A/N: Based off 'Open Heart' from the app Choices by Pixelberry. What a book.
This one I would picture just at the start of OH Book 2.
Spoiler alert: it concerns the relationship between the MC and Rafael Aveiro. Things are bad for Dr Valentine.
In this story, my MC is named Matthew Valentine (I wasn't keen on the original name of Casey).
Matthew Valentine closed his eyes and gritted his teeth as he waited out his current situation. The grunting of his 'catch of the night' was getting faster and faster and then, with a gasp and a groan, the deed was done. There was a few minutes pause as the two of them caught their breath. Matthew glanced at the corner of the room and sorely wished he hadn't; he had seen something that looked suspiciously like a small pile of mice droppings.
"That weren't bad," the other man said, gruffly. "You don't give much though. You're pretty passive."
His companion for the night was shorter than him, but chubby, with a buzz cut and little too much body hair than Matthew would have liked to have seen. He hadn't come across as a socially conscious man and what Matthew had already seen of his apartment was only confirming that.
The other man then wiped his nose on the back of his hand and yawned loudly. "I don't remember the last time I had drinks and sex but, damn, it makes me sleepy. I'm gonna hit the hay. Help yourself to whatever. And the couch gets comfy."
"How generous," Matthew said, but he could barely scrape any emotion together. Not even a mild annoyance at the guy's lack of manner. "Hey, what's your-" but a loud snore drowned out the rest of his question. Matthew had intended to ask for his name, but apparently he was not wrong about the drinks and sex making him drowsy.
For the first time, Matthew turned to look at his companion properly, without the fuzz of alcohol in his brain now that the joyless sex had sobered him up a little. Once again, he bitterly regretted it.
The man was lying on his side on his side, stark naked and spread out. His mouth was wide open and a string of drool was already forming. This was the man that Matthew had lowered himself to, the man he thought would be worth it.
Suddenly filled with shame, Matthew hastily dressed and left the room, closing the door behind him. The snoring only made the door shake in the frame.
Stepping out into the apartment, Matthew took a proper look around. Definitely for a single person-or maybe a young couple, madly in love and just starting their journey together with nothing but many promising years ahead of them-it was merely a living room and kitchenette, with a shower room off to the side. With a deep breath Matthew turned on the light-a bare bulb hanging from the ceiling-and headed for the kitchenette hoping for a cup of coffee.
There was a pile of stained dishes in the sink, pots and pans stacked along the counter and utensils everywhere. There were also piles of take-out boxes from various restaurants. Matthew idly wondered if the plates at the bottom of the pile in the sink had been soaked to a rust. The whole place was giving off a smell that would have made Sienna throw up and faint. There were, however, a large number of mugs in one of the cupboards. Why wash up when you can just buy a fresh one Matthew thought.
As the kettle boiled, Matthew leaned gingerly against the stained counter. He ran his hand through his hair and realised he badly needed a shower. It had been really too long anyway but the need had become dire ever since he had bumped into the man who was snoring in the bedroom. Matthew rubbed his face and felt a few spots along his forehead, like he was going through puberty a second time.
He spooned instant coffee powder into a mug with a picture of a dog wearing sunglasses on it. Matthew opened the fridge to get milk and instantly recoiled. It gave off a powerful smell of rotten cheese, the date on the milk was from three days ago, and there was an exposed raw chicken breast right in the middle of the fridge.
Matthew slammed the door shut, stumbling backwards and tripping over his own feet, landing on a carpet covered in dubious stains. His first thought was to cleanse and stumbled into the shower room, turning on a flickering fluorescent light. Again, he retched.
The toilet hadn't been flushed and there were yellow piss stains along the seat and walls. The were dark, wispy hairs along the bottom of the shower and the rim of the sink. The toothpaste was open and squeezed, which had managed to attract a number of ants to the sweet substance. Ironically the tooth brush was bone dry.
Another snore shook the apartment. Rain started at the window, a light patter at first but descending into a full-on rainstorm.
"Fuck it. Rain is better than staying here," Matthew said aloud. He was probably contracting SARS or cholera or TB just by standing there. He turned and stumbled out of the apartment into a draughty hallway and ran down three flights of stairs that smelled of urine and vomit.
The rain soaked him to the skin instantly, but for once Matthew didn't care. In fact he felt relieved and took a few minutes just to stand, holding his arms out and gasping for fresh, clean air.
Stuffing his hands in his pockets, he started to walk in the general direction he had come. He hadn't been so far gone that he couldn't remember his surroundings. At least, he hadn't been so far gone by alcohol level.
Matthew had finished work earlier that day and headed to Donahue's with Elijah and Bryce. It had been a relatively good day, the best in a while; he had made the correct diagnosis on several tricky cases and seen his new intern kicking medical arse, and as the three of them had headed to the bar he suddenly felt like he might be OK after all. And then he had glanced over his shoulder to see Rafael smiling that wide smile at Sora as she ran into his arms laughing, and everything came flooding back.
Bryce and Elijah hadn't seen that bit and Matthew didn't want to bring the mood down-after all he should have moved on by now, it's not like he and Raf had ever made things official or anything-but he now felt empty. Elijah suggested darts, Bryce was up for it, Matthew suggested he would buy another round. As he headed for the counter, the catch of the night had bumped into him, already drunk.
The catch had leered and suggested, and Matthew realised he had stopped caring about anything. What did he have to lose? So he let the man kiss sloppy, beer-stinking kisses all over him before dragging him back to that petri-dish of an apartment.
"I probably caught so many diseases I will be hospitalised for life," Matthew said aloud. "And who will wait at my bedside hours after their shift and order me my favourite food even though it's against hospital policy and you could get in serious trouble for it? Who will lie on my bed next to me? Who will hold my hand and watch crappy TV to pass the time? Well I know who WON'T be doing that!" He threw his arms into the air and shouted to the sky "Was I not the one who stepped up and performed major life-saving surgery on you with no training!?"
Matthew took another step but missed his footing and went head over heels. And he couldn't bring himself to move from there.
"Look at the famous Dr Valentine now," he muttered. "Top of his class at medical school, nationwide. Top intern at the world-renowned Edenbrook. Youngest member of the most elite diagnostics unit in the country. Colossal pain in the ass. Stand-by surgeon. Patient killer. Can't keep a good man so he gives himself away to the worst of them," and Matthew began to cry.
The rain continued to lash down, soaking him even further. He was vaguely aware that his ankle hurt and had various cuts and bruises, but none of that compared to the agony of his heart that just could not be healed.
Through his tears, Matthew managed to gage his surrounding from where he lay. He had moved away from the apartments and was surrounded by small houses. Some had the curtains drawn but the lights on. Probably two people snuggling together after making love. Exchanging gentle caresses and sweet nothings. A small and meaningful look over the rim of a tea cup.
"What did I do to turn you away Raf?" Matthew sobbed. "Why did you do this to me?"
But...Matthew couldn't lie on the sodden pavement forever. And he couldn't cry forever. He took a deep breath and pulled himself into a sitting position, wiping his eyes, then gingerly got to his feet.
He yelped when he first put weight on his ankle but he could walk on it. And his surroundings were definitely familiar. He could make his way to the hospital from here.
It was another half an hour before he stumbled through the entrance of the hospital that had become his second home, soaked to the bone and numb with cold. He shuffled to the reception desk but stopped short when he saw Harper Emery at the desk, going through some paperwork. She glanced up and her mouth dropped open in shock.
"Dr Valentine? Are you-"
"Could I have a first aid kit, please?" Matthew asked politely. To his horror, the tears were threatening again. He took a deep breath, swallowed hard and lifted his chin a little.
Dr Emery took in this little show of strength, Matthew's torn, bloody clothes, the fact that he was caked in mud from head to foot. But she was most worried about his red eyes and wet, spiky eyelashes.
"Go to the on-call room and take a shower, and feel free to change into dry scrubs for your way home," she said, unusually gentle. "I'll bring you a first aid box in a few minutes."
Matthew shuffled along to the on-call room. Dr Emery's concern had caught him by surprise and now his lip was trembling. Occasionally he passed another member of staff who gave him a startled look and stopped watching where they were going.
The on-call room was mercifully empty. Matthew limped into the shower room and flinched when he caught sight of his reflection in the wall mirror. I look terrible he thought, taking in his scruffy, windswept hair, flushed and tear-stained face, the mud that now coated him. No wonder people have been giving me a wide berth.
The warm shower felt good, the mud, blood and rain washed away as Matthew finally scrubbed off the drunk man and filthy apartment.
He dried off and took Harper's advice to wear clean scrubs. She had left a first aid kit on one of the beds and Matthew started applying antiseptic to the worst of his cuts.
"Matthew?"
Matthew looked up from binding his ankle. Sienna was standing in the doorway looking concerned.
"I was on my way out when Dr Emery said you were here and might need help." She looked him up and down. "Matthew, what happened?"
"I fell. I don't think I'm badly hurt, I'm just binding the ankle for safety, really." He met her eyes. "I was running away from a really stupid mistake."
The tears that had been threatening since he had limped into the warm, familiar hospital finally spilled over and Matthew buried his face in his hands.
"Oh, Mattie!" Sienna used her affectionate nickname that she usually used when she was drunk. She sat down beside him and pulled him into a hug, letting him cry onto her shoulder as she smoothed his hair and rubbed his back, making soothing sounds.
"I just don't know what I did wrong," Matthew cried. "Everything was so right and I was high as a fucking kite. Everyone could see it, even my patients. I was falling in love. Only now I'm just falling and I don't know where or how I'm going to stop." Matthew normally would have cringed at his metaphors but not this time.
"Landing always hurts," Sienna agreed softly.
Matthew gently lifted himself up and told Sienna about the night: the good day he had had, accidentally seeing Rafael and Sora together, then the downward spiral that had lead to him lying on a pavement, crying in the rain.
"You'd have run for the hills as soon as you saw that guys apartment. I can't believe I let myself go that far. You know, as soon as I realised how low I had sunk, I felt so ashamed at myself." Matthew's breath caught in his throat and Sienna squeezed his hand.
"Honey, we've all made mistakes. But the important thing is that you're patched up, you're safe, and there aren't many places on earth cleaner than a hospital." Sienna nudged him. "What do you say we go home, order too much pizza and watch something on Netflix? I know you like that cartoon about the man with the horse head but I don't think that one's going to help you much now."
Matthew managed a weak smile. "Can we order extra cookies with our pizza?" Sienna laughed, and ordered two large pizzas: pepperoni for herself, barbeque chicken, sweetcorn and green peppers for Matthew, and extra cookies for the both of them.
Once they had made their way outside the hospital, Sienna looked up at the sky. "It's stopped raining," Sienna grinned. "You see, the rain never lasts forever."
Matthew rolled his eyes. "I know what you're getting at, Sienna..."
"It doesn't though. It's just that some storms last longer than others."
"...Yeah."
It was only a fifteen minute walk home, so they had made it back before the food.
"Hey Matthew, where have you been?" Elijah gasped as he saw Matthew in the doorway. "You didn't answer your phone. Bryce thought you had gone off with some handsome man."
"Well it was a man..." Matthew grimaced.
"Wait, what?" Now Jackie was stood in her doorway. Matthew sighed heavily.
"Is Aurora here too? I don't want to repeat myself again."
Jackie shook her head, frowning. "Aurora's at work all night. What happened and why are you so scratched up?"
Matthew told them about the night and the gross hook-up.
Elijah was shaking his head. "Dude, you shouldn't have bottled that up. You wouldn't have brought the mood down, and I'd much rather cheer you up than hear about you getting into that kind of situation again."
"Same," Jackie added. "Why did you choose to go off with a scumbag like that?"
Matthew hesitated but decided to tell them the truth. "I just wanted to feel something."
Elijah and Sienna both made sympathetic noises, Sienna wrapped her arms around his waist, but Jackie snorted.
"Next time you want to feel something, come to me and I'll knock you into your senses," then she sighed. "Look, I have to get to work, but you and I are going to talk about this tomorrow." She made for the door, but paused and put her hand on Matthew's shoulder. "Medical rankings and competitive behaviour aside, I care about you," she said firmly.
Before Matthew could say anything there was a knock at the door. Sienna jumped up to answer and came back with her arms full of hot food.
"Pizza night without me," Jackie snorted in disgust, but grinned at the two of them. "Save me a slice."
"I'll take some of those cookies and we'll say no more about tonight," Elijah proposed.
"Deal," Matthew was smiling now.
He and Sienna took the food into his room, sitting in his bed and watching Friends on his laptop. When they were full, they put their leftovers aside and lay back against the headboard. Matthew leaned on Sienna's shoulder.
"Why did he leave me?" he said softly.
"I don't know," Sienna planted a light kiss on the top of his head. "But what I do know is that you're now safe and warm and clean. It's probably going to hurt for a long time and you'll feel all kinds of emotions...but we love you to bits and we will do anything we can to make you happy. We'd all risk it for you, Mattie. Don't forget that."
"Thanks Pixie," When they had drunk heart-to-hearts Matthew would often reply to 'Mattie' with 'Pixie'. "You know, you'd be a great wife one day, to someone deserving. If I weren't gay, I'd probably hope it was me."
Sienna laughed "Perhaps another life. And one day you'll find someone wonderful and kind and handsome and fully deserving, and none of this will matter."
Sienna moved off the bed and yawned. "Time for me turn in I think. You've got the day off tomorrow, right?"
"Right."
"Then pamper yourself. Sleep. Relax. Eat whatever you want. Drink a hell of a lot of water. Hey, feel free to use one of my face masks!"
Matthew laughed-a real, genuine laugh.
"Will do. Goodnight Sienna."
"Night Matthew." Sienna smoothed Matthew's pillow and switched off the laptop.
"Sweet dreams."
"I thought I'd cry for you forever. But I couldn't. So I didn't."-Rejazz, Regina Spektor.