A/N: Edited as of September 2020. Whew this took a long time to edit... Despite putting a lot of what was previously chapter 10 back in... Oh well. I hop you enjoy the chapter!

Chapter 11:

previously:

"But what?" she asked gently. Reid couldn't look her in the eye. How could she still be so calm? How could she even stand to be near him? "Spence, what is it?" she insisted.

"I enjoyed it!"

/*/

Silence fell over the room, only broken by the static from the baby monitor and the continuous music from the movie menu that was still playing. "I enjoyed it," he whispered again, sinking to his knees. He put his head in his hands to shut out the world.

For what seemed like hours, neither of them moved. "Wh- what part?" she asked in a whisper.

Confused, Reid lifted his head. Everything was blurry, and he realized he must've been crying. "What do you mean?"

Annabelle licked her lips, hugging her arms around herself. "What part did you like? Was it – was it the r- the rape itself?" she asked hesitantly, sounding and looking as pained as Reid felt.

"No," Reid replied immediately.

"So what was it then? I know you're not a sadist, nor a rapist, so what was it?" How she could say those things with such certainty, Reid would never know.

Reid was shaking, he had no idea how to handle a situation like this. This was way outside of his comfort zone. "I – I don't know, just… just being with you," he answered eventually.

Annabelle swallowed, clearly still uncomfortable, but took a step forward nonetheless. "So you liked being with a woman?"

Reid fisted a hand in his hair. She didn't understand, he knew she couldn't. "What if I'm turning into the very monsters I spend my life fighting?" he whispered in a broken voice.

Annabelle came over, crouched down in front of him and put a gentle hand on his cheek, forcing him to look at her. Slowly, he raised his eyes to hers and nearly broke down at the warmth in them. "Spencer Reid, you are not a monster, do you hear me? Not any more than I am. You're the only thing that kept me sane in there," she said in a gentle voice. "Spencer, it wasn't… it wasn't violent. It wasn't particularly comfortable, but…" she swallowed thickly. "I can't say I'm pleased to hear that you… but… you're not a monster for having liked being with someone. Even if it was under... those circumstances."

Reid just couldn't understand how she could say that. How could she not hate him? So he asked: "How can you not think I'm a monster?" He was terrified of the answer, but he needed to know.

She shrugged, looking a little uncomfortable. "Because I thought that way about myself for a long time… You weren't the only unwilling participant back then, Spence. I… I guess I felt like… well, to put it bluntly, like a whore."

Reid could only stare at her. For all his prowess as a behavioral analyst, he could not understand this woman.

"It took me a long time to overcome that, to realize that it wasn't my fault. And neither was it yours, Spence. It was his fault, and he got what he deserved for it. When I finally came to that realization, I decided to move here and to tell you about Matthew."

"I don't understand."

Annabelle shrugged again and lowered herself to the floor next to him. "People don't always make sense, Spence, they're not numbers. Sometimes they do weird things, and sometimes… Sometimes they care about people they should logically hate…" she said, hesitantly, biting her lip and keeping her eyes on the ground. Then, she actually smiled a little as she looked up at him. "Though it's good to know that people can still surprise you. You're not all-knowing after all," she teased.

There was still tension around her eyes, and Reid recognized it as her best effort to get things back to normal after their rather emotional conversation. This was difficult for her, no matter how far she's already come in getting over what had happened.

Reid wiped his eyes and ran a hand through his hair. In a weird way, what she said made sense. He'd seen people do illogical things more often than not. He'd even seen his coworkers do some incredibly crazy things, yet he considered every one of them completely normal people, people he loved…

The baby monitor creaked, though it didn't seem like Matthew had woken up. "I'll go check on him," Annabelle said quietly, getting up and quickly leaving the room. She needed space. And, Reid was surprised to note, so did he. He needed time to think about what she'd said, and compare it to what he believed about himself.

Was it really possible that she'd forgiven him? And could he ever forgive himself? Though - he reflected as he heard Annabelle murmur through the baby monitor - however horrible the experience had been, it had given them Matthew. And he couldn't bring himself to wish that it had never happened.

Reid wasn't sure how long he sat there on the ground, but eventually, Annabelle returned with a wide-awake Matthew. She had his blanket over her shoulder, so he assumed she'd just fed him.

Wiping his eyes one more time, he got up, walked over and took his son from Annabelle's arms. Cradling the child close to his chest, he wished he could freeze that moment, that he could just hold on to his son forever, and never have to deal with anything anymore. As he gazed at this tiny infant, he couldn't help but be overcome with love for the child. Could he really regret what happened when it gave him this? A chance to be a father, a part of a family?

Slowly, he became aware of Annabelle's eyes on him. "What did you mean, before?" he asked, cautiously curious.

"When?"

"When you said that you cared about people you should logically hate." He honestly hadn't really understood her whole speech, except for the fact that people weren't logical. He was really hoping that an explanation would give him some insight in… everything.

Annabelle blushed, but determinately kept her eyes on him. "You don't know?" she asked softly, cocking her head. Reid shook his head. Annabelle looked at the floor, probably trying to gather her thoughts. "Everyone else on this planet would have gotten rid of Matthew and moved as far away from here as possible… Me? I practically ran to you, and I love Matthew more than anything. What kind of person does that make me?" She laughed humorlessly. "Guess we're both a little dysfunctional, huh?"

"I guess we are…"

/*/

Despite the heavy conversation they'd had - or perhaps because of it - Annabelle and Spence agreed that they both needed sleep, so they each retreated to their respective bedrooms. But Annabelle couldn't sleep, even with the comforting sound of Matthew's soft snores in the background.

Eventually, she told herself she needed to forget about that conversation for now and focus on sleep. Her son would need her to be awake and focused the next morning.

Unfortunately, she found no solace in her dreams.

It was dark, and she didn't know where she was. A light suddenly blinded her, illuminating herself and the chair she was sitting on. It was eerily reminiscent of an electric chair. "Hello?" she called out hesitantly. "Is anybody there?"

"All your fault," a voice whispered back. It seemed to be coming from every direction at once.

"Who's there? What's my fault?" she yelled back. Her heart was hammering against her ribs, only adding to her fear and agitation.

"Should have known… Your fault," the haunting voice continued. Annabelle was starting to panic, and wanted to get up, to take a look around. As soon as she tried to move, though, bindings appeared out of nowhere and wrapped around her arms and legs, effectively trapping her.

"What… What is this? What's going on!" she screamed. "Somebody help me!"

"Itsy bitsy spider climbed up the water spout," the voice sang. It was a man's voice, but the echoes distorted it, making it seem even more creepy.

"Who are you!" she yelled, getting more and more hysterical.

"Down came the rain and washed the spider out…" It had to be coming from behind her. Annabelle twisted in her seat to see the darkness behind her. Something moved.

"Out came the sun, and dried up all the rain…" Spence stepped out from the shadows, his face haunting and gaunt. He held a knife in his hands, twirling it around and around…

"And the itsy bitsy spider…" he sang softly. It didn't sound like his voice, it sounded… wrong. His eyes were on the knife, watching it reflect the light as it twirled and twirled. "… climbed up the spout again." He stopped singing, and walked around the chair to stand in front of her.

Somehow, the silence was even more terrifying than the singing had been. Finally, Spence stopped, a mere foot away from her. "Spence," she whispered, aware of tears on her cheeks, but not caring.

"You killed him," he said. His voice still had that strange echo-y quality and was barely above a whisper, but in the silence, it was deafening.

"What?" she asked, confused. "Killed who?" A suspicion started to rise up inside of her, but she refused to acknowledge it, couldn't believe it.

Spence's dead eyes seemed to stare right into her soul. "It's all your fault."

Annabelle was starting to get frightened again. "Spence, I-" she started, but stopped when something happened.

Spence was shaking all over, shaking so fast, she could barely see him anymore. Horrified, Annabelle watched as his skin peeled back, to reveal that it wasn't Spence at all. Before her stood the very man that had haunted her nightmares for a year now. It was Joshua Dunn, the man who had abducted Spence and her. "No, no, it can't be you, you're locked up," she whispered, more to try and reassure herself than to him.

"It's all your fault," Dunn said, his voice morphing from Spence's to that of a murderer. "Your little boy is dead, and it's all your fault," he taunted, cocking his head in some sick imitation of innocence.

Annabelle strained against her bonds, panic rising in her throat. "You're lying. You can't be here, this is a dream, this can't be real!" she screeched, closing her eyes against the reality before her.

"Your fault." He laughed hauntingly. "You thought you could play at being a mom? You can't even take care of yourself. You're as insane as I am! I mean, you've fallen for the man who raped you? And people say I'm crazy!"

"No, no, no, no, no, no," Annabelle whispered to herself, straining against her bonds as much as she could. "This isn't real, you're not here." It was almost a mantra.

"Even if it's not real. You know I'm not lying. You can't protect that little boy from me, or from anyone. He's going to die, and it will be all your fault!" he said gleefully. Another beam of light showed up a few yards to her right. Matthew was playing with the bunny JJ had given him, putting one of the ears in his mouth. He seemed unconcerned as Dunn closed in on him.

"Get away from him!" Annabelle screamed as Dunn picked Matthew up.

"Nothing you can do," he whispered, holding her son close. His free hand crept up to Matthew's neck as the toddler kept sucking on the rabbit's ear, completely unconcerned.

"No!" she screamed. The chains at her right hand were getting looser, just a little while longer and she'd have one had free.

"Itsy bitsy spider…" Dunn whispered, pressing his lips to Matthew's scalp. The child looked up at her then. "Mama?" he said, his voice clear and almost angelic, eyes wide and trusting.

"It's okay, baby, mama's here," she said, finally freeing one hand. She worked furiously to get her other hand free.

"Got washed away by rain," Dunn whispered, and with a quick flick of his wrist, broke Matthew's neck.

/*/

She screamed.

Vaguely, she was aware that she was sitting up in her bed, and that her feet and left hand were tangled in the sheets, but all she could see was Joshua Dunn snapping her son's neck.

Spence burst through the door, eyes wide and frantic, looking for danger, before settling on her.

Annabelle's throat hurt. She must've kept screaming then. She couldn't hear it anymore, could only hear the sick snap of bones being disconnected. Could only smell the damp darkness she'd been trapped in, inside her dream.

"Annabelle!" Spence shouted, rushing over to the bed and grabbing her shoulders. "Annabelle! You're right here, I'm here, you're safe!"

She sucked in panicked breaths, but she wasn't screaming anymore. "Ma- Mathew!" she shouted, unable to calm her racing heart.

She'd managed to untangle her other hand, and threw off her blanket, like it was responsible for trapping her.

"He's fine, he's alright, just startled," Spence said, going over to pick up the screaming child.

She knew she needed to go to him, that her baby needed her, but she couldn't seem to make herself move. Now that the fear was abating, tears started rolling down her cheeks. She knew it wasn't real, she knew it was stupid. But she could still feel it, that loss, somewhere deep inside her. Her panic was over, but she could still barely breathe.

"Hey, we're here," Spence muttered, coming to sit beside her, putting Matthew between them. The baby was clearly still confused and scared, but being sandwiched between his parents was clearly helping.

"It was just a nightmare," Spence said, wrapping her and Matthew in a hug. Annabelle buried her face in his neck, happy that he was shielding them from the world.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "It was just so real…"

"Shh, it's alright, I'm here, Matthew's here, we're all alright," he whispered back.

Matthew calmed down somewhat, but didn't stop fussing. Annabelle leaned back from the embrace and glanced at the clock. 5:30am.

As she stood, she took her son into her arms and rocked him, humming a lullaby despite her sore throat. He soon settled down. "You should go back to sleep," she whispered to Spence when she put the baby back in his crib.

"Not sure I'll get a lot more sleep tonight," he murmured back. "Want to talk about it?"

Annabelle rubbed at her eyes. "Not really. Which means I probably should,huh?" She said, crawling back onto the bed.

Spencer looked a bit uncomfortable, perched on the edge of her bed. "Not if you don't want to."

Annabelle nodded in thanks. "It was just a nightmare. Joshua Dunn, he…. he had Matthew," she managed to say, feeling her eyes prickle with unshed tears again. She blinked a few times and refused to let them fall.

Spence reached out and captured her hand in his. "I'm sorry. But you have to know, I'd never let anything happen to him. Or to you," he said, smiling softly at her.

Annabelle returned it, sinking back into her pillows. "I know. Thank you."

"Any time," he said, getting back up to return to his own room.

She listened to his footsteps and noted that he didn't close his door. Smiling softly, she let her eyes fall closed again. Maybe she'd be able to get some more sleep tonight after all.

A/N: And now we've only got 1 more chapter to edit! Yay! Let me know what you thought about this chapter, and what you're expecting in the future!