A waitress was talking to the cashier before she was given something "Thanks, hon," she said to the cashier before Cherry followed the guys over at the bar and were given some water. "Hi, big stuff. Hi, dream. Hi-" she then faced Cherry, Lionel, and Thor.
The three smiled innocently and seemed to look creepy to her for whatever reason.
"Eh... What'll you have?" The waitress then asked.
"We've just got a few minutes while were gasin' up," Lone replied. "What's ready?"
"I can give the Space Soup or the Space Special." The waitress suggested.
"Um... I'll have the soup." Lone decided.
"Okay." The waitress nodded as she wrote the order.
"I'll have the cleavage, er, the special." Barf then decided.
"Soup for me." Cherry decided.
"Specials are special, make it two." Thor smiled.
"Uh, you got burgers?" Lionel asked.
"Okay, I have two specials, one burger, and two soup." said the waitress, as she came up behind them to a table.
Barf's tail was wagging and was going up the waitress's miniskirt.
"You ready to order?" The waitress asked another customer.
"Hi, yes," replied the customer. "We'll both have the luna fish."
"Okay, anything to drink?" The waitress asked before turning around. "Hey, hey, watch you're stickin' that thing!"
Barf turned to see his tail. "Huh? Oh, look, it's got a mind of it's own, sweetheart. I can't do a thing with it!" he chuckled.
As the waitress walked off to another table, Barf let out a howl, but Lone just hit him.
"What?" asked Barf.
"Keep that tail in check." Cherry told Barf.
"Can't help it," Barf replied. "That's the price of bein' half-dog."
"Just don't tell me about your Family Tree." Cherry grinned nervously.
"Some people are sitting at the other end of the bar. One of them is telling a story," One man said to another at the bar, trying to tell a joke. "We were lost. None of us knew where we were. And then Harry began feelin' around on all the trees. And then he says, 'I got it': we on Pluto. And we said, 'Harry how can you tell?' He said, 'From the bark, you dummies!" he then said with a laugh. "From the bark."
The other man soon started to act like he was choking on his food before grabbing his stomach as he seemed to have indigestion.
"Is he all right?" A woman at the bar asked.
"Yeah, this guy digs me." The first man reassured.
The second guy soon spit out some of his food and was laid down on the bar as the group soon noticed what was going on.
"Bring some water!" The woman panicked.
"Water my ass!" The first man cried out. "Bring this guy some Pepto Bismal!"
"Man, must've been some bad luna fish." Cherry commented.
"Waitress! Waitress, what did he order?" asked Barf.
"Oh, he had the special." The waitress replied.
Barf went pale. "The spec-... That's what I ordered!"
"I think I'm gonna have a burger instead." Thor sweat-dropped.
"Yeah! And change my order to soup!" Barf added.
"Good move." Lone told them as the waitress changed their orders.
Everyone else at the diner looked down at the man as he twitched a bit as something began to pulsate out of his chest. Eventually, a tiny alien came out, looking menacing.
"Oh, no! Not again!" The man groaned before passing out and a spotlight shot down at the alien.
The alien looked around before it soon put on a tiny hat and had a cane and began to dance. "Hello, my baby. Hello, my honey. Hello, my ragtime gal. Sonny my pitched my wild. Baby, my heart's on fire~," it then started to sing like from a classic Looney Tunes short as the group stared at it as it went down the table. "If you refuse me, honey, you lose me, then, you'll be left alone, Oh, baby, telephone and tell I'm your own~"
One man eyed the alien and seemed to smirk as dollar signs floated around him as he rubbed his hands greedily.
Lionel blinked. "Wow, that was nuts." He and the others stood up.
"Check, please!" Lone Starr stated.
"Back to Druidia!" Thor exclaimed.
Back on the aforementioned planet at the wedding chapel...
Once everything on Planet Druidia had toned down from the Spaceballs incident, it was time to redo the wedding. The sound now read: "The Royal Wedding of Princess Vespa and Prince Valium. Take Two". Dot was behind Vespa as the usher walked in.
"Five minutes to magic time." The usher informed.
"Are you all right, my dear?" King Roland asked in concern. "You look a little flighty."
"Don't worry about me, Father," Vespa said wearily. "I'm completely over him. He didn't even stay for the wedding. Just grabbed his million spacebucks and ran."
"He didn't take the million."
"He didn't?"
"No," King Roland explained. "He just took those friends of his with the 248 spacebucks for lunch, gas, and tolls."
"I still can't believe you turned down the money," said Barf. "At least we could've stayed for the wedding feast. I'm starvin'! Have you got anything to eat?"
"Nah," Lone Starr replied. "Oh, wait. Yogurt gave me that fortune cookie!" He took the cookie out of his pocket. "Here, chow down." He gave it to Barf.
"Wow, thanks," replied Barf. "I'll split it with ya."
"No." Lone said.
"I could just make something." Lionel stated.
"Ooh! Please!" Barf beamed. "Especially something that makes its own gravy!"
Cherry looked queasy at that suggestion, but didn't say anything. A stream of gold glitter soon came out of the cookie and flew over the doorway.
"What the?!" Cherry gulped.
The stream stopped at the doorway and turned into the image of an old face.
"Yogurt." The group gasped.
"Hello, kids. Well, you opened your fortune cookie, so here's your fortune," Yogurt greeted. "Lone Starr, you know that medallion that you wear around your neck, but you don't know what it means?"
Lone then took the medallion out of his shirt.
"Well, here's what it means: it's a royal birth certificate," Yogurt then explained to the young man. "Yes. Your father was a king. Your mother was a queen. Which makes you a certified prince."
"Hey, I'm a prince," Lone reacted with surprise. "I'm a prince. Which means-"
"He's a prince!" Cherry and Thor gasped together.
"Which means, if you hurry, there could be a princess in your future," Yogurt told Lone Starr. "Now, if you want to get back there before she marries Sleeping Beauty, there's and a special can of fuel in your glove compartment. Good luck, kids."
"That was... Mondo wild." Lionel replied as Thor opened the glove compartment; inside was a fuel canister labeled "Liquid Schwartz".
"I think this could just as well be," Thor said as he showed the canister. "I wonder if it was anyone you knew?"
"I doubt it, Smart Guy." Lionel smirked.
"Wow, Liquid Schwartz!" Barf smiled.
"Quick, pour it in the emergency tank." Lone told Thor.
"Okay!" Thor smiled as he opened the emergency tank lid that was in the floor and soon poured the liquid into the tank before it glowed yellow.
"Look at that." Cherry remarked.
"Done!" Thor beamed before closing the lid.
"Hang on, guys, we're gonna make space-tracks." Lone said before he suddenly swerved which sent some of them flying to one side.
Suddenly, the others squashed and slammed against Cherry at the window.
"Can't... Feel... Pancreas..." Cherry muffled in agony.
"That's... Temporary...!" Lone Starr grunted.
MEANWHILE, BACK ON DRUIDIA...
"Dearly beloved," said the minister. "We are gathered here... Again... To join..."
"Why didn't you tell he didn't take the money?" Vespa asked her father.
"I didn't think it was important." whispered the king.
"May I continue, please?" asked the minister, annoyed at being interrupted."...To join Princess Vespa and Princess Valium. I'm sorry, it's the hair. Prince Valium in the bonds of holy matrimony."
"I see it all now," said the princess to her father. "He left so I'd hate him. He was sacrificing himself so I wouldn't give up the throne! Don't you see he loves me?"
"Excuse me," asked the minister. "I'm trying to conduct a wedding here, which has nothing to do with love. Knock it off, okay, Your Highness?"
I'm sorry." Vespa replied.
"I'm sorry." King Roland added.
"I'm sorry, too." Prince Valium piped up sleepily.
"Don't be sorry, be quiet." The minister told them sternly.
"I'm sorry." The three apologized together with a nod.
"...To join Princess Vespa and Prince Valium in the bonds of holy-" The minister then started.
The Eagle 5 soon flew over as the audience looked surprised.
"...Moly matrimony." The minister then continued.
"That's him," Vespa said to her father. "I know it's him. He's come back."
"That's it! We're gonna take no more chances and to do it with the short version," The minister snapped before speaking faster. "Do you, Prince Valium take Princess Vespa to be your lawfully wedded wife?"
"Uh-huh." Prince Valium nodded while yawning.
"Princess Vespa, do you take Prince Valium to be your lawfully wedded husband?" The minister then asked the princess quickly.
"Uh... Well... I suppose," Vespa stammered. "Oh, I don't know."
Meanwhile, outside...
"This way! This way!" Cherry called out as she ran down to the doorway with the others following her.
"She DOESN'T!" called a voice from the rear of the temple.
All eyes turned to see Lone Starr, resplendent in a white and gold silk prince outfit, and even clean-shaven! Beside him, Barf looked as if he'd just had a fancy grooming at a Beverly Hills poodle parlor.
"Who are you?" the minister called out.
"Prince Lone Starr!" The shiny new Lone Starr declared triumphantly.
"You're a prince?" cried Vespa.
"Yeah, can ya believe it? I just found out!" Lone told her, pointing to his medallion. "I'm an honest-to-god certified prince! Will you marry me?"
"Wait," said Vespa. "Lemme think it over... YES!"
"I'm sick of this," the minister said, stamping his foot. "I don't care who it is, but I'm gonna marry somebody today!"
Barf was soon shown.
Cherry began to shake nervously. "...Barf, are you?"
"No! I'm the best man!" Barf told her.
"Okay," Cherry said in relief. "Not that there's anything wrong with that... You just looked too happy there for a minute."
"Of course I'm happy! Lone Starr's gonna get married!" Barf beamed.
"What's your name?" The minister asked him.
"Barf."
"Your full name."
"Barfolomew!" The mawg stated with pride which made Thor laugh a little.
"Are you the one getting married?"
"No."
"Then get over there."
Barf then nodded and moved to the left of the altar.
"And who are you?" The minister asked Cherry, Lionel, and Thor.
"Uh, well, um... I guess we're the witnesses?" Cherry shrugged.
"YEAH!" Lionel and Thor agreed.
"Then sit down!" the minister told them; they all did as they were told. "Okay, here goes; the short-short version. Do you?" he asked Lone Starr.
"Yes." replied Lone.
"Do you?"
"Yes." replied Vespa.
"You're married. Kiss the bride!" The minister told Lone.
As Lone and Vespa kissed, the bells of Planet Druidia rang in celebration. Seeing them together, everyone knew they would live happily ever after... Or until Spaceballs 2... Whichever came first, really!
"I love you." Lone smiled at his new wife.
"I love you." Vespa smiled back at her new husband.
The two soon kissed again as Barf started to cry.
"Well, goodbye, Virgin Alarm." Dot sniffled emotionally.
Thor beamed as he pulled Cherry and Lionel into a hug. "I just love weddings!" he then beamed.
And soon, the Eagle 5 took off into space as the jets left streams of gold glitter behind them with the words "JUST MARRIED" written on the back of the ship and the golden streams formed the words: "MAY THE SCHWARTZ BE WITH YOU".
MILLIONS OF MILES AWAY, ON ANOTHER PLANET, IN ANOTHER GALAXY...
A planet of green earth and gently-rolling seas, spun silently on its orbit around a warming sun. Suddenly, two objects fell from the sky and landed on the planet with a resounding 'plop'! The first was Mega-Maid's massive head, which landed upright in the sand; beside it, landed her right arm, still holding the vacuum handle, which pointed skyward. The strange structures looked surprisingly like the top of the Statue of Liberty. After a while, three small figures began lowering themselves from her nostril, one by one; clinging to a knotted rope of bedsheets were Dark Helmet, Sandurz, and Skroob. In the distance, two riders, seeing this odd sight, reigned in their horses. The riders were both apes, wearing dark robes.
"What are those things coming out of her nose?" The first ape asked, shielding his eyes with his hand.
His companion looked through a pair of binoculars. "Spaceballs!" he exclaimed.
"Oh, shit," declared the first ape. "There goes the planet!"
Jackson and Vicky looked over as they flew by in their escape pod and laughed at the misfortune before they suddenly crashed and ended up on some new planet.
"What just happened?" Vicky asked as she sat with her boyfriend on a red surface.
"I dunno, but I'm glad to be free from that Dark Helmet... Even if I didn't get to destroy Cherry Butler." Jackson glowered.
"FREEZE!" A voice yelled.
Jackson and Vicky put their hands up as a gun was pointed at them.
"You've crashed and disturbed the home of Queen Tyr'ahnee," Marvin the Martian glared as he pointed his gun at them, standing beside his little helper: Marcia. "You are under arrest."
Jackson just laughed. "Oh, right, like some doofus in a gladiator helmet is gonna arrest me!" he remarked.
Marvin then suddenly shot Jackson and Vicky with his gun, reducing the two into two piles of ash with their eyes left in the pile in a cartoony fashion.
"I'm startin' to think you should've surrendered to that twerp with the gladiator helmet." Vicky said to him.
"Aw, be quiet." Jackson complained.
And so, as the story had ended, Thor, Lionel, and Cherry were back in the living room and ended up on the couch together.
"Well, that was definitely a fun one," Lionel remarked. "At least more entertaining than doing a straightforward Star Wars story."
"Tell me about it," Cherry said. "The continuity... The timing... The sequels... The prequels... I just... I couldn't be bothered with doing something like that."
"Though Pooh's Adventures somehow made a way to work out with that," Thor remarked. "This was an interesting Double Feature you cooked up though, Cherry."
"Yeah, it was quite the adventure," Cherry admitted. "I just hope everyone else enjoyed it."
"To anybody who's reading this, Happy May the 4th!" Lionel declared.
"Happy May the 4th!" Thor added.
"Yeah, yeah, Happy May the 4th." Cherry said with a small shrug and smile.
"And may your connection with the Force stay unsevered!" Lionel replied. "So long, everybody!"
There was then a beat of silence between the trio.
"So... Now what?" Cherry asked.
"I think you can stop it here now." Drell suggested as he came by.
"Works for me!" Cherry shrugged as she went to wheel over the giant THE END.
"Alrighty then!" Lionel replied as he and Thor helped Cherry wheel it over.
Drell nodded before he disappeared.
"Well, see ya!" Cherry told the audience as the story had come to an end.
"BYE!" Lionel and Thor waved, and that was...
THE END!