Chapter 8 - Downtime

I only had one thing to say: Clayface. Is. Ugly. I could think of a million different ways I would rather spend my Friday evening that to be getting my butt kicked and covered in goo while an ugly monster was attacking us.

The other thing that was bothering me was Kaldur's behavior. He had shared weeks ago that he was torn between the surface world and Atlantis. I knew the extra reason was a relationship left behind. There was another girl out there who Kaldur couldn't let go.

I grunted as Clayface got another hit. The sting on my shoulder was enough to leave me vulnerable as Clayface grabbed me and slammed me against the ground.

Stars exploded in my vision and I gasped loudly, struggling as the wind was knocked out of me. My body glowed its new golden hue and I dropped to the floor as Clayface clutched his burned hands.

With most of the team incapacitated, it wasn't looking promising. I slowly rose to my feet, turning towards the monster again when black boomerangs hit Clayface is the arms. The boomerangs exploded and I turned to see where Robin was. To my horror, it was Batman who had thrown the boomerangs, and it was Batman who swung down from the rafters and electrocuted Clayface, rendering him unconscious.

I almost wished I was unconscious after seeing the disappointment in his eyes. I knew exactly what he was thinking: we weren't performing as a team. At least, not for this mission. And there was an uneasy truth in the group that Kaldur was the root.

As we dragged ourselves into the cage, Batman asked for a private word with Kaldur. Robin was not happy about the inclusivity, but I watched with bated breath as Batman spoke to the team leader from across the hall.

Whatever the man's words were, it caused the normally strong stance of Kaldur to falter. As Batman left, Kaldur finally noticed me standing across the room.

"Amara," his voice was tense.

"Is everything okay?" I walked forward. "What did Batman want?"

"He reminded me that I wasn't being a good leader, that I was letting the team down because of my distractions," Kaldur said.

"But that's not fair–" I rose to defend. Kaldur shook his head firmly.

"No, Batman is right. I haven't been fair to the team, or to you. I have been confused ever since joining the team, and I cannot confidently say that my place is here."

I didn't respond, waiting for his explanation.

"I need…" he trailed off, searching for the right words. "I need to return to Atlantis."

My hands were clammy and I hated how vulnerable I must have looked. "Permanently?"

I looked into his light eyes and I saw a person who truly didn't know what the right answer was. I could see the weight from the burden he was trying to carry and it didn't help that he couldn't get the support from the team.

"No," he finally admitted. "At least, not now. I want to return to Atlantis to clarify my thoughts and see if that is where I belong."

I didn't want to ask about the girl that I knew was on his mind, but it was painfully obvious that she was one of the reasons, if not the main reason for his return. My happy little reality was shattering and it was difficult not to have negative thoughts.

"Well," I took a step away from him, "I wish you the best, Kaldur. I hope you find whatever you are looking for."

I didn't give him the time to reply. Flying to my room, I shut the door and went to my meditation corner. As I crossed my legs, I didn't know what I was expecting. My whole body was filled with nervous adrenaline. Closing my eyes, I knew that no amount of meditation could fix my problem. I needed to hit something, hard.

I was disappointed and relieved at the same time to see the cave's gym empty. Usually, Superboy or one of the other team members would be sparring or lifting weights and it was nice to have company. But now, the room was far too big and far too empty. Making my way towards the boxing bags, I casually wrapped my knuckles with athletic tape. I was wearing tight spandex shorts and a tight tank top that showed off my toned arms. Superboy had been helping me lift weights and train my muscles to better prepare for fights.

As I circled around the black bag, I threw my weight into my punches, hitting the bag with increasing power that caused it to fling around in a chaotic circle before it would settle again.

The tattoos on my skin glowed as I channeled the energy pulsing inside of me. Nabu was right, I had new, untapped power that had been locked away because of my doubts. When it finally released, not only did it strengthen my connections with the earth and the elements but gave me a new connection over the power of order and balance. The newfound ability had increased my possibility tenfold, and I was amazed at the new limits I could reach. I no longer needed to exert myself to have a connection with the earth. The elements moved at my beck and call and the element of light allowed me to channel large vats of energy from around me. It was exhilarating.

The only issue was that I hadn't told the team about it.

The bag came clean off the ceiling and slammed into the weight rack across the room. I breathed heavily, letting the air in and out. I hadn't told the team because I couldn't tell the team. I was a danger if I couldn't control them, which at the moment my emotions unleashed unwanted power. I sank to the floor, throwing my arms over my knees. The thing that I was most scared of what seeing the look of horror on the team's face, on Megan, Wally, Superboy's, any of their faces if they knew who I really was. Part of me feared that if Batman found out about my new strength, he would no longer tolerate me being a part of the team. He would think I needed to be contained until he was certain I wasn't a threat.

So I continued the lie, continued to unwillingly distance myself from the team. It was easier that way. And with Kaldur gone, it was easier for me to accept that I had to keep this a secret. Truthfully, there was nothing I wouldn't tell him, those were my feelings for him. I didn't want to hide the truth. If he asked, I would tell him about my father.

I let out a groan. I was at the gym to punch out my thoughts towards him, not revisit them. Standing up, I grabbed one of the towels that were nicely folded by the door. Walking through the cave, I heard chatter in the kitchen. I popped my head in and saw Megan and Superboy looking over a recipe. Typical Megan was so excited that she floated off the ground as she rushed around and used her telekinesis to pull ingredients from their locations. Poor Superboy was expected to catch all the ingredients which resulted in egg in his hair and flour covering his chest.

They were having fun together. There was a large pit in my stomach as I turned around so neither one noticed me before slipping down the hallway towards the rooms. Normally, I would be thrilled by Megan and Superboy having a moment alone. Now, I wished I had some company.

I walked past the empty bedrooms that are available for the team if they ever need to spend the night. Robin lived with Batman though, and Wally with his family. I assumed Artemis lived with her mom since I doubt she still had contact with her father. That left Aqualad at Atlantis and Megan and Superboy in the kitchen. And me.

The next day showed no promise of being better. With Aqualad gone, the team was taking a few days to recover from the Clayface incident and deal with their own personal issues. I made breakfast with Megan as she happily chattered away about Superboy, who had wanted to sleep in that morning.

"And yesterday," she gushed, "something just clicked between us. I don't know what, Amara, but I think he might like me too!"

I smiled, hoping a joyful expression would hide the bitterness underneath. "That's great, Megan." I instantly felt bad. I shouldn't be bitter towards Megan. At least, normal me would have been ecstatic at any progress between the young couple.

"So, I thought he and I could make some cookies today since yesterday went so well." Megan turned toward me. "What are you going to do, Amara?"

My cutting faltered. "Oh, I don't know. Probably meditate and take some time for myself. It's been weird not working on a mission."

"I know what you mean," she bit into an apple, oblivious to my hidden meaning. "Martian Manhunter promised to take me out flying today. He wanted to begin teaching me density shifting now that I am on Earth. And I think Black Canary offered to spar with Superboy later."

"That will be good for Superboy, I know he appreciates Canary's help in sparring. He always likes to one-up Aqualad during their matches."

It felt like every member of our team each had a mentor from the Justice League helping them. Robin had Batman, Wally had the Flash, Kaldur had Aquaman, even Artemis had Green Arrow. My mood slipped even further.

"I'll be up on the cliff." If Megan was surprised by my hasty exit, she didn't mention it.

The morning in Happy Harbor was cool, with a hazy mist covering the water. The sun was beginning to break through the clouds and the mist would be gone by noon. I closed my eyes, leaning back on my palms as I sat at the top of the mountain with my feet dangling over the edge of a ledge. I welcomed the icy air against my face and tried to clear my mind of negativity.

I wished I could talk to Nabu. Maybe he could have offered some guidance for me. My mind shifted to where his helmet sat on Wally's souvenir display. It was mocking me because the helmet was right in front of me, but I wouldn't be able to see Nabu again until he found a new host, one willing to give control to him.

"This isn't working," I muttered to no one, leaning back so my head rested against the rocky ground. I felt stupid that I was unable to find something to do.

There was something I could do, a cruel voice filled my head. I hadn't spoken or seen my father for almost a year since he sent me to Cadmus. I hated that he came to my mind. Vandal should have been easy to hate, and I did hate him, but he was my father. Family was something permanent in my life. No matter what I did or who I was with, I could never change who my father was or the fact that he was my father.

I couldn't tell how many hours I spent on that ledge overlooking the harbor. The sun did come out and burned into my skin, but I didn't move. When the last few rays were reflecting against the glassy water of the harbor, I sat still.

"You've been up here awhile." A voice spoke behind me. I turned around, expecting anyone but the person who stood behind me.

"What are you doing up here?" Batman asked, his dark clothing blending him with the shadows of the mountain.

I turned back around. There was nothing left in my body, no energy, no words.

"If my professional experience," Batman said, taking a couple of steps closer, "When someone sits in the same spot for the last ten hours without moving, something's wrong."

I didn't feel treated by Batman's presence. I knew he wasn't here to confront me or accuse me. But still, I made no reply.

"Red Tornado saw you on the security cameras. If you were trying to hide–"

"I wasn't trying to hide."

He was quiet for several seconds. "No, Red Tornado didn't think so either."

My throat was dry. "And what do you think?"

"I think you are someone who's finally had to face her choices."

I didn't say anything, I didn't need to. Batman wasn't saying it as a statement, he was stating it as a man who's had the same experience.

"I've never had a positive mentor in my life." I couldn't hide my weakness and my voice was quiet and scratchy. "I know what I know from my father's persistent teachings and from things I observed on his missions before he dumped me at Cadmus." The wind picked up once the sun had finally dipped below the horizon and a trail of goosebumps covered my arms. "And I was fine," I continued, "Until I came here, until I saw each member of the team have someone special pour into their life."

"And you feel left out?"

I searched for the answer. "I feel lost."

It that moment, I wasn't Essence. I wasn't a superhero or a villain, I was a young girl who needed guidance. And Batman wasn't the hero of Gotham City, he was an ordinary man in a mask trying to deal with a teenager's emotions.

"I'm sorry," Batman said. His words surprised me and I turned to him.

"What?"

"I am sorry, Amara," Batman repeated. "I know it couldn't have been easy to join the team and I know that I didn't do much to make you feel welcomed. I questioned you and threatened you if you were a traitor, but I never praised your courage for your decision."

His words sounded foreign, yet slowly they were chipping away the block of ice I had built around myself.

"This team was founded to give young heroes the opportunity to see what the League does, and to make a difference in the world. The League is supposed to help you and be a source of guidance. Clearly, we are not doing our job."

I pulled my knees to my chest. "I didn't mean for you to apologize."

He managed a chuckle. "I'm sure you didn't. But I am, and I also want to say good job. If you need anything, I hope you can reach out to me or one of the members of the league."

I corner of my mouth raised. "Thank you, Batman."

He tapped for a moment on the pad on his wristband. "In fact, there is someone I know who would very much like to talk to you."

My ears perked. "Who?"

"Black Canary has been watching your progress very closely. I think you'll find her as an excellent mentor if you want her."

"But what about Superboy?"

Batman turned back towards the opening to the cave. "I'm sure you'll find she has a big heart for youth development."

As he walked away, I did a quick sweep at the familiar view of the harbor.

"Thank you," I called out right before he disappeared. I really did appreciate his words.

"You're welcome, Amara. I'll see you at the next mission debrief."

When I finally made it back into the cave, I saw Megan waiting for me.

"Hey," she said softly, folding her arms around me. "Amara, I am so sorry. I should have realized that something was wrong. I was too focused on myself that I failed as a friend."

I returned the embrace. "No, Megan. It's okay. Today was challenging…but necessary. I had too many emotions that I had been holding in and they were bound to come out at some point."

She still looked crestfallen after my words, but I didn't want her to worry. "Look, what's important is that you are here now." I placed my arm on her shoulder. "And I am grateful for your friendship."

She hugged me again tightly.

"How was your time with Martian Manhunter? Were you able to density shift?"

As she launched into her tale of failure trying to density shift, the invisible weight lifted off my shoulders. When Superboy came in to ask about dinner, the three of us headed to the kitchen to make pasta.

I had just placed the last bite into my mouth when the computer announced Aqualad's return.

"Kaldur's back!" Megan said, flying off to greet him. I took my time cleaning up the dishes and throwing the few scraps left in the trash.

"Amara." I was surprised by the noise. Turning around, I saw Kaldur standing at the front of the kitchen. Megan and Superboy weren't within sight.

"Where did Megan and Superboy go?" I asked, placing the last dish in the dishwasher.

There was something in his eyes that I couldn't quite place, but the intensity of his stare made me shift uncomfortably.

"I asked for a moment alone with you."

"Oh," my voice was small.

He walked forward the placed his hand on the countertop. "There was an attack while I was in Atlantis." I didn't expect his words but listened patiently as he continued his story. "Black Manta bombed the capital and sent an ambush on the city. There was fighting everywhere, but I wasn't afraid. I was used to it after our work on the team, but my friends weren't. Garth and Tula…they were my childhood friends and had chosen to stay in Atlantis while I followed Aquaman as his protege."

"Why are you telling me this?" I had to ask.

He took a step closer. "Because while I was being fired at and seeing Garth and Tula work together as a couple, I realized the only thing I wanted was to have you at my side."

My lips parted. I had convinced myself that he would never utter those words.

"So, Amara," he finally reached me. "I realized that I had been lying to myself and to you. I was holding onto a false reality that my future was in the past. But I've failed to allow myself to see the present, to see you."

"Oh," I said. I wished I could have said something remotely intelligent or at least less embarrassing than 'oh', but I guess it didn't bother Kaldur.

He gently brushed my cheek with his thumb. "That is, if you still have feelings for me, Amara. I know I've been selfish and caused you a lot of pain, but I'm willing to begin again if you are."

I stared at the man in front of me and my first reaction was that I was dreaming. But the touch of Kaldur's hand on my cheek proved this was real, and I imagined the silliest grin was on my face.

"I believe that can be arranged, Kaldur." I raised up on my toes and touched my lips to his. It was just as magical as our first kiss, only this time, he didn't pull away. He returned the kiss with a tender passion that made me forget all of the issues that I had been dealing with today.

The kiss didn't last long, but I was so happy when we finally stepped apart.

"That was great," I smiled.

He returned the smile, his light eyes seeming even brighter than normal.

A beep on the intercom interrupted our small reality. Batman's voice filled the room, requesting the team's presence.

In a short while, we were all standing in a circle around Batman. I was happy to see Robin, Artemis, and Wally returned after being away. I didn't realize how much I missed them until I spent the entire day thinking about them. I couldn't allow myself to mentally barricade from the team, to believe that I was alone.

"We have a new mission," Batman announced. "There was an anomaly detected in the Bialyan desert. I need you to find out what it is."

Hope you enjoy the chapter!