Meanwhile...
We're closing in on them, sir," Colonel Sandurz reported as they watched the space Winnebago. "In less than a minute, Lone Starr will be ours."
"Good," Dark Helmet replied as he lowered his mask. "Prepare to attack."
"Prepare to attack!" Colonel Sandurz called out to the cadets.
"On the count of three," Dark Helmet began to count down. "One, two-"
Suddenly, the Eagle 5 took off into hyperactive.
"What happened?" Dark Helmet asked as he lifted up his mask. "Where are they?"
"I don't know, sir," Colonel Sandurz remarked. "They must have hyper jets on that thing."
"Looks like our base has gone cuckoo... Like my aunt." Jackson commented.
"And what have we got on this thing? A quezinart?" Dark Helmet scoffed.
"No, sir." Colonel Sandurz replied.
"Well, find them catch them." Dark Helmet demanded.
"Or we'll have to be put out to pasture," Jackson added. "...Like my aunt."
"Yes, sir," Colonel Sandurz said as he took out the intercom to alert the cadets. "Prepare ship for light speed."
"No, no, no, light speed is too slow." Dark Helmet retorted.
"Light speed, too slow?" Colonel Sandurz repeated in surprise.
"Yes, we're gonna have to go right to ludicrous speed." Dark Helmet declared.
Everybody soon began to gasp before Jackson began to dance to a rap song called "Get Back".
"Not that kind of 'Ludacris'!" Dark Helmet told him sharply.
Col. Sandurz looked pale. "Ludicrous speed?! Sir, we've never gone that fast before!" he exclaimed. "I don't know if this ship can take it!"
Dark Helmet leaned in, menacingly close to his officer. "What's the matter, Colonel Sandurz?" he asked. "Are you... Chicken?"
"...Prepare the ship for ludicrous speed!" Sandurz commanded, his words echoing through the loudspeakers throughout the cruiser.
"Fasten all seat belts, seal all entrances and exits, close all shops in the mall, cancel the three-ring circus, secure all animals in the zoo-" Jackson began to announce through the microphone.
"Gimme that, you petty excuse for an intern with Two-Face hair." Dark Helmet scoffed as he took the microphone.
Sandurz soon sat in his seat and buckled up as a redheaded girl was coming to look for Jackson as they buckled up.
"Now hear this, ludicrous speed-" Dark Helmet began to announce.
"Sir, hadn't you better buckle up." Sandurz reminded his boss.
"Ah, buckle this," Dark Helmet scoffed and ignored him. "Ludicrous speed, Go!"
"Ooh, this should be interesting." Vicky said as she sat with Jackson.
"Who's that?!" Dark Helmet asked.
"My darling black orchid," Jackson replied. "Vicky Varner... AKA Vicky the Babysitter."
"What's so scary about a babysitter?" Dark Helmet scoffed. "And you say you strangled a Dalmatian when you were a baby."
"I did," Jackson replied. "You want the pictures?"
"I don't think anyone needs to see that." Dark Helmet said with a bit of a shudder.
Jackson stuck his tongue out in response while flipping two birds. The ship soon took off. The display lights soon lit up: Light Speed, Ridiculous Speed, and then Ludicrous Speed.
"Whoaaa! What have I done?!" Dark Helmet yelped as he held on tight while being blown back due to the speed. "My brains are going into my feet!"
Spaceball 1 soon passed over the space Winnebego, leaving a plaid shadow.
"What the hell was that?" Barf asked.
"Spaceball 1." Lone Starr replied.
"They've gone to plaid." Barf then realized.
"That can happen?" Thor asked the mawg.
"Sure, with enough speed." Barf nodded.
"Well, with them going so fast, they left us in the dust!" Lionel laughed. "So we don't hafta worry about them for a while."
"Nope!" Barf smiled as he scratched behind his own ear.
Back on the Spaceballs ship...
"We passed them!" Dark Helmet cried out. "Stop this thing!"
"We can't stop. It's too dangerous," Sandurz told him. "We have to slow down first."
"Bullshit!" Just stop this thing," Dark Helmet replied. "I order you. Stooooop!"
Jackson soon pulled the emergency brake which read, "Emergency Stop, never use".
The ship soon stopped and Dark Helmet went flying into a panel.
"Are you all right, sir?" Sandurz asked as he helped his boss up to the floor.
"Fine. How've you been?"
"Fine, sir."
"Good."
"It's a good thing you were wearing that helmet."
"Yeah."
"What should we do now, sir?"
"Well, are we stopped?"
"We're stopped, sir."
"Good. Well, why don't we take a five-minute break?" Dark Helmet soon suggested.
"Very good, sir." Sandurz nodded.
"Smoke if you got 'em." Dark Helmet said before falling over suddenly.
Jackson and Vicky seemed to roll their eyes.
Far behind on Eagle-5, Starr pulled back on the throttle. "Take 'er out of hyperactive." he told Barf.
"Coming out of hyperactive," Barf replied; the ship slowed down, and the white streaks of light became visible stars again. "Congrats, Boss; we're safe. They overshot us by a year and a half!"
"Alright, boys; next stop, Druidia!" Lionel declared, chewing a toothpick.
"Mazal Tov!" Thor beamed.
"Settin' a course for-" Barf began before the Winnebego started to shake. "Drudi-i-i-i-i-"
"What's that?" Lone Starr asked from the shaking.
"Barf! What's goin' on?" Thor cried out.
"I don't know. I don't know," Barf said, trying to keep calm. "We're losing power. Why? 'Cuz we're outta gas."
"Hmm... We must've burned it up in hyperactive." Lionel guessed.
"I told you we should've put more than five bucks worth in." Barf said to his partner.
"Okay, we'll have to set her down," Lone Starr decided. "Prepare for emergency landing. Quick, give me a reading."
"How, oh, Father, be in heaven," Barf soon began to pray. "Thou will be Thy name, by kingdom come-"
"Will you stop that?" Lone Starr glared before taking out his microphone. "Keep your seat belts fastened back there. You okay, Princess?"
"No, you idiot!" Vespa huffed. "Where'd you learn how to fly?!"
"Okay, Eagle 5, coming in." Lone Starr then said.
"It smells like wet dog back here!" Cherry's voice complained.
"I just took my monthly bath, thank you very much, Little Miss Sunshine!" Barf glared in defense.
"Both of you, knock it off!" Lionel snapped. "Bad enough we're out of gas, we don't need you two sniping at each other!"
The Princess grabbed the microphone; her hair was mussed, she looked terribly disheveled, and her dress was on backwards.
"No, I'm not okay, you idiot!" she shouted. "I'm okay for a tossed salad! But I'm NOT a tossed salad, I'm a princess! Where did you learn to fly? We've been thrown around back here so hard-"
CLICK! Lone Starr and Lionel both turned off the intercom, silencing her tirade.
"That... Was obnoxious." Lionel sighed.
"Yep." Lone Starr nodded.
Eventually, they continued to pass through the stars and darkness of space.
"Space: the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise," Thor's voice began to narrate in an over the top dramatic voice. "Its five-year mission: to explore strange new worlds. To seek out new life and new civilizations. To boldly go where no man has gone before!"
"You do know that's a different franchise, right?" Lionel asked Thor.
"Sorry, just wanted to get my sci-fi references out of the way whenever possible," Thor replied before tugging on his ears as he soon tried out all of the ones he knew. "Nanu-Nanu. One of us. One of us. Piiiiigs iiiiin Spaaaace! To infinity and beyond! One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind. DAMMIT, JIM, I'M A DOCTOR, NOT A RODEO CLOWN!"
Lionel blinked. "...I don't even know Star Trek, and I'm definitely sure that's not how that line goes..." he remarked. "Okay, Eagle 5, coming in!"
The Eagle 5 went into a descent toward the planet Vega. Barf was in a panic, but Lone Starr was in complete control.
"Left, left... No, no, right, I mean right!" yelped Barf. "Pull up, pull up!"
"For Pete's sake, MAKE UP YOUR MIND!" Cherry yelled.
The Eagle 5 plowed through one sand dune before coming to a stop on another. In the back of Eagle 5, Vespa stood up.
"Where are you going?" Dot asked.
"I'm going to tell him off, once and for all!" Vespa declared.
"Wait, wait, wait! We need him if we're going to get out of here!" Dot protested. "Besides, he has a sexy voice. He might be cute!" she winked.
Vespa rolled her eyes. "'Cute'? I know these space bums, they're all alike. Fat, ugly, beer-swilling pigs!" she snapped.
"Ooh, you're a Princess Charming." Cherry rolled her eyes.
"How dare you!" Vespa glared. "I'll have your head for this!"
"Go ahead," Cherry grinned. "I'll probably grow a new one."
"Called me an idiot?" Lone Star scoffed. "I'm going back there and explain a few things to her."
"Yeah, but, you don't know what she looks like." Barf reminded.
"I know what she looks like. If you've seen one princess, you've seen 'em all," Lone Starr rolled his eyes. "Bucked-toothed, knocked-knees, horse-faced, space dogs." he then snorted, getting ready to go to the back.
"Yeah, well, I normally I'd-" Barf replied, about to go with him.
"Careful, Barf!" Thor warned.
"Ow!" Barf groaned as he noticed his seatbelt was still on. "Thanks, kid... That's gonna leave a mark."
Meanwhile, both warring parties made their way towards one another.
"Now listen, you..." Vespa began, but she stopped when she saw that Lone Starr wasn't nearly as bad-looking as she expected.
Starr was caught off guard as well, but soon composed himself. "You listen! On this ship, you are to refer to me as 'idiot', not 'you captain'!" he stumbled over his words. "...I mean... You know what I mean!"
"And you will not call me 'you'. You will never refer to me as 'you'," declared Vespa. "You will call me 'Your Royal Highness'!"
"You are a royal pain in the-"
Just then, Barf interrupted. "Whoa! Hold it! Time!" he exclaimed.
"What?!" asked the two squabblers.
"Might I make a small suggestion?" asked Barf. "Any second now, the Spaceballs are gonna make a major U-Turn, they're gonna come back this way, and make us all dead!"
Lionel nodded. "He speaks the truth."
"So stop arguing, chill out, and let's all have some fun and pie!" Thor said.
"Yeah, let's have some-" Cherry added before glancing at him. "Wait, what?"
"I was thinking of baking a pie, unless you'd prefer cake." Thor then said as he brought out an egg beater.
"Barf and the kid are right," Lone Starr soon remarked. "Let's go."
"Wait. My things." Vespa realized.
"Listen, you royal-" Lone Starr glared at the spoiled princess.
"Mm..." Vespa narrowed her eyes.
"...Highness," Lone Starr forced himself to say. "Take only what you need to survive."
"Guys, I'll never make it out in that desert sun," Cherry said to Lionel and Thor. "I get heat frustration easily."
"Not a problem," Lionel replied. "I came prepared!"
A little while later, Cherry was on Lionel's back, an umbrella over her head, and some bottles of water in his backpack.
"I'd prefer cooler air or a cooler climate, but I guess this'll do." Cherry said softly.
"Please, slow down," Dot said as she carried an umbrella for Vespa as they walked off together. "I'm getting sand up my gears."
"Jeez. I hope she didn't forget anything." Barf rolled his eyes, carrying a rather large trunk for the princess.
"All right, wait a minute, Barf, put it down," Lone Starr said before he came to open the trunk. "What the hell's in this thing?" he then opened the trunk and pulled out a rather large hairdryer. "What's this? I said to take only what you need to survive!"
"It's my industrial-strength hairdryer and I can't live without it." Vespa defended.
"You have got to be kidding me!" Thor glared at her. "This isn't a vacation, Royal Hiney-ness!"
"All right, princess. That's it," declared Lone, throwing the dryer down. "The fairy tale's over. Welcome to real life! You want this hot air machine? You carry it!"
Vespa jumped back. "My father is paying you a lot of money," she shrieked. "You pick that up!"
"YOU pick it up!" Starr retorted.
The princess raised her head haughtily in royal disapproval. "How dare you, you insolent peasant! Nobody talks to me that way! Nobody! Nobody!"
"First time for everythin', royal pain!" Lionel retorted.
Lone's eyes flashed with anger. He was ready for a good fight. This royal broad had been asking for it ever since he rescued her. "Those flashing eyes. Those flushed cheeks. Those trembling lips. You know something, princess?" he asked.
"I'm beautiful when I'm angry?" she suggested.
Lone shook his head. "Nope, ugly as a goat."
Cherry and Thor seemed to smirk at that.
"Naughty, naughty." Lionel said to them.
"She started it." Cherry kept her smirk.
"That's it," Vespa glared at Lone Starr. "You and your dog are f-"
"Please, please. Total humans, droids, if I may," Barf spoke up so a fight wouldn't break out. "It's going to be very dark soon, so I suggest we find a place to camp for the night."
"Vomit is right." Cherry said.
"My name is Barf." Barf corrected.
"Like it matters." Cherry stuck her tongue out in disgust.
"Cherry, be nice." Thor firmly pouted.
"Yeah, stop being a jerk," Lionel added. "And don't talk to me about how he started it, you insulted him first, but I'm not gonna make you say sorry, cuz you probably won't mean it."
Cherry glanced over a bit.
"What's gotten into you?" Thor asked. "And don't say the heat."
"I'm just really annoyed right now," Cherry said. "Especially since I've been stuck with that spoiled princess for about a week without my consent!"
"Well, anyone would be annoyed with her," Lionel replied. "But picking on Barf is only making things worse!"
"Yeah, Cherry, he's pretty cool if you ask me," Thor smiled. "I wish I could have my own mawg."
"I thought maybe that was you." Cherry smirked.
Thor growled at her, getting in her face, making her look nervous and turn pale.
"...I'm sorry." Cherry uttered out weakly.
"Suuuure you are," Lionel rolled his eyes. "You're just saying that cuz he's all mad at you. Tell ya what, when you apologize and MEAN IT, then I'll consider accepting that apology."
"Pfft... All right..." Cherry grumbled.
They soon continued to walk off, though they left the massive hairdryer behind.
"See, it's lighter." Lone Starr remarked.
"Oh, yeah. This is best," Barf replied. "I could carry two of three of these."
"Yeah, right." Cherry mumbled.
A video operator was scanning for any possible traces of the missing group which included Princess Vespa and Dot Matrix.
"Have you found them yet?" Dark Helmet asked the video operator.
"No, Lord Helmet," The video operator replied. "They're still not on the scanners."
"Well, keep looking for them," Dark Helmet said. "I'm just glad we at least didn't hire Professor Finbarr Calamitous. That guy can't ever finish anything!"
"I might have an idea." Vicky piped up.
"Go for it," replied Dark Helmet. "At this point, we're desperate."
"Show 'em, baby." Jackson told the redheaded girl.
"We'll simply look through the manuscript of 'Cherry & Lionel in Spaceballs' on DeviantART, Archiveofourown, Wattpad, or the official wiki!" Vicky then piped up.
"Colonel Sandurz, may I speak with you, please?" Dark Helmet soon asked as Vicky dashed off.
"Yes, sir." Sandurz nodded and walked off.
"How could there be a manuscript of Cherry and Lionel's adventures in Spaceballs the Movie?" Dark Helmet asked as he lifted his mask up. "PerkyGoth14 and whoever's collabing the storyline with her are still in the middle of making it."
"That's true, sir, but there's been a new breakthrough in fan-fiction marketing." Sandurz informed.
"There has?" Dark Helmet asked.
"Yes, instant fan-fiction with the first few chapters out in advance," Sandurz explained. "They're out on computers or phones and tablets before the story is finished."
"Here it is," Vicky said as she typed on a different computer through a search engine. "'Cherry & Lionel in Spaceballs'."
The page began to load as the Cherry's Adventures wiki was shown with a video based on the story since this was the future.
"Okay, this is pretty trippy." replied Dark Helmet, reading the text on the page, which was the exact same thing he was saying at that moment.
"Maybe this would be better on a video, this is the future after all." Vicky suggested.
"Works for me," Jackson agreed. "Who reads text these days?"
"What the hell am I reading?!" Dark Helmet asked. "When does this happen in the story?!"
"Now. You're looking at now, sir," Sandurz informed. "Everything that happens now, is happening now."
Dark Helmet looked at the text as it changed again. "What happened to then?"
"We passed then?"
"When?"
"Just now. We're at now, now."
"Go back to then."
"When?"
"Now."
"Now?"
"Now."
"I can't."
"Why?"
"We missed it."
"When?"
"Just now.
"When will then be now?" Dark Helmet then asked.
Jackson and Vicky soon face-palmed and their heads bowed together. Vicky soon clicked on a story section which read "Collabs with CartoonNetwork90sFan", "Collabs with Thunder Pony", "Collabs with AnnaleaseTurner", then clicked on "Collabs with Sonic Thunder Saiyan Turtle AKA Scrappy Doo Fan" and scrolled through until she found the Spaceballs story on video and the desert was soon shown with Cherry, Thor, Lionel, Vespa, Barf, Lone Starr, and Dot Matrix. Luckily, the co-stars looked fine in the scene with the original characters and not badly edited with random scenes made together to make it look like they were there and lazy subtitles added in.
"Sir!" declared Corporal.
"What?" asked Dark Helmet.
"We've identified their location."
"Where?"
"It's the moon of Vega!"
"Good work," declared Sandurz. "Set a course and prepare for our arrival."
"When?" asked Dark Helmet, confused.
"1900 hours, sir." replied Corporal.
"By high noon tomorrow, they shall be our prisoners." declared Col. Sandurz.
"WHO?!" yelled Dark Helmet, before his mask slammed down.
Jackson and Vicky face-palmed.