A/N: Fixing any errors I made before and slowly adding updates to this story finally.

Chapter Two: The Witching Hour

His hand was like ice as his fingertips touched the palm of her hand. She wondered just how long he had been up here. On a night as cold as tonight, he wouldn't have had to be up here long to develop hypothermia or worse. If he had not jumped and stayed up there in that shirt, he might have frozen to death instead. Maybe that was part of his goal, to freeze to death if jumping did not work.

Her hands were not much warmer, but she clasped her hand over his in an attempt to warm them up a little. She gave his hand a light squeeze. His face twitched as a light from another tower produced a soft glow over his face. It seemed out of place on him tonight. There was not an ounce of radiance from his glum expression and it was painful for her to see. Deep down in her gut she ached for him and whatever had brought him to such a final, horrible decision.

Lily motioned her head towards the stairs. Severus hesitated, but after a moment and seeing Lily bit her lip, he followed her down the steps, letting go of her hand. Without the moonlight in the stairwell, Lily's lumos was the only way they could not trip over their own feet on the way down.

As he walked behind her, part of him still wanted to snatch the wand from her pocket, race up the stairs and jump over that ledge. Another part of him, a greater part, wanted to follow her, so he kept walking behind her. Lily stopped to listen every other step and he was not sure why until he noticed she was constantly glancing over her shoulder at him. While he wanted to be angry that she suddenly seemed to worry about his well-being, another part of him wanted to jump for joy that she did care, proving she was the only one still who truly did. Still, she had stopped him and he wanted to be angry about that. He could not be angry with Lily though.

After several minutes they reached a door. Lily cracked it open, the metal door squeaking as she did. With a glance around, she nodded and waved him over. He sighed and walked through it.

"Where are we?" He finally whispered as she walked.

"Somewhere safe." She was not sure if she was going the right direction for her dorms. She was definitely not taking him in the Gryffindor dorms, but she wanted to go that way to find a private spot and there were plenty of rooms that would be empty. "We need somewhere safe to stay-to talk. You need somewhere safe to sleep."

"I don't need sleep."

Lily shook her head. "You haven't slept in days."

Severus raised an eyebrow. "How do you know?"

"I know everything," she smirked. "Besides, your eyes are bloodshot from lack of rest. We'll find somewhere-safe?" She flashed her light toward a room. "There it is."

"The study room?"

Lily nodded. "It's quiet, secluded and away from everything."

"Shut that light out. I'm trying to sleep." A portrait shouted.

"Sorry." Lily whispered and moved her wand away from the portraits.

As Lily opened the door, Severus groaned to himself. Why did she think this was a good idea? Why did he even listen to her? Why was she suddenly so invested in his well-being now?"

"Let's stay here tonight."

Severus shook his head. "No."

"Why not? There's couches and a warm fire. It's nice and quiet and safe." She went in and glanced around. There was a soft pallid couch, some comfy looking rosy, floral chairs, and a fireplace by the couch with a fire that was near its death.

Severus moaned and entered. "Lily, let's get out-we'll get in trouble."

She took a seat on the couch and patted the spot beside of her. "Like you really care about that when you were sneaking out after hours to end your own life. Besides, that's the last thing I'm worried about."

"I don't want to talk."

"Then we don't have to talk. Just sit down with me."

Could he resist such a temptation as to sit next to Lily? As much as he wanted to sit next to her, to be near her again, his pride won over. She titled her head slightly, eyebrows raised curiously.

"Sev, just sit on the couch."

Before the mudblood incident, they could sit and talk and were fine with that, but now that he had calmed down a little from the day, he suddenly wanted to run from her presence. She knew that he liked her and now he did not have death to reprieve him if word got out. Dead people can't be embarrassed after all.

"I'm fine standing." As he said this, he wasn't sure if that were true. His eyelids were heavy, though the very thought of sleep was abhorrent. Even if he could lie down, slumber was unlikely in his state of mind. The insomnia that had plagued him over the past few weeks in addition to the complete mistrust of forty winks unguarded were catching up with him.

Lily stood up. "You sit and I'll stand."

"I'm fine." He mumbled.

She huffed. "Just sit already."

After a deep glare at one another, Severus finally relented. He sat on the couch and Lily sat in one of the chairs across from the couch.

Lily's empty stomach churned in horror as the realization sunk in as to what had happened over the past fifteen or so minutes. Would he have jumped over that ledge had she not shown up when she did? Or would he have somehow talked himself out of it? That seemed unlikely. This was Severus after all. What if she had shown up just a few minutes later? Would she have been too late? What if she had watched him jump? What if she had not forgotten that art book? She had been in a hurry when the professor had kept them over and in her rush, she left that book in the corner where she had worked. It wasn't until after hours that she realized it was gone. Having not wanted to get caught out of bed, she had waited until nearly midnight to sneak out, not knowing when she would find the time later in the day to retrieve the book.

Upon leaving the dorm, she had figured she would only face ghosts, maybe Peeves, fussy portraits and at the worst she would find herself caught by a professor or Filch. She certainly never expected to find another student and definitely not Severus.

Severus. What on earth would possess him to even consider jumping off that ledge to his death? As her mind pondered the reasons, she turned to what she remembered over the past few months. She had hardly seen Severus over summer. Only in passing in town a couple times. Since school had started, she had not spoken to him once. She stayed with her other friends. She assumed he had stayed with his Slytherin friends, but now that she thought about it, he did not sit with Mulciber or Avery or any of the others he used to sit near.

When she really thought about the past two and a half months, she recalled Severus sitting alone at meals and classes and in the halls when she passed him, he was always by himself and sullen. Once she had remembered seeing him as he walked across the bridge. It was easy to remember that day. It was a few days before Halloween and the air had been chilly with a light drizzle. He had been alone as he walked with a very slow pace, not in a hurry to go anywhere. His forlorn expression had caught her eye with a jab at her heart. For a brief moment, she had stopped. For a brief moment she has considered saying something to him. Something about him just didn't seem right and it had bothered her. Despite what had happened between them, none of it mattered for that moment because he looked like he needed someone. She never got the chance to say anything as her friends had pulled her attention away for a moment. When she looked back, Severus was gone in the crowd of people. She had brushed off ideas that he might be in trouble.

"Why?" That was all Lily could think to say.

Severus heard her, but ignored her for a moment as he lay on the couch. "Does it matter?"

"Yes. It matters. What were you thinking? What compelled you-I mean, why consider doing that?"

"I don't have a reason."

"No one considers ending their own life at sixteen without a reason!" Lily snapped.

Severus scoffed. "I was born. There's a reason. It's not like anyone would miss me."

Lily shook her head. "That's not true."

Severus glared up at her. "Of course it is. Name one person who would have given a shit if I fell off the face of the earth right now. I wouldn't even have a funeral. They'd just toss me in a cheap box in the ground."

Lily grimaced, the thought horrifying. "Me."

"You wouldn't have given a shit. Don't even pretend!" He snapped and wrapped the throw over the couch around his body.

"I would have given plenty of shit about you."

"We're not friends." He turned away from her. "You made that clear a few months ago."

"Doesn't matter. I would've been horrified if you died." She sighed to herself. "Why wouldn't I try to stop you?"

Severus rolled his eyes. "To make yourself look like a saint. Brave Gryffindor stops Slytherin from killing himself, though we all know no one would have given a crap if he had succeeded."

"Really? That so?" Her expression was cold and her tone sharp. It was silent a moment while she calmed herself before saying something she'd regret. "You're wrong about me, but I want you to stop putting this on me and tell me why you did this. You're stalling. I want the truth."

"I told you."

"Be that way then." She paused for a brief moment. "What happened between you and the others? You wanted to be like them, join You-Know-Who just before school ended last year. What happened?"

Severus let out a scoff and looked at the armrest of the couch. "I changed my mind."

"You said it had to do with them finding out you-that you liked someone." Lily's cheeks become rosy as she debated how to approach this subject with him. The last thing she wanted was to embarrass him, but she had to get to the truth. "A muggleborn. Did they know?"

Severus grumbled. "Doesn't matter-don't care about `em."

"But that was a problem. They stopped caring about you."

"They never cared about me!" He snapped.

"I know." She answered softly after a moment and pushed her shoes against the red desert sand shag rug as she gathered her thoughts. "But I do...and I mean that."

Severus clinched his fists and all his blood rushed to his head. His stomach bubbled with fury and he turned to her. "You want to know why? Is that it? You want to try and understand me?"

Lily glanced up quickly with eyes round like coins. "Yes-"

"Well, you never well! You and your-your precious little friends will never-you'll never get it-you'll never understand! Clueless-privileged-thick-headed-privileged know-it-alls who know nothing-nothing at all about life! Treated like royalty! Get away with everything!"

Lily did not dare mention he said privileged twice. She said nothing at all.

"Maybe I'm sick of it! Maybe I'm just sick of it-sick of it all-of-of being treated like a piece of shit! I get it from home! I get it from school! There's no damn place I can go-nowhere-nothing-I'm NOTHING!" His breathing was so heavy he sounded like a bull when he breathed out. "This WHOLE DAMN SCHOOL IS WORTHLESS! NO ONE GAVE A SHIT THAT BLACK TRIED TO KILL ME! NO ONE GAVE A SHIT ABOUT ANYTHING THEY'VE DONE TO ME EVER!" He shut his eyes, catching his breath on his dry throat. "Not one teacher cares how hard I work-HOW HARD I TRY! I'm NOTHING! Just another worthless git to them!"

A rocket had been set off in him all of the sudden. "THEY THINK I'LL NEVER BE ANY DAMN THING! AND THEY'RE RIGHT! I NEVER WILL BE ANYTHING BECAUSE THEY WON'T ALLOW IT! ME-THEY DON'T EVEN WANT TO LOOK AT ME! DON'T ME TO WORK FOR THEM! I'M A HALF-BLOOD WITHOUT ANY TIES! AN EVIL SLYTHERIN! THEY'RE RIGHT-I'LL NEVER BE ANYTHING AT ALL! SO I WANT IT TO END-JUST TO GO AWAY! NO FAMILY-NO FRIENDS-NO ONE-NOTHING AT ALL! JUST SICK AND TIRED OF IT!" Severus choked, the fire in his stomach burned hotter while his heart gripped with emotion.

"I just want to be gone. It'll be the best for everyone if I just-if I was gone for good. There, happy? That's why I did it. There's my pathetic reason. Go tell everyone and they continue to make my life a living hell. They've been doing it all along, what's the different now?"

He threw the books off the closest table with great force, sending them flying across the room before he smashed the table that held the books against the wall. It broke into several pieces. Severus ran his hand through his hair and gripped it so tight, he was surprised he didn't end up bald. "What's the difference? TELL ME THE DAMN DIFFERENCE! YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT WILL BE MISSED WHEN I'M GONE! DO YOU? DO YOU?" He didn't wait for Lily to answer. "IT'S NOT HAVING A PUNCHING BAG-NOT HAVING SOMEONE TO PLAY THEIR FUCKING JOKES ON! THAT'S WHAT WILL BE MISSED!" He looked out the window at the blurry sky, the fire finally being quenched inside of him by the tightening of his throat and chest. "Just a big joke. That's all I'll ever be."

Lily choked at his words, trying to think of something to say, to calm him down in some way. While shocked he had lost his temper so suddenly and broken furniture, she understood. She got up from her chair after he had smashed the table.

Severus did not hear Lily answer him. In fact, she said nothing and he scoffed to himself. As he turned to the chair where she was seated before he got up, he saw it empty. "Figures. She left. Ignored as usual. Just like everyone else-she's like the others." He thought and looked out the window. Maybe he could open it...

Something touched him in the back gently. He jumped nearly a foot in the air. Before he could see what touched him, a hand was on his back.

"No. You're not a joke, Sev."

He couldn't look at her, couldn't think of what to say. He started to collapse to the ground, the raw emotion finally caught up to him. The next thing he remembered was Lily's arms around him, her own body heat warming his rigid emotion as he broke down. The weight of everything, of years of torment and pain and life bore down on him.

Lily wiped away her own tears that fell at seeing him so dejected. She tugged at him. "Come on, let's move somewhere more comfortable." She sniffed and took out two handkerchiefs.

As Severus got to his feet, he took her handkerchief, hardly able to process anything at the moment as she led him to the couch.

"You're not worthless. You're not at all. Don't let anyone tell you that, Sev. Be the determined person I know you are. Brilliant and witty. I miss that Sev. The one who never let anyone stop him from being a success in life." She gripped his shoulder as she sat beside his curled up body.

"Stay with me." He blurted out in a stifled whisper. "Don't leave."

"Where would I go?" She whispered back. "Don't worry. I won't leave you alone. Just stay with me too. Don't end your life yet. Our world will be lost without your brilliance."

He nodded, though he did not believe her about his brilliance. "Fine. I won't." The last thing he saw was a sleeping portrait of a small elderly man. Lily put the couch's throw to his shoulders and rubbed his arm while she hummed softly. Too afraid to leave him unaccompanied, she curled up beside of Severus.

Severus awoke with Lily's arms still clutched to him. His eyes burned, heavy with yesterday's burden. He never would have been so vulnerable to anyone but Lily. However, he was horrified that he had broken down like he had. He'd spilled so much and she had said little, just listening and trying to comfort him. He had cried in front of her and brought her to tears as a result. It was official: He was determined to humiliate himself to death. The thought of word getting out about what happened yesterday sent him into a near panic. Somehow, with her arms around him, he knew she was not going to say a word to anyone. It certainly would not look good on her either to tell about the night. Throughout the night she had not let go, probably fearing his escape, and spent the night at his side. He knew her friends would be horrified to hear where she had been last night.

A small part of him wanted to escape, but he did not dare move from her embrace. He had longed for it and was not going to pass up the only opportunity to feel her arms around him. Lily stirred beside of him. He watched her sleep, imaging what it would be like if she liked him the way he liked her. The thought of waking up with her at his side every morning came to his thoughts, but he shoved it out quickly. "Like she would ever be with me." He thought. "Just because she cared doesn't mean she loves you like that. She doesn't and won't." His heart tightened. "She's too beautiful to be with someone as hideous as me. She'd never pick me."