I feel like I got thrown off a horse and then stomped by him multiple times. My mind feels very muddled. "What happened?" My throat protests being used and I start coughing which makes my ribs, chest, and head hurt even worse. Suddenly water is soothing my dry throat and the coughing finally stops. I finally look up to see Arthur of all people standing above me. I open my mouth to repeat my earlier question but suddenly Arthur's finger is pressed against my mouth. I must be getting a fever because my face is getting warm.
"Don't talk, your throat is bruised." Arthur orders but I have too many questions to ask to listen. Not that I listen much anyway.
"What happened?" The last thing I remember is being in the armory. How did I end up in Arthur's chamber on his bed of all places. Not that I mind. His bed is as comfortable as I remember it being from when we were children. Though it may not be the same one after all it had been many years ago and now I'm rambling in my own head, wonderful. Focus Merlin.
"That's a question I would love answered but I have another one I would like answered first. Arthur's voice is steady but his tone is slightly off from his normal creamy voice. I think this head injury is messing with my mind. I try to focus and really look at Arthur. He is wearing a dark blue shirt which brings out his deep blue eyes perfectly. The shirt is crumpled and is not as neat as it normally is. His hair looks messy as if he has been running his hands through. He looks as if he just rolled out of bed. His face is calm but his eyes are staring into me as if looking at me for the first time which doesn't make sense. What is going on?
"What question?" I wonder if I look as confused as I feel.
Arthur's eyes meet mine again. His eyes really are a beautiful blue. A girl could get lost in those eyes.
"Well, it's more like an answer to a fact. You're a girl." I never knew time could stand still without magic but apparently it can. How else can a person experience so many feelings in one moment. Worry, fear, guilt, hope, uncertainty, and some I can't even name.
" I found you bleeding in the armory. I was trying to take your shirt off to clean the wounds…" His voice is calm as if he is reading a report but I still feel my face flush. Arthur saw me without a shirt on. Can I die now please. This is so embarrassing. I mean I see Arthur without his shirt on all the time but that is different. That's like me seeing him without pants on which I've managed to avoid, thank goodness. He must feel so betrayed. I've been lying to him and he doesn't even know all of it.
"I'm sorry." I look down in shame. The exhaustion seems to be taking over. I hurt everywhere and now Arthur must think the worst of me. I mean he doesn't know why I've been pretending to be a boy. I don't even understand fully why Sire Ambrose wants me to hide my gender. The excuse that he told me as a child doesn't make a whole lot of sense. There haven't been missing villagers in years. I hardly leave the manor grounds anyway. As I grew older I started to wonder about it but since it has never really mattered I just accepted it and lived my life. At the moment I wished I had.
"I'm already committing treason for you idiot. I think I can handle this secret." My head jerks up
"Treason?" That can only mean one thing. "You know that…" I can't bring myself to finish. My brain is officially fried. First I end up somehow black and blue, laying on Arthur's bed, finding out that Arthur saw more of me than I want to think about right now, he now knows I'm a girl and now this.
"That you're the same idiot that came to Camelot years ago and did magic in an abandoned room to get caught by the kindest and most wonderful prince ever." He raises his eyebrow as if waiting for me to object. It's such an Arthur thing to do that I feel my heart skip a beat as Arthur's playful dare.
"More like the biggest prattish toad ever." My voice is dripping with sarcasm but I can't keep from smiling. Arthur is accepting me. It's all I ever wanted, to be accepted by someone. The fact that it's Arthur who is my other half of my coin just makes it even better.
"Merlin, shut up." Arthur orders just like he normally does. We both look at each other, and seem to realize just how odd this situation really is and we both smile.
"But seriously don't you remember what happened?" Arthur suddenly asks.
I try to recall but everything is very blurry. I heard a noise and I got up but then what? It was something about a shield. The missing events rush back. I almost wish they hadn't. That was so humiliating and now Arthur will want to know what happened. I can't tell him. He'll overreact or he will try to go to his father who won't do anything about it. I'm just a servant after all. How Arthur turned out to be such a carrying person after being raised by Uther is one of life big mysteries.
"I know you recall something. Your face gives you away." He is also not stupid, even though I have teased him about being otherwise. Maybe I can use my clumsiness to my advantage. The falling down the stairs could explain the head wound and the cracked ribs.
"I fell down some stairs." I try to sound open and like I'm stating a simple fact.
" You fell? I suppose the steps somehow left handprints on your skin?." He points to my right arm where a very nasty and very obvious human handprint is standing out even among the bruises." Well that didn't work.
Arthur is once again looking into my eyes. That feeling of getting lost in his eyes are back along with new feelings. I feel cared for and see. It's Arthur asking me just for the truth. How can I deny him this when he's looking at me that way? My body is betraying me as well. My heart feels like I just ran five miles and my skin is tingling all over. That and my eyes are oddly drawn to Arthur's lips which he is biting the bottom of. Snap out of it girl. I'll deal with this later. I look back at Arthur's eyes which are only a slightly less dangerous place to look at.
"Merlin, trust me." He is almost pleading "Merlin, tell me why I had to find my servant bleeding out in the armory? Why did I have to carry an unconscious servant to my room since the court physician is gone and why is someone that's…..under my protection been harmed?" There is no way that I can deny that request.
"You won't like the answer." I warn him.
" I already know it was a nobleman. It wasn't hard to figure that part out." he says as he sits back down at the chair next to the bed." Of course he did.
"I thought I heard a noise coming from across the armory. When I walked over there Valiant entered. He thought I was messing with his shield." I explain.
"Thank you for telling me, Merlin." He is back to his calm voice.
"So will you leave so I can get cleaned up?" I ask to break the odd conversation. That I really would like to get cleaned up.
"Very well then." He gets up and heads to the door. I'm surprised he didn't put up more of a fight. He opens the door then stops. He turns his head and looks around.
"Use your magic as much as you can, idiot." He whispers and closes the door.
I can't help but laugh even though it hurts my ribs and head again. The prince is ordering me to use magic. For once I don't mind following orders. I slowly and carefully get out of bed. I unwrap my chest and finish undressing. Once I get in the water my muscles feel so much better. The water is a little cool so I warm it up to the correct temperature with a quick wave of my hand.
Feeling relaxed my brain turns to what I've been feeling since I've woken up. I think I've felt every emotion since I've woken up. There is one emotion that catches me by surprise and makes things complicated. I knew that I loved Arthur like a friend or a brother but that love has slowly seemed to have changed in the last three weeks. I'm in love with Arthur. The whole reason I'm in Camelot is because Arthur will pick a wife from among the nobility and royalty in a month and Morgana hopes to be his choice.
I wish there was a way to fool my heart into thinking of Arthur as just a friend again but that seems too late. Why did the prat have to be the same annoying, stubborn, kind, lovable boy I met all those years ago? Not that I would want him to change. I love those qualities and that's the issue. So much for no secrets among us. Three secretes down and one major one to keep hidden.