Meanwhile, in Princess Vespa's car, the princess along with Dot Matrix and Cherry were traveling through space and Vespa seemed to have rolls in her hair now.
"Can we talk?" Dot asked Vespa. "Okay, we all know Prince Valium is pilled, but you could've married him for your father's sake, and have a headache for the next 25 years."
Vespa didn't seem to hear her or just ignored her.
"HEY!" Cherry yelled out suddenly.
"What?" Vespa asked as she took out the rolls, revealing that they were just headphones. "What is it?
"I was saying, do realize what you've done?" Dot explained.
"Yes, and I'm glad," Vespa nodded. "Glad, glad, glad, glad, glad."
"I wonder if she's glad?" Cherry snarked to Dot.
"Princess Vespa's ship within range, sir." Col. Sandurz declared, back aboard Spaceball I.
"Good. Fire a warning shot across her nose." replied Dark Helmet.
A Spaceball started firing the guns, causing explosions around Vespa's ship, making her take off her headphones. "What's happening?" she asked.
"It's either the Fourth of July, or someone's trying to kill us!" replied Dot.
"I'm gonna go with the second one," Cherry replied, as more lasers exploded around the ship. "What is that?"
"It's the biggest furshlugginer spaceship in the universe," said Dot, as another laser rocked the ship. "...And it hates us!"
As more laser blasts explode around Vespa's ship, said princess indignantly slammed her fists down on the control panel. "I don't have to put up with this. I'm rich!" she declared. She reached across Dot and picked up her princess phone.
"What are you doing?" asked Cherry, exasperated.
"I'm calling my father!" Vespa cried. "1-800-DRUIDIA. Operator... Could you make this call collect?"
"Aw, jeez, look at this," Cherry face-palmed. "Why would you want to call the same man who forced you into that marriage to begin with?"
"He's my father," Vespa told her. "You wouldn't understand."
Cherry rolled her eyes at that response.
Meanwhile, the villainous ship had taken fire, but missed.
"Careful, you idiot," Dark Helmet complained. "I said across her nose, not up it."
"Sorry, sir," The gunner replied as he showed that he was cross-eyed. "Doing my best."
"Who made that man a gunner?" Dark Helmet complained.
"I did, sir. He's my cousin." One man said, who was also cross-eyed.
"Who is he?" Dark Helmet asked.
"He's an Asshole, sir." Colonel Sandurz informed.
"I know that. What's his name?"
"That is his name, sir," Jackson replied. "Asshole, Major Asshole."
"And his cousin?" Dark Helmet asked.
"He's an Asshole, too, sir," Colonel Sandurz informed. "Gunner's-mate, 1st Class, Philip Asshole."
"How many Assholes we got on this ship, anyhow?" Dark Helmet asked.
A numerous chunk of the crew stood up to address themselves. "Yo!"
"I knew it," Dark Helmet complained. "I'm surrounded by Assholes."
"Actually, I'm a de Vil." Jackson spoke up.
"de Vil?" Dark Helmet asked him. "As in Cruella de Vil?"
"Yes, she's my aunt, and don't sing the song," Jackson replied. "She hates that."
"...Well, okay," Dark Helmet said before lowering his mask. "Keep firing, Assholes and de Vil!"
As Spaceball 1 continued firing on Vespa's ship, the princess continued her talk. "Hurry, Daddy, hurry! There are laser blasts all around us! I'm scared!"
And so, as the Eagle-5 Winnebago traveled through space, Lone Starr and his friends suddenly received a transmission from King Roland.
"Lone Starr. You gotta help me," The king begged. "Please, save my daughter! She's being attacked by Spaceballs!"
"Spaceballs?! Forget it. Too dangerous!" replied Starr. "Besides, I'm already numero uno on Dark Helmet's hit list!"
"Look, Your Highness. It's not that we're afraid," explained Thor. "Far from it! It's just that we've got this thing about death. It's not us."
"Please! You must! You're the only ones that can save her," begged the king. "I'll give you anything! Do you hear me? Anything!"
"Ya hear that?" asked Lionel with a smirk. "He said 'anything'."
"Ooh, this just got juicy as a hickory-smoked chicken sandwich glazed with honey and applewood smoked bacon and-" Thor gushed.
"Okay, don't talk like that unless you have a picnic basket with ya." Lionel said, grasping Thor's mouth shut.
"Okay, we'll do it for a million." Starr said to King Roland.
"A million?" King Roland asked with wide eyes.
"Whoa, you startin' to fade here," Barf smirked slightly. "We're losing picture, Your Highness."
"All right, all right, I'll pay it!" King Roland panicked. "Only find her, save her."
"All right, King, you just made a deal." Lionel said.
"One princess for 1,000,000 spacebucks." Thor added.
"What's she drivin'?" Starr soon asked.
"A brand new, white Mercedes, 2001 SEL Limited Edition. Moon roof, all leather interior," King Roland described. "I got it at a very good price. I paid cash. My cousin, Prince Murray, has a dealership in the valley. He was very nice to me. She also has a new friend with her who seemed to appear out of nowhere the other day."
Lionel and Thor nodded and winked at each other.
"What was their last position?" asked Lionel.
"Well, she was sort of bent-over and running as fast as she could." King Roland began.
"No, crater-brain!" Lionel spat. "The position of her spaceship!"
"She was going in the direction of the Andromeda Strain," King Roland replied. "And just passing Jupiter 2."
"I reckon she's headed for the Carl Sagan Shopping Mall," Barf whispered to Lone Starr. "They got the galaxy's biggest pet shop; maybe if we have time, we could stop and buy me a-"
"We don't have time," Lone said sharply. He looked to King Roland on the telescreen. "We'll find her," he said slowly, through his teeth, trying to sound like the hero of a space adventure movie.
"Bring her back safely," The King told them. "And if you can, try to save the Mercedes."
And with that, the screen shut off.
Barf's face lit up with a grin. "1,000,000 space bucks! We'll be able to pay off Pizza the Hutt!" he exclaimed.
"Gimme paw!" Lone replied, and they both rubbed their hands together and howled with glee.
"That guy gets way too excited way too easily." Thor said to Lionel.
"I wonder what it's like to have a sidekick like that?" Lionel rolled his eyes playfully.
Meanwhile in the deep vacuums of space...
Spaceball 1 fired their magnetic beam at Vespa's car.
"What's happening?" Vespa panicked. "What's that glow? We're not moving."
"Oh, we're moving all right, backwards." Dot replied.
"Oh, great," Cherry said. "Just what I needed in my life."
"Look, there's our princess," Lone said to his new crew. "She's got company."
"Oh, no, Spaceballs. And they've already got her in their magnetic beam," Barf looked concerned before shrugging. "Oh, well, we're too late. What a shame. I'll just throw 'em in reverse, and we'll get outta here." he then said, reaching for the reverse switch.
"Barf. No. Bad." Lone scolded the hybrid.
"Oh, what are we doing risking our lives for a runaway princess?" Barf firmly pouted then. "I know we need the money..."
"It's not just about the money." Thor spoke up.
"He's right," Lone agreed. "We're doing it for a shit load of money!"
"Glad to see you guys have your priorities straight." Thor frowned deeply.
"Well, they are doing this so Pizza the Hutt doesn't send some hired goons to pump them full of space lead," Lionel replied. "But how do we save the princess? The minute we move in, the radar will spot us."
Starr flashed him a sly grin. "Not if we jam it!"
Barf returned the grin. "Good idea." he pulled down a small periscope, looked through it, and reached for a button on the handle. "Radar, about to be... Jammed!" he pressed the button.
A massive canister came flying out of Eagle-5, hurtling toward the radar dish of the Spaceball-1. BAAAAAAARRRROOOOOM! The canister exploded, and a thick, dark gooey substance splattered onto the radar dish with a loud 'plucccccccch'! The radar dish slowed, then stopped turning. The screens on the villains' ship soon began to go haywire as there were unfortunate and glitching sounds made which came from the radio tech who was making his own sound effects.
"Shhhhhhhhit!" The radio tech complained, sounding like static before cursing before poking his helmet with more sounds and took out a com-link to call for assistance. "Sir?!"
"What is it?" Colonel Sandurz asked.
"Can I talk to for a minute, please, sir." The radio tech asked, though his voice was garbled due to the machine.
Dark Helmet, Jackson, and Sandurz soon walked over. The radio tech tried to tell them what happened, though his voice was still garbled with the microphone.
"You don't need that, Private, we're right here," Sandurz said as he hung up the microphone. "Now, what is it?"
The radio tech continued in the garbled voice.
"Now, what is it?" Dark Helmet demanded as he made it so that the radio tech could speak more clearly.
"I'm having trouble with the radar, sir." The radio tech soon explained clearly.
"Why didn't you say so in the first place?" Jackson rolled his eyes.
"What's wrong with it?" asked Dark Helmet.
"I've lost the bleeps, I've lost the sweeps, and I've lost the creeps." explained the tech guy.
"The what?" asked Dark Helmet.
"The what?" asked Sandurz.
"And the what?" asked Jackson. "God, that's annoying..."
"You know! The bleeps..." the tech made radar beeping sounds. "...The sweeps..." he made noises by shaking his lips and cheeks. "...And the creeps!" he made beep-boop type noises.
"That's not all he's lost." Jackson muttered.
"Sir! The radar, sir!" the tech exclaimed as jam ran down the blank screen. "It appears to be... Jammed!"
Dark Helmet glowered angrily. "Jammed..." he wiped a bit of the jam off with a finger and licked it. "Raspberry!" he exclaimed angrily. "There's only one man who'd give me the raspberry!"
"You don't mean-" said Sandurz.
"Yes..." said Dark Helmet, as he lowered his helmet. "LONE STARR!"
Meanwhile in space...
"There's a loving in your eyes all the way, If I listen to your lies, would you say, I'm a man without conviction, I'm a man who doesn't know, How to sell a contradiction, You come and go, you come and go-o-o-o~," Cherry sang to herself out of boredom while Dot and Vespa just stared at her. "Karma, karma, karma, karma, karma chameleon, You come and go, you come and go, Loving would be easy if your colors were like my dreams, Red, gold, and green, red, gold, and greeeeen~"
Meanwhile, there was suddenly a thump that started Dot and Vespa as a certain space RV hovered above it.
"What was that?" Vespa asked from the thump.
There was then a knocking sound.
"Never mind that. What was that?" Dot replied.
"Hi!" Barf smiled as he showed his face.
"Aaaugh!" Cherry, Vespa, and Dot yelped.
"Come on, Barf," Lionel's voice called down. "Get the passengers up here, pronto!"
"Who are you?" asked Princess Vespa.
"Barf!" The hybrid exclaimed.
"Not in here you don't!" Dot yelled. "This is a Mercedes!"
"No, that's his name," Lionel sighed as he climbed in. "Unfortunate, I know."
"Ugh... What are you?" Cherry asked. "Some kind of mutt man?"
"Exactly!" Barf beamed. "I'ma mawg: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend."
"What do you want?" Vespa asked the hybrid.
"Your father hired Captain Lone Starr and me to save ya with our new rookies," Barf explained with pride. "C'mon, we gotta hop up this ladder and get outta here."
"Go, hurry, quick, darlings, follow the dog." Dot told the girls.
"Mawg. I'm a mawg." Barf corrected.
"Wait. What about my matched luggage?" Vespa then asked.
Barf soon began to whimper nervously.
"Great. Another Thor." Cherry complained.
"Hey, I'm right here!" Thor snapped as he poked his head out. "I didn't come so you could insult me like this. We didn't have to rescue you, ya know!"
"Whoa! Jeez, Thor, take it easy!" Cherry replied.
"I may be dumb, but I'm not stupid!" Thor scolded her.
"Sorry!" Cherry said.
The girls soon climbed out of the ladder with Thor and Barf carrying all of the luggage, which was quite a lot due to a honeymoon which was probably never going to happen.
"Hey! Stop looking up my can." Dot told the mawg.
"Sorry." said Barf.
Lone Starr looked out of the cockpit as Barf and Thor stumbled in with a massive amount of luggage. "Checking in? What the hell is all that?" he asked.
Barf's response was muffled, as he was speaking through the strap.
"Speak up, would you?" asked Lionel.
"Her Royal Highness's matched luggage!" Thor stated.
Lionel rolled his eyes. "Gor-blimey; what does she think this is, a princess cruise?" he asked.
"Well, a certain wedding ceremony got interrupted which means a certain honeymoon won't be happening." Cherry agreed as she made it inside with Vespa and Dot.
"She wouldn't go without it." Barf added.
"Oh, yeah?" Lone asked before using his microphone. "Now hear this, as soon as we get outta here, the first thing we do is dump the matched luggage."
"What was that?" Dot asked.
"Now you hear this, whoever you are, you will not touch that luggage, and furthermore, I want this pig-sty cleaned up," Vespa glared as she used the intercom. "I will not be rescued in such filth."
"Oh, brother." Cherry grumbled.
"Listen. On this ship, I don't take orders, I give 'em," Lone scoffed. "This is my dreamboat, sweetheart."
Princess Vespa fumed in rage. "'Sweetheart'?!" she sputtered.
"Uh-oh." Dot mumbled.
"How dare you speak to me that way!" Vespa shouted into the microphone. "You will address me in the proper manner as 'Your Royal Highness'! I am Princess Vespa, daughter of Roland: King of the Druids!"
"That's all we needed," Lone Starr grumbled. "A Druish princess!"
Barf squinted. "...Funny. She doesn't look Druish."
Lionel chuckled a little.
"How does one look Druish?" Thor wondered.
Vespa's car was coming through the floor.
"Now, we will show her who is in charge of this galaxy," Dark Helmet said as a guard cocked his weapon. "Hold it. I'll handle this personally."
"Ya-ho, Lord Helmet." The guard replied as he stepped back.
"So, Princess Vespa, you thought you could outwit the imperious forces of Planet Spaceball. Well, you were wrong. You are now our prisoner, and you will be held hostage until such time, as all of the air is transferred from your planet to ours," Dark Helmet said before he opened the door to look inside before seeing a gray pony doll with blonde mane with a stuffed muffin that accessorized with the corresponding pony with a note from Cherry that said, "Made ya look, suckahs!". "She's not in there." he then complained as he held his mask up.
"I'll give you 50 guesses of who did this." Jackson smirked without fear as the other guards simply covered their crotches in fear.
Just then, the radio tech guy was heard. "Radar repaired, sir! We're picking up the outline of a... Winnebago." he said.
Dark Helmet's eyes widened. "'Winnebago'?" he exclaimed. "Lone Starr!" he banged on the Mercedes' side. "Lone Starr...!"
The door of the Mercedes slammed on him, knocking him inside.
MEANWHILE, BACK ON EAGLE-5...
"What do I dial for room service?" asked Princess Vespa over her microphone.
Dot, meanwhile, was busying herself by dusting the cramped rear compartment.
"Forget about service... Here comes the Badyear Blimp!" exclaimed Lone Starr as he checked the radar screen. "The Spaceballs are comin' after us!"
"We gotta get out of here in a hurry." Barf said.
"Brilliant plan," Lone remarked sarcastically. "Didja go to college to figure out that one?"
"Well, what's your plan?" asked Barf defensively.
"Switch to secret hyperjets!" Starr ordered.
Barf shrugged. "Switching to secret hyperjets!" he replied, before pushing a few buttons.
Lionel turned on the intercom. "Ahoy, cosmic cats and kittens o' kismet; time to buckle up and strap yourselves in, cuz we're going into... Hyperactive!" he exclaimed.
Three feet behind the cockpit in the rear compartment, Princess Vespa was spraying the area with an aerosol can, labeled "ROYAL SMELL". "We're going into what?" she asked as she picked up the microphone.
"Never mind, honey," Lone Starr's voice said over the intercom. "Just sit down, buckle up."
Once more, Vespa's face knotted with fury. "'Honey'?! Who do you think you're talking to? May I remind you-"
But all she got in response was a loud click. Cherry took the headphones to cover her ears as Vespa howled and beat her fists on the wall. "Hate! Hate! Hate! Hate! Hate!" she growled.
"Don't hold it in, dear," said Dot soothingly. "Whaddya really think of 'im?"
Cherry just rolled her eyes and took out a magazine that was inspired by Star Trek. "Somehow I relate to you, Mr. Spock." she said while reading.