A/N: So... turns out i had this chapter already written ages ago, and just never posted. I think i was trying to finish the next chapter first before i posted it but well... that didn't happen and then i forgot to post this. Oof..

The next chapter was half-written but idk if/when i'll finish it. Figured i'd at least post this though, haha.

(U can thank the people who continue to comment on old fics for this update haha. It made me check out my gdocs for this again lol)

Steven fell out with a thud, and Pearl's heart was in her mouth, tears springing in her eyes as she realized what it meant, as he finally spoke the words she'd been waiting to hear.

I've wanted to tell you for so long…

The words come out unbidden, a rush of pure relief at the thought that the secret she'd been forced to hold for thousands of years, was finally out. Gems did not need to hold their breath, did not need to breathe at all, but Pearl exhaled anyway, briefly feeling so free, without the burden of it all, that she nearly smiled.

But then, Steven's expression was strained, looking shell-shocked and exhausted far beyond his years. Her heart gave a sad tremble at the sight, and for a moment, she regretted doing this to him—wished she could have spared him this pain, even at the cost of her own.

There was little time for regrets, however, and no going back, especially not when the first words to fall out of his mouth were, "Mom was Pink Diamond."

Though the words were spoken barely above a whisper, they ring loudly in the sudden silence. Pearl was abruptly aware of the other Crystal Gems, who were now openly staring in shock at the sudden announcement.

"WHAAT?!" Amethyst's reaction was nearly comical, her eyes widening and her jaw dropping exaggeratedly to complete the absurd tableau. But there was little comical about the situation, not when Garnet was trembling, gritting her teeth furiously as her hands curled into fists.

Pearl flinched away, and looked down quickly when the other gem's gaze came in her direction, unable to take it. Any relief was now firmly replaced by nervous, shaky fear. All her previous doubts coming back in a rush.

"Explain," the words were delivered through clenched teeth, Garnet clearly trying to hold herself together as best as she could, while trying to get more information. Confirmation. She wasn't going to break down, yet. Not until she had all the facts.

Pearl wondered if she should speak up now, if she could . Was she still bound, when the information was already out? Could she elaborate, explain, or would she be once against forced to keep her mouth shut, hands flying up instinctively despite all her best efforts to stop it.

In the end, she didn't have to try. Steven slowly stood up, glancing once in her direction, eyes looking wide and sympathetic, before clouding over as he explained everything that had transpired, everything he'd seen in that fateful memory of that terrible day.

Pearl closed her eyes, unable to face Garnet and Amethyst, while Steven explained her part in all the events. As he spoke, she could not help but recall it as well. Even though she'd pressed the memory down, far as it could go, it came up now, as easily as if it had happened yesterday, and not thousands of years ago.

-o-

She could see it all with crystal clarity, the two of them in the pink-tinted privacy of the palanquin, the sounds of Pink Diamond's entourage of gems distant and far away. Even so, they'd whispered anyway out of instinct. Pink-Rose-spoke of her plan in intense, all too giddy tones, while she'd been a ball of worry and nervous energy, seeing only all the many ways it could all go wrong.

Inevitably, as it always happened, Pearl relented, not out of compelled instinct to her diamond, but because it was Pink, it was Rose, who had asked of it.

So, she had watched, as her Diamond created fake shards of herself, with such accuracy even she had flinched at the sight, and she'd accepted the flower she'd offered along with it, a reminder of what it was all for, the freedom that they would gain through their lie. She'd stood, unmoving, when Pink Diamond gave her final order, one that would come to haunt Pearl almost more than any other move in the whole terrible sequence of events that played out that day.

(Sometimes, in the long years after, but especially in the time when she'd gone and the order had stopped her more than ever, she wondered if Rose would have relented, if she would have undone it, if Pearl had asked it. But she never had, and they'd both buried that day so deep inside them, even Pearl had nearly forgotten until Steven had unearthed it all back out again-)

The moment that had struck her most, was the instant she'd shoved a giant sword straight through her Diamond's physical form. Even though it was what had been asked of her, even though she knew it was little more than playacting, an instinctive part of Pearl protested painfully at the act of hurting her Diamond. More than her programming, she ached at hurting someone she loved.

(Even then, maybe, especially then, Pearl had been utterly smitten , wrapped up in her web with no escape. She'd been entranced and enthralled, and the freedom that was promised would not have compelled her half has much if it had not come with the promise of her as well-)

The shards had fallen to the ground, in little broken pink pieces. In the chaos that occured next, Pearl had run away, still desperately holding the form of the rebel leader Rose Quartz, while cradling the real thing protectively in one hand. With the other hand, holding Rose's sword high and clear, she fought off the few Homeworld gems who had managed to shake off their shock fast enough to attack. Soon, she'd managed to get away, to safety, where shifted back to her true form, and waited, anxious and trembling, for Pink Diamond to reform into Rose forever.

-o-

After, Rose and her renegade Pearl returned triumphant to the rebel base of the Crystal Gems, loud cheers and celebration following them both. Finally, it was over. Earth was free, and so were all the Crystal Gems on it.

In that one golden moment, where it seemed like everything would work out after all, where they tasted their freedom so sweetly, laughing and dancing with their friends all through the night, Pearl had thought, it was worth it, that the crazy, dangerous plan, was right, after all.

-o-

Then, the Diamonds attacked, in a blinding light that ruined everything and everyone around them. All of their friends, gone in an instant.

Then, Pearl had dropped to her knees, awash in grief and despair and regret, and the thought that it wasn't worth it after all, and it had all been a terrible, unforgivable mistake.

(She would think, I should have said no. But really, when had Pearl ever been able to stop Rose-Pink, whatever her name was? Even if she'd said no, even if she hadn't helped, the truth was… Rose always did what she wanted -)

-o-

When Pearl finally opened her eyes, it was to the sound of angry screaming, it was just in time to see Garnet literally fall apart, Ruby and Sapphire, both looking equally enraged, equally betrayed . At Rose, at Pearl, possibly the whole world, it seemed, and Pearl didn't blame them.

What had they all been fighting for?

She could just imagine the thoughts that must be in their minds, and she wished she could do something , but when two of her oldest friends whirled around at her direction, Pearl could only wring her hands uselessly, the same words falling pitifully from her mouth, "I wanted to tell you."

But I couldn't, went unsaid. Steven hadn't spared the details about that in his retelling. He was looking at her now, concern obvious even through his weariness.

Neither Ruby nor Sapphire seemed to hear her, both too busy wrapping their minds around the revelation, too busy ranting to each other. They always did have eyes only for each other , Pearl thought, though that wasn't quite true. But it wasn't exactly false, either, because Ruby and Sapphire were the "perfect" fusion, for a reason.

They weren't very perfect right now, though, and her heart felt even heavier at that thought, knowing she was the cause.

She lied to us!

Sapphire's voice was barely controlled fury, rare emotion coming out from every pore of the normally calm gem. It was so uncharacteristic that everyone else could only stop and stare at her.

And then, even more uncharacteristically, she was running away, dashing towards the warp pad and vanishing in a flash of bright light, completely ignoring Ruby's calls for her to wait. In the deafening silence that followed, the gem fell to her knees, looking disbelievingly at the place where her usual other half had disappeared.

Steven started to move towards her, but before he could get close, Ruby stood up to, familiar fire in her eyes again. Before anyone could stop her, she ran to the warp pad as well, screaming out as he disappeared in another burst of light, "I'm going to find her! "

"Wait, Ruby -" Steven called out, too late. The hand that had been poised to reach out fell uselessly back to his side, and he growled in frustration. Glancing desperately between the warp pad and the remaining gems in the house, he looked so unsure what to do.

Pearl wished she could help him, the instinctive urge rising up before deflating uselessly. What could she do? She'd gone through with the plan to tell the truth, but she's hardly fashioned one for handling what to do after.

"I'm sorry, Steven." It was all she could do, all she could say.

"It's not your fault, Pearl," he replied, with a tired sigh, giving one more glance towards the warp pad, before he walked back towards the two gems who were left behind.

"Yeah, it was Rose's fault," Amethyst immediately chimed in, before scrunching her face. "Or, Pink Diamond, I guess. Man, that's confusing! How did you do it?"

Pearl shook her head immediately, "It wasn't-Rose is-oh, this is so hard!" She started and stopped a few times, before heaving in frustration. Wasn't it supposed to be easier now? She could tell, that while the instinctive pull on her hands started if she even thought of saying the exact words, it was possible now, to speak about the events surrounding it, at least. Using implications and subtle allusions, the kind of courtspeak that she'd once been surrounded with, as a member of Pink Diamond's court.

Even so, millenia of instinct was hard to erase, and even though she could speak about it, she still had no idea where to begin. Shaking her head again, she could only say, "She was Rose, after that. Always. Maybe it wasn't the way everyone thought, but Pink Diamond was shattered on that day."

And I was the one who did it, Pearl thought grimly.