Chapter 9

It was the last weekend in October which meant that the students were allowed to go to Hogsmeade. Hermione had pondered a while about going or not, for it would be quite the lonely stay without anyone to talk to. She had even considered asking Parvati and Lavender if she can go with them but had decided against it – it would have been too much enduring their meaningless conversations the whole day… In the end, she didn't want to be the only one left behind in the castle – then she would feel even lonelier – and therefore went.

It was already freezing outside, so she wrapped her scarf tightly around her neck and made her way to the little village in silence and complete solitude.

There she spent most of her time in the book shop. She didn't buy anything but nevertheless felt happy just looking at the books or reading the first page. Then she sat down in a small reading corner which was empty at the moment, took a piece of parchment and a quill out of her bag and started writing a list: Why I love Severus Snape. Since he had been so honest with her the other night, she now also wanted to be honest with him and the one thing he had always wanted to know was the reason of her feelings. So the next hour she spent with brainstorming and writing down every little detail that added to her admiration and adoration of this great, great man. In the end it was a rather long list and she already looked forward presenting it to him next Friday though it would make her blush furiously. But he had a right to know and she hoped that it would bring them forwards in their relationship.

When her stomach grumbled and it was getting darker outside, she decided to head back to Hogwarts for dinner. It was even more freezing now and so she walked quickly to get warm and be back sooner. On her way, however, she encountered someone walking a bit ahead of her whom she was very pleased to meet.

"Hello, Professor Snape," she greeted him when she had reached him.

He nodded and tried to hide a smile. "Miss Granger."

"So, how was your day in Hogsmeade?" she asked casually, and they started going back to the castle together. They walked now in his slower speed, but Hermione wasn't feeling cold anymore.

"It was… interesting," he answered. "I spoke with an old friend who gave me some important information."

"So news for Dumbledore," she concluded at once.

"I guess so," he just replied.

"The question that remains is whether they are good or bad news."

He sighed. "Please, Hermione, I can't tell you even if I wanted to."

She stared at him with open eyes and mouth.

"What?!" he wanted to know alarmed.

"You just called me… Hermione."

He thought about it for a moment and then turned deeply red. "I am so sorry, Miss Granger," he apologised at once and looked rather desperate. "I have no idea what came over me, but I promise that it won't happen again."

"You don't have to feel bad," she smiled. "If you want you can always call me Hermione. I don't mind."

He looked relieved but then continued severely: "I can't."

"I know," she replied immediately and gently so he didn't even have to explain why. "I understand."

"You do?"

She snorted. "Of course, I do. I'm not stupid."

He smiled. "No, you're not."

For a while they walked in silence through the wind. Soon they would see the castle behind the next bend after the small forest.

"So, how was your day?" Professor Snape then inquired.

"It was great," she beamed.

"Really?" He raised his eyebrows in disbelief.

"Well… Let's say it was okay. Or maybe better lonely…"

"I don't want to say it again but you really should talk to them."

"No! And if you tell me this one more time, I will leave this instant and will never come back to our Friday meetings!"

"You wouldn't do that," he said at once, smirking.

She smiled. "Yes, you're right. But still…"

"So, what did you do in Hogsmeade?" he changed the subject.

"I went to the bookstore-"

He rolled his eyes. "What else…"

"-and worked on something for you."

"For me?!" he asked surprised.

"Yes," she grinned and then looked around for any unwanted listeners but they were completely alone. "I made a list with all the reasons why I love you."

He stared at her, because she said it so casually that she darned loved him! He still didn't know how to cope with that… "Great," he said not very enthusiastically.

"I'll give it to you on Friday."

"No, please give it to me now."

"But, it's just my notes," she stammered. "There's no particular order in it, my hand writing is terrible and I'm pretty sure I forgot something."

"I know for certain, Miss Granger, that you always work very efficiently and neat. So, please let me read it now."

She thought about it but wasn't sure.

"Come on," he purred persuasively. "You have nothing to lose, have you?"

She snorted. "I have everything to lose!" And because she now wanted to prove how deep her feelings went, she fetched the piece of parchment out of her bag and handed it to him.

He didn't open it at once, for they now went through the gate with the flying boars and found Mr Filch. "She's with me," he snarled at the caretaker who wanted to search Hermione for illegal objects.

"Thanks," she told Snape when they had passed. "I hate when he comes so near, ransacking my bag and touching everything…"

"And maybe he would have found this parchment…," he added casually.

"Oh my god!" Hermione screamed in horror. "I totally forgot about that… I'm so stupid…"

"I wouldn't say that," he comforted her. "But you should be more careful nevertheless."

She could only nod; her face suddenly very pale. She should have put a spell on it so that only she and Snape could read it…

"May I read it now?" he then asked, teasing her.

"I kill you if you don't," she replied through gritted teeth.

He chuckled and started reading the parchment while still walking on. "Wow," he said after a while. "These are a lot of reasons."

Hermione didn't say anything, just nodded turning slightly red. This was more embarrassing than anticipated.

"Do you want to hear my favourites?" he sneered, completely enjoying her misery.

This was the moment she had enough! At cyberspeed she snatched the paper out of his hand. "I won't let you read this if you make fun of me!" she told him sternly and went quicker to leave him behind.

But with his long legs he could easily still walk next to her. "I don't need to read the list again," he told her coldly and then chuckled. "I remembered the best parts."

"Bastard," she murmured and started to ran away, hiding her upcoming tears. It was difficult enough to be honest with him without his meanness… Although, he had warned her he wouldn't be especially nice! But he had been these last couple of weeks…

Anyway, Hermione ran – but only a few metres, for Snape had already overtaken her by then. He grabbed her arm to stop her and spun her around so she had to face him. "Hermione," he said seriously but was already interrupted by her smirk. "What?" he wanted to know irritated.

"You said my first name again."

He groaned. "Listen," he started once more. "I am sorry. I never intended to hurt your feelings but I just don't know how to deal with this whole situation. I was and still am very surprised by so many reasons on your list, because it shows that your feeling are deeper and more profound than I've ever feared. So now I know even less what to do with you. That's why I tried to override it with sarcasm because that is what I do in these situations, alright?"

She just nodded, completely dazzled by his total honesty.

"May I have the list back now?" he asked almost friendly.

"Why?"

"Because… because I'd like to keep it as a reminder that someone in this world cares for me."

She smiled, took his hand, placed the parchment into it, then closed his fingers gently around it and squeezed them lightly.

He slightly smiled but she saw that he felt uncomfortable, so she released him soon.

"So," she then sighed calmer, continuing to walk slowly towards the castle's entrance: "What are your favourite reasons?"

He gave her a very small smile and replied: "Intelligence, courage, and that you have the feeling I would always protect you."

"You would, wouldn't you?" she had to ask.

He sighed heavily. "If it is possible, yes." How could this even happen?! How could he have let his guard down so much that he now would protect her – even if it was not possible…?

"Thank you," she beamed. "I can understand why intelligence – everyone wants to be smart – but why courage? And for instance not that I find you good-looking?"

He chuckled. "First of all, looks is a very subjective matter, and second, I believe you exaggerated or even lied."

"I did not!"

"But courage… It's the one thing I've always wanted to be, courageous, and it's the one thing barely no one gives me credit for. There are a lot of people who think I'm a coward. So thank you for that."

"You're welcome," she smiled.

They couldn't talk more, for they had almost reached the Entrance Hall and didn't want to have any secret listeners. When they had entered it, their ways separated.

"Miss Granger," he nodded and even bowed a little bit for saying good-bye.

"Professor," she replied in the same way, dropping a little curtsy. "Thank you for your honesty."

"Thank you for the list."

"See you on Friday," she smiled.

He nodded again and quickly went to the dungeons entrance.

Hermione looked after him for a little while before turning to go to the Gryffindor Tower. But to her great surprise Harry and Ron stood on the staircase nearby and stared at her with open mouths.

"What the heck was that?" Harry wanted to know shocked.

"Did Snape just bow?" Ron added baffled.

"And what is on Friday?" Harry asked.

"This," Hermione replied coldly while passing them, "is definitely none of your business," before leaving them behind and going back to the Gryffindor common room on her own.