Chapter 4 Forgotten Memories
Chapter 4
Hush, Love
I see a light in the sky
Oh, it's almost blinding me
I can't believe
I've been touched by an angel with love
"Who am I?" the question that makes Touya stilled to where he was.
"Hmmm. I think that's the problem we have to look upon." the doctor said. "We will have you to undergo a scan. To make sure that the blood clot that we had seen before had dissolved. If not, it may be the cause of your memory loss otherwise your experiencing post - traumatic syndrome. Is there anything else that you need to ask?
"Well that's all I want to ask and you know the questions that underlies to that question. Can someone tell me anything about myself?" Kaho looks at the doctor expectantly.
"Your friend here might be able to help you with that." he looks at Touya. "So I shall leave you two alone and take your rest. I'll make the necessary request for your scan. See you later.
And with that the doctor leaves the room with the nurse.
She turns her gaze to the man beside her.
"So you're Touya?" she asks.
"Yes that would be me. It's a relief to have you back." Touya said meeting her gaze. Kaho can see the dark circles on his eyes because of the lack of sleep. She can sense that he was really relieved that she awakens. Kaho manage to give him a small smile.
"How do you know me?" she asks.
Touya doesn't know how he should answer that. He doesn't know where to begin. But he knows very well that he has to answer.
Kaho notice this, but she waits until he collect his thoughts.
"We met in high school and became friends since then." he replied.
That's the best answer he could give. He thought that it would be better if he doesn't elaborate much to avoid confusion on her part and to avoid so many questions on his part. Concise answers will be the best thing he can do.
"Oh." she said. "So where do I live then? Where are my parents?"
"Well as of now you're staying at the Tsukimine Shrine with your parents."
"What do you mean 'as of now'?"
"Actually you just came back from New York. You've been there for about three years and you came back here because your mother told you so." he explained.
"What am I doing in New York? Do I work there or something? Kaho inquired.
"Yes you're working there. You just told me that when we last met. "
"When would that be?"
"Five days ago."
"Oh, I see." she said deep in thought. "So if I'm working in New York it means that my stay here is just for a vacation." she said more to herself. "When do my parents going to visit me here?"
"They were here every day but I insist to be here instead of them. I don't want them to get sick by staying long in a hospital. They've been too worried about you and if they get sick it will be much more trouble. They'll be here later." he said. "Oh." he exclaimed. "I haven't called them yet. I haven't told them that you're awake." he stands up and hurried to the door.
Kaho only stares at the retreating form. She shook her head and heaves a sigh.'Funny man, Funny man.'she thought.
After a few seconds the door flew open again. Touya enters hurrying to go to her side, panting.
"I'm... Sorry..." he said between pants. "I'm being stupid leaving that way."
Kaho just looks at him uncomprehending.
"Well what I want to tell you is that while I'm calling your parents, you shall take a rest." Touya said while assisting Kaho to lie properly on the bed.
"Okay." she utter silently. "And thank you."
When Kaho was comfortably lying on the bed Touya pulls the blanket up to her shoulders.
"You're welcome." he said and gave Kaho a kiss on her forehead. "See you later." he murmurs and with that he silently leaves the room.
Kaho closes her eyes with a smile on her lips and fall asleep.
Touya goes to a phone booth and dials the shrines number. Kaho's mother answered the phone. He told her the news that Kaho had finally awaken. Kauri sounds to be delighted. He also told her that Kaho can't remember anything and anyone. When he told her that she seems not to mind at all and told him that the most important is that Kaho is awake. Before their conversation ends she told him that they will arrive later.
After the phone call he returned to Kaho's hospital room.
When he entered on the room Kaho was fast asleep. She looks much more okay now. The color of her skin is slowly returning to normal. Now, that the only medical equipment on her was the Intravenous fluid. Though, she's still covered with bandages.
Touya sat down on the chair he vacated earlier. Since Kaho is sleeping he decided to take a nap. He carefully propped his head on the side of the bed. He doesn't want to wake Kaho by his movements. When he is comfortable enough with his position he closes his eyes to take his nap.
After three days the doctor released Kaho from the hospital. The Doctor advices Kaho's parents to make sure that she takes enough rest. The result of her scan reveals that the clot that had been seen earlier had dissolve during the medication treatment when she's still in coma. The only possible reason that the Doctor can tell them about Kaho's amnesia is the head trauma Kaho received on the accident. The Doctor explained that most patients' that suffered from this same reason regains their memory after a week or a month. In Kaho's case the Doctor said that she might have whiplashes of the events that had happened to her past and eventually regains all of it. He also said that it might take some time to recover all her memories. Aside from Kaho's memory problem the Doctor hadn't seen anything else that is wrong with Kaho. Her bruises are almost healed and that Kaho was very lucky that her it won't even leave a scar. After the Doctor's elaboration of Kaho's condition he told them if there is any medical problem that occurs they shouldn't hesitate to come back to hospital.
Kauri was thankful that her daughter had survived the accident. When she and her husband Hotaro received the call from Touya they were overjoyed. Finally Kaho had waked up. The memories she had loss may be regain at the right time.
Kauri was glad that they are able to have Kaho again. The moment they entered her hospital room she was sleeping. Touya was at her side also sleeping. They really look good together even though Kaho still had the bandages almost all over her and Touya looked ragged apperance. She doesn't know why they broke up before but she hope that second chance is possible for the two.
When Kaho woke up and see them she asked who they were. Touya told Kaho that we were her parents and excuse himself so that we can talk to Kaho privately. 'What a sweet man.'
When Touya leaves Kaho asked them so many questions that we willingly answered to help her gain some of her memory. After thinking over of their answers Kaho said that her headaches. She asked her husband to call the Doctor.
When the Doctor checked on Kaho he said that too much thinking was the cause of her headache. He advices Kaho not to force heself to remember everything at once. He gave Kaho a pain reliever for her headache to be taken after she ate her soup. The Doctor told them that Kaho can eat anything later after she had been rested before departing.
After that episode Kauri told her daughter not to think of anything until she recovers. They often told her that her memories will return at the right time.
Touya visits her daughter during her confinement and Kaho seemed happy just talking to him. The happiness that she never seen from her after three years ago.
Kauri is leisurely walking around the shrine when she spotted Kaho sweeping, with Touya hanging around. They were talking while doing the chore and they seemed to be enjoying. And she's happy that her daughter can smile and laugh again.
"The accident really did well to her. And losing her memories doesn't seem so bad at all."Kauri thought.How I wish she wouldn't remember the pain of her past and she would just continue living in a new days of her life.
Her daughter's former students including Touya's younger sister Sakura visits her, as well as Eriol and Tomoyo. Apparently Eriol and Tomoyo didn't go back to England as planned when they heard of Kaho's accident. They were all shocked to Kaho's reaction when they came at the hospital. Since Kaho had amnesia, she didn't recognize them. Eriol and Tomoyo then, don't know how to approach her daughter and told her that they were sorry to what happened and they are to be blamed. Eriol and Tomoyo go back to England after they visited Kaho at the Hospital.
I am angry with them because I knew that they are the reason why Kaho loss herself. Why Kaho became a loner and depressed. I knew well how Eriol dumped her poor daughter for Tomoyo three years ago. I know that they are the reason why Kaho never returned here for three long years to move on. And she also thought that they might be the reason of this accident. Maybe her daughter is still carrying the burden of her past. But she can't hate Eriol and Tomoyo. They were just in love. And maybe her Kaho deserves someone else. I can't totally blame them, because I know that I have a part with this. If I didn't ask her to go home, she won't see how happy Eriol and Tomoyo were. She won't remember the pain she felt before because of them. I know well how she doesn't want to hear any news about them when she's in England. But I resist that she should come home because I really missed her. I was the one to blame. But it already happened, I can't bring back time. At least she's happy now.
She wiped the tears that fall from her face and smile as she looked at her daughter who was laughing at something that Touya had said.
Kaho can't explain why she felt comfortable when Touya is around. She still doesn't remember everything about her past. Sometimes she recognized some familiar things around her. She's wondering how close she was with Touya when she haven't lost her memory. But for now she's content to what's happening to her life.
"Hey, are you remembering anything?" Touya asked as he moves close to her.
"No. Why did you asked?"
"You became quite for awhile. If I were you, don't force yourself to remember. It might hurt you." he said as if there was something he's afraid of and as if what he said has a deeper meaning. "I mean you might have a terrible headache." he added and smiles at her.
" Hmmm... I'm not trying to remember anything. I don't want a headache. Not now." she said still a bit awe there's something she felt with what Touya had said. But she shrugged it off of her head, she doesn't want a headache. "Are we like this before?" she asked Touya looking at his face.
Touya lowers his head until their faces were breath apart. She felt her heart, it beats so fast and she felt her face heat up. Touya made a playful smile as he stepped back and take the broom from her hand.
"What do you think?" he asked her teasingly while tugging at her back to make her walk. "You looked more beautiful when your blushing." he added.
He put back the broom and dustpan to its place.
"Hey talk to me. I was just joking. Don't take it seriously." he said his eyes were pleading.
"I know." she manage to reply and laugh to his expression.
Let the rain come down and wash away my tears
Let it fill my soul and drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls for a new sun
The sun had finally set. The surroundings were covered in darkness. And as if like magic, one by one the star starts to twinkle in the night. The moon is full in bloom. The chirp of the crickets forms a melody into the night. The wind sways the leaves in the trees that create a sound to join the melody. The light post illuminated the street. A few people are still walking around. A few cars pass by.
Amidst all this Kaho stared blankly into the horizon. Completely oblivious to what was around her.
Her hair dances with the wind, never minding if it gets tangled. Wearing her priestess clothes and leaning in the bark of the old cherry blossom tree.
She is seeing a vision. 'No.' she thought.
It's not a vision. It's her memories, her forgotten memories, the ones that are buried deep within her mind to spare her the hurting.
Walkingleisurely at a park was a lady with a waist length, auburn hair. She was wearing a pastel winter coat that reaches past her knees. It covers her knee length white skirt and sky blue long sleeve turtleneck. Her feet were covered with white winter boots.
It's obvious that she doesn't have any destination she particularly wants to go. She was just enjoying her walk, never minding the cold wind of winter. In fact, she was enjoying it.
In her walk she saw a two familiar figures sitting on a bench. The man had a black coat on. It covers his blue shirt and black slack pants. He's wearing a black leather shoes. The other was a woman with a black hair past her waist. She was wearing a pink coat over her pink long sleeve dress. Her feet were covered with a black boots.
They seemed to be in a deep conversation to not notice her presence.
She slowed down her pace so she won't interrupt anything. She just wants to greet them and asks her boyfriend Eriol if he wants to accompany her with her strolling after talking to Tomoyo.
She doesn't know that this day might be her worse.
Tomoyo suddenly stands up shaking her head. "No. I don't think it's a good idea Eriol. I don't want to hurt her. This isn't right. This is my entire fault. I shouldn't ask for your help. I shouldn't make myself fall for you. I already know that you had a girlfriend. I should have contented myself as your friend or as an acquaintance. Or the best, I should have not met you." she said with a sob. Her tears start to swell.
"Why me? Why you?" she now said sobbing. "This is all wrong. The happy days we shared these past seven weeksare all wrong. I should have restrained my feelings for you. But what can I do? I already fall in love with you?" she asked. Her tear filled eyes looking at Eriol.
"Tell me Eriol. What can I do to make things right? I can't hurt Kaho. She's my friend. I can't betray her like this." she continued between her sobs.
Eriol after hearing this was still confused. He had a girlfriend. And Tomoyo was one of his girlfriend's friends. How could he do this to them? He knows it's wrong to love her because he believes that fate had leaded her to Kaho. But he can't stop himself to fall for Tomoyo.
Tomoyo was fun to be with. They both love music. They had met through music. She first met her in a party. She was the one to sing but her partner didn't come because of an emergency and she needed someone to play the piano. That's when Kaho introduced her to him. Kaho asked him to play for her. And he accepted. That's when he heard her voice, so sweet. She captured everyone's heart to her heartfelt song. Kaho was talking to some Professors by then. And he doesn't know anyone so he talked to her. At the end of the party they were getting to know each other.
It started as friendly encounters as they saw each other. Until they set up a time to meet up to know something about one another and everyday he felt the change. He knows he's drifting away with Kaho. But he's charmed with this lady.
Kaho was his first serious relationship. At the twenty four years of living she's the one he found a connection with. She adored her belief. It was one of the things they had in common. They both believe in fate. And that it brought them together. He loved her.
That's until he met Tomoyo. He thought before thatfate must be misleading and sends his life in great disarray. But he had to choose. And that's exactly what he'll do. He had to let go of Kaho to find her own happiness. He can't deceive her. He knows this will be hard because she extremely believe that they were fated together. That his fate is to be with Tomoyo and she is for someone else that will truly love her.
He just tells Tomoyo that he loves her. That he will tell Kaho that they're not really meant to be. That she deserve someone else.
But Tomoyo is upset about it. She felt that he steals him with Kaho. But what can he do? It's Tomoyo that he loves now.
He also stands up and looked back to Tomoyo's eyes. Wiping her tears away he said "There's nothing we can do about this. It already happened. We already fall for each other. We can't return back time. I know it's wrong. I know this will hurt her. And if I continue my relationship with her we'll be both hurting. If she figures out that I fall out of love with her. The only thing we can do is tell her the truth."
Having that said, he embraced Tomoyo. While Tomoyo still cried in his shoulder.
"Telling her will be hard I know. But it should be done. It will be better that way so she can move on." he said gently. "So we can move on." he added.
Unbeknownst to them,Kaho have heard every word they said. Every word that felt like a knife had been stab in her heart.
She's not shedding any tears at that moment. She wants to scream at them but she couldn't find her voice. She was stuck there, standing, near enough to hear those words. Those words, that makes her heart broken.
Tearfully staring at thetwo individual that she had loved. One as a lover and the other as a friend. It's really painful to be betrayed by the people you have loved and learned to trust.
And as if on cue. As they break from their embrace. Tomoyo's tears had been dried and Eriol's face had been back to his normally calm exterior they had turned their gaze exactly where she was standing staring at them.
Tomoyo's eyes panic as well as Eriol.
But she said nothing. She turns away and started to walk away. She walks slowly at first until she turns to running. She doesn't care to where she will be going. She just wants to go away, away from them.
The scene before her faded away and change with another.
Into her room were her clothes are scattered. She was kneeling at the bottom of her bed crying.
She had been crying for hours. Her eyes were already swelling and her sobs was starting to irritate her hearing. But she can't help herself from crying. She's hurting. She's mad,to whom? She can't figure it out yet.
Maybe it's with Eriol for his cheating?
Maybe it's with Tomoyo because of her betrayal?
Maybe it's with herself for being stupid?
She felt miserable. Her weeping can't get her anywhere. She had to accept what fate had brought her. She needs to be strong. She needs to move on. That's what he said after all.
She smiled bitterly at that.
She was wiping away her tears when someone taps on her shoulder.
She hadn't notice that someone entered in her room.
When she looked up she saw a worried brown eyes looking back at her.
It's Touya.
"What's wrong?" he said worriedly.
"Wrong?" she repeated to herself. "Maybe I was wrong."
Touya was shock nonetheless. He never had seen Kaho like this. She looks like not herself today.
She had beencrying he can figure that out, but why? He can't tell.
Now she stands up from where she kneels and started her pacing around in front of him. She started talking again.
"Yes. I know I was wrong. I'm always wrong. How can I let myself grieve over him? It's not like he's the only man in this planet. But it hurts. It really hurts. How can he do this to me? I love him and he knows that. What did I do to deserve this? Is my love for him not enough? Am I not enough? After all the years we've been together. It's been like one...No. Two years. And he replaces me with someone else. And what's much worst he replace me with my friend.
Touya doesn't know what to do. Kaho just continues her ranting and even scream the word 'friend'. She's in rage he can see that. She'd been hurt he can feel that. This is the first time he had seen this hurt.
She had been a mysterious woman for him. They had been in a relationship andhad treasured the moments he had with her. She believes in fate. And that belief ended the love they once shared.
But she said they were still friends. He should be mad at her but he can't. He loves her too much. He will do anything just so he had a reason to be with her, to talk to her even if it will be just as friends.
But looking at her now, she seems different. She's expressing her grief, her mix of emotion.
The painis visible in her voice. The anger that radiates in the edged of every word she utters.
He can't do anything for now, but listen. Hoping that by the end of her tirade he can ease her pain. So he just stares and listens to her. As she pour her hearts out.
"How can she call herself my friend if she steals my boyfriend? I'm such a fool to be fooled by her sweet facade. I want to hurt them like the way they hurt Me." she said bitterly. "But I can't. I'm not a violent person."
She stops pacingaround. She just stands there, near the window staring blankly. Her tears had finally run dry. Her sobs ceases. Her eyes are devoid of any emotion, deep in thought.
She stays like that for a moment until she found her voice again.
"I'm sorry Touya." she said softly. "You see me like this."
Touya doesn't say anything.
"I think I have to let that all out. If not, I might go insane. It's not every day that what fate you thought had stored for you was just an illusion. And in a blink of an eye all your beliefs will go to trash." she said bitterly.
"Ironic isn't it?" she said as she turned her gaze to Touya.
Touya stared back at her still listening. He was looking at her with concerned eyes, encouraging her to tell him more. As if telling her that he will always be there.
"Because of fate I leave home for years. I let myself fall for someone it gave as my match. Because of fate I leave you with broken heart. Because of fate I go the other way around to fulfil it. Because of fate I am like this now. I exchange your love for something I believe, which in the end makes my heart shattered into pieces. This is really unfair. I had forsaken my dreams for what fate brought me and this is all I get."
Her eyes started to water again. She walks over to Touya and let herself be comforted in his embrace.
They have been that way until she was calmer. And her sobs subsides again.
"Thank you Touya." she murmurs.
"You're welcome. Just remember, anytime that you need a shoulder to cry on or someone who will listen don't hesitate to come to me. I will always be here for you."
"I'll always remember that." she said finally finding herself truly smiling at this time.
Tears start to fall from her eyes. Flashes of her memories continue to goes on.
A letter had been sent to her. It's from Eriol. He didn't attempt to talk to her personally, which was much better. She doesn't want to see him or Tomoyo.
She will go back to England tomorrow, alone.
She opens the letter and starts to read it.
Kaho,
I didn't mean to hurt you like this. I didn't mean for this to happen to us. I had loved you. The years we've spent together will be in my memories to cherish. I really loved you then. I truly believed that you're the one for me. We had the same belief after all.
But I think our fate is woven to be separated, because it brings me to Tomoyo. I didn't want to betray you. It just happened. I fall for her. Believe me I tried to avoid for it. But I can't. And I am so sorry about that. I won't try to redeem myself to you. For now, because I know I'm at fault. I deserve your anger. I've been an idiot.
But someday I hope to have your forgiveness and for you, to find your true happiness.
Eriol
After she finished reading the letter she clutched it in her hand. Tears started brimming in her eyes. She let herself fall in her bed. Not even bothering to change her clothes.
She's tired, not physically but emotionally. She closed her eyes to force back her tears and stop it from coming out.
'I never thought I would cry this much. Someday I will never shed a tear because of this. Someday I will just laugh at this. I will be better. Someday.' with that in mind she fell asleep.
The scene started to fade again. And she was sobbing now. She started to fall down on her knees at the foot of the tree. Her right hand holds outs in its bark the other hand covering her mouth. Her tears started to stream down her cheeks.
Another scene unfolded again before her eyes.