HEARTBEAT
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hello, all. This is a short story derived from Xela-the-Conqueror's Fate fanfic series, where Connla has been incorporated into their work as Connie (to tell her apart from a different Connla who is male). Specifically, this story takes place between the two major story arcs Alternate Order: America and Raid of Lagertha where Connie plays some roles in. I'll try my best to explain any context, but go give those a read at Xela's DeviantArt page if you're still not sure of what's going on here because I really don't want to do a full-on exposition dump if I can avoid it. Other than that, please enjoy!
Connie belongs to me. Kojirou Lily, Connla and Connla Alter belong to SkyArmyRecurit1000.
- Benit149
Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.
The monitor continuously blipped in tune to the beat of a particular patient's heartbeat. Sitting next to the stretcher was another person who kept a vigilant watch on their comatose friend.
Lying within Chaldea's medical bay was one of the organization's youngest Servants, if not the youngest one period. Her True Name was Connla, the ill-fated 'son' of Cuchulainn who was actually born a girl in her timeline. However, Chaldea was home to at least one other Connla who was a proper male, so this one was christened the nickname Connie to tell the two apart. At only seven years old, she demonstrated a knack for both combat and strategy that was downright uncanny for her allies to behold, but her talents were mired by how slow her physical development and stamina were. Since she died as a child, there was no way for her to know what she would have been had she grown up, so it was impossible for anyone to summon her as an adult.
The Servant keeping an eye on Connie was a nine-year old version of the Assassin-class samurai Sasaki Kojirou, also known as Kojirou Lily to differentiate him from his adult self. He loved training more than anything, so when he met Connie, he knew he had found both an excellent training partner and a friend around his age. Right now though, Kojirou was not in the greatest of moods. He had not been able to accompany Connie on her adventure with Rin, the Viking siblings, Iskandar and everyone else to the alternate American Singularity. Everyone thought that incident would be easier to resolve since Cuchulainn Alter was not present there.
It turned out to be much, much worse than anyone had anticipated.
Of the Servants who accompanied Rin, Connie had taken the worst of it all. It was probably a miracle that she was still alive, considering what Chaldea's enemy had done to her then. She had fought against them valiantly, but was ultimately slain in battle. Not only that, she had previously discovered some devastating news concerning her mother Aife, which had caused additional mental shock for her and probably contributed to her coma.
Even since then, Connie remained unconscious in the medical ward. Kojirou sat besides her, constantly feeling guilty that he had not accompanied her when she needed support the most. He absolutely wanted to be the first one to greet her when she woke up, even more so than Connie's 'older brother'; an alternate Connla who was a teenaged male that basically functioned like Cuchulainn in battle, and shared in his father's joy for combat as well. Connla had been watching over Connie for a while as well, but then left to get some rest himself.
Right now, Kojirou leaned his head on the side of the bed and was getting some sleep himself. The rhythmic beeping of the heart monitor had lulled him asleep as he held Connie's hand. His nerves seemed to jolt on instinct when he thought he felt her hand move a little.
"Mm… Connie?" he murmured as he woke up.
His sense of touch wasn't deceiving him. Her fingers really had curled a bit. They moved again a few times, then Connie stirred before wearily opening her eyes. The strong scent of medicine wafted through her nostrils, which she certainly wasn't expecting.
"… Where… am I…?" she whispered.
"Connie?" Kojirou snapped to life once he heard her. "Are you awake?"
"A… wake…?"
"Yeah. Do you remember anything?"
She shifted her eyes until they made contact with his, then she moaned, "Koji-"
Suddenly, Connie coughed when she discovered that her throat was seriously parched. Kojirou helped her guzzle down a glass of water, then she tried speaking again.
"Kojirou… Where is this?"
"The medical ward. Rin brought you back here and Josuke healed you, but you were unconscious for a long time. Irisviel and Svarog couldn't find any curses on you, so no one had any idea why you wouldn't wake up. I'm so glad you're awake now, but do you really not know what happened to you?"
"Um…" the little girl murmured as she pondered on what she had been doing before. "I was… Right… I know I spoke with Mother… And then there was a big hole that we fell though…"
"Yes, that's right. Do you remember what happened after you talked with Aife?"
Connie paused, staring blankly at the white ceiling. Someone seemed to resurface in her muddled memory… The sight of something, or rather someone, bursting out of Aife's chest and burrowing its way out of her like a parasite.
Once she remembered that, her cheeks immediately lost their color as she uttered, "That man… Brother's Alter version…"
Indeed, the true enemy that Rin and her Servants had faced off was not Cuchulainn Alter. Instead, Medb had summoned Aife, Cuchulainn's one-time lover, to be an incubator for a corrupted version of the male Connla. Once Connla Alter had reached full maturity, he literally exploded out of his mother's chest in a gory display of blood and guts before declaring his intent to slaughter every living being on sight. That was all immediately after Aife declared her absolute loathing of Connie's very existence, calling her a wretched creature that Cuchulainn had forced her to raise against her will.
It was no wonder the little girl couldn't recall Connla Alter right away – the trauma was so severe that she must have blocked him out momentarily.
"Right, you're getting there," Kojirou assured. "After Connla Alter showed up, you, Rin and the others fell into the Underworld, where you met Hades and Persephone."
"Yes, I know that. Lady Persephone was so kind to let me cry over her shoulder. Then you, Brother and I spoke for a while before we resurfaced near the White House. And then…"
"You went against Connla Alter."
"Mm," she nodded. "I don't know why, but it just felt natural for me to fight him, even though I was so much weaker than him."
"Of course it would. He was another version of the Heroic Spirit Connla. You probably wanted to bring your blade to his throat so that he wouldn't sully the hero's name with any further atrocities."
"You think so?"
"If I had an alternate self who had gone berserk, I'd want to put them down too. Strong or not, you did the right thing in challenging him. It's just that he was far, far more powerful than anyone could have anticipated. He was probably stronger than Cuchulainn Alter, and you already have experience with barely winning against him."
"I know. Even then, I won in that Nevada Singularity only because Father wanted me to win. It wasn't really out of any merits I have as a warrior. If I only scraped a victory then, then it was impossible for me to win against Brother's Alter when he was so unhinged with his violent streak."
Connie widened her eyes and gasped as she wondered, "T-That's right! What happened afterwards!? Are Master and the others okay!? Did they manage to defeat Alter!?"
"Rin held him off for a while before the Vikings intervened. My understanding is that they destroyed him with a combination of Bjorn's Greek fire and Sigurd Snake-in-the-Eye's Fafnir."
"Oh, thank goodness," she immediately settled down upon hearing that news. "So everyone else made it out all right."
"Yeah. You were hit the worst of us all though. Connla Alter destroyed your spear and slashed across your chest."
"Really? I don't remember that."
"It's probably better that you don't," Kojirou frowned hard. "I'd be too scared to look at the scar such a brutal attack would cause."
Connie shrugged, then sighed, "It's not a problem for me. Just another one to add to the collection."
"Don't say that. Aife had no right to torture you like that throughout your whole life."
"But for her to have been so angry with me, she must have suffered so much. After all, Father essentially raped her, and then abandoned her with a child she didn't want while he went off to be a famous hero."
"Even so, you didn't do anything wrong! She should have known better than to take it out on you like that! You heard what she said, right!? She raised you solely for the purpose of getting her revenge against Cuchulainn! Your well-being didn't mean a thing to her! If I were in your position, I would forget about her immediately!"
The child Lancer became increasingly agitated as she moaned, "That's easy for you to say. All the knowledge I've gained is from either Mother or Scathach. They're the only ones who taught me anything. For me to 'forget' about Mother is to discard literally my entire life's worth of learning. I'd be a complete blank slate then. I wouldn't know what to do."
"That's ridiculous! Didn't you live near any towns!? Couldn't you have sought help!?"
"No. Mother and I lived deep in the mountains, hundreds of miles away from civilization."
"Gh… Ugh!" Kojirou fumed and smacked his knees in irritation. "I can't believe this! Why didn't you say anything about this to Connla or me!?"
Connie closed her eyes forlornly. "I didn't… want to make anyone upset. I've been watching how everyone gets along so well here in Chaldea. I was afraid of ruining this amicable atmosphere and bogging everyone down with my depressing history. Or maybe I was afraid of everyone laughing at me for being stupid enough to obey such a tyrannical mother."
"How could anyone laugh at that!? A proper child is supposed to obey their parents!"
"I know. I only wisened up to Mother's true intentions the moment Father threw Gae Bolg at me. By then though, it was obviously far too late for me to warn him."
Kojirou became deathly silent. He couldn't believe his friend had been carrying so much emotional weight on her little shoulders. He knew she possessed a sorrowful cadence despite her charming appearance, but he wasn't entirely sure why she always looked so distant and downhearted. He and Connla had heard bits and pieces about Connie's poor upbringing, particularly with the hundreds of scars covering her entire body save for her face. If those injuries were only a hint as to what she went through though, then Kojirou wasn't sure if he wanted to know the entire story and risk having nightmares for weeks afterwards.
Despite his hesitation though, he definitely wanted to be there for Connie. Nightmares or not, he would gladly listen to her if she ever wanted to talk.
He made this known by putting his hand on her shoulder and saying, "If that's how you feel, then I'll respect that. Just… don't hide anything like that anymore, okay? If it hurts that badly, then you know Connla and I are here to listen."
"Mm," Connie mumbled and nodded. "I guess now that Mother revealed everything, Brother will definitely want to ask me some hard questions."
"Oh, you bet he will."
"… Kojirou?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you think you could help me out when the time comes? I don't want him to overwhelm me or anything."
"Of course. I'll tell him to take it slow."
"Thank you."
Connie shuffled under the blankets, then said, "I'm getting a little sleepy. I'm sorry, but could I have some time to myself? I feel like I can't get any rest if you're worrying about me like this."
Kojirou stood up and replied, "If that's what you want, then okay. You're awake now, so I have nothing to worry about. Just take it easy and get plenty of rest. Do you want anyone else to pay you a visit, or do you want to be left alone for a bit?"
"Just for a bit… I need some time to clear my head."
"Sure. I'll let everyone know. By the way, I've been hearing word that Gudako managed to summon some new Servants. One of them seems to be particularly dangerous."
"Dangerous? Who is it?"
"I have no idea. I asked a few Servants, but they refused to tell me."
"How strange. Whenever we get new allies, there always seems to be a big ruckus."
"Yeah, there was," Kojirou said. "It's just that it wasn't all that good. I heard that Grendel punched him in the face the moment he appeared before Gudako."
"Wow."
"I wonder if he's going to be around for very long, considering the tension he supposedly causes between the other Servants."
Connie mumbled to herself in contemplation. Then she said, "If Gudako really didn't want him, she would have burned his Spirit Origin for QP and Prisms already, right? Since she clearly hasn't, it means she values him as much as she does with her other Servants, right?"
"I guess so…"
"Then as long as the rules are enforced, I'm not worried about him."
"Boy, that's some confidence. I could take a page out of your book," Kojirou admitted while scratching his head sheepishly. "Okay, I'll try to find out more. See you later."
With that, Kojirou approached the door and flicked the lights off so that Connie could go back to sleep easier. Once he shut the door, the entire room was swallowed in total darkness save for the heart monitor that continuously beeped in tune to her heartbeat. She listened to the rhythmic sound for about two minutes, daring not to make a sound other than her labored breathing. Only now did she realize that there was a strange tingling sensation running across her chest. She ran her fingers along and realized that her upper body was wrapped in layers of bandages.
This must be from when Alter struck me down.
Connie didn't want to exacerbate her injury, so she left it be and laid there for a short while. Despite saying that she was tired to Kojirou, she was actually too unsettled to fall back asleep. All while she was speaking with him, something kept nagging at her. She couldn't figure out what it was with him around, so that was the real reason why she asked him to leave. Now that she was alone, Connie could get a better grasp of what had been bothering her.
There's a strong scent…
It wasn't the bitter stench of medicine - it was something else. She thought she had smelled this aroma before, but wasn't exactly sure where. It was a fairly strong musk of sweat, blood and steel that warriors tended to give off, coupled with a hint of natural fragrance that only men emanated. Connie's sense of smell wasn't exactly anything to boast about, but it was particularly difficult for her to ignore this scent. She actually couldn't believe that Kojirou failed to pick up on it the whole time. Maybe it was just her who was sensitive to it for some reason?
Regardless, she knew there had to be someone else in the room with her.
The young Lancer looked over and meekly asked, "… Is someone there?"
No response.
She grunted and struggled to sit up on her bed. Although Josuke had fully healed her injuries, she was so fatigued that it took a great deal of effort just for her to get up. She gasped hard and kept her eyes trained on where she thought the smell was coming from.
Suddenly, Connie heard a man's deep gruff as he snorted and muttered, "Geez. Stop being so stubborn."
Her eyes widened slightly.
This voice…
"Fine. Get your ass back in that bed. I'll come to you," the visitor demanded and stood up from his hiding spot behind the doctor's desk. Kojirou had not spotted him because a curtain obscured the desk from view. The man's metallic boots clacked on the marble flooring as he carefully walked out and revealed himself to Connie.
Although it was nearly pitch black, she already knew who he was. She could visualize his long blue hair that changed to fiery red at the tips, his flaring crimson eyes framed by purely black sclera, and the indigo combat armor he completely covered himself in from the neck down. Her eyes adjusted to the darkness rather easily thanks to a large shining red jewel he bore where his heart was supposed to be. This gemstone functioned as an artificial heart to replace the one that the Heroic Spirit Connla lost when Cuchulainn gouged his/her heart out with Gae Bolg. Neither Connie nor Connla possessed a gem like that – it appeared to be exclusive to this version of the older male Lancer.
After a moment of hesitation, she breathed in abject surprise, "You're… Brother's Alter…"
"Yeah," Connla Alter muttered bitterly. "That girl Gudako summoned me to be one of her Servants."
"So you're the 'dangerous Servant' that Kojirou was talking about?"
"None other. Curse that Grendel wench for punching me like that so suddenly," he growled and rubbed his cheek. "If I didn't have a Command Spell instantly forced on me, I would have slaughtered her without a second thought."
Connie paused, unsure of how to take this revelation. Here was the guy who had caused her to be hospitalized in the first place. He was the one who burst out of Aife's chest, threatened to kill everyone, and then slew Connie during the climatic battle. And now, here he was paying her a visit. She wasn't sure if fate was playing some kind of ludicrous prank on her.
Does he want to finish me off? Or is he here just to talk?
Her anxiety seemed to exponentially grow out of control, but she kept herself in check by doing some deep breathing exercises. He noticed how stressed out she was and asked, "What is it? You want me to hide myself in some obscure corner like everyone else wants me to?"
"N-No," she found herself blurting. "I just want to know… if you were listening… to what Kojirou and I… were talking about…"
Connla Alter narrowed his eyes. With a deep huff, he murmured, "I was."
"I see…" she shuddered and hid herself beneath the covers in shame.
"Tch. How did you know I was here?"
"I picked up your scent. I knew someone had to be hiding in this room the whole time, but I didn't want to alarm Kojirou."
"You keep too much to yourself, you know that? Pisses me the hell off."
"I'm sorry."
"Enough. Apologizing just ticks me off even more. That witch Aife raised you to be a meek and obedient little plaything who bottles everything up and doesn't rely on others. You've got nothing to be sorry about. It's just the product of your twisted upbringing."
"I guess so…"
Connla Alter took the chair that Kojirou had been sitting in previously and sat down on it. He glared at Connie for a minute, which made her feel even more uncomfortable. She couldn't tolerate this tense silence between them any further, so she asked, "Is something the matter?"
"You… You were the reason the other 'me' woke up inside Aife."
"Huh? I don't understand."
"I have some memories of what my other self did in that Singularity. As an abnormal, corrupted persona of the original Heroic Spirit you and I are derived from, I was too weak to manifest as Medb's lackey right away. That's why she needed Aife to act as my incubator until I could reach full maturity. Thanks to that, I could see bits and pieces of the situation through Aife's perspective."
"So then, you heard what Mother said to me?"
"Yeah. I heard that she absolutely despised you; that you were forced onto her by Cuchulainn; that your existence took away seven years of her freedom; that she tortured you and called it 'endurance training'; and that you were so worthless to her that she was glad to have the chance to kill you."
"…"
"Thanks to her raging bloodlust though, that managed to wake the other 'me' from slumber."
Connie swallowed nervously. "Then you must hate me as well. Because you were an intrinsic part of Mother for a while, you must have inherited her-"
"That's not it," Connla Alter immediately stopped her. "I may have heard everything, but that doesn't mean I share in her demented opinion. If anything, I think a sense of desperation took me over as I fought to claw my way out of that woman's womb."
"Desperation? What for?"
"Beats me. Maybe I just wanted to shut Aife up because she was screeching like a damn parrot too much."
"Hmm…"
Connie had a gut feeling that wasn't the real reason. Even so, she didn't want to pressure Connla Alter into admitting anything if he didn't want to talk about it. Whatever he had been thinking about in that moment, the fact remained that he emerged from Aife in order to engage in senseless slaughter.
"Whatever," Connla Alter grumbled. "I just wanted to tell you that I know everything too. It'd be way too annoying for me to keep it secret and act all awkward around you."
"I see. Thank you for telling me," the little girl said.
He winced. Never before had he ever heard anyone thank him for anything, so he was rather embarrassed by her unabated comment. He got up and grunted, "Never mind. Just trying to make my life a little easier here. I think I'll go back and crawl in my corner now."
"Um…"
"Hm? What?"
"I don't know if it's just me, but… Well… You look like you want to ask me something else."
He snarled to himself. "Dammit. You noticed, huh? Guess I can't keep anything from you."
"What do you want to know? If it's not too difficult, I can answer it."
"Fine. Just tell me one thing. When you talked with Aife, you asked her a specific question. The thing is… why exactly did you ask her if she 'hated' you?"
Connie blinked, then said, "Why else? I told everyone else about my upbringing, and they all acted mortified about it. I thought that was how all mothers raised their children, so I never thought the others would react like that. It wasn't making any sense to me, so I figured I'd ask her straight."
"That's not what I meant," Connla Alter grunted and bared his sharp fangs. "Why didn't you ask her if she 'didn't love' you?"
"Is there a difference?"
"Of course there is. The Aife I knew 'didn't love' me, but she still treated me with the respect a mother should have for her son. The Aife you knew though… She was such a monster that not even the oni of Japan can compare to her brutality. What's worse is how nonchalant you are about it, as if being subjected to severe torture is just another day in the office for you."
"Well…"
He seemed to become increasingly furious as he demanded, "What would prompt you to ask her if she 'hated' you rather than that she 'didn't love' you? Do you really have no clue what it's like to be loved? Do you only understand how to be hated by others?"
Connie became deathly silent. Only the beeping of the heart monitor resounded between them. She tucked herself beneath the blankets and kept looking away from Connla Alter. He noticed that from the way she wrapped the sheets around her entire body like a cocoon, he surmised that she absolutely didn't want him to look at her body for whatever reason. Whatever she was hiding from him had to be the reason she was motivated to ask Aife such a hard question.
Connla Alter glared at her and snapped, "You don't want to tell me, do you?"
"…"
"For fuck's sake. That secretive nature of yours is getting on my nerves. Makes me want to go slaughter something."
"…"
"Persistent, aren't you? Fine, see if I care," he muttered bitterly.
"I'm sorry."
"There you go again, apologizing for someone else's problems. Aife fashioned you into a good patsy, didn't she? I'm gonna have to do something about that bad habit of yours once you get all better."
Connie wasn't sure what he meant, but while he sounded annoyed with her, it didn't seem like he was actually angry with her. If anything, he seemed to be doing his damndest to reach out to her despite his corrupted nature, and she was instinctively pushing him back. He found it hard to actually get mad at her though - he knew she was just a scared, weak little kid trying to please those around her and constantly failing at it. That was probably why he was compelled to visit her in the medical ward despite his previous incarnation being the one responsible for incapacitating her.
"In the meantime though," he continued, then grinned darkly and flexed his armored talons, "I'll just have to rage out for the both of us."
"Rage out…?" she murmured curiously.
"Your problem is that you're too nice for your own good, so you wind up not speaking up for yourself. If you're not going to show your anger to anyone, then I'll do it on your behalf. We are derived from the same Heroic Spirit, after all. I should understand your frustration the best out of anyone here."
"Y-You don't really have to-"
"I'm going to, and that's final. If my job is to destroy our enemies, then yours is to protect our allies. That's what a goody two-shoes like you should be doing anyway. If you ask me, you had no business challenging my other self to that fight when you obviously weren't capable of killing him. You should have hung back and let the Viking boys do the dirty work."
"You think so?"
"Yeah. I'll do the heavy lifting and slaughter our prey. You just focus on your training and get better at defending the others."
"If you insist," Connie nodded. A moment later, she let out a large yawn and wiped her teary eyes. "Goodness… I don't know why, but I'm so exhausted all of a sudden."
"No kidding," Connla Alter remarked. "Meeting me must have wiped you out."
"I guess so."
"Then I'll get lost for now. You just chill out and get some sleep."
He was about to turn to leave, but she then uttered, "W-Wait."
"What is it?"
"Could you… stay by my side for a little bit?"
"What do you mean?"
"Like, um… Hold my hand, or something like that? Even for just five minutes? I mean, you don't have to if you don't want to…"
He raised an eyebrow and scratched the back of his head. Her request completely perplexed him for a second, but he figured there was no harm in granting it. He murmured, "Having trouble sleeping? Fine, I'll stick around until you pass out."
She extended her arm and wrapped her little fingers around his gaunt armored hand. Connla Alter suddenly felt a pang of anxiety clutch his chest. He had no trouble butchering powerful enemies with his talon-like fingers, yet he was absolutely afraid of getting a scratch on the child Lancer if he handled her carelessly. He shuffled next to the bed as close as he could, then took Connie's palm and pressed it against his artificial heart. Incidentally, the hand he took was the same one that she wore the thumb ring on, which Cuchulainn left for the original Connla to wear as identification when he/she traveled to Ireland.
Then something truly unexpected happened. The red markings on Connie's ring and the red glow of Connla Alter's false heart seemed to shine in unison, as if for those few moments, their heartbeats and the heart monitor were all perfectly in sync. His warmth passed through her arm, and she was lulled to a gentle sleep thanks to that. Likewise, he could feel her warmth calm his agitated nerves, and his earlier bloodlust seemed to subside to nothing.
"Feh," Connla Alter chuckled to himself. "Not even five minutes and she's out like a light."
While waiting for Connie to pass out, he took this opportunity to peer at the rest of her arm. He couldn't ignore the many poorly-healed markings that polluted the girl's pale flesh. Curiosity overcame him, as he couldn't resist the urge to pull back the blankets she was cocooning herself inside and see what she had been hiding from him. She didn't even so much as budge as he inspected her other arm and both legs. Even the soles of her feet were horribly scarred from having to walk on sharp nails, broken glass or burning coals as punishments for whatever hilariously insignificant things Aife could think of. He opted not to look under her nightgown – he figured her torso would be in a similar state as well.
Disgusting… Just absolutely disgusting.
Connla Alter tucked the blankets over Connie and left the room without saying a word. Nothing would lighten his mood more than killing several dozen monsters in the simulator, so that was exactly where he headed to. He found that his sour mood from before was more or less gone, particularly because of something Connie said that really affected him:
So my Spirit Origin wasn't immediately burned for QP, huh? What a dumb thing to say. Guess I'll have to live up to the kid's faith in me and get stronger as soon as possible.