Chapter Fifteen

Monster

"If I seem dangerous,
Would you be scared,
I get the feeling just because,
Everything I touch isn't dark enough,
That this problem lies with me,

I'm only a man with a candle to guide me,

I've turned into a monster,
And it keeps getting stronger,

I never said I want this,
This burden came to me,
And it's made its home inside..."

Monster by Imagine Dragons

Still Friday October 11th, 1996

Just Outside the Three Broomsticks- Half past two in the afternoon

Raw burning desire stung his lips along with the taste of sweetened apples while Draco bit down tugging almost violently at her bottom lip with his teeth, wanting nothing more than leave marks upon her silky skin- his marks. All he could think about in the moment was how much he wanted to nip at her neck harshly while trailing his mouth and tongue along her collarbone, as if he were staking his claim upon her in the most primitive way possible.

Then as if everything hit him all at once, he remembered just whom he had pressed up against the wall currently pressing into his chest. She was not just any daft witch, she was Granger, Gryffindor, and the best friend of Saint Potter himself...

A smoldering sensation rushed throughout Draco, from his fingertips to his toes as he tore his lips away from hers with a right growl, and then almost stumbling backwards from the force. Looking her up and down, Draco shook his head in incredulity shoving his thoughts away as fast as he possibly could. With a shaky breath, he then looked down at her once more before storming in the opposite direction away from her.

Huffing aloud, he barely noticed the freezing cold-water droplets running down his face whilst he attempted hushing the deep wave of increasing desire he felt at the very vivid memory of her soft lips against his. He honestly was not sure what he had been thinking at the time but the close proximity of her caused certain feelings to return full force, the ones he was usually able to push away.

Climbing the hill, in a flash of irritation, he turned to glance quickly over his shoulder in order to make sure no one was following him before he turned away from the path and into the Forbidden forest. Ducking around the dying barren trees, as the sound of leaves and broken twigs crunched beneath his shoes before he finally decided that he was a safe distance from anyone. Leaning the palm of his right hand flat against the damp coarse tree bark while he felt like he could not think let alone breathe as abrupt flashes of the feelings Granger invoked, hit him repeatedly.

'What was I thinking? Snogging some filthy – and up against a wall in the open nonetheless…' with that thought Draco reached upwards, yanking on his tie as he usually did when he was at a loss of what to do or how to feel. If he were going by what he felt, then everything would be so much simpler, because even though he would not admit it again, the feelings he felt around, her, were something he had never felt before this.

That was the thing though, he could not bring himself to go by what he felt when he had never allowed himself to feel these emotions in the past, not with his mother, father or even with Pansy when they dated briefly back in fourth year. No one grated on his nerves as Granger did when she had to show him up by having the top marks in their year or when she would stand up to him when he was having a go at Potter or Weaslebee. Making him feel this way was probably some sick enjoyment of hers or something he thought and no matter how much he tried to prove that her words never truly bothered him, he knew he always failed when it involved her.

'I do not, feel anything towards her, she is nothing more than a stupid little-' he wanted to call her a mudblood, but for some reason just thinking of that vile word made his stomach churn and his throat burn from the rising bile. Furious by this, Draco lifted his shoe to lash out at the tree trunk with his foot repetitively with his face hot, his cheeks flushed, and the ferocity of his kick caused his blonde hair to fall in front of his eyes. 'Why… why is it so… damned… difficult to… hate her?' he wondered shortly through his panted breaths and his heated kicks.

Stopping, Draco slowly turned around to press his back into the tree just before he slid down to a crouching position resting his elbows onto his thighs while laying his head against the palms of his hands. He knew the answer as to why he could not hate her, he knew it every time he saw her laughing, or smiling, even when she was standing up for someone or thing. He didn't hate her because she was everything that he was not, he was the dark, the monster, and she- she was that white light, the good.

Sighing loudly, he thought of everything that was going on, about how his mother had yet to respond to his owls for over a week now on top of this now extremely thick problem he had caused by snogging- Granger. Quickly standing up he used his wand to fix his appearance before he made his way out of the trees and back towards the path where he needed to go and most likely mend the cabinet soon.

Once Draco made his way towards the path through the pouring rain, he looked back towards Hogsmeade and what he saw was a group of few people who he could not quite make out from the distance, but still could tell that something was happening. Then followed by a piercing scream, Draco could see a girl, which he instantly knew was Katie Bell, floating before the other students, knowing that he his plan had officially failed.

'I specifically told her not to open it, and instructed that she give it to him!' with that bitter thought, he rolled his eyes ignoring the guilty feeling that tugged at his gut. Turning away from the sight in order to make his way towards the castle, he suddenly felt more nervous about not only his task, but also about his mother's wellbeing than he was before.

With the past week, he was still on edge, unsure of whom he could actually trust after finding the note in the library informing him about the other death eater in the school. Sure, he could ask professor Snape about it, and he almost did a few days ago, but could not bring himself to do so after remembering the whispers about him. The ones involving him as nothing but a coward, which he had heard after his initiation as death eater, and just thinking about those lowly scum death eaters made him sneer with disgust. Draco knew that they were merely jealous at the fact that he was the one asked by the Dark Lord himself, and not them.

Digging his shoes into the stone pathway, he headed towards the front door towards Hogwarts, hoping that no one would place him at the scene because blaming him would be the easiest choice- even if it really were his fault. Once he entered the stone bridge leading back to the front door, he licked his lips quickly before he reached inside his robes for his wand. Looking forward he cursed under a cold huff of heated air, as he then heard someone calling his name from behind him and tried to ignore it.

Pushing past the doors, Draco made his way into the entrance, past a lone Hufflepuff when suddenly someone grabbed his shoulder by none other than Zabini. Sneering towards his friend he had been quite successfully dodging for a while, he scoffed about to turn away when Zabini then gave him a right shove in his shoulder before he grabbed a handful of the front pushing him directly into a wall.

"Watch it Zabini, these robes cost more than your entire lot belongings here at school..." Draco growled lowly through his clenched teeth whilst pushing him away and then fixing his slightly rumpled suit, as he looked around to make sure that no one had seen. Looking back towards his friend, Draco instantly saw the anger and frustration knitted into his facial expression, eyes dancing in a hot fiery mess.

"Don't pretend that you are even remotely concerned about the damned suit mate, because I know, Draco. I know that you took- it, over the summer, and I am so tired of all these lies, and these senseless ways of going about things. Did you know that this very minute everyone down in Hogsmeade is being rounded up and brought back to Hogwarts? On the account, someone might've of killed two muggleborns in some pub for fun, and they say it was a death eater. It's one of their signatures, which brings the Ministry here to do a full investigation. So please-" Blaise paused, licking his lips before looking around to make sure they were still alone and then continued talking softly.

"Tell me that none of this had to do with you Draco, and I will believe you. Tell me that whatever it is you're doing for The Dark Lord that in the process of completing your task, you will never lose your way by killing innocent wizards, blood impurity or not." Draco looked towards his mocha friend still trying to process everything, before raising his hand to rub his hand over his mouth and shake his head. There were so many things he wanted to say, ask, starting with was he the other death eater here at Hogwarts, or was there someone else involved. After a huff, Draco decided that it was best to wait until they were alone to ask that, for now he would accept the fact that his friend seemed to be looking out for him.

"You honestly think that I would just- I- Blaise, the trace is still on me for Salazar's sake. Even if I wanted to, which would be a rather pointless waste of my time if you ask me, I can't because the Ministry knows about all underage uses of magic. Now, if you don't mind, you and I are going somewhere to chat more privately about how, and more importantly, why you know all this." Draco said evenly, while looking towards his friend in a mix of anger and shock. They both tugged at their robes before heading back towards the common room where they could have a chance to talk about everything

"I know because your mother told me Draco… she- She asked me to watch over you, to keep you safe from others, and more importantly to make sure that you do not lose yourself in the process of completing your task." Blaise spoke softly once more, as Draco stopped walking for a second, blinked twice, suddenly less angry and more relieved.

"It's getting hard to listen,
When the clock is ticking,

You won't understand,
With your head in the sand,
No, you won't,

There's blood on my hands,
Yeah there's blood…"

Blood on my hands by Royal Blood

Still Friday October 11th, 1996

Gryffindor Common room- Quarter until three

Pushing her way past some other younger year Gryffindors, Ginny choked upon a quiet sob with hot tears rushing down her reddened cheeks, making her way quickly towards the stairs leading towards her dormitory in desperate need of solace. Dean's words echoed in her ears from just moments ago as she ripped open the door and the slammed it behind her.

"Gin, just- All I want is a bit of honesty here! I asked that you tell me what's bothering you... You're a right mess lately, extremely jumpy and fidgety. I mean it's rather concerning seeing you this way, and I rarely see you smiling anymore. I- I am here for you, always, but I- I just can't take this anymore. You won't talk to me, but you're always happy to see Potter… I just. I want you happy, and now I can see that, that won't happen with me. I don't think- I can't do this anymore…" Word for word played repeatedly in her mind as she went over towards her bed reaching for her things piled on top of her chest before reaching out to knock them all onto the floor as she dropped to her knees.

Sobs racked through her body as she used her hands to wipe away the steadily flowing tears while then she sat down upon the ground to open her chest. She couldn't talk to anyone about what she had witnessed only two hours ago and it was painful. Thinking that he could do that or worse to her family, her mum, her dad whom worked in the Ministry, and her brothers. Ginny knew that she had to deal with what life dealt her, even if that required telling a few lies or see some rather horrifying acts committed upon innocent people in order to protect her loved ones.

With a sniffle, she dug around in her trunk looking for a small box she had gotten during the summer from Fred and George's shop, when she found it she climbed to her feet and went over towards her bed. Through her watery eyes, she looked down at the box and then she tore it open grabbing the smaller bottle that sat inside. Even though the imperious curse made her feel as if she was happy and floating, Ginny had never felt so isolated in her life. Without Dean, there was no one there to distract her from how alone she felt, and she knew that as she popped off the top of the potion.

'I feel so... I - Just a moment, is all that I need… Just one…' she thought through her still flowing tears as brought the bottle towards her lips drinking the whole thing in three swallows. Lying backwards upon her bed with the now empty bottle in hand, Ginny felt dizzy and weightless as she felt her eyes beginning to close slowly. Before she could think, the last thing she heard was the sound of glass shattering as she drifted into a sleeplike state.

The freezing wind whipped through her vibrant red hair as Ginny opened her eyes to find she was upon her broom soaring over the Quidditch field with her hands gripping the wood tightly. With a grin, she sped up her pace flying upwards so that she could feel the drop as if she were going to actually fall, going right for the ground. Stopping before she hit, she tilted her broom so that she was hovering just two feet above the damp grass, where she exhaled harshly. Slowing down, she flew towards the opening tent to pack up her things deciding that she had enough practice today before the big game tomorrow with the Slytherins.

Once she was off her broom, with a sigh she walked inside towards her things but stopped when she heard a scuffling sound behind her that caused her to jump a little. Looking over her shoulder, she saw none other than Harry standing there in his Quidditch uniform while wearing a peculiar expression as he messed with his glasses.

"Harry, I didn't know you were coming to practice otherwise I would have asked if you'd of liked to join me." She stumbled awkwardly with a small smile while he chuckled softly and reached to rub the back of his neck. Setting her broom beside the bench where she put her things, she looked back towards him as he took a few steps towards her.

"No- No, that's fine, Ginny, I-I didn't actually know that I was coming to practice today…" he looked up at her giving her a lopsided smile and Ginny if it wasn't a bit nippy out, she could've sworn that he had a blush creeping across his cheeks. Feeling her cheeks heat up a bit, she was thankful for the cold weather as she nodded. "I've been meaning to ask- if you were, well… What I mean is, I heard about the fight you had with Dean and wasn't sure- well, just making sure if, you, were okay?" he added with a breathy laugh as reached up to push his glasses and then to run his hand through his already messy brown hair.

"Oh, that, well, we sort of… He broke up with me.," she said quickly looking down feeling slightly uneasy with the current topic that he was asking her, but shrugged and continued talking as she took off her gloves. "I'm doing alright, could be better, thanks for checking…" she spoke softly, sitting down upon the bench as he walked over towards her stopping just in front of her bending down into a crouched position so that he could look her in the eyes.

"Ginny, I'm sorry… He's a right git that obviously doesn't deserve to be with you then…" he spoke softly as she watched him reach forward and place his hand upon her knee, causing her to smile softly. He then moved so that he was sitting down beside her with a light sigh and reached for her hand taking it in his. Feeling his warm skin touch, hers made her feel warm, and happy, something she hadn't felt in what felt like forever. "There seems to be something else bothering you, and I get the feeling you don't want to talk about it…," he whispered, brushing his thumb against the back of her hand looking up at her with his green eyes through his rounded glasses. Gasping softly at his words, Ginny suddenly remembered everything that had happened, and pulled her hand back.

"I- I can't tell you about it, I want to tell you Harry I really do, but I physically can't… I'm sorry…" she felt the tears coming, bubbling up in her eyes, as she turned to look away but was stopped when she felt Harry's hand reaching upwards to cup the left side of her jaw in his hand turning her back to face him. A tear slipped, rolling down her cheek as she felt his thumb move to wipe it away, and shook his head.

"Dumbledore once said, that happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, when one only remembers to turn on the light. Whatever you can't, tell me, Ginny, no matter what happens, I am here for you, and not just here in this dream, out there. I want you to know that you can talk to me, about anything if you needed… And remember, there is always a light, somewhere inside the dark." he said softly taking her hand back into his, leaning towards her and placing a soft gentle kiss upon her other cheek and then causing her to smile as one lone tear ran down her cheek.

"I'm scared Harry, I've never been this scared before, but the thing is, I'm not worried about me. I'm afraid for you, for my whole family. I've seen things, and I'm afraid I will have to do things and can't tell anyone what's going on which is making me feel so alone." she whispered as he pulled backwards away from her in order to look her in her eyes while she exhaled shakily.

"I know Ginny…," he murmured to her while reaching up to fix his glasses with a sad smile before adding two last words of comfort. "I know."

Opening her eyes, Ginny found herself back inside her bed, slightly sluggish, with a tiny smile from the daydream she just had. It had felt so real, so much that she almost forgot that she wasn't even there. That Harry hadn't took her hand in his, that he hadn't been there with her, and that she hadn't really felt his lips upon her cheek. It had really been a moment that she needed, and what he told her in the dream made her feel loads better.

Climbing out of her bed slowly, she looked around the still empty room to see her things strewn at the foot of her bed, alone with the broken bottle at her feet. Reaching for her wand, she cleaned everything back up alone with the bottle that went back together in an instant as she remembered what Theo had asked of her. He had been right, she had been stalling as long as she could because she didn't want him to have the liquid luck for any reason.

With a sigh, she walked over to Hermione's trunk and opened it, once she got inside, she saw her potions box and reached for the closest one. Opening the first bottle, she took a small inhale of its scent knowing that it was Sleek Easy potion, and not the one she was looking for. Putting it back, she then took the next one, and knew that it was in fact, the Liquid luck, untouched with two uses still left. Grabbing an empty bottle from Hermione's chest, she opened the potion, splitting it in half so Hermione still had one of the uses, hoping that would be enough to sate Nott's stupid request.

"Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you,
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you…"

Why can't I by Liz Phair

Friday October 11th, 1996

In the Hallways at Hogwarts- Almost four in the afternoon

'What in Merlin's name was I thinking? Snogging Malfoy? Honestly, no matter how good he smells, looks, or makes you feel with that knee buckling snog- No, you will remember what is important, and that is that you remember who he is and what he has done. I mean it's not like that kiss meant anything, he cannot possibly have feelings for me, can he?' Hermione wondered to herself as she Harry, and Ron walked down the hallway back towards the Gryffindor common room where professor McGonagall had told them to go. The three of them had witnessed just outside the Three Broomsticks Katie Bell touching a necklace that was from a familiar packaging that Hermione could have sworn she had seen somewhere.

Hermione was so lost in her thoughts concerning Malfoy, she didn't hear that Ron was talking to her but noticed when Harry nudged her with his elbow while they walked. Looking towards her friends, she saw them both looking towards her for some sort of reply t o what they were talking about, but needed to take a deep breath before she asked.

"Sorry, I was just thinking about what happened to poor Katie, and why someone would do that to her." Hermione said somewhat breathlessly because of her previous thoughts concerning the problematic Slytherin while she looked towards Harry who was currently giving her a puzzled look. "What was the question?" she asked as they headed up a set of stairs though the empty hallways while Ron gave Harry a shrug, and sighed.

"'Mione whoever cursed the necklace, didn't mean for Katie to touch it, they meant for Dumbledore to." Harry said in confusion as Hermione looked at the two of them before nodding with a somewhat nervous laugh. "As for the question, I asked if you'd think Malfoy had anything to do with this, I mean I could have sworn I saw him with a similar package back inside The Three Broomsticks just half an hour before it happened." Harry said her and she almost stopped walking at the mere mention of his name.

'Gods they are going to find out about what I did, I mean someone must've saw us together, we weren't exactly hiding- or even thinking for the matter…' she thought herself trying to make sure her face expression didn't look guilty in any way, while she tried to think of an answer to his question. Then it came to her, she realized that Malfoy in fact did have a package when he went in, but before their- um, encounter, he didn't anymore. Which then begged the question whether she should tell Harry and Ron about it, or ask him herself, because it would cause less problems for them both to stay away from him in case he were to say something in front of them.

"Right, I knew that, and as for, Malfoy- being involved, I didn't see him with a package and honestly it doesn't seem like him. I think you're just placing blame on him because of what happened last week involving your theory. I've already shared my opinion on him that night Harry, we don't need a repeat of the conversation." She quipped quickly knowing well that this would anger him, but decided that it was better than if he were to dig for clues involving Malfoy. Ron looked towards them confused as he tilted his head to his right with his brows frowned in puzzlement which made Hermione continue talking in order to explain. "Harry thinks that Draco Malfoy is a death eater and has no shot at redeeming himself in anyway." Ron's widened slightly as he looked from her towards Harry who was rolling his eyes while they climbed the last set of stairs outside the common room.

"You're barking. Malfoy, a death eater? I mean he's a sodding git but I wouldn't go as far as calling him that. He's too much of a coward to do anything that thick, not to mention he's only sixteen. Why in Merlin's name would You-Know-Who want someone that young?"Ron asked as Harry just shook his head before they all made their way inside the common room, before running right into Lavender Brown. With a deep inhale, Hermione stood completely still as the blonde girl looked towards Ronald with a smile.

"Hey Ron- did you hear about the muggleborn killings in Hogsmeade just down the a few shops from The Three Broomsticks? Everyone's saying that it was a death eater here for some reason, because of well, no offence Harry, but you." she added lamely while Hermione's eyes widened at the mention of muggleborn killings just a few shops from where they were just at.

"Muggleborns? Are you absolutely sure Lavender? D'you know, well if it was students from Hogwarts?" Harry asked suddenly worried as Hermione thought about who might have died, while she then looked towards the smaller Gryffindor girl in worry.

"I'm sure, I don't know who it was, but Dumbledore wants to talk about it before dinner. I also heard that none of the professors want any more trips to Hogsmeade until they sort this all out." She added as Hermione nodded, as thoughts about Malfoy abruptly popped into her mind, yet again, as the four of them then turned right around to head back towards the painting. Hermione didn't want to stop the thoughts, as she recalled his touch, his scent, his lips, his teeth… those thoughts spun around in her mind, begging for just one more taste of his sin, and for the first time, she didn't push them away.