A/N: Fixing any errors I made before and slowly adding updates to this story finally.

Chapter Four: Hard Knocks

Severus watched Lily run down the hall. Her bag bounced as she hurried and continually hit her hip over and over and he cringed as his heart raced faster. Shapely, she had a lovely shape to her and as he watched the curvature of body, a very tiny grin formed at his lips. It took all of a second for him to lose that grin however. "Worthless, you're worthless and you know she'll never have anything to do with you that way in her life. Don't think about her like that-just forget about her completely. Anyone is better than you…well, almost anyone would be better."

He slowly closed the door to the study and stared down the desolate hallway. Overwhelmed suddenly, his throat gripped and he put his hands deep in his empty pockets and walked down the hall while he gazed down at the wooded floor. Whispers emitted from the portraits nearby and a soft wolf whistle caught his attention away from the despondent hollow pang inside.

"Someone's smitten over a beautiful young lass." The man in 1600s fighting robe gear winked his direction.

"I told you, John, mind your tongue. Leave the lads and lasses to their crushes and teenage fantasies." A woman in fancy Victorian robes stated.

"She's too pretty for a drab thing like him." Another woman in Victorian robes stated. She had a nose scrunched up like a pig and gave an uppity stare upon her eyes. "What do you expect though…they all taint the blood. Half-breed, he is. I can tell. Why he looks so filthy, muggles are filth."

"Don't you speak like that!" The first woman snapped. "You know as well as I do that if it wasn't for witches and wizards mating with the muggles, there'd be hardly a pint of us left to keep going. He may not be the cleanest looking lad, but he appears very bright."

"You don't know if he's a bright child or not. You're making assumptions. What I do know is that he doesn't stand a chance with a pretty young lass like that. Finding someone you stand a chance with, no one."

"Don't listen to her. You stand just as good a chance as any."

"Don't be naïve, Genevieve, that pretty gal has got to have some handsome young lads pinning for her. If she's smart, she'll pick someone at her level and not beneath it."

"Don't you speak like that, Miriam, if our mother were here…"

Severus scoffed at the bickering portraits. "Don't worry, she's right. I don't stand a chance with her." He walked on as his sneakers echoed softly down the empty hall, voices of the portraits echoing back.

"Now look what you've done. Can't you see he's already in a sad mood. You just made it worse."

"The truth hurts."

Severus walked on, ignoring the continuous balking from the portraits along the way. The emptiness of the halls pained his chest and stomach, a sick ache held deep within himself he did not quite understand.

0o0o0o

"I'm going to go up to my room. Why don't you take a shower and wash up? Showers make me feel better." Lily tried to grin, but it just wasn't possible at the moment.

Severus nodded. "Fine."

She patted him between the shoulder blades. "Okay. You shower and I'll get some clean clothes and we'll meet back at the study room in thirty minutes?"

Lily watched him nod again and then head down the hall with his hands in his pockets.

"30 minutes."

"Yes, I mean that. 30 minutes or I'll come looking for you." Lily thought she saw a slight grin form at the corner of Severus's lips, but maybe she just hoped for one.

As she went through the portrait, she found herself barely an inch from the seventh year head boy. He frowned at her.

"Sorry." Lily mumbled.

"Been out, have you?"

Lily rose as eyebrow as she backed up a little. "Not really."

"Plan on going back out?"

Lily's throat went dry. "Yes. Why's it your concern?"

"It is when you're wanted and no one can find you."

Lily pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes slightly. "And who would be looking for me?"

"The head, that's who."

It was only then that Lily noticed the silence in the room and peered around the head boy's arm where she was eye level at his elbow to find the residents in the common room all staring. Lily frowned at them and some of the young residents quickly turned once noticed.

A few oohs and uh-ohs came from those around her year.

"Why?"

"I don't know why. She asked us to seek you and bring you to her as soon as we found you. But you showed up as I headed out. Now go and speak with her. I believe she's in her office."

Ignoring the taunts, she turned on her heel and headed back out with a swift nod to seek McGonagall. With her shoes echoing across the mostly empty halls she dashed to the ground floor. "Thirty minutes…thirty minutes…I have to be back in thirty minutes." She mumbled in haste with rigid breaths.

A group of second years passed by as they got out of transfiguration and she hurried on toward the office as she navigated her way around the students. Something warm and solid hit her arm, shoved her slightly and made her stumble back a step.

"Oh, so sorry…Lily, we were just looking for you."

Lily glanced up to see Slughorn staring down at her. "You were? Oh, well-I-McGonagall first-I said I'd come see her. She was looking for me."

She started past him.

"Lily, wait, that's what I'm saying."

She stopped and turned back to him. "What?"

"We're both looking for you." He gestured his head to the right. "Come along."

Lily's throat went dry and she cleared her throat before taking a step toward him. They entered the office and McGonagall glanced up.

"Afternoon, Ms. Evans. Sit down."

Lily hesitated a moment and slowly took her seat. "Is there a problem, Professor?"

"Well, we think there might be one." She shut a book and pushed it to the side. "Professor Slughorn informed me of a conversation you had with him this morning."

Lily cocked her head slightly and nearly bit her tongue. "Oh, that. I promise I'm not-If you think I'm going to harm myself-I'm not, honest. I'm fine. I swear to you on my magic I'm not suicidal. I'm not depressed at all."

"We wondered if you might be, but after talking, we think you were concerned about someone else who might be in trouble."

Lily said nothing, her jaw set, eyes flinched with slight emotion and body stoic.

"Is someone you know considering terminating their life? If so, this is a very serious situation we need to know about." Slughorn stated with a frown.

"Lily? We can't help unless we know who it is. We're here to help the students of this school. That includes counselling if necessary."

Lily narrowed her eyes. "No one-no teacher would care enough about him to bother, trust me. They never have. They don't even notice him."

"Him?"

"Yes, him." She rubbed her dry throat for a second as she took a moment to look away from the intense gazes on her professors' faces.

McGonagall sat erect as her eyes bore unmoving into Lily's. "Is he in your year-is he a sixth year student as well?"

"He might be." She drawled out.

"Is he in your house?"

Lily shook her head as she got to her feet. "I have to go. Another class soon, but thanks."

"We'll send a note." Slughorn motioned to the seat, but she stood unflinching.

"Why do you think we would not care enough to bother to help, Ms. Evans?" McGonagall's eyes had softened at the edge.

Lily let out a mild huff through her nose, fire lit behind her eyes. "Because they never have. I showed up late today and-and Professor Slughorn says he was about to have someone look for me!" She cleared her throat at the realization that her voice had raised.

"What does that have to do with-"

"You didn't seem to care to do the same for him, did you?" Lily interrupted. "You didn't even notice-didn't care-he's right about that, but he's wrong that being forgotten by the adults and peers here means he's nothing." She turned for the door. "I don't wish to be late for my next class."

She opened the door and tore down the hallway. Slughorn and McGonagall called after her, but she was late. Thirty minutes had come and gone. Severus was who she had to seek and she needed to find him now.

Lily swerved around the last corner and hit something hard, stumbled back and nearly tripped over her own feet in the process. As she glanced up, she saw the dark blue eyes like the depths of dark sea where hardly anything chose to reside. Limp blonde hair jagged around pale ears opened to a smirk that caused her to swallow hard.

"Well, look who it is. The filthy mudblood who forgot her place in our world."

Lily scoffed. "You're just mad because I've outranked you in all the classes from day one. Being a pureblood clearly didn't help you in anything." She attempted to walk past them when one short, stocky boy grabbed her arm suddenly.

"Hey…you don't dare speak that way to your superiors."

"Ha! You aren't my superior, never have been, never will be, now let go of me." She gritted her teeth.

"What's going on..."Someone's voice boomed down the hallway, "Remove your arm from her Mr. Wilkes. You know better than to treat a young woman like that."

The boy removed his grip from her arm and she hurriedly yanked it away and backed up towards the wall.

"Ms. Evans, you alright?" Slughorn asked as he moved at a quick pace her direction.

Oh, great. She thought. "I'm fine, Professor. I'm in a hurry. I have another class and I need to check on a friend, so I may be late to Ancient Runes."

"Lily…"

"Tell the professor if you see her that I had an emergency, a sick friend, so I'll be there quickly."

"Lily…this friend, the one who's having some problems…"

"I'm fine, honest."

Slughorn raised an eyebrow. "I didn't say you. Your friend, is he in his dorm right now?"

"No, but he's fine." She looked down the hallway as a couple girls chattered away headed toward them. "I hope." She mumbled.

"Take us to him. If he's having thoughts of ending his life, we must speak with him."

Lily said nothing for a moment and stared at a portrait of a soldier riding a horse. She twisted her fingers in her hands and she bit her lip as her mind swirled with too many thoughts for her Sixteen-year-old brain.

"Lily, do you know where Mr. Snape is at this moment?" McGonagall spoke from behind Slughorn, which caused Lily to gasp and jump with fright.

She choked. Did she say…she did, but how did she figure that out. "What?"

"Mr. Snape, dear. Do you know where he is?"

"Why do you want to see him?"

"He's the one who's having problems, isn't he?"

"No, no, don't-he-he wouldn't want-I said I wouldn't-I didn't-don't even act like you care!" Her eyes flashed. "Professor Slughorn didn't even realize he was gone."

Slughorn shook his head. "No, we did notice. He had been claiming he had some sickness. It was already made aware and we were suspicious."

"But you said you'd go looking for me…"

"Because we heard you went out last night and never showed back up in your dorm or breakfast and no one had seen you. It concerned me this morning. Mr. Snape said he was sick and not coming. But he's been claiming to be ill quite a bit, and not doing his work. The sudden change this term has bothered us, all of us professors. He's not been showing up to any of his classes lately."

Lily nodded. "I had noticed, but thought he just-had other plans." She choked hard. Dammit, she hadn't paid attention either. She'd been a jerk if she hadn't noticed really, but with so many others in the class it was hard to keep track. Still, she had noticed his sadness and missing a lot of classes. She had never bothered to just go talk to him though, her pride getting in the way before last night. Her heart lunged down into her stomach with a thud. She was a horrible friend, even if they weren't friends at that point, she still had been and she knew something was wrong. She knew something was different about him and she knew she needed to talk to him, but didn't. It was her fault too.

"Let us speak with him." McGonagall stated, which broke her thoughts.

"He won't let you talk to him. He-he hardly wanted to talk to me even, but I'm an old friend, so…he finally did-talk to me that is. He won't-not to you."

"We're willing to try and find out what's going on."

"Lily, I hate to do this, but if you do not take us to him, I'm afraid you'll be put in detention and stalling longer will cause you to lose house points."

Lily's eyes got wide. "W-what? That's not fair. You can't make it worse for him-if he knows you know-he'll think I told on him."

"You didn't." Slughorn cleared his throat. "Tell Mr. Snape that I wish to see him in my office in ten minutes. If he doesn't show, we'll have to track him down, won't we?"

"And he'll receive detention…with Filch."

Lily swallowed hard and the dryness of her throat burned. "What?"

"Have you seen him today?"

"Severus?"

"Yes."

Lily paused a moment as she shifted her eyes down the hallway again, which was empty this time, before turning back to them and giving a nod. "Yes, I've seen him."

"Do you know where he is now?"

Lily bit her lower lip for a second before nodding. "I think so, yes."

"Can you find him and tell him I wish to see him?"

She nodded. "I will…but he won't be happy about this at all." The hall seems desolate as she headed back to the study despite the few others talking all about her. Her shoes seemed to vibrate off the walls, even though the others voices would drown that out. Heavy, her heart sank toward her stomach as she took short strides closer and closer to the room. Longer strides made her legs feel like lead was filling them in anguish anticipation of finding him alive. She reached the study where she had left him alone for far longer than she had intended to leave him to himself and his thoughts.

0o0o0o

Severus stepped out into the brisk air. Dark clouds held steady overhead, threatening to break any moment, but he continued down the steps to the lake. Still slick from the overnight rain and lack of sun or warmth to dry it up his foot slid forward and he lost his balance. His leg scraped the stairs as it hit the concrete and the rough ground scraped his hands as he attempted to break his fall. His tailbone hit the edge of the step, which sent a throbbing pain up his back and across the bone.

"Stupid stairs." He grumbled to himself as he picked himself back up. He brushed the mud off his hands onto his trousers, which stung his palms. "At least physical pain isn't unbearable. It'll go away without any trouble. It's everything else that sucks."

The lake was quiet. Not even the squid dared to come up from his warm cave to brace the coming rain. He bent down and scooped up some rocks. One by one he skipped them across the lake. Each time he skipped a rock, he threw the next one harder and harder until one skipped half way across the lake. He kicked at the ground with the tip of his shoe. Rocks flailed into the air and tumbled down into the water. Severus flopped himself onto the damp rocks. He let out a heavy sigh as chilly air hit his bare face with great force, but he did not baulk or move at all. Instead, he just stared across the lake, unflinching.

0o0o0o

Lily opened the door to the study. "Severus?" It was silent. The window was untouched and everything seemed in place. She peered around the couch. Nothing. "Maybe he's still in the bathroom?" she pondered.

With one last glance around the room, she hurried down the hall to the closest boys' bathroom. She knocked on the door. "Severus? Are you in there?"

Silence

With a deep breath, she opened the door. "Is anyone in here?"

Silence

She quietly entered and gripped the pocket where her wand was located before peering around. No one was at the urinals and all the stalls were open and visibly empty. No noise came from the shower stalls, but she made her way over anyway. "Sev?" She whispered.

One by one she opened the stalls and shut her eyes expecting him to yell at her and if he was behind a stall and was naked she did not want to embarrass him. Upon finding the last stall empty her heart sank into her stomach. Her throat tightened and made her breath laboured before she tore out of the bathroom with her heart beating in her ears.

"Severus!"