Chapter 11: The Truth
Heeeeyyyy guys, how's it going?
Chapter 11 and we're finally getting down to business! I'm really excited (and anxious) to share this part of the story with you and I really hope you'll like it, everyone!
Now we get to learn what happened in Erina's past that turned her father into a psychopath, and believe me when I tell you, I had this idea for a very long time, but didn't dare to share it in any way. Well, this and the part that you'll get to see in the next chapter. But nonetheless, it's still so exciting to see what you all think about it, I can't wait hahahah!
Thank you soooo freaking much for everything you all wrote me last time, guys, I was so incredibly moved! Seriously, you can't imagine how happy it makes me to receive new reviews and answer each one of them! I love hearing that you are so interested, and that you actually take the time to write me all those nice things, so from the bottom of my heart thank you! And of course, I have to mention my awesome baby girls jellyann and maddiesmt for always supporting me with their kind words, you two are the best, thank you for everything, I love you so much!
And a huge thank you as well to my amazing friend, , for helping me with all my mistakes, you're the best my girl, I love you! I'm so honored to call you my Beta-reader and friend, thank you so much!
With that said, let's jump straight in! I hope you're all ready for some angst?
Stay awesome everyone, and take care!
Joichiro looked confused for a second, scratching the back of his head.
"Oh, right… Forgot there was something I needed to do."
"Is it possible we talk now? Please."
She didn't care about the oddly intense look Yukihira threw her way, or his slowly approaching footsteps echoing in her ears as she continued to shiver with guilt. She didn't care that her demeanor might come off as rude towards those two girls still enjoying their meals, despite the somewhat uncomfortable look in their eyes.
"Why now, Nakiri?"
His voice was low, yet Erina could hear the lingering confusion in it nonetheless. It had to be now, or else she would lose her mind the longer she stayed in his presence.
"That was the whole purpose of this trip, remember? I'd say now is as good a time as any to talk."
"Um… Is this, like, our sign to leave or something?"
With an apologetic smile on her face, Erina turned towards the two students sitting at the table closest to the kitchen. She shouldn't have been so mean to them, especially when there was one who seemed to admire her in one way or another, but it was too late now. Her patience had unfortunately run out.
"I'm sorry about this you two. We did not meet under the best circumstances, and I would really like to make up for my discourtesy some other time, if that's alright with you."
"O-oh, no, t-that's okay, y-you don't have to do anything for us. P-please don't worry about it."
'Indeed, she's just like Tadokoro, alright.'
The heiress couldn't help but smile a bit at the thought of her caring friend stuttering one apology after another. She knew she would miss the bluenette once she moved back to the Estate, along with all her other new companions from the Polar Star dormitory. Even him…
"Alright then, I'll hold you to it! It was still so awesome to meet you! You're just as graceful as I'd imagined!"
Taken aback for a moment, Erina hesitantly shook the blonde's outstretched hand with a warm glint in her amethyst eyes. First the children from the orphanage, and now this Koganei girl. She had never imagined that even in a small neighborhood like this people would know about her. It flattered her more than she'd care to admit.
"T-thank you. And rest assured I usually tend to keep the promises I make."
"Good!"
With that, the cheery girl released her hand and turned towards Yukihira, her smile shifting into a mischievous smirk the longer she stared at him.
"Well, guess I'll see you around, Soma. Try not to embarrass the whole district by failing any of your classes, got it? I mean, we all know how you can get."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever. I'm not gonna lose to anyone over there."
"You sure about that? From what it sounds like you still seem to lack something, or did I hear that wrong?"
The only response Koganei got was a displeased growl echoing in his throat. Clearly, he didn't forget what his father told them just a few minutes ago, just like Erina herself. Those words lingered in her mind as well, and, unfortunately, drove her up the wall with each new explanation she tried to come up with in order to understand where her idol was coming from.
'Just what is it our dishes are missing? If only I wasn't so damn tired, I could have easily figured it out by now. Perhaps it's a pinch of black pepper I needed to add? No… I'm sure it's nothing that simple.'
As she risked a glimpse towards the red-headed chef, she noticed a certain glint in his amber eyes, one that she wasn't exactly proud to admit that she recognized it all too well… He was thinking about the same thing, wracking his brain over the fact that his dish had been rejected by his own father. And judging by that slightly anguished expression, Erina guessed that it was the first time that this sort of thing happened to him.
Even though she knew it wasn't her place- not after last night- she still felt a strange urge to say something that could perhaps cheer him up a little, maybe even help him regain some of his fighting spirit. But as she opened her mouth to do just that, Kurase Mayumi beat her to it, stepping right in front of Yukihira and thus blocking her view of his profile.
"D-don't listen to Aki, Soma! I know you're going to do just fine. You've always been a fighter, and I'm sure whatever it is that's missing in your food right now will fix itself eventually! Just believe in yourself, l-like… like I-I believe in you…"
Erina closed her mouth, shivering at the earnest tone in the girl's voice.
Erina knew that, even if she tried, it would not sound as uplifting and supportive coming from her. As sad as it was, those things like encouraging other people to do their best had never been a part of her life growing up, because they were deemed unnecessary in her education.
So maybe it was better that she didn't say anything after all…
"Yeah, thanks Mayumi. I'll figure it out somehow, trust me."
"Oh, r-right. I know you will!"
Figuring that Kurase wouldn't move anytime soon, she turned away, a somewhat sad smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. There was nothing left to say, and who was she to get in the way of a conversation between childhood friends, even if one is in love with the other. She didn't care about that whatsoever. At least that was what she told herself over and over again until her brain had no choice but to accept it.
"Okay then, we'll leave you to whatever it is you need to discuss. Have a good day, and thanks again for the food, it was delicious! C'mon Mayumi, let's go."
"Sure, no problem, see ya around guys!"
And with that, the strangest girls Erina had ever met left the diner, a gust of wind blowing against her face the moment they closed the door behind them.
That left only the three of them, standing near the front door in silence for the next five minutes. The heiress knew she couldn't get rid of Yukihira in his own house, and asking him to leave as well would be beyond disrespectful. She figured that since he had been the one who brought her here in the first place, she could make an exception and let him listen in as well. In spite of her embarrassment, she felt that it was only fair that he knew about her inner turmoil after showing such hospitality towards her, ...even if he expressed his dissent on letting her stay in his room at first.
"So… would you like to make yourself comfortable, Erina? I think there's a lot to take in, and I'd rather have you sit down somewhere before we get started."
"Oh, o-okay…"
Why is she so nervous all of a sudden?
This is the whole reason she came to this diner, so where's this strange sense of hesitation coming from?
As she followed him towards the nearest table, she tried to rid her mind of all these bizarre feelings and concentrated on the matter at hand. Her father. His obsession with her God Tongue and everything leading up to it. Her attempt at focus was enough to calm her heightened senses and help strengthen her resolve to the point where she was absolutely certain she wouldn't turn back if given the opportunity.
Behind her Yukihira kept that puzzled look on his face, hands casually tucked in his pockets as he slowly followed them. It was not until after they sat down that Erina noted the slightest hint of concern in his amber eyes, as if bothered by what was to come. She couldn't blame him, for it had only been a few days since they last saw her father admitting defeat and walking out of their lives. And now they are going to hear things about him from Saiba-sama's perspective.
It wasn't surprising at all that Yukihira was kind of disturbed by this.
But be as it may, she had to know, and she would go through with her decision no matter what.
"Now then… How about we start with you telling me exactly what it is you wish to know."
She glanced at him from across the table before her eyes drifted back to her fidgeting fingers resting in her lap. She was uneasy. Too uneasy.
"Nakiri? You okay?"
Feeling his warm hand on her shoulder, Erina turned her head towards the boy sitting beside her, his expression soft, yet demanding. He wanted an earnest answer.
But she couldn't give him one, the words not forming as smoothly as she had hoped they would. All she wanted at the moment was for him to retrieve his hand already so that this burning sensation could stop. Him touching her in any way was not helping her case whatsoever, and Erina knew the longer he did the stronger the urge would be to do the same. She couldn't let that happen.
"Y-yes. I'm fine. I-it's just that… I don't know why exactly, but now that I'm actually here… I feel like maybe it would be better to let sleeping dogs lie after all… And yet at the same time, I…"
"Hey, relax. Don't overthink it too much, alright? I mean, what's the worst you can learn about your dad right now anyway?"
At that, Joichiro sent his son a skeptical look before focusing on her again.
"Give it a last good thought, Erina. You don't have to ask for specifics. All these events from the past few weeks have done enough damage as it is. There's no need to go into further detail if you don't feel comfortable doing so."
Her fingers stopped fidgeting, a sudden restlessness took over, and the heiress could sense that this was her last chance to forget all about this. It would be now or never.
Unfortunately, she had made up her mind a long time ago. The thought of running with her tail between her legs sounded unacceptable in her ears, just like the fear of letting down her guard and opening up to her role model right in front of his irritating son. And now that she thought about it, opening up actually sounds worse than running.
But she also knew that Yukihira had a point; what could be the worst thing that she would learn about her father today, aside from his crazy idea of creating a world where freestyle cooking was impossible?
'I guess I really am overthinking this, huh?'
And so she lifted her head once again, trembling hands now forcefully pressed together on top of the table. The heiress was sure it wouldn't be noticed that way, but she was mistaken as the red-headed chef beside her glanced down, eyes narrowed at the sight of her hiding her fear. It didn't occur to her even once that no matter how hard she tried to look or sound casual, he would always be able to read her.
"No… I want to know everything."
Joichiro leaned back in his chair with his arms crossed over his chest and a small smile tugging on the corners of his lips.
"You sure?"
"Yes."
He sighed, eyes closing for a moment.
"Alright then… ask your question."
"I-I…- why is, was, my father so obsessed with my God Tongue? What happened to him? Please don't leave anything out, I want to understand everything leading up to his expulsion from the academy."
"Just as I thought… well, before I answer that, there is something you need to know first."
Arching an eyebrow in confusion the heiress leaned forward, as if it could rise her chances not to miss anything he would say next. A single nod motioned him to continue as the smile he had been sporting thus far now faded away.
"You're already aware that I met Nakamura when we were students at Totsuki, but… eventually, I became acquainted with Nakiri Amelia as well, former third seat in the Elite Ten council and forerunner to the position of future headmaster."
"Oh… yes, I remember grandfather telling me about it a few days ago. He said that you met her at some point, but never mentioned how or where."
Her heart ached despite the the nonchalance in her own voice. Her pain so well hidden inside her that not even talking about her mother in past tense could bring it to the surface. But the feeling of being stabbed in the chest remained regardless of what she said, bleeding as strongly as it had almost a decade ago.
Fate not only took her mother away from her, it also drained her of precious memories. It simply had been too much for Erina to handle as a child.
"Is that so?"
"Whoa, hold on just a minute. Nakiri Amelia…? Is that…? Are you saying you actually knew Nakiri's mom? How?"
Yukihira turned his head from one face to the other, shock written in his amber eyes. It was obvious he had trouble comprehending what was going on, and to Erina, who was desperately trying to cover up the sting in her heart, this turned out to be the perfect distraction. He always knew how to break the tension with a random comment, or a tactless one, depending on the situation, and this time it was enough to drive away the loneliness threatening to overwhelm her.
"Yeah, I knew her."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Did you ask? And why would you wanna hear about something like this in the first place?"
"Well to… eh… Alright, fine, you win. Was it before or after you and mom met?"
"After."
Erina recognized the fond smile touching the older man's lips, the one she had seen every time her uncle talked about Aunt Leonora. The same smile that would appear on her white haired cousin's face whenever she nagged about Kurokiba doing something to displease her again.
'If he agitates you so much, why are you smiling?'
'Huh? I'm not smiling at all, Erina! You're so mean.'
'Whatever.'
Their conversations would always end this way, with Alice pouting like a child and Erina simply too annoyed to say anything else.
But now she began to understand what that smile could actually stand for, and it warmed her immensely to see that people could show their love for someone without even realizing it.
Not to mention she had found the perfect subject to tease the living hell out of Alice the next time they see each other.
"Seriously? Does that mean mom met her too?"
"Oh, don't get me started on that! I couldn't separate them even for just a minute. ...If it was possible, I'd say that they would have preferred to be attached by the hip. I'm glad they didn't do that though."
Saiba chuckled to himself at the memory while shaking his head.
Okay, that was new.
So both their mothers knew each other? And from what she could gather, they even were close friends.
Really?
'Huh, what are the odds?'
"That's awesome! Hey Nakiri, you hear that? Looks like our mothers were best buddies back in the day, huh."
She couldn't fight the small smile tugging on her lips as she watched him shifting in his seat to properly face her, voice filled with so much excitement it was almost comical.
"It would appear so. Who would have thought our families were so intertwined? But may I ask, Sir, what does all that have to do with my father?"
"Well… I'd say that's where everything started. Unfortunately, your mom played the biggest role in Nakamura's change of personality."
Suddenly, she felt her mouth go dry and a strange uneasiness overcome her. Right then, Erina knew that as soon as her mother's involvement in the story is mentioned, her perfectly build walls would start cracking. Everything would crumble just like they did when she was six years old, the moment when she learned the bitter truth about where her mommy had really been all this time. Stubborn and angry as a child her age could be, she had constantly refused to accompany her grandfather to their summer residence in Kamakura where her mother's gravestone was located, thinking that if her mommy never came back for her why would she want to go visit her grave.
It was stupid, a child's simple-minded way to cope with the loss of someone she had missed for several years, but back then all Erina had wanted was a mom to lean on, a mom who wiped her tears whenever she tripped and fell to the ground, a mom that would carry her to bed and tell her an endearing story filled with kind princesses, beautiful castles, and lots of delicious food everywhere. Hearing about her death made Erina realize that an opportunity to experience such tenderness would never come, that her chance was lost for good. Since then, all she had been able to feel was disappointment. Her father's lessons, still vivid in her mind until now, prevented her from sensing anything else.
Soon after, a subtle anger from abandonment came to the surface, threatening to drown the little girl and leaving her frightened contrary to the safety that only her bedroom seemed to provide. This happened mostly because the lack of memories in her head confused her to no end, her mind drawing a blank each time she tried to recall something about her mother.
It was not until after she had enrolled at Totsuki that she stopped fantasizing how it would be like to have a caring parent in her life, supporting her and making sure she was doing her homework properly. By then she had figured that it would do her no good dwelling over something that would never happen, and she had come to terms with the fact that Nakiri Amelia was now simply someone she may have known in the past but couldn't remember anymore.
But now, the wounds are being scratched wide open once more, and Erina knew it would take some time to push herself to try mending it all over again.
"O-oh…"
"By the way, Nakiri. Where is your mom anyway? I met your cousin's parents over the last year, and if I got it right your dad married into your family, so… that only leaves her I've yet to see, right?"
Flinching in her seat, Erina pressed her hands harder together, feeling that her trembling had increased significantly. She opened her mouth to give a response, but closed it again when the lump in her throat wouldn't allow her to speak the words she had avoided saying for all those years. Instead, she turned her head in Yukihira's direction, her eyes telling him what her mouth couldn't.
And he understood.
His golden orbs widened as he continued to look at her, read the emotions she was struggling to suppress.
"She died, son. A long time ago."
"Wh-what?"
Their eyes met again, but Erina was sure to turn away quick enough so that he wouldn't be able to see even more of her vulnerability.
Nothing else left his mouth after that, the seriousness returned, and Erina was pulled from her thoughts by the sound of Joichiro clearing his throat. He must have realized by now that she wouldn't say anything else on the matter. How could she?
"Anyway… Let's just continue with what you've actually wanted to talk about, eh Erina? This won't be easy, trust me I know. But if you wish to learn more about your father then you need to be aware that Amelia was involved as well."
She nodded at his soft words, trying to compose herself somehow. He was right, she should have expected as much, considering her mother was, without doubt, in the picture when the mysterious events in her father's life took place. So it made sense that she played a role in all this.
"I understand… I-I'll be fine, promise."
He sent her one last questioning look before exhaling heavily through his nose.
"Shortly after I came back to Japan and got married we met at a Gala thrown by one of your grandpa's clients. My wife, Suzuna, noticed your mother standing alone in one corner and immediately dragged me over there to introduce us. I remember her telling me that they go way back, but I never cared much for the details, so…"
"Wait, y-you mean they were childhood friends or something?"
She couldn't stop herself from sounding surprised; thoughts of her mom actually befriending someone outside her own household seemed beyond irrational in Erina's eyes. But then again, she had found friends who didn't have a high status too… and she didn't care about that in the slightest, so maybe her mother did the right thing after all?
Looking at her idol, she noticed that fond smile plastered on his face again as he shrugged in response.
"Your guess is as good as mine. They freaked out the moment they saw each other, and after that they were inseparable. It was kinda fun watching them joke around to be honest."
"T-they really did that?"
"Your mother was a lively person, Erina. She even made fun of me whenever she came over, and trust me she came over a lot. It's nice to know that now I have the honor to welcome her very own daughter to our humble eatery as well. What a crazy world, eh?"
This caused the blonde to let out a small giggle while her eyes drifted shyly from the older man sitting before her back to her hands on the table. It made her happy to hear a description of her mother from a completely different point of view, let alone being told that she used to visit Joichiro and his wife a lot at their diner. Grandfather had only talked about her great accomplishments at Totsuki and the culinary world in general, but never had he given any input on what Nakiri Amelia had actually been like as a person, which Erina had found quite confusing each time they reminisced about the past. Though, asking about it would only have made her aching worse, so she had kept quiet and continued to smile up at him like the good obedient child she used to be.
It had been easier that way.
"T-thank you. Now I'm the one honored to be here."
Taking another quick look around the shop, Erina smiled to herself as she imagined her mother teasing a freshly married couple from her seat at a nearby table, with her eyes shining and her good mood rubbing off on everyone around her.
'I wish I could have at least met her…'
Yukihira didn't comment anything about that revelation either, choosing to just observe the heiress and listen to his father in silence. She would have been surprised that he didn't have anything to say if it weren't for the pained expression he had given her a moment ago, oddly resembling her own when the death of her mother was mentioned the first time.
"You know, she even came once to show off her newly born daughter too. I think back then you were only a few weeks old or something, just like that troublesome son of mine over here."
With that, he reached out and ruffled the young chef's hair, successfully snapping him out of whatever he had been thinking about just now. Erina noticed his scarred eyebrow twitching in annoyance before he addressed his father again, sounding more than just displeased. It was strange, but for her it felt like ages since he last spoke up, making the heiress wonder why it bothered her so much that she didn't get to hear his voice for a while when all she had wanted was for him to keep his mouth shut for at least the rest of the conversation. She shouldn't be caring about this…, right?
"Hey, hey, hands off, old man! And how come I don't remember Nakiri's mom coming for a visit?"
"Haven't you been listening, brat? You were just barely fitting into my hands back then. Though I could have sworn the first time we introduced you to Erina, you had some sort of change of attitude. It was crazy, but the two of ya started crying as soon as Suzuna held you closer to her, like you couldn't stand each other or something. You just kept on crying until, at the end, we had no choice but to keep you on each end of the couch to make you stop. I never saw anything like it!"
While Joichiro swelled in his memories, Erina turned her head in Yukihira's direction, amethyst meeting amber almost immediately, telling each other how it all made sense that they were never able to get along this whole time. If even their infant selves hated each other's guts than it wouldn't be all that surprising that at the age of sixteen they still did. In a way.
"That hasn't changed one bit, if you ask me. We're constantly fighting."
"I'd say."
They continued to stare at one another, small sparks of electricity floating between them before Joichiro's laughter interrupted their pointless bickering.
"There's a room available upstairs if you kids are interested."
"Not happening!"
"N-no way!"
"Okay, fine, just saying."
'Huh, for two people who argue a lot we sure can agree on some things…'
"Um, Saiba-sama, may I ask you another question? Why was my mother visiting you on her own, even though my fa- I mean Nakamura admired you so much and probably wanted to see you as well?"
"Yeah, well… the thing is, we talked about what happened while I was at Totsuki, and she promised me she wouldn't tell her husband that she was our friend. I didn't exactly need him to know that I was back in Japan, and she respected that. But after you were born, her visits became pretty rare, and naturally, my wife started to worry. And to be honest, so did I. We thought that maybe your dad found out or something, but she kept reassuring us that nothing was wrong every time we called her."
From the sudden change in his voice, Erina began to feel this awful clenching in her chest again, an indication that the lighthearted atmosphere around her was now shifting into a somewhat anxious one.
Why would her mother do this to them?
"Di-did you discover what happened to her?"
"Yeah… we did. But by then two years had already passed without her stopping by even once."
"Two years…"
Grandfather told her that she had been two years old when her mother died. Where did she die? Why hadn't she been with her family then? There were too many questions swirling in Erina's head, and not a single one of them could be put into words. She wasn't really sure she wanted to know all the answers just yet, her curiosity held back by this painful twisting of her stomach.
Unfortunately, she made a deal with the older man before her, and Erina would rather bite her tongue than ask him to stop now. Thus, she was left with no choice but to endure this foreign feeling and listen patiently as Joichiro continued speaking in that serious voice, the glint in his eyes showing that he wouldn't tolerate any form of interruption.
"One evening, I was on my way to meet up with an old friend in Shinjuku when I noticed a familiar car parking in front of a famous restaurant not too far away. As much as I would've loved to rush over and scold your mom for worrying Suzuna so much, I remained still where I was, observing the bizarre scene from a short distance. Nakamura was also there, along with two other men I hadn't met before. It had been the first time in two years that I saw you again as well, Erina. You had grown quite a bit."
"W-what? I-I was there? But how- I mean I don't-"
"-remember anything? Yeah…, they told us you wouldn't."
"W-what? Who?"
Erina's voice reflected her confusion with each question she asked, a wary expression on her face.
Her idol heaved a long sigh, seemingly uncertain if he should go through with all this or just stop right here. His eyes silently implored her to just stand up and forget about everything he told her, and Erina knew she wouldn't get another chance to drop out and let things be, play ignorant for at least another decade, spare herself the trouble of falling into a hole she might not be able to get out of anytime soon. With the way Joichiro looked at her, it was obvious that the next part of the story would be a heavy weight, and he'd rather not burden her with it.
But she had never backed away from something that seemed to overwhelm her and this was not the time to start.
"Please tell me, Saiba-sama. Now."
She refused his offer, not willing to give up. Stubborn until the very end.
He simply nodded as another sigh escaped his lips.
"Alright… That evening… I watched Amelia kneeling in front of her crying daughter, soothing her and telling her that they would have time to play once the taste testing was over. Your father stood next to the car, and from what it looked like, he became more impatient with each passing minute. Eventually he ordered the two men to head inside and tell the staff that they would follow shortly or something. I swear that kid will never change."
"So… it was another taste testing I had to do?"
"Seems that way."
Erina was tempted to roll her eyes at that. Of course it would be about her God Tongue. Had her mother been that obsessed with it as well?
"Wait. Did you just say she reassured me that we would play something right after?"
"Indeed, that's what I heard her say. I'll never forget the gentle voice she used to calm you down, it was something I never thought I'd get to witness firsthand."
"O-oh, is that so…"
So she did care…
Then why couldn't Erina remember her?
"Well, after a while our young friend got tired of waiting for you two and decided to speed things up a bit. I recall almost losing it when he grabbed your arm and dragged you as discreetly as he could towards the entrance of the restaurant, with your mother shoving you gently through the door with her hands on your back. The moment you shook your head and started crying out loud, I realized it had to be all because of this tasting appointment, and that you didn't wanna do it."
Erina's eyes widened with disbelief. She didn't want to do it? What kind of child had she been? It sounded so absurd to her, so surreal she wasn't sure if she could believe it.
'Why would I?'
"I can still see Amelia's pained expression before my eyes like it was yesterday. She had always talked about what an amazing child you were, how you would eventually follow into her footsteps, and the way you could easily dominate over the culinary world with that special gift of yours, but I believe that at some point she must have realized that their methods were a bit too aggressive. You were only two years old, after all."
He paused for a moment as he leaned back in his chair to stare at the ceiling above them. For once, the heiress didn't say anything, choosing to take the information in quietly.
She wouldn't know what to say to that statement anyway.
Next to her, Yukihira kept his eyes on the older man in front of him, not one sound escaping his lips. Judging by the stiffness in his shoulders, he was more than attentive at the moment, with his arms crossed over his chest and furrowed brows that made him look like a student trying to solve a math problem. Despite him not moving once inch, she could have sworn his golden orbs wandered towards her every now and then, as if he needed to check how she was holding up. And to her dismay, Erina had to admit she didn't feel as fine as she had at the beginning of the story, with her stomach twisting uncomfortably and her heart clenching inside her chest she felt like she was going to vomit right then and there.
For some reason she could tell that this was not going to end well…
"Well, from there everything went too fast for my eyes. I have to admit, I had trouble keeping up with what went down myself. First, there was you somehow escaping Nakamura's grip and running away with tears streaming down your face, then your mother who started panicking and tried to catch up to you… and after that…"
Her heart dropped, the bad feeling increased, taking the form of an unpleasant shiver running up and down her spine, and the heiress couldn't avoid the trembling in her voice any longer as she whispered her next question.
"Wha-what happened after that?"
No answer.
"Dad? What's going on?"
Again, no response was given, only a long exhale echoing in her ears.
They waited for another few minutes before Joichiro composed himself by clearing his throat, and directed his gaze straight at the blonde, piercing yet apologetic at the same time.
"An accident."
Her breath caught in her throat, not a single sound got past her lips, and the shiver began to spread across her whole body, leaving her cold to the touch.
What?
'There's no way. I would remember that… wouldn't I?'
"What d'ya mean? Who had an accident?"
Yukihira leaned slightly forward, his eyes fierce, his muscles even more tense than before, as if not allowing him to relax for even a second.
"Gimme a minute, son. This is not exactly easy, you know? …Let me ask you again, Erina. Do you still wish to continue?"
How could she not?
There had been no turning back from the moment she stepped inside this diner, and now everything would be out in the open, no excuses, no avoidance. At first, her intention had been to find out what her father's motives were, but at this point, her whole attention had shifted towards her mother, seeing as there was more to her than what she had originally thought.
She had been involved in some sort of accident, and no one ever told her about it…
'How come? Didn't grandfather know about this at all?'
For some reason she found that hard to believe, especially when he had been the one who told her to come here in the first place. She needed to ask him about this as soon as she got back.
"Yes, i-if you don't mind, I would like to hear the rest. I still don't see how this has anything to do with my father and I want to understand."
He closed his eyes, no longer trying to stare right into her soul.
"Guess I really can't talk ya out of this, huh? Very well then… I saw you running straight into the busy street with your mother not far behind. That was when I decided to step in as well and hurry after you, but by the time I got there, the damage had already been done. Amelia had caught up to you and, despite your loud cries, she had wanted to pick you up. After all, the two of you were still in the middle of a road, and she needed you to get to safety. But… I guess something must have happened between the two of you that got you even more riled up, since you struggled against her hold like your life depended on it. Eventually she lost her grip on you again, and you continued to run towards the opposite side of the street."
She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Her brain simply refused to make sense of anything that was said, even though the whole situation was laid out right before her, clear as day.
Why had she been so foolish to want to run away from her own mother like that?
This question repeated itself over and over again in Erina's mind, stirring up something within her that she had tried to avoid ever since she heard the word 'accident'. Something that threatened to consume her every thought, forcing its way to the surface of her brain with each shallow breath she took.
She could very well imagine what happened next, deeming any further explanation as unnecessary.
If she just hadn't ran off…
"And…, well… at the end it was not a car but rather a truck that got you both. We called the ambulance immediately while your father performed a CPR on Amelia and I tried to get you out from under that truck, it was like a nightmare, believe me. The feeling of carrying an unconscious child covered in blood was… I-I couldn't get the image of my own boy and Suzuna out of my mind for some reason."
He shook his head, as if ridding himself from the memories of that day. Erina just stared at him in pure shock, her body feeling more and more numb the longer she remained seated at the table.
How?
Why?
"The last time I talked to your mother was in the hospital. The doctors said there would be a chance she could get back on her feet again, slim, but still there nonetheless. I remember being so relieved that I marched into her room and grinned like an idiot without anything else on my mind, but… it faded when she said she had some things to talk about before saying goodbye for good. And even though I thought it was bullshit, that she would get out of that hospital bed all patched up and well, I stayed quiet and listened to what she wanted to say."
Erina didn't believe it was possible for someone to look this devastated, but when she saw that exact expression on her idol's face, she immediately regretted ever thinking that way. His sorrow was beyond words, she could tell, and from the way he avoided looking at her all of a sudden it must still be haunting him to this day.
Was he blaming himself for what happened?
The thought left her feeling awful.
"She started with why she wasn't able to visit us at the shop for the past two years, why we couldn't always reach her on the phone. Apparently, they went over multiple study sessions and different tests to analyze your God Tongue. They traveled around the country for a while, showing off your talent to the masses and making sure no one would forget your name. The longer I listened the angrier I got, especially when she told me how much she regretted encouraging her husband to help her train you so that you could rule over the gourmet world one day. Honestly, it made me kinda sick. Maybe because I had a son the same age as you waiting for me back home, or maybe it was just the thought of what happened in general that got to me, I honestly don't know. But when she started crying and explained how exactly they enhanced your skills I was ready to leave the room, unable to listen to any more of this. Though I guess something in her eyes must have held me back, she looked too broken to be left alone at that moment, and I had no idea where your dad was either, so I stayed by her side, trying to calm her down as best I could."
"What did they do to her?"
Joichiro shook his head repeatedly, his shoulders dropping in defeat.
"Sorry, my boy, I don't think I can say it right now."
The agony in his voice made Erina gulp audibly, her hands pressed so hard together now they were starting to shake on the table.
What did they do to her…?
She didn't want to know.
"When I asked her why she regretted involving Nakamura in her plans for you she just grabbed my shirt and told me over and over again how insane he became. How he took your training too far, just because she asked him to. She said that sharing her dream with him had pushed him over the edge, and that she couldn't stop him anymore. He eventually forgot to love his child, instead he claimed that it was Amelia's will, her decisions on how to properly use your abilities to begin with. At the end, your mother was too worn out to cry anymore, so she just whispered her next words to me, I never saw her in such a weak state before, and somehow it broke me to just sit there and listen. I couldn't do anything to help or ease her pain, and believe me when I say I wish I could have done more for her."
He exhaled heavily, a short moment of silence following soon after. His arms were resting on the table now, saddened eyes glued to the wooden fabric underneath. It must be hard for him to talk about his old friend, Erina could tell. She felt sorry for putting him through all this again, and knowing that there was nothing she could do to make up for her selfishness she had no choice but to endure it with him, to share his grief.
"She told me that Nakamura would start blaming you for what happened to her, and that he most likely wouldn't want to have you with him for a while. She wanted to see you so badly, Erina. She wanted to apologize, to tell you how much she loved you, how much she regretted everything she did to you. Over and over again, she asked me if you were alright and where the doctors took you, but I couldn't give her the answers she seeked. I wanted to go check on you, find out about your condition, but something told me that if I left now, I would never get the chance to talk to her again, so I stayed and reassured her that you were fine, even though I had no idea. Eventually Amelia asked me to watch over you, to make sure you were brought safely to your grandfather after this because she didn't trust her husband anymore to take care of his own daughter. And I accepted, thinking that it was the least I could do for her after what happened, but at that time I still held onto the hope that she would be okay just like the doc said. And just as I was ready to let her get some rest and call Suzuna outside, a strange sound echoed in the room, signaling something that made my blood go cold. Before I knew it, I was running outside to call a nurse, or anyone else who could fix this, without so much as even look at her again. And as you can probably guess, it was completely useless, because whether I came to terms with it or not, Amelia still died that night, without getting a chance to say goodbye to anyone."
Silence.
For the next few minutes, nothing could be heard except the sound of the wind hammering mercilessly against the windows of the diner. Neither one of them opened their mouths again, the silence saying more than they ever could.
Erina's lips parted, amethyst eyes opened wider than she thought was possible, and each breath felt like the thrust of thousand needles straight into her body. Painful. Never-ending.
Was this for real?
"I-it can't be… I-I kill-killed my…"
She cut herself off by pressing a trembling hand against her mouth, unable to take another breath. Finishing that sentence seemed impossible at this point, so Erina just shook her head, sensing how her eyes began to lose focus with each minute that passed by.
That strange feeling she had felt throughout the entire story now became a million times worse, identifying itself as a particularly strong sense of guilt.
The pieces slowly started to form a clear picture in her head, one realization hitting after another, and she came to understand that it was her fault this accident happened in the first place. She had been the one running away from them, she had been the one struggling against her mother's safe hold, she had been the one breaking free a second time to escape.
It had been all her.
And what's worse, because of her, Nakiri Amelia died alone in a hospital bed without seeing anyone she so deeply cared about, full of things she had wanted to say, but couldn't anymore. This thought alone caused her eyes to well up with tears, the kind she wasn't sure she would be able to hold back any longer. And just as her vision became blurry, Erina sensed a warm hand on her shoulder once again.
"No, Erina, I don't want you blaming yourself now as well; too many people did that already, believe me. This wasn't your fault whatsoever, and I don't think your grandpa would have sent you here if he knew you were just going to end up suffering the consequences. Don't forget you were barely two years old when all of this happened, so there's nothing you could have done differently."
"M-mother…, I-I didn't mean… I c-can't remember. Wh-why can't I remember?"
Yukihira's hand on her shoulder squeezed gently as she stared at her idol with tears streaming down her face. She had lost the fight, and now they were untamable, building a small puddle on the table underneath her without her even realizing that they were there. This aching in her chest wouldn't stop, and Erina could do absolutely nothing to hide her vulnerability any longer, the tough facade gone.
"It turned out you had a severe concussion and a few broken bones, but thankfully nothing too life threatening. Your mother took most of the hit apparently."
So she had protected her daughter until the very end…
Erina's eyes remained wide open. She felt nothing but sickness and pain right now, the two emotions fusing together, somehow keeping her trembling body in place.
"Con-concussion?"
"Yeah… they said it affected your memory, and they couldn't determine whether or not you would regain it anytime soon. As it turns out, you didn't get it back at all… After you were allowed to leave the hospital, I had wanted to bring you to your grandfather as fast as possible, since you didn't know what happened. But apparently, Nakamura already took care of that, telling the old man he should take care of you from that moment on. And, well… you know the rest… When we met again in your mansion it seemed like the first time to you, but to me… it actually wasn't."
She knew what happened after that all too well; her father came back, continuing a training she thought she was subjected to for the first time in her life. It made her sick to the stomach just thinking about all the awful things he had done. But how angry could she be at him now that she knew what really happened to his wife?
He had all the right to despise her.
"Amelia predicted that something like this might happen eventually, seeing as how Nakamura became obsessed with the idea of you fulfilling their dreams and all. He had nothing but his own ideology in mind, and without your mom keeping him in check…, he was finally able to turn you into someone that suited his needs better. I'm sure it was his love for her that caused him to act the way he did, and I'm also sure that at some point he started regretting his choices as well. If not before, then maybe now after you showed him that you are indeed your own person and not his puppet."
"I-it's all m-my… wha-what did I do…"
"Hey Nakiri, calm down, would ya? You heard what Pops said, none of this was your fault, so don't do this to yourself."
She felt Yukihira shaking her by the shoulder repeatedly, his voice gentle yet firm at the same time as he turned her towards him. It didn't matter to her. She couldn't hear anything, couldn't see anything, her mind filled with only one fact the entire time.
It all happened because of her.
Her mother died because of her.
Her father lost his wife because of her.
She couldn't blame him, not anymore, for it had been her that took the love of his life away from him.
Did she deserve to follow into her mother's footsteps after what she had done?
Was it even right to become the new headmaster of Totsuki when she had killed the one who had been next in line?
Erina didn't know what to think anymore, too many things weighing her down, preventing her from listening to the people trying to get through to her.
She just remained sitting there with now both hands pressed against her mouth, eyes wide open and unfocused as an endless stream of tears soaked parts of her shirt. She didn't register that she was crying, nor did she pay attention to the boy in front of her talking and shaking her shoulder to get her to say something. All Erina could do was keep enduring the burn of her heart and the emptiness in her soul, nothing more.
"She loved you, Erina. Don't ever start doubting that. I know this isn't easy to digest right now, trust me I've been there too. But you will eventually come to understand that parents will do anything to keep their children safe. The love she felt for you was unwavering, so don't feel responsible for what she chose to do for you. She wouldn't have wanted her precious daughter to be so miserable because of her."
Her idol's eyes softened as he noticed her starting to pay attention again. Her mother wouldn't have wanted her to be so miserable… somehow that thought didn't sound all that soothing in her ears. However, Erina still appreciated the effort nonetheless, and now that she was somehow trying harder to regain her strength again, her eyes shifted back to the worried looking boy sitting before her. His hand was still holding on to her shoulder, and from that empathetic glint in his eyes, the heiress had the slightest suspicion that he knew exactly how she felt at the moment.
Why would he of all people know what it was like to find out how a loved one died? Or what it felt like not to remember anything that happened to said loved one?
He would never understand her pain, her sorrow, her guilt. How could he?
His mother surely didn't die, let alone because of a dumb child's stubbornness.
So without saying anything at all, she brushed his hand off and stood up, ignoring the weak state of her legs or the numbness in her entire body. She couldn't take it anymore.
She wanted to go home.
"T-thank you for your explanation, S-Saiba-sama. I-I think… I-I'm ready to head back now. M-may I ask our driver to come pick me up a-at the entrance of the shopping district? He… he won't get too close, I promise."
She saw the skeptical look in her idol's face, which forced her to hold back a small whimper, the feeling to break at any second overwhelming her to the point where she just turned around and left the room to go upstairs and retrieve her bag.
Erina didn't want to fall now, not in front of her role model, who seemed to know her longer than she had originally thought, and especially not in front of the boy that tore her heart apart so many times in a row now. She wouldn't cry here…, at least that was what she told herself before hesitantly raising a hand to her cheek and feeling the sting her tears had left behind. It seemed her effort was to no avail after all, she had already started crying. There was no point in hiding it now then.
And so, after getting her bag and closing the door behind her, Erina let herself glide down the wall right next to Yukihira's room, allowing herself to drown in her sorrow for a moment. Hugging her knees for more warmth, the heiress pressed her face against her arms as she silently let the tears flow once again. The cold wrapped itself around her like another layer of skin, merciless yet welcomed, and Erina was sure that this time, it wouldn't go away so easily.
…
She didn't know how much time had passed since she kneeled in the hallway crying, though when she heard the sound of footsteps slowly approaching her, the heiress figured she had to be there for quite a while now. It wasn't polite, she was well aware of that, but this sort of thing didn't interest her in the slightest, thoughts of her mother consuming every bit of her brain the longer she remained seated on the ground, lost and repentant.
The sound stopped, someone stood right next to her, and without looking up Erina was able to tell who it was and what he wanted. She didn't need anyone's condolences, she wasn't willing to listen to anyone apologizing for her loss, she couldn't care less about anyone's struggles to lift her broken spirit, all those words were meaningless at this point, and no matter who said it, they would always remain empty to her.
Which was exactly what she planned on telling this idiot now as she raised her head to glare up at him.
What she came face to face with, however, wasn't in the slightest what she had expected. Yukihira Soma just stood before her, holding a hand out for the heiress to hold onto once again, a half smile gracing his features.
What was he doing?
"C'mon Nakiri, let's go home."
Home… back to her grandfather… Did he secretly hate her too? For killing his only daughter?
The tears seemed so endless, so crushing with each new thought popping up in her head that it felt like she would eventually drown in them.
Was it really okay for her to go home?
"Dad already called gramps and told him to send a car. We should get back…, like you said."
She wanted to respond, any way would be fine really, but as soon as the blonde opened her mouth, she had a strange feeling in her throat, like there was something tied around it, preventing her from making a sound. Unable to speak, Erina closed her mouth again, her eyes still locked on the hand stretched out in front of her.
He must have sensed her reluctance as well when she didn't even move so much as an inch, as if not comprehending what he wanted her to do with his hand. Thus, Yukihira did the next best thing and crouched down so that he could to be at eye-level with her. His arm now rested on one thigh as he reached out with his other to wipe away a single tear that was running down her cheek, his expression serious yet soft at the same time. His thumb stroked gently over Erina's skin, making her want to give in to the sweet temptation of crying aloud without restraint, of screaming her heart out to everyone, just so she could release some of that pain locked within her.
"It's gonna be okay, trust me. I know how you feel."
Somehow, she highly doubted that, but there was nothing she could say right now, her throat still felt constricted, and Erina feared the first thing leaving her mouth would not be a word but rather a pathetic whimper.
"I can tell, you haven't slept at all last night, so the first thing you need at the moment is some proper rest before you can start thinking about everything, alright? Let's get you back to the mansion."
He stood up and held his hand out for her again, the gentle smile never leaving his face for even a second.
The heiress didn't know what compelled her to grab it this time, and frankly, she didn't care. All she could tell was that something in his eyes prevented her from snapping at him, in fact, it actually made her want to share this unimaginable pain with him right here and now.
But she didn't.
She couldn't.
And so, without a word, she allowed him to pull her back up, his grip on her hand tightening in a way she didn't know how to describe. Firm, yet on the other hand comforting. She thought that perhaps now he would say those cursed words she so desperately tried not to hear all this time, the words of one person pitying another, foolishly thinking they could understand how much it actually hurt. It was surprising to see that nothing of this sort left his mouth even once though. And before she could do anything else, he led her back down the stairs, holding on to her bag with his other hand as they walked. He didn't release hers, even though she tried to pull away, and he didn't turn around to look at her either. Erina appreciated that bit of privacy to wipe the rest of her tears from her reddened eyes, not wanting to let the redhead see how broken she really was. Though she figured it was too late for that anyway, he had seen her at her worst right now, and there was nothing she could do about it.
For the rest of the trip, Erina remained silent, not caring about anything that was said to her or what happened around her. She didn't feel how she was led out of the diner and towards the car waiting on the other end of the street, nor did she pay attention to all the people throwing strange looks at her every now and then as she still tried to prevent her eyes from shedding any more tears by rubbing her arm repeatedly over them.
The ride back to the Estate was quiet and filled with a heavy atmosphere that nobody dared to disturb. With Yukihira keeping an eye on her every five seconds and Erina herself looking out the window, lost in her own thoughts, it was almost like the tension could be cut with a knife. Yet neither of them went out of their way to break it, which suited the heiress just fine. She was too tired to have a conversation anyway.
Upon arriving at the front gate of the estate, she got out the car as fast as her legs would let her before she could fall asleep, or worse, start crying all over again. Yukihira followed soon after, thanking and reassuring the driver that he didn't need to be driven back to Polar Star as he pointed towards his motorbike still parked right next to the gate. At that, the old man excused himself, leaving the two students standing in front of the stoned entrance way.
Before Erina could take a step forward, however, she was stopped by a warm hand on her shoulder yet again, urging her to turn around and face the red-headed chef behind her directly.
"Hey… you okay?"
Her reddened eyes gave him the answer on her behalf, the silence stretching as he retreated his hand. She couldn't quite place it, but for some reason he looked… exhausted, powerless even. Those usually shining eyes were now filled with guilt, and she had no idea where it came from.
"Don't worry, you're gonna be fine. I know it's stupid to say this now, but don't let the past get to you. I told you that I'd be there to listen if you need me to, and I meant it. It might not be easy, but you eventually learn how to deal with it. I did, and now, I think I can help you get over this pain as well. So be at ease, you're not alone, alright?"
"I don't think we're talking about the same kind of pain here, Yukihira."
"Bu-but you-"
"Th-thank you for everything you did for me these past two days. I… I had the chance to experience wonderful things, and I promise to keep those memories with me at all times. M-maybe we'll see each other again throughout the summer; if not I-I wish you a pleasant holiday."
With that, she turned around and walked straight to the front door, her eyes void of any emotion, but inside her, that traitorous heart was aching. Aching for him, for her mother, for her grandfather who took care of her despite knowing what she did, just every person that had suffered at some point because of her selfishness. She didn't care that she had been two years old at that time, or that her parents deserved some of the blame as well. All that mattered to her was that she had been the one starting all of this in the first place. People went crazy over her God Tongue, and got hurt, a boy she had called her friend once was now starting to lose his edge thanks to her, and all she could do was watch as each one of them suffered. Everything seemed to be connected to her in one way or another, making her wonder if what she did right now was even worth it all in the end…
For a while, she walked aimlessly through the wide hallways of the estate, eyes unfocused and desperately begging her to go get some sleep, until she noticed someone standing just a few feet away, looking at her with worry written all over her face. Short pink hair was the first thing that caught her attention, and Erina immediately remembered that there was always one person she could lean on, one true friend she always had complete faith in. The one who stayed by her side, listening to her without judgment or expectations in her kind eyes.
"M-miss Erina, wha-what happened?"
Before she could stop it, the tears were already falling again, her expression changing into one of utter anguish as she walked faster towards her friend.
"Hisako…"
Annnddd I think that's enough angst for one chapter.
I can't believe I actually went through with my idea, Omg! I hope you all like it and sort of understand what I was trying to do here, guys. Like I said, this idea was ghosting in my mind for quite a long time now, as well as everything around it, and I really wanted to make a story based on that, you know?
Not much SoRina this time, and as much as I hate to say this, but the drama part isn't quite over yet. But I'm so happy to tell you that we're nearing something you've all been waiting for (and me too, honestly hahahah)!
I truly hope you liked the chapter nonetheless, and tell me what you think of it. Did you find it stupid? Did my interpretation of Erina's mother make any sense to you? Please let me know, guys, it would be awesome to talk to you all about it!
With that said, I hope I see you all in the next chapter!
Take care!