I awake with a jerk. I know immediately I am not in my trailer because I feel deliriously warm. When our trailers heater does decide to work, it never leaves me feeling this comfortable. I try to remember where I am and how I got here. All it takes is for me to shift slightly to remember everything. My back is pressed against Seth's chest and I am trapped in a cocoon of his arms.
"I'm sorry." Seth mumbles, "I know I should have slept on the couch or the ground, I just didn't want to." He starts to pull back and I make a disappointed noise, holding his arms close around me.
"Don't you dare." I mumble tiredly. "What time is it?"
"A little after five." He explains, "You've only been asleep for a few hours."
"I'm really sorry about what happened." I sigh, starting to wake up a little more. "And I'm sorry you had to see that trailer, I really didn't want you to."
"I meant what I said at the Cullen's." He says, kissing my neck lightly and making me relax even more against him. "I'm not mad and you don't have anything to be sorry about. And I've never cared that you live in a trailer, I just care that you're safe." I tense for a moment then roll over in his arms so I can face him.
"What do you mean never cared?" I ask.
"Sarah told me you lived in that trailer park before our first date." He explains softly. "Before I asked you out that day, she called me and told me you lived in a trailer park and if I had any problems with that or thought less of you for it then I could take a hike and she'd block my number."
"How come you never said anything?" I ask in surprise.
"Because I knew it was a sensitive subject and you weren't ready to tell me." He shakes his head slightly but pulls me closer and begins trailing his fingers up and down my back. I shiver and blink a couple times, digesting his words. He knew the whole time And he never said anything? And he still hung out with me and made me feel special and cared for? Seth really was one of a kind.
"You really don't care?" I have to ask again. To clarify what he's already said.
"Emma." He sighs. "I adore you. Where you live doesn't change that."
"You adore me?" I repeat, still feeling dazed by the conversation.
"Uh, yeah, have I done something to not make you think that?" He asks. Knowing now that every interaction I've had with Seth since our first date has been with him knowing where I live and where I come from, changes my whole perspective. I really thought he could only care about me and treat me a certain way if he didn't know I lived in a trailer park — if he thought I was a Perfect Fork's Girl. That very clearly wasn't the case. I push my head closer to his and press my lips to his mouth.
I adored Seth too. More than I thought I ever could.
I kiss him hungrily and squeal in happiness when he rolls onto his back and pulls me to straddle his waist.
"Shh." He shushes me but I can see his grin in the moonlight. "My mom is down the hall."
"Sorry." I murmur, leaning forward and attaching my mouth back to his. I only stop once I feel his fingers tugging at the hem of my t-shirt. I sit back on his stomach and pull the t-shirt over my head before dropping it to the ground. He appraises me for a second, running his hands around my waist and up my stomach before pulling me back against him. The feeling of both our bare chests against each other warms my whole body. I kiss down his neck and chest, scooting myself backwards until I can feel his erection against my center. I grind against him and he lets out a soft moan.
"Shh." I chastise mockingly, kissing my way back up his chest, towards his mouth. He growls playfully and flips us back over again so I'm on my back. I jerk my mouth back from Seth's suddenly, unable to hold back the hiss of pain as my left arm presses into the bed between us.
"Shit, shit—" Seth is up and off of me, standing five feet away before I can even try to control my reaction. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."
"I'm fine." I promise, sitting up quickly and reaching out to him, wanting to pull him back to me and the bed. When he doesn't move back any closer, I drop my hand. Logically, I know his reaction doesn't have anything to do with him not wanting me but the rejection still hurts and I can't help it when my eyes fill up with tears.
"Em, I'm not going to fool around with you when you're hurt." He says, shaking his head but walking back over to the bed and sitting next to me. I nod my head in understanding and try to blink back my tears, willing myself not to cry. He picks up my shirt from the ground, handing it to me, and I tug it back on. "Please be honest with me so I can be careful with you, where are you hurt?"
"My upper arms are so sore." I admit. "He grabbed me really hard and just…kept…squeezing." Seth clenches his jaw and I debate not telling him anymore but he nods his head, encouraging me to go on. "My palm just kinda stings but it's okay. And, um, my scalp is just sore too. Johnny grabbed my hair and dragged me across the bed…"
"That's his name?" Seth asks evenly.
"Yeah." I nod my head. "I think he's friends with my mom's boyfriend. I had never seen him before."
"I'm so sorry, Emma." He shakes his head. "I'm never going to let anything happen to you again."
"I know." I sigh, feeling like he really does mean it. I scoot closer to him and wrap my arms around his waist. "I'm fine though, I promise. Thank you."
"What about the whole supernatural vampire thing, are you feeling fine about that?" He asks, running his fingers up and down my back. The sensation calms be down again and I relax against him.
"They're really vampires, huh?" I yawn, snuggling a little closer. "I guess I'm fine with that…I mean you said they wouldn't hurt me, right?"
"Nah, the Cullen's won't hurt you." He promises. "They only drink animal blood which is why they have those gold eyes." I had noticed the three of them and the woman who had greeted us at the door had piercing golden eyes. They had seemed very superhuman and I wondered if anyone else ever noticed that they seemed off.
"Are they mad you told me?" I wonder, tilting my head up to look at him. He shakes his head and carefully scoops me up in his arms before leaning against the headboard and positioning me in his lap. I notice he's very careful to avoid my upper arms.
"Of course not, I was going to tell you about vampires and the Cullen's anyway." Seth says. "I mean, I wasn't going to tell you like that, but I wanted you to know."
"Really?" I ask. "Why?"
"I don't know if you really want to get into that…" He trails off.
"No, I want to know." I assure him. He studies me skeptically for a quiet minute before taking a deep breath.
"Well…because you're my imprint and I don't want to keep anything from you." He answers.
"Imprint?" I repeat. Dr. Cullen had said that word when we were in his kitchen. He had called it a connection if I was remembering correctly.
"You're my soulmate." He explains. I stay quiet for a couple minutes and I can tell Seth is tense. I stay in his lap though and his fingers trace patterns across my thigh.
"Are you…do you really mean that?" I finally ask but I know he does. I know he wouldn't say that if he didn't feel that way. My conversation with Brady at Jason Q.'s last week suddenly seems that much more important. He nods his head and I can tell he is assessing me and my reaction. "How can you be sure?"
"It's a Quileute thing." He answers. "I just know."
"Did you decide this tonight or…?" I question, trailing off.
"I knew from the first moment I first saw you on the beach." He explains. "And I feel it every time I look at you or when I'm away from you for a long time."
"I'm not sure if it's the same but I feel that connection to you too…" I admit shyly. I had never been good at talking about my feelings — probably because I didn't have many people to talk about them with and my mother had never been overly affectionate with me growing up.
"Really?" He asks. I nod my head and snuggle a little closer to him, pressing my face into his neck.
"Is the imprint something every Quileute has?" I wonder.
"No, not every Quileute imprints." He says. "There are a certain group of Quileutes who are considered protectors of the tribe and they can imprint on—"
"Um…" I trail off, interrupting him and feeling slightly overwhelmed. "Maybe I'm not ready to talk about all of this yet."
"That's okay." He says quickly. "We can talk about everything else whenever you want."
"Okay." I nod my head.
"Are you and I okay?" He asks and I finally look back up to his face. He looks worried. I hate that I've caused him to feel this way, especially after everything I put him through tonight.
"Of course we're okay." I respond, leaning up and pressing my lips to his. "I adore you too, ya know?"
"Yeah?" He asks, seeming a little surprised. Whether this imprint thing was a made up Quileute tradition or actually legit, it didn't change that I clearly felt a connection to Seth.
"Yes." I promise. "Can we just go back to sleep?"
"Yeah, of course." He says, carefully shifting me off of him so I can lay back down. "Is it still okay with you if I stay here?"
"Yes." I respond, rolling my eyes and tugging his arms back around me as he lays down next to me.
When I wake up again, there is bright sunlight streaming in through the window and I know I have definitely missed my math test. I can't really find it in me to care — I didn't need calculus to work at a gas station or be a waitress or to do any other job I would be qualified for after high school. I open my eyes and yelp in surprise. Leah is sitting in the desk chair next to Seth's bed and staring at me.
"Thanks a lot, Lee's." Seth sighs from behind me. "I told you, you were going to wake her up."
"I didn't do anything." Leah says, pushing her feet off the side of the desk and letting the chair spin in a circle. "How are you doing?" She finally asks when the chair stops again.
"I'm fine." I yawn, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes before pulling away from Seth to sit up. I was pretty sure, all things considered, I had never slept better in my life.
"Thanks a lot, Leah." Seth repeats, making a disappointed sound when I pull away.
"Hey, that's not very nice considering I didn't tell mom you had a girl in here and I called you both out of school." She snaps.
"You called me out of school?" I question in surprise. I wasn't actually concerned about school. And even if they did call my mother, there was a greater chance she didn't have minutes on her phone and wouldn't be able to answer anyways. Even if she did answer, I was pretty sure she would just tell them I was sick — especially after last night.
"Mhm." Leah says. "I was hoping maybe Sethy would make us some breakfast." Seth groans again in annoyance and I prop my elbows up on his chest so he can see me smiling at him. His lips twitch and I can tell he isn't actually annoyed with his sister.
"Breakfast sounds good." I admit. The last time I had eaten had been my state provided turkey sandwich the day before and I was starving. Seth sighs again and remains laying down but winds an arm around my waist from where I'm kneeling next to him.
"How are your arms?" He murmurs.
"I'm fine." I answer automatically. He gives me a look and I smile sheepishly at him. "Maybe some Advil with some breakfast?" I suggest. He nods his head and yawns, releasing me and letting me climb off the bed. I spot my duffle bag sitting off to the side of his room and head over, grabbing my toothbrush, toothpaste, and hairbrush.
"Down the hall on the left." He lets me know without me having to ask. I head down the hall and find the bathroom, trying to hold back the cringe at my reflection. My hair is a complete mess. I brush it carefully before pulling it into a ponytail. My scalp still feels tender but not as bad as it did a few hours ago. I go to the bathroom, brush my teeth, splash some water on my face, and almost walk into Seth when I exit the bathroom. "I'll be downstairs in a minute, okay?" He lets me know.
"Sounds good." I say, starting down the hall. "Is your mom—"
"She's at work." He interrupts. "Just me, you, and Leah."
"Okay." I nod my head. I could do that. I definitely didn't want to meet his mom like this and have to explain what happened and why I was in her son's bed last night. When I get downstairs, I find Leah already sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee and looking at her phone.
"Coffee's still hot and mugs are in the cabinet above if you want some." She says.
"Thanks." I head over to the coffee pot and get a mug, filling it with coffee and heading over to sit across from her at the table.
"You know, you can stay here whenever you want." She says casually.
"Oh, that's okay, I am totally fine to—"
"My mom wouldn't care at all, really." She interrupts. "Or I can always cover for you guys if you don't want her knowing you're here. It's really fine."
"Thanks, Leah." I take a sip of the coffee. "And thanks for last night. Nothing like that has ever happened before though and it's not going to happen again so I really am okay."
"I just—" She sighs and I have a feeling she's been thinking about what to say to me all night. "Your important to Seth and you make him happier than I have ever seen him. If something happened to you…well…I'm just saying it's fine if you're here and we'd be happy if you were."
I nod my head but my throat feels tight so I can't answer her. This is exactly why my first thought last night had been to break up with Seth. It was incredibly selfish of me to let him care about me and invest his time in me if I was only going to hurt him. But I hadn't taken into account mind reading vampires when I had made that decision and I had promised Edward I wouldn't. No part of me actually wanted to break up with Seth and the thought of not talking to him everyday and seeing him left a dull ache in my chest.
"I added my number in your phone last night and Jake's too." She says once she realizes I'm not going to say anything else. "So if you ever need anything you can call one of us."
"Thanks." I respond, staring down at my coffee. There's not anything else I can say to that.
"So are we thinking eggs or pancakes?" Seth asks, walking into the kitchen. He drops a kiss on the top of my head and puts a bottle of Advil on the table in front of me.
"Both." Leah and I say at the same time. She shoots me a grin and I relax a little more.
I think about glue a lot.
Often times I feel like a lot of tiny pieces all broken up but stuck back together perfectly and held together by glue.
Sarah is my glue. She sticks me back together and holds me upright while she spins and spins, keeping me in her orbit. When I start to come apart she just keeps struggling to hold me up and keeps spinning, spinning, spinning as if the force alone is enough to keep me together.
Seth has become by glue too. He is more careful than Sarah. Once he sticks me back together he keeps his hands on me incase I fall apart again. When I start to crack slightly, he notices immediately and is already gluing me back together before I can fully break.
While Sarah seems to be confused when I break, Seth seems to expect it. And Seth wants to talk about it. And Seth wants to get to the root of the problem. And Seth wants to figure out a way that I don't need glue at all.
And Sarah...Sarah just spins and spins and spins.
Jacob is like glue too I realize. Not necessarily glue for me but glue for his friends. Anytime there is a problem or a frustration, no matter how minor, they turn to Jacob. He cleans up the pieces expertly and keeps everyone together by sheer strength alone. He orders everyone to not fall apart and they listen. His confidence is enough glue for most situations.
And...well...when my glue needs some backup or someone to drive the vehicle to a vampire's home at one-thirty in the morning…he's my glue too.
I wonder about glue a lot.
No one ever asks glue how it's doing or if it's tired of holding everyone and everything together. No one asks glue if it's worried about letting everyone down or worried about falling apart. Or if they are okay being the glue. Or if they want a break. Or if maybe they're a little melted and kind of falling apart too.
"Are you okay, Seth?" I ask, angling my head up towards him. We're sitting on his couch, some show is playing in the background but neither of us are paying any attention. After breakfast, we had just migrated to the couch. I knew Seth wanted to talk and I had been patiently waiting for the conversation I knew was inevitable, but I figured maybe he needed a little help from me to start.
"Shouldn't I be asking you that question?" He asks, quirking me a small smile.
"I think it's okay for me to ask you that as well." I tell him honestly, tracing shapes on his chest.
"As long as you're good, I'm good." He states. He sounds like he means it too. Glue looks a lot like stability in the right lighting.
"Even if I'm good, it's okay if your not." I say. "I can be the glue for a little while." He doesn't question my logic or where glue fits into this scenario but he nods his head slowly.
"I'm..." He trails off as of considering his next words. "I'm pissed and I wish I wasn't because I'm really not an angry person but I'm really fucking pissed."
"You can be pissed, Seth." I explain. "It doesn't change anything but you can be pissed."
"That's the point." He says frustratedly. "I can't handle not being able to change any of this and if I do...if I step in and change everything I'm mad about then I know it will be by force because you are not going to let me." He says the last part in a whisper.
"I will be going back to that trailer, Seth, and nothing you do is going to change that." I let him know. "I have to stay there until I graduate...and then...I don't know. We'll see."
"Well then I guess I will never sleep again." He makes a frustrated noise and rakes a hand through his short hair. "Because how the hell am I supposed to sleep knowing you are in that trailer by yourself and anyone could come in and...and...and—" Seth doesn't finish his sentence but he doesn't need to.
"I survived for eighteen years without you and I've lived in trailer parks in places that are a hell of a lot worse than Forks." I explain. "You will be fine and I will be fine." Sometimes I have to be glue too. And maybe my glue is tough love.
"Can't you stay here." Seth pleads. I knew this was coming. As impractical and silly as it sounded for me to move in with Seth and his mom and sister, I knew Seth was going to at least ask.
"Yeah, your mom would love that." I respond, rolling my eyes.
"She wouldn't care!" He promises, hitting me with the most potent puppy dog eyes I have ever seen.
"I'm not moving into your mom's house." I respond but from the way he sighs, I know he already knows this. "I can hang out for today and then I need to go back to the trailer and I'm really, really sorry but I have to."
"I know." He mumbles, squeezing me a little tighter.
"So…me being your…imprint…does that mean you don't have a choice but to be with me?" I ask.
"Of course I have a choice." He says. "But I'm choosing to be with you."
"Okay, well if you decide you don't want to be with me—"
"I'm not going to decide that."
"—Okay, well if you do, I just want you to know that's okay."
"Well, I'm not going to decide that." He reiterates, placing a kiss on my temple. "You're stuck with me, Sweetheart."
I was hardly stuck with Seth. We sit in silence for a little while longer before I finally speak again.
"Is it okay with you if I go shower and get changed?" I ask.
Glue always seems a little disappointed when you decide to use tape to hold yourself together instead.
"Yeah, of course." He responds, releasing me. I head back up the stairs to his room to get my clothes and showering supplies. I spot my phone in the top of the bag and it lights up with a text as soon as I take it out of the bag.
"Oh no." I say, unlocking the phone and looking at the long string of missed texts and phone calls. I dial Sarah's number immediately.
"Emma!" She half screams into the phone. "Are you okay!?" She sounds like she's about to start crying.
"I'm fine, Sarah, totally fine." I promise.
"Why haven't you been answering me?" She sobs into the phone.
"I'm at Seth's." I respond. "And my phone has been in my bag all night."
"You didn't show up at class so I was texting and calling you and Seth all morning." She continues. "But neither one of you were answering, so I drove to the trailer and it's completely unlocked and a mess and—"
"You went in the trailer?" I gasp. Sarah had never even stepped out of her car before in the trailer park. Picturing her standing in my sad excuse for a home makes my stomach churn.
"I didn't know if something happened to you!" She's still sniffling and I feel just awful. "Your bedroom door was smashed up and there was glass on the ground and blood on your sheets and…and…and…"
"Sarah, I'm so sorry." I breathe out. "I didn't even think to call you. I'm totally fine. My mom had friends over last night and it got out of hand. Seth came and got me so I didn't have to stay. And the blood is just from a small cut on my hand — no big deal."
"Are you downplaying what happened?" She asks. She knows me too well.
"I'm totally fine." I repeat. "I'll be back at school on Monday and we can hang out tomorrow maybe?"
"Can I talk to Seth?" She asks instead. I turn my head and sure enough Seth is leaning against the open door to his bedroom and I know he's just heard me stretch the truth on everything I told Sarah. He wordlessly holds out his hand to accept the phone.
"Okay." I sigh. "I'm going to go shower but you can talk to him."
"Okay, I'm glad you're okay." She says back.
"There's no point in making her more upset." I say quietly to Seth, handing over the phone. "She does so much for me."
"It's fine." He sighs. "Go shower."
I head into the bathroom with my stuff and turn the shower on. I had never heard Sarah so upset. I knew she cared about me of course but I really hadn't expected her reaction to me not being at school. And it had never even crossed my mind that she would be worried if I wasn't there or think something happened to me. I mean, something did happen to me but I was totally fine. I never pictured her being so worried that she would go to the trailer park to find me and then go inside my trailer. I was not surprised in the slightest that my mom had gone somewhere and left the trailer completely open though — she had never been very responsible.
I remove the bandages from my hand, grimacing at the blood. I would have to have Seth help me put on a new bandage once I had showered. My arms don't look good but the Advil has taken the dull ache away which helps. I take the most relaxing shower since the water is warmer and the pressure is better than it could ever be at the trailer. It's more difficult to wash my hair with one hand since I don't want to get shampoo in my cuts but I manage. When I'm out of the shower, I braid my hair so it will dry neatly and change into leggings and a soft sweater. Once I've added a little bit of concealer and mascara, I feel more like myself and look much more presentable.
"Seth?" I call hesitantly from the top of the stairs.
"Down here." He calls back. I bring my bag downstairs with me and find him in the kitchen. My phone is sitting on the table.
"Is she okay?" I ask.
"Yeah, she just cares about you." Seth explains. He seems to notice the way I'm holding my hand. "Do you need help rebandaging your hand?"
"If you could."
"Of course." He says. The disinfectant, ointment, and bandages Dr. Cullen had provided are one the counter so I head over to him and lay my hand flat so we can work. "And then we can head back to the trailer. Collin and Jake are going to meet us there with supplies to fix the door and put on a new lock."
"They are?" I ask, feeling surprised.
"Yup, we're going to get the place all cleaned up." He explains.
Maybe needing glue wasn't the worst thing.
Sorry for the wait on this one! I'm already working on the next chapter so I hope to have that up soon! I also have begun posting a Seth/Jessica story for anyone who is interested. I know it's a different pairing but if you like my writing and my storylines, I think you'll enjoy :)