Kamen Rider Fourze was ice skating on the air when suddenly, a pack of goblins ambushed him. He didn't even bother to look up, instead he just pulled out his rape-blade and sliced up all the goblins with the force of a billion nuclear bombs.
Fourze then looked at his watch and said "well would you look at the time."
He then proceeded to open up a time portal and he yanked Joseph Stalin out into the present.
Fourze then asked him "oh mighty Stalin, what is your wisdom?"
"Inside everyone's nipples, lies the power to reshape whole solar systems" Stalin then pulled his own head off and fell over dead while green blood leaked from his neck stump.
The Kamen Rider then did a cartwheel through the air, cutting through the fabric of reality itself, until he came upon the man he was looking for.
"Lucky the leprechaun, my arch nemesis" said Fourze
"Kamen Rider Fourze, so it looks like you've come to die" said the cereal mascot
The Kamen Rider pulled out his rape-blade and sliced Lucky into two equal halves. He then spread peanut butter and jelly on those two halves and ate Lucky like a sandwich.
The food dropped into Fourze's belly with power of a supernova and it made him get really bad diarrhea. He then dropped his pants and a television set came out of his asshole.
Fourze turned on the TV and began to watch his favorite show, "Daffy Duck rapes Mr. Freeze and becomes the King of Mars" for ten years until he realized that he forgot to turn the TV on and had just been watching a black screen for all this time. This angered him immensely and forced him to blow up the moon.
Chunks of the moon then started to fall on the earth and crush various cities under their flab because the moon wasn't made of cheese, it was actually made out of steak fat.
Fourze opened up his mouth to catch one of the chunks in his mouth but instead, he caught a shooting star in his mouth and it made light beams shoot out of his eyes, while giving all of the cells in his body cute little hats to wear for when it gets cold out.
Fourze's wife Disgust, from the Orson Welles radio drama Inside Out, then showed up and said "my love, I've come to present you with a new weapon"
Disgust then reached into her vagina and pulled out the foreskin-ripper, which was a chainsaw made from the foreskin of the greatest warriors in history, John F. Kennedy, Bruce Lee, Robocop, Jabber Jaw, and George Jetson.
Disgust then presented the foreskin-ripper to Fourze which he took an immediate liking to. Disgust then disappeared in a puff of smoke, while Fourze used the foreskin-ripper to cut through time itself and go back to the past.
Fourze then landed in the prehistoric age and found out that dinosaurs never really existed, instead the true rulers of the earth were actually couch cushions dipped in barbeque sauce and that they used chicken nuggets as money.
This made the Kamen Rider have a fit of PTSD from when a chicken nugget raped his sister, Ryuko Matoi, so he revved up the foreskin-ripper and started chopping up all of the couch cushions, until they were all dead and he was covered in glittery purple blood. The Kamen Rider was tired now, so he decided to take a nap on the mountain of corpses.
Kamen Rider Fourze woke up screaming after a few hours. He had a nightmare where the world leaders had taken away everyone's right to exclaim Yee Haw. If anyone was caught even so much as muttering Yee Haw in their sleep, then they had their time legs broken (its where they break your legs in the past, present, and future, so that they've always been broken all your life). Fourze thanked God that it was only a dream, until he looked around and realized that it wasn't a dream, it actually happened for real!
The Yee Haw police then approached Fourze, they were wielding nun-chuks made out of radioactive fire, and looked like they really meant business. The Kamen Rider then pulled out his foreskin-ripper to defend himself but all of the Yee Haw cops, got their heads chopped off by a mysterious force, who then proceeded to eat their flesh.
This mysterious force soon revealed itself to be Fourze's childhood friend, Ted Bundy.
Fourze and Ted then hugged each other, "Ted, I thought you died in the Heavy Metal Massacre of 1843."
"It's ok Fourze, I got better" said Ted
Both of them knew what it was that they had to do, so Ted Bundy's missile launcher legs started firing wildly into the ground, and Fourze whipped out his black hole generating cock, and they both started firing until they hit the earth's core and the entire planet blew up in an explosion of fiber and high fructose corn syrup.
Fourze and Ted were floating aimlessly in space until they landed on the planet Jupiter.
Fourze then looked at the title of this fanfiction and realized that he hadn't gone to Taco Bell yet and that just won't do, nopenopenopenopenope definitely won't do, so he decided to take Ted to a Taco Bell on Jupiter because Taco Bell is the only constant that exists across space and time and can never stop existing.
The two men arrived at the Taco Bell and prepared to order. The man running the counter was the fornicating bear, so Fourze and Ted then started raping the fornincating bear with a cosmic cactus (a cactus made out of stars) for 1000000000000000000000000000000 years until they both climaxed inside of him and made him pregnant with Benjamin Franklin.
The fornicating bear then gave Fourze and Ted two tacos because on Jupiter the only way to pay for food is by raping the cashier when he least expects it.
Fourze and Ted both bit into their tacos and the tacos bled black blood and the cries of the damned rang in both their heads. Needless to say, the restaurant would be getting a good review.
The two men finished their tacos and Fourze got a bright idea "hey Ted, do you mind if I crawl into your ass?"
Ted then dropped his pants to the ground and spread his asshole open "anything for a friend." Fourze then jumped into Ted Bundy's ass to find what secrets it held.
When Fourze got in there, he found out that there was an entire separate universe hidden inside of Ted Bundy's ass that had never been discovered before. In the Ted Bundyverse, everyone is a penguin whose body has been fused with a turbine engine, all of the buildings are made of jelly, and the queen of England is a tornado filled with gorillas.
Fourze sniffed the air and smelled a familiar smell, he got on a skateboard made out of ghost toenails (the spirits of toenails after they've been clipped) and skated towards the source of the smell.
It turned out that the smell was coming from Kamen Rider Fourze's father, Uncle Pennybags (otherwise known as the Monopoly guy to all you Neanderthals reading this).
"Father what are you doing here, I was told that you'd died in the Niggercunt War of 1652"
Uncle Pennybags just laughed and said "foolish child, it was all a ruse to get the world to let its guard down."
Uncle Pennybags hands then started to glow with blue energy "for the last 175638638487362848 years, I've been gathering Niggercunt energy to increase my power and trigger the Monopoly apocalypse"
Uncle Pennybags then summoned a blue energy sword in his hand "this is the Niggercunt blade, and it shall be your undoing."
Fourze's wife, Disgust then showed up in a puff of smoke and said "my love, I've come to present you with your final weapon"
Disgust then took Fourze's foreskin-ripper and rape-blade and combined the two of them to create a blue, flaming, hook on a chain, called the Kike-shredder.
Disgust then kissed Fourze and said "use it to its full potential my love." Disgust then disappeared in a puff of smoke, leaving Fourze with the kike-shredder.
Fourze then looked at Uncle Pennybags and said "let's finish this."
The two men exchanged blows at speeds that were invisible to the human eye, buildings were destroyed, planets were disintegrated, and suns were snuffed out.
The fighting eventually came to a halt when Fourze stabbed Uncle Pennybags in the shoulder with his hook and wrapped the chain around his face and neck, until Pennybags's face started to turn purple.
Uncle Pennybags was gurgling blood but through it all he managed to summon the last of his strength and say "you can't kill me, I'm under warranty."
Fourze said "looks like your warranty's about to expire."
Fourze then yanked the kike-shredder hard enough that Uncle Pennybags head got crushed like a watermelon and the blood shot out like tiny needles, killing hundreds in the area.
An angel then descended from the Heavens unto Fourze and said "congratulations you've won the grand prize."
Fourze excitedly asked "so what do I win?"
The angel reached into his pocket, pulled out a comb, and handed it to Fourze. "Treat it with care" said the angel as he rose back into Heaven.
Fourze just looked at the comb sternly before coolly saying "fuck yeah, I love combs."
He then hugged his comb, knowing that everything would be alright.