A guard was shown to be standing next to the door to the self destruct room. Lone Starr soon snuck up on him and tried to knock him out with a move from Star Trek.
"What the hell are you doin'?" The guard asked him.
"The Vulcan Neck Pinch." Lone Starr clarified.
"No, no, stupid, you've got it much too high," The guard rolled his eyes. "It's down here where the shoulder meets the neck."
"Like this?" Lone Starr asked as he changed his position.
"Yeah." The guard nodded before he fell down unconscious.
"Thanks." Lone Starr said.
"I wish I could do that." Thor pouted.
"What're you guys doing here?" Lone Starr asked them.
"We thought you could use some help while our friends are busy." Thor smiled innocently.
"Yeah, we're gonna let them work out their issues," Lionel replied. "Meanwhile, we're gonna get to the big stuff." He took the key card from the guard's belt, then used it on the panel to open the door.
The panel opened up, showing an outline of a hand.
"Handprint identification, please... Handprint identification, please..." The panel droned.
Thor took the glove off the guard's hand and put it in the outline. The voice stopped as the panel scanned the hand. A door opened next to the panel.
"Thanks again!" Thor exclaimed, knocking on the Guard's helmet. "After you!"
"Grazie!" Lionel replied as he waved to Thor on the way inside after Lone Starr went in.
As the group walked in, they noticed green bars guarding the self-destruct button.
"Is that you, Mila?" mumbled the guard in the room.
Quickly, Lone Starr pointed the Schwartz ring at a can of Spaceballs Shaving Cream. It started flying towards him.
The self-destruct guard turned around to Lone, who caught the can. "Who are you? What are you doing with that?" he asked.
"This!" Lone declared before he sprayed the shaving cream in the guard's eyes.
The guard screamed and opened his mouth, allowing Starr to spray it down his mouth, making him pass out.
"...That was gruesome... But funny!" Thor commented.
"Yeah, a lot of Mel Brooks movies do that." Lionel remarked.
"Sweet dreams." Lone Starr smirked at the guard before he took the card off of the self-destruct guard's belt and inserted into a panel and moved the switch to pull up the green bars before he came to the button.
The button read: "DO NOT PUSH UNLESS YOU REALLY, REALLY, MEAN IT".
Thor reached out to push the button with a silly look on his face.
"Not so fast, Lone Starr and friends." Dark Helmet glared as he arrived right behind them.
"Helmet. So, at last, we meet for the first time for the last time," Lone Starr glared before he thought about what he said and nodded. "Yeah."
"Before you die, there is something you should know about us, Lone Starr." Dark Helmet retorted.
"What?" Lone Starr asked.
"Are you his father?" Thor gasped.
"Actually, I am his father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate." Dark Helmet explained.
"What's that make us?" Lone Starr then asked.
"Absolutely nothing!" Dark Helmet laughed. "Which is what you are about to become. Prepare to die."
The two soon began to get ready to fight with their Schwartz rings as opposed to lightsabers from Star Wars. Thor was seen shaking and moving his fists around from the intense battle between the power of the Schwartz.
"You have the ring, and I see your Schwartz is as big as mine," said Dark Helmet as they both looked at their beams. "Now let's see how well you handle it!"
Lionel chuckled at that. Dark Helmet walked over to Starr and started fighting with him, as they swiped at each other with their beams. D.H. pulled back a little too far and knocked off the sound manager from the stage crew, who screamed and fell off a ledge.
"Um... He did it." said Dark Helmet.
"What?" asked Lone, before swiping at Helmet, who blocked it, and the fight continued.
They swiped at each other until their beams became twisted.
"Shit! I hate it when I get my Schwartz twisted!" Dark Helmet groaned. "Okay, maybe if I put my leg up on yours we can split apart..."
Lionel and Thor both watched as the two combatants got themselves untangled. Thor offered some soda to Lionel as he drank from his own can. Dark Helmet soon looked up and recreated his beam as he pointed it at Lone Starr. Lone soon did the same and pointed his at Dark Helmet. They moved in closer as their beams touched ends and Thor and Lionel began to bite their nails as the two men tried to cause each other to lose their beam, though Dark Helmet lost his beam. Lone then swiped at Dark Helmet's namesake, but it didn't leave a mark and he kept on trying, but nothing worked. Dark Helmet lowered his mask and laughed before Lone then punched his face and a beam was recreated as the two went back and forth while all Lionel and Thor could do was watch.
"So, Lone Starr, Yogurt has taught you well," Dark Helmet remarked as he ran from a locker. "If there is one thing I despise, it is a fair fight, but if I must then I must. May the best man win. Put 'er there." he then said, holding out his hand.
"Don't do it!" Thor cried out.
As Lone went to shake his hand, Dark Helmet yoinked the ring from his opponent's hand. "The ring! I can't believe you fell for the oldest trick in the book! What a goof. What's with you man? Come on!" he teased. "You know what? No, here let me give it back to you." he held out the ring.
As Lone got up to get it back, the evil villain threw it into a grate. Lone tried to catch it, but he failed.
"Oh, look. You fell for that, too. I can't believe it, man!" chortled Dark Helmet.
Starr got up and ran to a corner.
"So, Lone Starr, now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb!" Dark Helmet laughed, as he began firing green beams at Lone, who dodged each of them. "Very impressive, Lone Starr. Too bad this isn't the Wide World of Sports."
Just then, Lone heard an ethereal voice. 'Use the Schwartz, Lone Starr... Use the Schwartz...'
"I can't. I lost the ring." said Lone.
'Forget the ring. The ring is bupkis,' replied Yogurt. 'I found it in a Cracker Jack box. The Schwartz is in you, Lone Starr. It's in you.'
Lone Starr got to his feet. "All right. I'll try."
"Say goodbye to your two best friends, and I don't mean your pals in the Winnebago." Dark Helmet sneered as Lone Starr pointed his fist at a mirror on a shelf.
It started moving towards him, as D.H. fired another green beam at his groin. Luckily, L.S. caught the mirror, and covered his groin, making the beam bounce off the mirror and hit Dark Helmet in the groin, making him fall back on the self-destruct button, activating it.
"COWABUNGA!" Lionel exclaimed.
'Thank you for pressing the self-destruct button,' blared the system. 'This ship will self-destruct in three minutes.'
Lone Starr, Thor, and Lionel soon ran out of the room as the alarm started going off with red lights flashing.
"What's going on?" Skroob demanded. "Where the hell are we, Paris?!"
'Thank you for pressing the self-destruct button,' The system continued. 'This ship will self-destruct in exactly two minutes and 45 seconds.'
"You've got to stop it!" Skroob panicked. "Is there any way to stop it?"
"It's irreversible." Jackson said.
"Like my raincoat." Skroob remarked.
"Attention. This is Colonel Sandurz in forward command," Sandurz said through a microphone. "Abandon ship. Abandon ship."
Everyone on the ship, including cameoing adventure villains such as The Joker, Harley Quinn, Cruella de Vil, Jafar, Captain Hook, Ursula, Dr. Robotnik, Neo Cortex, The Grand Duke of Owls, and Maleficent started to panic and run around like crazy.
"All personnel, proceed to escape pods. Close down the circus. Evacuate the zoo. Self-destruct mechanism has been activated. Abandon ship." Sandurz continued.
"Sandurz, Sandurz, you've got to help me. I don't know what to do," Skroob begged. "I can't make decisions. I'm the president."
'This is your two-minute warning,' The system continued. 'This ship will self-destruct in exactly two minutes.'
"Launch all escape pods as soon as they are filled." Sandurz then reported as Jackson brought Vicky to one.
Meanwhile...
"What's happening?" Vespa cried out. "Where are they? Where are they?!"
"Here," Lone Starr said as he came inside with Lionel and Thor as Cherry was still a cat, though dangled in the air by her tail after Barf caught her. "We've got a minute and 40 before the end of the world. Hang on."
"Hanging on!" Cherry replied.
"Hanging on!" Lionel added.
"...Are we there yet?" Thor then asked.
Two troopers came out of the emergency door with guns, then got under the EAGLE-5 and started firing at the floor.
"Full throttle." said Lone.
"Full throttle." Barf declared, pulling on the throttle as he dropped Cherry.
"Go to hyperjets!" Lionel added, taking the cat up.
"Going to hyperjets!" Thor declared as he pulled the hyper-lever.
And like that, the EAGLE-5 took off, blowing the group back from the force of the blastoff.
Meanwhile, back on Mega-Maid, Sandurz climbed the ladder and looked in the first escape pod. He moved on to the next one, followed by Skroob.
"Hey, get outta there. Where do you think you're going?" asked the president.
"Pizza to go," laughed the pizza guy.
"Hey, make room!" Jackson shouted as he and Vicky climbed into the pod with him and closed the door, causing the pod to blast off.
Dark Helmet climbed up a ladder to his pod, where a bearded woman was getting into it. "Hey, hey, that's my escape pod. Who are you?"
"I'm the bearded lady," The woman replied. "What are you, one of the freaks?" She kneed him in the groin before she laughed and got into her pod, which took off.
"No!" cried Dark Helmet. "Come back, you fat bearded bitch!"
"One pod left, and three of us, and I'm the president," Skroob said to Sandurz and Dark Helmet. "Well, boys, it's a very lovely ship. I think you should go down with it. Goodbye." he then went into the escape pod, though there was a bear inside, so he sat on the bear and used the arms to buckle like using a seatbelt before he noticed that there was a bear, so he screamed and got chased out of the pod.
"So long, we outta here! You just got PUNK'D!" A one-antlered deer laughed in an obnoxious voice as he got away with the bear and they waved as they went out the escape pod and made it off of the ship.
'This ship will self destruct in 20 seconds,' The ship's voice soon said. 'This is your last chance to push the cancellation button.'
"Cancellation button?!" Skroob's eyes widened. "Hurry."
The three men all then slid down a ladder and ran to the center of the ship.
"Where is it?" Dark Helmet panicked. "Where is it?!"
"It's gotta be here!" Sandurz said before he soon opened a panel to find the button, though it had an "OUT OF ORDER" sign, much to their misfortune. "Out of order?"
"Fuck!" Dark Helmet groaned. "Even in the future, nothing works."
'This ship will self-destruct in exactly 10 seconds.' The ship's voice soon said.
The three men soon scrunched up together as they were doomed.
'Counting down,' The ship's voice counted down. 'Ten, nine, eight, six-"
"Six?" Skroob asked while Dark Helmet and Sandurz looked just as confused. "What happened to seven?
'Just kidding.' The ship's voice then said which made them panic again.
Meanwhile...
"We gotta be almost out of here now!" Cherry cried out.
"Then we better put the pedal to the metal!" Lionel exclaimed.
"There's the other end!" Vespa pointed to the exit of the ear canal. "Faster!"
"Seven, six, five," The ship continued. "Four, three, two, one. Have a nice day."
"Thank you." said the three villains.
Out in space, Eagle-5 shot out of the ear canal, just as Mega-Maid was blown to bits in a tremendous explosion.
"And I re-state... CO-WA-BUNGA!" Lionel exclaimed, as he gracefully tossed Cherry lightly a few times.
"We did it!" Vespa proclaimed.
Barf seemed to be knocked out.
"What...?" Cherry softly asked as she noticed him.
"No..." Thor frowned. "At what cost though? At what COST?!" he then cried dramatically.
"Hey, Barf... You okay...?" Cherry asked softly as she tried to wake up the mawg. "W-We won... You can be happy now... Wag your tail... Dance on your hind legs... Do whatever dogs do when they're happy."
Barf didn't seem to budge which made everyone begin to look sad.
"No..." Cherry said in a broken voice as tears filled her eyes. "Oh, man! Barf, I'm so sorry! I should've been nicer to you! You were just trying to be my friend, but I kept pushing you away!" she then cried. "Barf, I'm really sorry... You're a good boy... You're a really good boy... Please... Don't die. Just don't die... I'm sorry for how I acted, and-"
"Gotcha!" Barf smirked as he sat up with a laugh. "Ooh, you should've seen your face. 'Oh, Barf, please don't die'!" he then imitated her with a laugh as she looked wide-eyed and jaw-dropped.
"That wasn't funny, you...! You!" Cherry snapped, flailing her paws in the air as Thor snickered a bit.
Thor then used his magic to change Cherry back to normal before he shared a fist-bump with Barf.
"Oh, so it was funny whenever you made fun of Barf and treated him like garbage?" Lionel asked.
"I'm sorry, okay?" Cherry sighed. "I'm not much of a dog person."
"Guess that explains your catty behavior." Barf smirked.
"...I'm really sorry, alright?" Cherry said to him. "I terribly misjudged you."
"Well, I guess you're okay," Barf replied. "Even if you ARE kind of a jerk."
"At least you learned something from this." Lionel sighed.
"Just don't turn me into a cat again." Cherry complained to Thor.
"Don't make me have to," Thor replied firmly as she crossed his arms. "I'm not one to get angry easily, but I do have my buttons I don't like being pushed. Whether it's my little sister getting hurt, someone's being a jerk for no reason, or if someone's trying to assault my favorite uncle."
"You scare me when you're dark and serious like this." Cherry commented.
"I hope I do!" Thor smirked before looking over. "Ooh, the news is on, guys."
The others huddled around to check out the news.
"So I guess you might call that a case of man bites druid," A newsman laughed as he was shown on the TV. "On a sadder note, Pizza the Hut (famed half-man, half-pizza) was found dead earlier today in the back seat of his stretched limo. Evidently, the notorious gangster became locked in his car and ate himself to death. Coming up, Pongo's review of Rocky 5000. Pongo?"
"Well, I reckon everything worked out for the best!" Lionel laughed.
"Did you hear that? Pizza kicked the bucket!" Barf cheered. "Now we don't have to pay him the million. We can keep it for ourselves!"
"Yeah, everything's coming up Lone Starr!" Thor declared.
"Well, way to go, guys!" Cherry cheered for them.
The Eagle 5 soon flew in and circled around the palace, then landed on the ground.
In the throne room, the doors were opened to let in Vespa, Lone Starr, Barf, Dot, Cherry, Lionel, and Thor.
"Daddy!" Vespa beamed as she ran to King Roland. "Oh, Daddy."
"Vespa, my darling," King Roland cooed as he hugged his daughter happily. "I thought I'd never see you again. Oh, my sweet little daughter. I'm so happy that home and safe. And little Vespa, here's someone else who's happy to see you." he then showed the arranged groom was asleep in a chair before waking up.
"Oh, hello," Prince Valium smiled as he woke up with a yawn. "Where've you been?"
"Don't make me stay here." Cherry begged Lionel and Thor. "I promise I'll be nicer to Barf."
"Aw, okay," Lionel replied. "I reckon you've learned your lesson."
Soon after, the Eagle-5 took off into space, and headed for a space diner.