The moment stretched between them, Berit's question hanging in the air. Sparhawk looked him straight in the eye, expression stunned. Berit flexed his hand, now good as new and tossed the bloody bandage to one side. Sparhawk was no more stunned than Berit had been when he had first seen this. It had been the same when he cut his hand before: a few moments of pain and bleeding and then nothing. It didn't ache or twinge and there were no marks on the skin, only a smear of red remained.
It did leave a strange feeling. Or an echo of a feeling. A feeling of emptiness that reminded Berit of the other place and stirred panic in him at the thought of that returning. He didn't want to go back there.
Sparhawk shifted slightly and gave a sigh. "I don't know. I honestly don't know." His shoulders sagged but his gaze never dropped, daring Berit to disagree as he continued. "We were losing so much, and I couldn't lose any more. So I acted, I did what I had to and don't regret it."
Berit sat back with a smile, relieved to be talking about this at last. "I don't regret you doing it either, just so we are clear."
Sparhawk gave an answering smile of his own, a small one, still shocked at this revelation.
"This was all a bit … dramatic, don't you think?" He asked, gesturing to the bloody knife on the table.
"It seemed appropriate, would you have believed me otherwise? I barely believe it myself."
Another sigh. "I don't know what else to say really, I was only thinking about you getting up again, and then you were."
"Bhellium warned you not to do it, any idea why?"
"No."
"Can you ask?"
"No. Bhellium is... gone... is the best word for it."
Berit closed his eyes, disappointment raging. He had hoped for some answers, he needed them, but all he had was uncertainty. If he didn't know how or why or what was happening how could he know anything about himself. What if there were other changes, what if he hurt someone? What if he was taken back to that empty place? He was floundering and lost: without a tether to keep him grounded he felt as if he were floating – lightheaded and dizzy. At the same time his chest was restricted, lungs struggling to expand, a mountain pressing onto his shoulders. His heart pounded and the sea was rushing in his ears.
"I need to know Sparhawk. I need to know what this is, how long it will last, if there are going to be any other side effects." His throat was tightening and it shamed him that he was losing control.
He started as a hand grasped his forearm, the touch completely unexpected, comforting and firm.
"I don't have any answers for you my friend," Sparhawk reassured face an interesting mix of concern and determination, lifting the weight from Berit's mind with his words "but I will help you find them."