A/N: Fixing any errors I made before and slowly adding updates to this story finally.

Chapter Three: Mourning Glory

When Severus tried to move from under her arm, Lily gripped him and jumped up with such a start that he also jumped in surprise.

"What're you doing?" Lily asked with an edge to her voice as the hair stood up on the back of her neck.

Severus turned his head slightly to glimpse at her face. Her eyes were droopy with dark circles underneath. He wondered if he had surprisingly gotten more rest than she had during the night. "Nothing. I just wanted to use the bathroom. I have to go."

Lily shook her head and glanced around. "What time is it?"

Severus sat up and swung his legs around until his feet hit the floor. He motioned his head toward the clock in the corner. "Almost nine."

Lily nodded, still half-asleep. Severus got up and opened the door.

"I'll be back in a minute. I can take care of myself."

Lily rolled her eyes and scoffed.

"What, you want to watch me answer nature's call?"

"No."

"Then I'll be back in two to three minutes."

He left the room and she moaned. Her body ached from lack of sleep. Every time he had moved in his sleep, she had woken up. He barely moved at all, but a little stir was enough to wake her. Each time she found him still in a deep slumber it was a comfort. She figured he had needed every wink, but she had to admit to herself that it was really awkward to be so close to him. She had never been that close to him physically before. Though it was just a hug, he never was a touchy-feely person and she never really gave him much hugs or anything as a result. Perhaps she should have given him more when they were friends.

He still seemed so unhappy, but she did not know what to do. It wasn't like she could tell someone Severus needed help. Who'd listen to her anyway? Even more than that, who'd even care to help him at all? Not Dumbledore. Not McGonagall or Slughorn or Flitwick or Sprout. None of them, not even the healer, who would probably just send him away to St. Mungo's. If word got out about Severus going away because he was suicidal, his life would be even worse when he got back. No, she couldn't let that happen. She also could not deny he needed help.

She slowly made it to her feet, barely able to move at first. She reached into her pocket and felt her wand. Severus's was still tucked next to hers. She pondered how he had planned on turn his wand on himself. Did the killing curse work when you do it to yourself? Was that even a thing? Maybe she'd subtly ask a professor, though she did not want to make them think she planned on doing that. Perhaps she'd say someone joked about it and while she did not find it funny, she got curious if it was even physically possible to do. No, that didn't sound well, but she needed to know. And he needed help, probably much more help than she could give him.

She smoothed her wrinkled robes and looked at the time again. She gasped and nearly dropped the books she had been fixing on the mended desk.

"It's nine! My class is at nine!" She swore as Severus re-entered the room. "Thank god, you're fine. Listen, stay here. I have to go-class now! Don't worry, you're safe in here." She opened the door. "Oh, and-um, don't try to do anything because you can't. The room won't let you and there are spells on the window. I'll be back in a bit."

She closed the door and raced down the hall toward the tower. As she sprinted up the stairs, she nearly tripped on a vanishing stair in her haste.

There were only a couple students in the common room as she raced to her room, snatched her bag and sprinted back down to her first class. Ten minutes late. She was never late. With unease and a slight twinge of embarrassment, she opened the door to the potions classroom.

Slughorn glanced at her with shock. "Ms. Evans, we were pondering just looking for you."

She feigned a soft grin as her cheeks burned a little. "I'm here." It wasn't until she sat down that she remembered she had not used the bathroom. She'd have to hold it until class was over. Her stomach growled as she got out her book, her tongue and throat parched as a reminder that she had not anything to eat or drink yet.

"So," She asked, still breathing hard from her mad dash. "What're we doing? I mean today-today what are we doing?"

"What happened last night?" Mary asked. "You look awful."

Lily frowned. "Thanks."

"Well, you're a mess. Did you sleep in your robes? And you never came back last night. I was worried when you did not show up for breakfast."

She shrugged. "I fell asleep, sorry. I, um, well-" Get your story straight, Lily. "I went to get my book-like I told you-and heard someone coming and-you know-well-I stayed there and I guess I just-I-fell asleep."

Mary stared sceptically as Lily snatched some jumping beans.

"Three of these. That's what this says."

Mary scrunched up her nose. "You didn't even brush your teeth or your hair. It's a mess. Did you just roll out of bed and come straight here?"

Lily put her hand to her mouth and then to her hair as Mary insulted her appearance. She cleared her throat and took some of the ingredients. "I'm fine. You smash this, right?"

Mary just glared as Lily pressed down on the bean. Lily's skin tingled a little, unable to concentrate with the knowledge that Severus was alone in that room. What if he found a way to end his life while she was gone that she had forgotten about in her tired haze? What if someone attacked him and he was wandless? What if-

"Lily!"

Lily snapped out of it. "Huh, what?"

"You're leaking the juice onto the table. You need that!" Mary grumbled and hurried to scoop up the juice of the bean. "What's wrong with you?"

She narrowed her eyes at Mary. "Nothing's wrong with me. I'm just tired, that's all."

"What'd you do last night?"

"Nothing. I just-I fell asleep in the tower, that's all."

"Alone?" Mary raised an eyebrow.

Lily huffed lightly. "Yes, alone. Who else would I have been with?" She snapped and squished the bean harder than necessary.

"I don't know. Lots of boys like you. Maybe Potter? He's had his eye on you for awhile, hasn't he?" Mary smirked, her eyes knowing.

She sucked in air. "I don't know. I don't care."

Mary rolled her eyes. "Oh, please. You know you like him too and I can't blame you. I mean he's handsome and brilliant and funny and-"

"I don't care, okay. I don't-who cares about Potter right now. Just let it go." Lily snapped harsher than needed, but she just did not have it in her to think about something so trivial right now or argue about it at the moment. There were far more pressing issues at hand than which boy fancied her.

"Okay, fine. Someone's being grumpy today. Not my fault you left that book up in the grand staircase tower."

Lily and Mary said little the rest of the class and finished the potion. Lily took the completed vile to the professor's desk at the end of the lesson.

"Professor?"

Slughorn glanced up at her and smiled. "Problem with the potion?"

"No, no, not at all. I just have a question."

Slughorn put down his book and nodded. "Certainly."

"I know it's a silly one, but I was curious after someone joked about it. Is it-um-is it possible to use the killing curse on yourself?"

Slughorn's eyes grew serious and his grin fell. "Yes, I suppose."

Lily wrung her fingers slightly, pulling them in her unease. "If someone were to, I don't know, think about turning on-turning their wand onto theirself-them-themselves, what would-can you-what should you do about it? Can their wand be taken from them?"

Slughorn was now leaning forward and watching her closely. "I'm not exactly sure. Usually they get taken away to figure out why they want to end their life-to get help." His eyes bore into hers with a mix of concern and seriousness. "Lily, is there-is everything all right?"

Lily was afraid this might happen. "Yes, of course."

"If anything's been going on, you know all professors here can speak with you about it. There's not a need to do something drastic."

She shook her head. "Oh no, don't worry. I'm just fine. I mean, if you're thinking I'm wanting to turn my wand on myself, I promise I'm not. I wouldn't consider it. I'm not suicidal, honest."

Slughorn just stared at her, making her really uncomfortable. The room grew eerily silent, making her squirm a little. "Is someone else considering it?"

Lily just shrugged. "Thanks for your help. See you later." She turned and hurried out of the room, making a stop in the bathroom on her way back to where Severus was. While she didn't bother to shower, she did brush her teeth and comb her hair.

When she entered the room, she did not see Severus. Her body jolted, nearly frozen for a moment as hair stood up on the back of her neck. Throat gripped and breath laboured, she moved forward into the room as her eyes darted around for any sign of life or worse, the possible end of it. "Severus?"

No answer came. In a frantic haste, she hurried through the room, but it was hardly half a minute before she found him. With a sigh of relief, she saw him alive and seated on the floor with his back against the couch as he stared out the window.

"Don't do that to me! Why didn't you answer? I thought something had happened to you."

Severus scoffed. "I'm here, aren't I?" He sniffed lightly.

It was then Lily saw his red-rimmed eyes that seemed so empty, so cold, yet so lonely at the same time. Her relief was shattered at his wet face. She set her books on the table nearby and slumped to the ground beside of him.

He nearly jumped when she put her hand on his shoulder, his body rigid as she rubbed his shoulder very gently.

"Can I-I have my wand back now?"

Lily shook her head. "Nope. I can't trust you with it right now."

"And if I'm attacked, that's better?" He snapped.

"You won't be attacked."

"Oh, yeah? You must not know how others think about me."

Lily sighed. "No, I do." She glanced out the window. "But you're not safer with it at the moment." She sighed through her nose. "I'm going to charms. Are you coming to class?"

Severus shook his head and turned his head away, his elbow against his knee and his hand against the left side of his face.

"You can't hide in here forever."

"I'm not hiding. There's just no point in going."

Lily let out a heavy huff. "You know there's every reason to go. We'll be done soon."

"In another year." He interjected. "And a half. A year and seven months and a couple weeks."

She stretched her legs out. "And we've been here for five years and three months. A year and half doesn't seem so long."

"Seven months is more than a year and a half." He still refused to look at her as he tried to hid his sorrow best he could. He was not going to break down again like last night in front of her. It was obvious he was determined to embarrass himself in front of her. All she had to do was let one thing he'd said or done the past ten hours slip out and his life would go down the proverbial toilet.

Lily saw a branch, barren of leaves tapping the window as a harsh wind pounded against it. She shivered just imagining the brisk air outside. The room however was warm and cosy as a fire crackled on the opposite side of the couch.

"You sure you don't want anything? Don't want to come to class with me?" With slight apprehension, she moved her hand on his back and saw his eyes shift to her arm, but could not place the look in his eyes. Either it was unease or surprise or maybe a bit of both. "We can sit together...if you want...like we used to."

He scoffed. "I'm sure that would go over really well."

"Are you ashamed to sit next to me?" Lily eased her grip on his back.

"No." He half scoffed. "Why would I be ashamed of you? You're the one who'd get all the hostility if we sat together. Your friends would be upset with you for talking to that loser again."

"Who cares about them? I just want you to come to class and finish school to see that-that there's more-beyond here-beyond this silly school. You've made it this far. It's too far to quit now." She slightly rubbed his back. "Don't give up. Why don't you come?"

Severus shook his head. "I think I'll go to the library or something."

Lily did not say anything for a moment. "The library is a good place, but if you even think about-"

"I said I wouldn't, didn't I?" He snapped and put his hand down from his face. "Though it's cruel of you, you know that?"

Lily stopped mid-way of getting to her feet, plopping back onto her knees. "What?"

"I don't want to be here. No one wants me here either. You should've just let me go."

Lily said nothing, in a bit of shock at his response. "No, letting you go through with that would be cruel. Imagine if some first year had found you after you'd jumped. That's cruel. Or if someone had come, even me, and had to watch you jump. That's cruel." Her expression softened. "Not getting the chance to live out your life...that's even more cruel-the cruellest thing you could do to yourself."

Severus scoffed.

"A brilliant mind like your own-our world needs someone like you. Look at the many other dunderheads in this school. What will they do to help this world of ours? Look at the mess-we're in a war. Things are corrupt and times are troubled. Now, more than ever, we need someone like you."

"I'm quite certain you think I'm an idiot."

"I never once said you were an idiot." Lily snapped. "I never thought such a thing. Did I think joining up with wannabe Death Eaters was dumb-yes, yes, I did. But that's the thing that irritated me the most about that decision of yours."

Severus rolled his eyes. "That I'm dumb for it?"

"That you were smarter than that. You could do so much better than them. Be so much more-so much better that I-it was so hard to see it-see you want to just be that. You're one of the most intelligent people in this school and that's what you wanted to be-to do and I just never understood it." She got to her feet.

"Of course not! You don't get what it's like-what my life is like. You couldn't understand it. You're-you're perfect and smart and in the "good" house. You're allowed to be somebody in this world. I'm not. I'm everything they don't want."

"That's not true."

Severus scoffed again.

"Come on." She pleaded. "Come with me."

Severus stood up and put his hands in his pockets. "I'm going to the library." He opened the door and glanced back at Lily, who was biting her lip. "I'm not going to do anything. Promise."

"You actually promise? Swear on your magic?"

Severus cringed. "Yes." He clinched his teeth. "Swear on my magic that while you are at charms class today I will not harm myself in any way."

Lily's shoulders eased. "Okay." She grabbed her bag and handed him his wand. " Don't make me regret giving this back. You promised. I'm going off to class."

He gave her a tiny grin as he took his wand with a curt nod. "Thanks."

She left the room and took once last glance at him before she headed down the hall.

Barely made it, she thought to herself as she dropped her bag on the table.

"Well, someone cleaned themselves up." Sirius smirked from the table in front at her.

Lily let out a huff and got out her stuff before taking her seat. "Yeah, so what?"

"Looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."

She ignored him as she took her seat with a flop and ran her hand through her hair. Maybe she shouldn't have come to class today? But he swore on his magic he would not do anything to himself...during this class. He was alone though and being alone makes you more depressed. She wished he'd just come to class.

"What'd you do last night? Drink a little too much?" Sirius leered.

Lily rolled her eyes and stared at him with a heavy frown.

"Nah, I think she was snogging with some guy." Mary stated. "She was out all night. Said she was going to get a book and never came back."

"And it wasn't with me?" James stated, feigning shock.

Lily scoffed. "I wasn't snogging anyone...can you just let it go?"

"Ooh, she was with someone. Straight for a shag?" Sirius laughed and Peter snorted.

"Shut up. No one shagged or snogged anyone-just get over yourself. Just because you suck at everything else in life doesn't mean that's what everyone is doing." She slammed her book down and flipped it open in frustration.

Sirius let out a guffaw. "And how do you know if I'm good at a snog and a shag?"

Lily scoffed with disgust. "Yeah, you're right. You probably suck at that too."

"Oh-ho, someone's having a bad time of the month?"

Lily glared daggers into Sirius. "So what's your excuse for being an arse all the time?"

Sirius laughed with a sneer on his lips. "You'd like us if you spent more time with us."

It was Lily's turn to scoff and sneer. "Or I'd consider killing you."

"You know you'd like James, you two have a lot in common and you ought to consider-"

"Don't," She interjected quickly. "Just don't. I don't need anyone setting me up. I have enough on my mind right now."

"Lily, you're almost 17 and you've never been kissed. You really ought to-"

"So what?" Lily shrugged as she interrupted. "Big fucking deal. I don't give a care about that. Who cares about a kiss? There's more important things to worry about than a stupid kiss."

Mary's eyes became wide as did the others around her who were listening to their conversation. Nosy busybodies. She thought to herself. Why don't they all mind their own damn business?

"Morning. Open your books to page 154 and we'll start a new, more complicated charm today. Read over the lesson while I take role." Professor Flitwick went over the names.

"Snape?" He looked around. "No Snape?"

Lily swallowed hard, glancing at his seat.

"Third time he's missed in two weeks. Anyone know anything about Mr. Snape?"

A tall, pudgy boy with eyes like spikes and almost yellow like a cat's sneered. "Yeah, he probably keeps slipping in his own pool of grease and has to fix that broken nose of his he keeps breaking...oh, wait, that's just how his nose looks."

Flushed with anger, she stood up and nearly knocked her chair back in the process. Before she could stop herself, she had removed her wand from her robe pocket as her hands shook with contorted rage. Physically she had reacted ahead of her mind, her thoughts still jumbled and incoherent.

"We do not make fun of other students...Ms. Evans, are you all right?"

Lily snapped out of her thoughts and realized everyone was staring at her. Her cheeks turned cerise as the heat rose into them.

"Is there something you'd like to say?"

The words caught on Lily's tongue a moment before she ignored the snickers around her. "Oh, there's plenty I'd like to say, but I won't because we're in a classroom."

Jeers and chuckles and gasps emitted from the students.

"But I will inform everyone that Mulciber has never done anything with a woman like he claims and those knickers were ones he stole from the drying line."

Part silence and part gasps and a small amount of snickers and jeers came from the others.

"That's all I have to say for now." She took her seat calmly and looked at her book. It took a moment before the shock seemed to wear off enough to get back to the lesson.

"Lily, what're you doing? He's going to kill you." A roommate of hers whispered from the table behind her.

"Let him try. He's too stupid to manage such a feat."

"You remember what he did to Mary, don't you?"

"Yes, and he's creepy and disturbed, but he did not have a right to speak that way."

"But why are you defending Severus?"

"Okay, everyone, quiet-quiet! Back to reading." Flitwick put his hands down and took a seat. Lily ignored her roommate.

The hour long class seemed to take much, much longer. The second hand on her watch gave the impression of being broken at the pace it appeared to move to her. It didn't help that many people glanced at her with suspicion and some of the Slytherins glared at her with contempt throughout the class.

Once the class ended, she hurried out of the room, ignoring some of her friends calling after her about lunch. As her stomach rumbled, she was reminded that she had only had a bite of toast. Still, her stomach could wait. Finding Severus and making sure he was okay was her only goal.