinted. "A laptop...and a printer?"
"I told you it was on my list of things to get for the Institute."
"Right." Dalton spooned some cereal into his mouth, coming up next to Kit.
Kit smiled in amusement. "You have milk running down your chin." He reached out and gently wiped the liquid away with his thumb, bringing it to his lips and licking it off slowly.
Dalton's hazel eyes darkened with longing. "Don't be a tease," he breathed.
"I would never," he winked, returning to the boxes on the floor. "How good are you with technology?"
Dalton barked a laugh, "I think what you mean to ask is, how bad am I?"
"Point taken. Have you seen Ty?"
Kit noticed the way Dalton's expression changed for only a moment to one of—annoyance? But it was gone before he had a chance to confirm it. "I think I saw him in the library earlier."
"Everything alright?" Kit dared to ask.
"Yeah, everything's fine," he said. "Actually, no. About last night…"
Kit's mind jumped to the worst conclusion, that maybe Dalton hadn't meant what he said. That maybe he didn't want to try to make their relationship work, after all. For all his confusion about his own feelings, he wasn't sure he could handle Dalton's rejection at the moment.
"I'm sorry," Dalton said softly, and Kit prepared himself for the letdown. "I shouldn't have pushed you so hard. About your past."
Kit stared, processing Dalton's apology. "Jesus, Dalton. That's not what I thought you were going to say."
"What did you think I was going to say?"
"Nothing, never mind. You have nothing to apologize for."
"I do though. I don't want you to feel pressured or rushed. I'm not going anywhere, as long as you want me."
Kit exhaled sharply, "You are too good to me. I don't deserve it."
Dalton set down his bowl on the sideboard, and returned to cup Kit's face in his hands. "You deserve everything."
Kit wrapped his arms around Dalton's waist and leaned into him, wondering why it was so easy to make himself believe he didn't deserve to be happy.
"Get a room already," a voice called from the stairs. It was Jaime. "Are you ready to head out on patrol?" Kit had almost forgotten that he had paired Dalton and Jaime together for the late night patrol.
Dalton pulled away with a quick kiss to Kit's brow. "I'm ready whenever."
Kit reluctantly released him, "Be careful?"
He nodded and headed out into the night with Jaime. Kit grabbed his packages again and made his way to the library, setting out to locate Ty.
He found him in the back corner. He'd expected him to be reviewing cases, but instead he found him with his headphones on and a sketch pad open on his lap. In front of him, on the table, perched a large and colorful moth in a domed container.
Kit approached slowly, coming around the front of the table so as not to startle Ty. The moth fluttered nervously in the container, reminding Kit of the way Ty's hands fluttered when he was anxious.
Ty looked up and tugged his headphones down around his neck. Kit could hear a faint melody playing from the muffs. "What are you listening to?"
Ty set the sketchpad on the table, and Kit saw just how beautifully done the drawing was. Ty's attention to detail drew him in and he found himself staring at the piece of paper. At the delicate shading and distinct lines.
"That's amazing, Ty," he said, not giving him a chance to tell him what he was listening to.
"It's an elephant hawk moth. I found it when I was up on the roof earlier. It's a native species, so I wanted to study it." He paused, watching the moth flit around the domed lid. "I don't think you'd know my music," he added.
"I've lived with Jem and Tessa for almost three years, try me."
Ty hesitated, but removed the jack from his phone, allowing the music to play through the speakers. "I prefer classical; it's not as distracting as some other music. This one is Reverie by Claude Debussy. I find it calming and peaceful. Makes me feel like my mind isn't so cluttered…" he trailed off, eyes shifting back and forth, unable to settle on anything. "Never mind."
"It's nice. I can see why you like it."
Ty returned the cord to his phone, silencing the soothing piano. "Is there something you need?"
Kit's chest tightened at the tone, reminding him that a few compliments weren't going to make up for the rift between them. "Yes, actually. I have a project for you; a problem to solve, if you will."
He found a great deal of satisfaction in the way Ty's eyes lit up at the offer. "What is it?"
"You were always good with computers."
"Was that supposed to be a question?"
"Come with me," he had left the boxes by the door into the library.
"Give me a moment." He closed his sketchpad and lifted the container off the table gently. He moved to the closest window and pushed it open, just far enough to release the moth back out into the night. "Ready."
Ty followed Kit back through the shelves, listening as he explained his conundrum.
"So I bought everything we need, but there aren't many outlets in this giant place...and in order for all of this to work, we also need to figure out internet."
"That's easy. We all have smartphones. We can use them as hotspots when we need to use the laptop."
Right, why hadn't he thought of that?
"There are outlets in the kitchen, right?"
"Yes, but we're not putting a computer and a printer in there."
"I know that. Do we have extension cords? The long utility ones?"
"I'll look. Do you want to come with?"
Ty shook his head, and Kit was bummed in spite of himself. He made his way to the basement and began digging through the storage room until he found what he was looking for. He grabbed two of the long cords, just in case, and returned to the library where Ty was just finishing unpacking the boxes.
Ty took the cords from him, left the room and returned minutes later with one end. "This will work."
Kit observed with interest as Ty set to work setting up the laptop and the printer, installing various programs. At one point, Dru and Thais returned from their patrol with nothing to report, and headed up to bed, but not before Dru gave Kit an approving look.
Kit was content to sit in silence as Ty worked. It gave him a chance to observe Ty unabashedly; the focus with which he worked, the way his slender fingers moved over the keyboard. How his inky black hair fell into his face and he fought the urge to reach out and touch it—to push it out of his eyes the way Ty had done with Kit curls once upon a time.
He shook his head. Those were dangerous thoughts to entertain. For so many reasons.
Ty glanced over at him, catching his gaze for a moment. Kit was the one to look away first, embarrassed at having been caught staring at him.
"Why are you here?" he asked, going back to installing GPS tracking software.
Kit thought about making up some sort of excuse, but ended up opting for the truth. "I like watching you work."
"I meant, why aren't you angry with me?" he paused. "You should be, for what I said last night."
Sherlock learned to do things without Watson.
It had damn near ruined him to hear Ty say those words. But it hadn't occurred to him to be angry.
"Because you were right," he admitted. "I shouldn't presume to know what you need anymore. I gave up the right to know you when I left." He felt the familiar burning sensation of tears in the back of his throat. He cleared it, trying to remain composed. "It turns out you didn't need me, after all." It was meant to be a compliment; Ty had clearly done well for himself at the Scholomance.
Ty didn't respond for a very long time, so long that Kit was certain he wasn't going to at all. He stayed where he was, watching Ty continue his work. When his hands weren't busy with the keyboard, Kit noticed with a pang that they were trembling. He wanted to reach out to him, to still the flutter. But he could never do that.
Kit looked down at his own hands resting limply in his lap, feeling lost and miserable.
Ty's voice, deep and clear, broke through his tortured thoughts. "I did, though." Was it Kit's imagination, or did Ty's voice break at the end. "I needed you, Kit. And you left me." Ty turned his face away, but not before Kit saw a tear glide down his cheek. He thought he felt his own heart shattering beneath the weight of a million regrets.
"I don't—But you...you got Livvy back. That's all you needed."
Ty squeezed his eyes shut tightly, an action that contorted his expression into something like a grimace. "In case you didn't notice, the ritual didn't exactly go as planned. I didn't get her back. Not really. And then you left me to deal with it alone." The tears were gone and the clarity had returned to his voice. "You didn't even say goodbye. And for some reason, you refuse to explain it to me!"
Ty rarely raised his voice, likely because he hated it when other people raised their voices around him.
Kit inhaled sharply, preparing himself for what he was about to say. "Because you said there was nothing if Livvy wasn't there! But I was there, Ty, and it wasn't enough for you."
"What? That's not—"
The confusion on Ty's face dislodged something inside Kit.
Ty took a deep breath. "I don't know how to explain," he said frustratedly.
"You don't have to. I get it." Kit rose to his feet, already out of the library before he heard Ty calling after him. He ignored it, refusing to give in to the urge to run back to the one person who kept finding a way under his skin, destroying him bit by bit.
…..
Ty should have gone after him, but instead he'd remained rooted to the spot, unable to make his feet move beneath him. By the time he got his feet to cooperate with his brain, Kit was gone, and Ty was standing in the entryway staring out into the night through the massive front door that Kit hadn't bothered to shut behind him.
He closed it with a thud and strode back to the library, plopping down on the floor and attempting to focus on the computer again.
It didn't take long before he gave up. He couldn't focus on anything but the anger and regret residing between he and Kit, like a concrete wall that refused to crumble.
I was there, and it wasn't enough for you.
He had never wished he could go back in time more than he did at that moment. The idea that Kit thought he meant nothing to Ty—it was preposterous. And yet…Livvy always used to remind him that people didn't always know what he was thinking or how he felt because he didn't show it.
He thought it was obvious that Kit was important to him then—that he had needed Kit.
But had it been obvious?
Ty realized with a pang that he had never once stopped to consider what Kit had needed. And in doing so, he had very effectively made Kit feel the one thing that Ty was trying to avoid.
Loneliness.
For nearly three years, Ty hadn't understood, and had allowed himself to place the blame on Kit for not being honest with him. For leaving without a word. It was much easier to place the blame elsewhere instead of considering the alternative.
An alternative that he finally came to terms with, now that it was quite possibly too late.
It was his own fault.
…...
You boys had ONE job. Geez.