Hmm I feel like a hypocrite because I hate half-assed work but I'm doing it myself. To be fair though everything I do lately is half-assed, I've been really out of it. So this story is going back to roots...hoping I can still do funny in the dark and times it by two. It's apparently hard to keep sane with preparing graduate school applications, and first job out of university stress.

Chatting with Miroku was not something Rin relished. It made her all confused most of the time, and she had to ask Kagome-Nee what he means most times. But when it came to matters such as intimacy, Rin figured Miroku had to be an expert. If there was a championship for flirting, it would go to him, no doubt. If there was a scholarly debate on topics related to man and woman, Miroku would be the leader of that. In fact if this particular topic was seriously taught, Rin had no doubt the position "Imperial Tutor" would go to Miroku.

Now, if only she could get her upbringing as a Shrine Child out of her head, because most suggestions that Miroku offered made her turn various shades of red. Something about their conversation seemed off actually...he almost seemed to be operating on more information than she is. Which can't be right. But their current topic was making her feel confuddlement beyond any other confuddlement she's ever felt. That's saying something because even learning to read financial/economic reports only left her Confused at best and to her knowledge, Sesshomaru kissing her outside of their private quarters was the only way to leave her Befuddled. But nothing has ever made her "Confuddled." Except their current topic. Maybe he was assuming more than there actually is. Yea that must be it...Her duty was to bare pups after all...so this topic made sense...ish...The question wasn't too hard...maybe it's just his...methods. She approached him for advise because stupid scrolls were pulling her husband away from her...(Concerned Author steps in: it can't be healthy to be jealous of bamboo sticks strung together by very fine threads right?)

"Sesshomaru-sama has a way of overworking himself, forgetting about Rin, and even his own health!" The whiny tone of Rin's voice sounded very out of place given their formal setting.

"Ah…Typical work-a-holic, well Rin you've come to the right person. All ya gotta do is seduce the heck out of him!" Miroku was on his maybe 6th cup of sake now and in food heaven. He had no restraints or lids to his not so appropriate mouth. Rin's "confuddlement" only got worse and worse...'R-Rin c-can't d-do it.'

"Sure you can Rin! You already have 'Furry-shit'"

"Kami-sama, gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time…There are some exceptions though and your Lord seems one of them, so you have to figure out a way to turn off his brain...that's the only way to get healthy babies" Correcting that thought, this didn't make sense...she asked for advice on getting Sesshomaru to explain the Mokomoko...not how to bed her mate... "You can just drape yourself in that furry boa of his and seduce the heck out of him…treat him to some of your delicious cooking and some good wine!" Talking to the perverted Monk was definitely not a good idea...'T-TH-THIS IS JUST SCANDALOUS, RIN...RIN CAN'T DO IT...'

"MIROKU-SAMA!" Rin practically screeched…she didn't dare actually shout of course so many sensitive ears around, but she needed her answers asap. "Why are you talking about Mokomoko and making pups?"

"Mokomoko?…OH the Furry Shit…" Rin watched as Miroku's face turned about fifty different shades of red…what? She...didn't know what wearing the thing meant? Kamisama, did Sesshomaru neglect to tell her, or did she not pay attention to her classes? The idea that both parties being ignorant never occurred. Thinking about it Miroku recalled the Lord being very protective of the Mokomoko...but at the same time he's used it as a weapon quite a few times...It was definitely an heirloom that was important and all Inuyoukai had one. It would seem it's only meant to be shared with one's significant partner, and what he's picked up was that it symbolized intimacy...How could Rin not know that? He was over thinking it, off course she knew. It just fled her mind, but how to answer this?

"Rin this is a question you should as Sesshomaru…but the entire court is assuming your pregnant now because of how that thing is usually seen on your shoulders…"

"Miroku-sama…Rin doesn't have a way to ask…Sesshomaru-sama for the past month as been, work, eat, sleep and repeat…She barely got him some down time today before this event."

"Welp All I can suggest you do is seduce the heck out of him…NOW to do that… "

…Kamisama what made her think it was a good idea to ask HIM advise? This could be worse than playing another prank on him…She does still owe him one for breakfast… Thanks to him now she picks a bit at her Tamagoyaki before digging in as she usually does. BOO~! Kagome did say that intimacy was normal for married couples...she did say there are other wars for loosening the tongue that doesn't involve way too much alcohol...is this a good idea though...? How do Inuyoukai even go about these things?

"Hmm? You wanted an Inu theme…OH~ I never taught our little Rin would be so devious. I'll need is you and Furry Shit" Rin's confuddlement made her feel like maybe even a sloth might be smarter than her. She never said anything about inu-theme seducing her lord...not that it's a bad idea...

"All right, leave this to me Milady, all t. Now lets discuss payment, seeing how we're friends I'll give you a discount all I want is all the meat you have in storage now!"

"Eh? EEEH! NANI-yo!" The little voices in the back of Rin's head spoke up again, but surprisingly both the Ying and the Yang agreed that this prank the best….Assuming she can find the courage to pull it off without dying of embarrassment…

'SESSHOMARU-SAMA YOU ARE IN BIG TROUBLE'

"Rin you've gotta be kidding me!"

"Inuyasha, can you please make sure the buckets are in place?"

"You do know that Inu-youkai are extremely fast right?"

"That's what the ice is for, he can't flash-step out of the way if he can't even stand firmly."

"…And you remember he can fly..correct…?"

"Inuyasha-sama have you seen any of the youkai at court fly throughout the palace?"

Inuyasha didn't answer, which Rin took as him agree with her that it was impossible. Unfortunately for her though, the Hanyou had a very different idea than what she though was "flying." He didn't mean literally flying like Rin seemed to think…he meant more floating hovering about a hair's width from the floor. He had seen youkai visiting the village do it before. Those that dare enter have a very convincing human form, like Sesshomaru, and they avoid flying in so as not to startle the humans. Inuyasha and Miroku knew of course and would meet them to test if they were malicious intentions, but most just stopped by to get some seasonings. Apparently, it is possible even for youkai to get sick of the natural taste of their meat and berries diet. It was only after this visit that Inuyasha found out, Youkai liked rice and noodles as much as humans did. He had always assumed it was Saba or Tamago with freshly made miso soup, every morning with minimal seasonings. He found out that Youkai nobility were much more particular about their tea than any human aristocrat he's ever met. (And he's met a few, especially ones who wished to woo Rin with expensive teas and silks) Probably because their noses were that much better. But anyways he's getting side tracked, refocusing on the expertly set up trap that Rin created to shame her mate, Inuyasha felt Rin was underestimating the power of flight.

"And DONE, see the ice makes the wooden floor slick. Sesshomaru maybe a master of balance and stealth but even he can't fly in the house, so he has to walk. Now once he turns the corner we turn on Kagome's solar-powered fan which blows all these fluffy feathers at him, so he can't see where he's going. Without his usual balance and his sight being obscured we can unleash this bucket full of honey straight at his face."

"…YOU COULD SNAP HIS NECK RIN ARE YOU INSANE?!"

"Fiddle Faddle Inuyasha we all know Inu-youkai can only be killed if we really break his neck or if we take a sword and hit a vital!"

"… … …" Inuyasha was at a loss for words, What the HELL did Miroku say to her for her to be so mad?!

"Rin, if you're mad at him, you should talk to him not smash his head in. As much as I'd love to hurt that asshole brother of mine, I'm not too keen on seeing him die at the hands of his own mate"

"Psh, who's mad at him, this is just some harmless fun" The smile on her face was way to bright and innocent, it gave Inuyasha the creeps. Reaching out he grabbed Rin by her collar and proceed to shake her as he barked angrily.

"Listen, wench you don't go around smashing heads just for the fun of it, ya hear? That's not how we do things. Kaede taught you better than that didn't she?"

RIn however wasn't exactly listening…she was set on venting some of her anger before storming her mate's office. And this was her way of doing it. All she wanted was to know what the Mokomoko was, and instead he wrapped it around her in an ostentatious show of possession? He had a lot of explaining to do…(Author steps in: like someone who just got brained could explain anything…Rin very conveniently forgot this whole set up was targeting Sesshomaru…)

*sniff* sniff* Inuyasha grabbed Rin and hid in the rafters…not the most ingenious place to hide, but it was better than being caught red-handed. Crouching on the red beams Inuyasha had a very bad feeling in his gut…something wasn't right. His brother didn't make noise as he was moving unless he wanted to…and Shippo would be barrelling over not walking…plus it was a scent he didn't know. Not that it surprised him there were a lot of unfamiliar scents in the palace…The instant the figure was around the corner though he had to slap a hand across his mouth.

Miroku was walking drunkenly along the corridors, evidentially lost…Inuyasha watched with baited breath as his playboy friend stepped onto the ice. Immediately the man's zori skidded and slipped, he did a few little dances as he tried/failed to navigate the ice. (Those who watched Home Alone 2 picture that scene in the basement) Miroku basically did a belly dance, and a cha-cha before his feet gave out underneath him (picture Bambi falling and sliding around).

Miroku getting up again was a sight to behold. Legs wobbled like a newborn foal as he tried to get them out from underneath himself. His hands supporting his weight by bracing against the icy ground, shaking with effort. His face twisted into a look of intense concentration. However moment he gets up he flops back down on his butt. The foal always tries again though only to his stomach…then his each of his sides each time with this flabbergasted expression and a loud "Oof." Finally he managed to get himself onto all fours. Legs and arms quivering with the strain of keeping himself in the position. Hands and feet both on the ground, he muttered about needing his staff but forgetting it in his room, as he slowly tried to shuffle to the wall. Only for his limbs to give out under him at his first step and splaying on the ice, his eyes wide with shock. Inuyasha remembered seeing a "DiZuNī" film in Kagome's time on this box called "TeReBi." The show was called Bambi, he remembered how the cute little deer tried to play on ice but slipped when he got on hoofs flying out and belly-flopping on the ice. To his credit Inuyasha was doing remarkably well at holding in his laughter. Though his shaking frame was making the beams shake too. But Miroku was too preoccupied with preventing another spill, and mumbling to himself to hear the muffled guffaws, and snorts, giggles and laughter coming form above him.

The two wooden buckets that Rin brilliantly decided to add came flying in at that moment .One of them hitting Miroku on the rump as he tried to slowly remove his frozen hands from the icy ground. The impact was strong enough to send the poor man flying almost turning a somersault in the air (Author returns: Picture a scene from Kung Fu Panda) before landing on his side and sliding again. The good news was Rin had made sure that the force wasn't enough to break any bones…but it was a prank meant for youkai…so on a human…Inuyasha was now very worried about his friend and not at all enjoying the show.

"Ahaha wow who knew Miroku sama could dance, and is such a terrible skater…" Rin whispered before crawling to the edge of the beam and sliding down the nearest pole. Happily going to meet her mate for their "conversation" He was after all still in trouble. But Rin needed a laugh before...she didn't know whether it would be, Rin meeting the guillotine for not paying attention to her studies, or Rin sending Sesshomaru to the guillotine for keeping a secret.

Dear Guest, thank you for sticking around I'm sorry you thought it was "fucking awful" I'd ask how I can improve but I don't think you'll be seeing this. Again thank you and I'm sorry. (Very sincere)

Dear OverNinethousand, I'll consider your comment a brand of honour...you stick your pathetic little blogs on almost ever SessRin story that gets attention. So thank you for noticing this silly story and subjecting yourself to the pain of reading. Please feel free to do so again, it was a pleasure making your acquaintance, I'd love to see you on other works. (Very heavy sarcasm)