Chapter 13: Coping with a loss
Heyyy there everyone, and welcome back to yet another chapter!
I'm soooo very grateful for all the adorable comments you sent me, it made me feel beyond happy that you guys are so invested in the story, and I really can't wait to share this chapter with you! I truly hope you'll like it, and give me feedback again, they are so nice, and I just love answering to every single one of you. You guys are seriously amazing, I can't tell you enough how thankful I am for all the kind words you wrote me! I just wish I could respond to all the guests too, you guys deserve a special thank you!
Of course, I can't forget my girl jellyann, who honestly stuck with me from the very beginning of this story! Thank you soooo very much, my friend, I'm so happy we were able to meet through this story, I love you my friend!
And my amazing friend, lamperouge rolo, who helps me with all my errors and gives me the most brilliant suggestions ever! Thank you, thank you, thank you soooo much for all your help, I can't even begin to describe how truly honored I am that we became friends here as well, you're so awesome, I love you so much!
Well, in any case, I think I've said enough for now, right? I'm sure you guys would like to know immediately what happens next in the story instead of reading my endless thank you messages, so… let's just jump right in, shall we?
Two weeks.
It had been two long weeks since she said her goodbyes to a certain red-haired chef, and only now did Nakiri Erina arrive at her destination. Kamakura, a town she avoided for almost 10 years falsely believing that she was heartlessly abandoned by someone eternally resting in the vicinity.
She had traveled to Hokkaido first. Impulsively taking a rather long detour to manage her emotions before setting foot in her mother's hometown. If she was asked to explain why, Erina would rather bite her own tongue off than admit that she was scared to go so soon after learning the truth about her childhood. She was simply terrified of completely breaking down and desperately asking for forgiveness in front of Nakiri Amelia's grave.
But, being the prideful person she was, Erina refused to acknowledge that. Instead, she told herself over and over again that it was only a matter of timing, since it would have been too crowded there if she had gone right away, due to families enjoying their first few weeks of the summer break together on the sandy beach. The risk of running into someone who might recognize her was quite lower this way in her eyes.
Why Hokkaido though, she had no idea.
The place didn't necessarily hold any fantastic memories, only her father's regime coming to mind when she had taken a walk through the busy streets. However, there had been something oddly calming about the atmosphere in Odori Park, something that gave her the feeling of not being alone, even though she hadn't talked to anyone since leaving the academy so abruptly. Which was why missed calls from Alice, Hisako, and even her grandfather had piled up on her smartphone over the past weeks, all of which she had ignored continuously as if they had never been there. The same goes for every text message and voice mail that was sent to her as well. She just felt that if she heard their voices or saw their messages, she would immediately give in to the temptation of running back home and pretending that none of this happened.
However, Erina knew for a fact that the point where she could return to being the high and mighty princess who was blissfully ignorant of the tragic incident has already passed and what's left of her Nakiri pride refuses to let her shattered, weak self be seen or heard by the family. Thus, she carried on without sending a single message that could assure them she's safe.
She needed more time to think.
And now that she is here in Kamakura, her luggage neatly placed right next to her on the marble floor of her grandfather's summer residence, she really wished she had enough courage to call at least someone, anyone, just to calm the raging storm of emotions rising within her.
Reaching for her phone, she stared at the black screen for a couple of seconds before putting it away again.
'What would I tell them anyway?'
Finally, unable to make up her mind, she shook her head in disappointment and stepped into the balcony, not even bothering to unpack.
There was no way she would stay here any longer than she needed to, so loading the large closet in the bedroom upstairs is a waste of time in her opinion.
She just wanted to get out of here as soon as possible.
With the summer breeze gently blowing through her long hair, the heiress gazed towards the beautiful looking coastline, the sting in her heart slowly spreading all over her body the moment she spotted a small family taking a walk on the pavement right next to the beach. As much as she wanted to delay that painful trip to the graveyard even further, Erina knew there was no other option left from here on out. She had to do it eventually, and standing here, on the balcony of her mother's most favorite getaway spot, looking at people enjoying themselves in the sea, did not help ease her nerves in the slightest.
She had no excuses this time.
With one last deep inhale of the ocean breeze, she loosened her grip on the railing, not realizing she had been holding on to it so tightly, and made her way back inside.
There was no one else here, no staff working around the house, no chefs preparing meals in the kitchen, no drivers waiting outside for her to take her wherever she wanted. It's just her, empty rooms and a bunch of European furniture. Never had Erina thought she would come to hate the silence around her, never had she imagined the loneliness in her heart could actually be so crushing. She didn't want to admit it, not yet, but the longer she let her eyes wander around the empty house the stronger she felt certain people's absence. Like her family- or rather what was left of them-, and of course her new friends as well. Like him…
It had only been two weeks, yet Erina already started to miss that ball of energy more than she would ever care to admit, her stubborn pride preventing her from getting nostalgic when his grinning face appeared in front of her vision every time she turned a corner, silently hoping he was hiding behind it.
It started in Hokkaido, became more frequent on the train and now, in her grandfather's estate, she's starting to believe that she's becoming downright delusional.
What was wrong with her?
Shaking her head for a second time, she quickly grabbed her purse, the small keys hanging next to the door, and her sunglasses before making her way out. Erina didn't want to risk taking another glance back, fearing the illusion of him standing in the brightly lit hallway might cause her to break down right then and there. It was pointless dwelling on such matters anyway when she knew he wouldn't come, wouldn't flash her that irritatingly charming grin which always seemed to put her mind at ease, wouldn't stare at her with those challenging amber eyes…
No, thinking about that certainly wouldn't do her any good.
But she couldn't help it either.
He was just everywhere, and Erina hated that she saw only him when she had far more important things to focus on. Like, what would she say to her mother once she reached the cemetery? Should she purchase some flowers before heading there? If so, what kind of flowers did Nakiri Amelia prefer? The heiress didn't even know if she had a favorite type.
The thought of not knowing what kind of person her mother was slowly but surely started to eat her up, making the heiress feel like all this guilt building inside her will drive her to insanity.
'I bet you could tell me what to do if you were here… Soma.'
Despite the anguish in her heart, Erina couldn't help but smile at the recollection of the redhead asking her to say his name, a rosiness spreading on her cheeks as she walked down the street.
She really did miss him…
Was that normal?
Before her mind could come up with any sort of answer, she was already standing in front of a floral shop, the closest one to her family's residence. The flowers didn't look perfect, but it would have to be enough for now, she supposed.
"Welcome, my lady, how may I help you?"
"I…"
All of a sudden, her mouth felt painfully dry, amethyst eyes shifting from left to right in search for a suitable bouquet of roses, or any other kind that was to her liking.
It was truly a sad thought that she had no idea what exactly her mother would have found beautiful. That the heiress had no other option but to choose based on her own preferences.
"Good afternoon. I-I would… like to have a bouquet of those white orchids over there, please."
"Ah, good eye! Those are the last ones I have left. A man stopped by not too long ago and bought almost all of them, saying that they were for a special someone he wanted to visit here in this town or something. He was quite a strange fella, very eccentric. I swear it made me shiver with uneasiness just to look at him, but whatever. I'm glad I get to lay my eyes on someone much more beautiful now…"
He chuckled to himself, seemingly forgetting about the blonde still waiting for him to prepare her purchase. She didn't understand what he was talking about, nor did she care who exactly it was he referred to. All Erina wanted was to buy the orchids and leave this shop before her heart would jump right out of her chest. She felt sorry that she couldn't be at least a bit nicer to the handsome young man, who didn't seem to be much older than she was, but Erina just couldn't find it in herself to pretend like she was happy about his compliment when she had entirely different things on her mind.
"So… I've been working here for quite a while, and… eh, I never saw you passing this street before. Are ya on vacation?"
"Well… I guess you could say that…"
"Really? That's awesome! Kamakura has a lot of great spots for tourists, ya know! Have ya ever been here before?"
"No, not exactly."
"What? Then you gotta check out the beach! It's honestly the best place ever!"
He enthusiastically told her about more areas she apparently 'had to see' at some point, which was why Erina refrained from interrupting him in any way, not having the heart to let all of her pent up frustration out on him. He looked like a nice person, and she had no right to ruin his day, even though the occasional flirting caused her left eyebrow to twitch with annoyance every now and then.
"By the way, may I ask what you are buying these for, my lady? Don't tell me it's for your crush or something!"
"N-no, eh, they are for… for my mother."
"Oh…, yeah, of course. That's really thoughtful! I'm sure she will be very happy once she sees these beauties here. If I were to do that, I bet you my mom would end up having a heart attack."
"W-why is that?"
"Well… I guess you could say that I never really given stuff like that much thought while growing up. And starting now seems kinda weird, ya know?"
"Yeah… I think I understand how you feel. It will be my first time bringing her flowers too."
"Seriously? Damn, we're a match made in heaven, eh beauty?"
He sent her a playful wink, one that left her completely unaffected as she shrugged it off.
"Not on your life."
"Sassy… I like it! Well, in that case, I'll be putting extra effort into this one now, since it's the first bouquet of flowers your mother is gonna receive from ya and all!"
'I should have looked for a different shop.'
"Yeah, eh… thanks…"
"Alright then. That would be 8940 yen, dearest."
Nodding her head, Erina was preparing to take out her wallet when suddenly a thought popped up in her mind. A thought so silly, she wished she didn't have it at this very moment.
"H-hey, eh…?"
"Oh right! Call me Masamune, sweetheart!"
"Right, Masamune-san… I-if it's not too forward of me to ask… c-could you tell me i-if the price is… maybe… negotiable?"
She knew it was stupid, knew there would be no way she could do something like that here, so why was she still trying?
All because the image of a certain redhead was standing right next to the young vendor, his bright smile so full of encouragement, she had practically no choice but to ask. It wasn't really him, she was well aware of that, yet Erina still somehow allowed herself to bask in the imagination of him being there, as she always had ever since she left the academy, even if it was for only a second.
And right now, that image caused her mind to slip, tempting her to reach out and touch what couldn't be touched, to feel what couldn't be felt because in reality, there was nothing but cold air underneath her fingers. And just as abruptly as it came, the smiling face and spiky red locks vanished the moment Masamune took a step to the left in order to get a better look at her.
"What? I'm sorry, beauty, but, are you okay? There is no neighborhood in all of Kamakura where you could possibly negotiate over something, let alone succeed."
"Oh… o-of course not, what am I thinking? I-I'm sorry to have bothered you with such a stupid question."
"Sure… Where did that even come from?"
"I-I… i-it's not important."
With shaky fingers, the heiress handed him the money, subconsciously glancing to either side and making sure no one was there this time.
This was starting to get out of control- the strong beating of her heart, her thoughts, her loneliness, just everything in general about Yukihira Soma did not make the least bit of sense to her. The same thing happened in Hokkaido as well. How did she manage to survive for two weeks there?
"Thanks. Come again any time, I'll be here waiting for you, my beauty. I hope your mother likes the orchids!"
"T-thank you."
With that, Erina walked towards the nearby bus stop, cradling the fresh flowers with her left arm and checking the schedule on her backup phone using her free hand. As she sat down on the bench, however, the memories of her trip to Yukihira, which began with a bus ride as well, started flashing back. She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths, trying to clear up her mind. After a few minutes, her responsible side kicking in out of habit more than anything, she abruptly stood back up.
'This won't do.'
Pinching the bridge of her nose in annoyance, she heaved a long sigh before a determined look crossed her eyes.
'I need to pull myself back together.'
The navigation app showed that from where she was right now to the cemetery is approximately 7-kilometers. It seemed to be quite a long walk for the Totsuki princess who usually has a driver at her beck and call. But as per usual, her pride and stubbornness won, causing her to flip her hair the way she used to do before all of this happened. Refusing to subject herself further to the torture of relieving her recent memories with Soma and to calm down her raging nerves about the visit as well, she decided not to take the bus.
'I can walk that far… right?'
…
There it was.
After what felt like hours on her feet, with nothing particular in sight, Erina finally stood in front of the small cemetery's gate.
People were coming and going, walking right past her with tears glistening in their eyes.
Here, the atmosphere seemed to have changed significantly.
Almost two hours ago, she had been surrounded by loud laughter and happy smiles as she passed by the town square, but now, there was nothing but silence and devastated faces all around.
And she had a similar look on her face.
Standing here, probably the closest she would be able to get to her mother's grave for the time being, made her feel incredibly nauseous all of a sudden. Erina didn't know exactly why she was so afraid of opening this gate and going inside, but something in her stomach told her that her mother wouldn't want her to come and pay her respects after refusing to do so for nearly ten years.
Wouldn't it be completely insensitive to ask for forgiveness when she couldn't even remember all the suffering she had caused Nakiri Amelia in the first place?
What could Erina possibly have to say to make this right again, to ease the crushing guilt growing inside her?
Her brain suggested just going in and seeing how it would turn out, but… her pounding heart and shivering body seemed to downright reject such a proposal, refusing to move an inch forward as slim fingers gripped the bars of the gate even tighter than before.
'Stop being so scared, you can do this. It's just a cemetery. Keep it together… Mother wouldn't be- s-she wouldn't be…'
"Oh my, what's wrong? Are you alright, girl?"
The sudden voice caused Erina to jump, her hands releasing the bars immediately as she whirled around to see a black haired woman in her mid- or probably late fiftieths standing right next to her. She wore a kind yet exhausted smile on her face, brown eyes shining with what looked like concern… or pity, considering their location. Whichever it was, it didn't matter to her though because at this point, whether she liked it or not, the heiress couldn't tell these two emotions apart anymore, and it only made her feel more pathetic than she already did.
"There is no reason for you to shed tears, child, we all have to part from our loved ones one day. Just think of it this way, they're in a much better place now, never feeling hunger, never experiencing thirst, and always watching over us, protecting us from any harm. Doesn't that sound nice to you?"
Her smile shifted into a nostalgic one as she turned her gaze towards the many graves on the other side of the large gate. Erina suspected that she was probably reminiscing about all the moments she had shared with someone close to her at this very moment, which was why she didn't want to give a response just yet.
'Wait… crying?'
Hesitantly, the heiress raised a hand to her face, literally shocked when she felt the wet tracks her tears had left on her skin.
With widened eyes, she glanced back towards the older lady, her body numb, and her heart heavy.
"I-if you don't mind me asking, who… who is it you had to say goodbye to, Ma'am?"
"A lot of people, actually. But the one I'm hurting the most over is… my little girl. I wasn't able to protect her properly, and now… I'm forced to move on with nothing but regret inside me. She and her daddy are resting side by side over there. Can you see it? The two stones next to that big tree?"
Erina swallowed hard, but the sudden lump in her throat just wouldn't go away. Letting her eyes wander over the wide field in front of her, she quickly spotted said tree, and the two gravestones right underneath it. They were close enough for her to see them, but for some reason, Erina couldn't find any names carved into the solid material. Despite that, her heart ached for the older woman, knowing that she had to live with a similar kind of guilt within her, and that there was nothing she could do in order to change this fact.
"I… I-I see them…"
"I specifically chose this spot so that they wouldn't have to stay under the burning sun all day. I remember my husband always complaining about the heat during summertime, how silly of him, right?"
The heiress nodded, not understanding why that lady still kept such a comforting smile on her face, or why she was standing here talking to a random student instead of going in for that matter.
"You know… I come here every day to visit them, and to water the graves as well. At least that way, I feel like I can redeem myself until I'm granted the wish of joining my family. Now tell me, child. Who are you here for?"
"I-I… i-it's my… my mother…"
"Your mother… I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked. Please wipe those tears from your eyes, they don't look like they belong there."
"N-no, no, don't apologize, i-it's alright. I'm just… just a bit nervous to go inside, I guess."
"Why would you be nervous?"
"It could be because I… I haven't come even once to visit her. You may call it childish stubbornness, or just simple stupidity, but… I had been angry that she left me just like that. Now I don't know if she would even want to have me there."
"But… that can't be the only reason you're crying, now can it?"
"…No. I suppose not."
Her shoulders fell, the tears intensified, and without even realizing it, Erina found herself in the older woman's embrace. The warmth radiating from her was strangely calming, and if it weren't for the violent shake that went through the blonde's body, she knew she would have reciprocated the hug instantly, feeling like she needed it more than anything else at the moment. She had tried so desperately hard to keep it together over the past two weeks, had hidden her sadness quite well under a mask of pure apathy, with tears that remained unshed, and words that spoke the opposite of what her heart had wanted her to say. But now that she was here, standing at the gate of a cemetery in the middle of Kamakura, held by a strange old lady who, on top of that, was dealing with similar emotions… Erina's defenses started to crack significantly.
She had wanted to be embraced like that for so long, had craved the warm touch of a mother comforting her child when they needed it the most. It was contradicting, but… the tighter her head was pressed against the older lady's chest, the safer she felt.
Almost like…
"Shhh, it's okay, dear, you don't have to rush. Take as much time as you want, alright?"
She nodded before finally lifting her arms and squeezing the slightly rounder woman's waist, unable to do anything beyond that small sign of understanding and appreciation.
At that moment, Erina didn't dare question her sanity that was asking her over and over again why she was hugging a random old lady in front of a graveyard. She chose to just let go and appreciate the thoughtful gesture. And, as unbelievable as it might sound to her own ears, she had to admit, this felt oddly familiar in a way. She couldn't say why, nor was she able to determine what exactly it was that gave her that sort of sensation, but… something told Erina that she had felt like this before, though it had to be a very long time ago, considering she hadn't been held like this for years.
It was… nice.
"I haven't had my daughter in my arms for so long now… this feels exactly like how it did with her. You two even smell similar. I-I'm sorry if I'm o-overstepping a boundary, child, b-but… I miss her so much…"
"I-I miss… m-my mom…"
Saying it out loud like that for the first time in her life caused Erina to feel nauseous all over again. With the sad woman striking her long hair repeatedly, she continued to cry for her loss- they both did.
And as Erina came to the conclusion that she was still not ready to sit in front of Nakiri Amelia's grave and talk to her directly, another desire flickered inside her chest.
She needed to pour her heart out before it would burst with all those emotions she had kept hidden for so long.
…
"It all happened when I was two years old. I was told that my mother used to be a lively person, and that she loved to play all sorts of games with me, but… she also came from a very wealthy family, which meant that her career was bound to affect me as well someday. And it did. They found out that I had a special talent, which would end up helping me outshine literally everyone, but… I-I guess you could say they took it too far at some point… I found out that, even though my parents loved me, a-and most definitely had the best intentions in mind, no questions asked…, they still forced me to do things I supposedly didn't want to do at that time. Which is so bizarre, I mean… I can't imagine ever going against Grandfather's word, ever, so how come I was such a… s-such a… w-why did I…"
Fresh tears welling up in her eyes prevented her from saying what needed to be said. With each breath she took, the silence of her new friend sitting beside the heiress on the grass right next to the gate was quite worrying, to say the least. Why didn't she say anything? The only thing she did was rub Erina's back in a comforting manner over and over again, but that was about it.
Didn't she want to tell her that she should stop being so disrespectful towards both her mother and father? That she shouldn't have been so spoiled as to refuse to do what her mother thought was best for her? Instead, the old lady just kept quiet and continued her gentle strokes on Erina's back.
"O-one day, when we had yet another taste testing appointment, I got out of control and started crying… I don't know why I overreacted so much, but… it seemed to have disturbed my parents a lot. That day, w-we… we had an accident, just because I felt like running into the middle of a busy street. I was so stupid, so… uncaring about the distress I caused my mother. I-it's all my fault that she's gone now. I-it's b-because she had wanted to protect me t-that she ended up losing her life. And… a-a-and do you know what the worst part of it is?"
The woman shook her head, a sadness evident in her brown eyes as she watched Erina become more and more desperate.
"The worst part is that she died in the hospital while I lost my memory! There was nothing left, nothing I could recollect of her! It was all gone! The only thing I remember is how Father brought me to my grandpa's house and everything after that. I remember hearing stories about Nakiri Amelia like it was the first time I was introduced to her. A-and even then… I had been angry that she wasn't there watching me grow up when all along, it had been me who was responsible for her absence! I-I… I just wish t-that… I had more time with her… I don't think I-I ever told her… h-how much she meant to me, how much I love her…"
She closed her eyes, this time aware of the one tear rolling down her cheek.
"I understand your pain, child, I really do. But I think you should know that, no matter what you tell yourself, your mother was happy when she had been able to save her daughter. Believe me, no parent would want to be forced to bury their own child. It's the worst kind of anguish a person could endure, and knowing that there is nothing we can do about it makes us suffer even more. If I had been in your mother's shoes, I would have done the exact same thing. Our children mean the world to us, and… we want to see them evolve, make friends, fall in love, educate themselves while we do whatever we can to keep them out of trouble."
The smile she gave the heiress was genuine, filled with understanding and so much more. It caused Erina to widen her eyes, tears stopping like they had never been there.
She couldn't put a finger on it, but something was… different about this lady. Her words made her feel better, even though she didn't want to. Being reminded of her guilt was the only thing that had kept her going, and she couldn't afford to lose that. It wouldn't be fair to her mother.
But this woman, as strange as she might be, seemed to chase all of said guilt away, just like that.
'How?'
"Remember what I told you yesterday? Those who have passed on are in a much better place now. They feel neither hunger, nor thirst, and they're always watching over us, protecting us from any danger, right? Your mother has always guided you, and sure will continue to do so as you go further in life. As bad as some experiences might have been, there're always good ones too, and occasionally, these good moments can easily outweigh the bad. You just have to look close enough for them."
"G-good experiences… like what?"
At that, the older woman smiled mysteriously, a wink following right after. It reminded Erina of the same knowing expression her grandfather always seemed to throw her way whenever Soma was… mentioned…
'Could it be…?'
"You tell me. From the blood rushing to your face right now, it appears there is indeed something incredible that can effortlessly rid you of those shadows."
"B-but… h-he…-"
"So there's a 'he' involved now, is there…?"
Realizing her mistake, Erina hastily waved her hands in the air in embarrassment, the blush on her face deepening with each new attempt to deny any influence the redhead may have on her.
Why was she overreacting like this anyway?
He couldn't possibly be the one the older woman was referring to… could he?
"Perhaps your mother led this person straight to you so that her vacancy could be filled by him adding more color to your life, what do you think?"
Erina didn't know what to say, the idea caught her completely off guard, and on top of that, she felt like she was about to start crying all over again.
It was a nice way of thinking actually, her mother sending her a friend who managed to shed some light into her ever so present darkness, but…
"H-how… how could she? I'm the reason she's… s-she's…"
"It's alright, don't push yourself too much, dear. It seems you still need to understand something very crucial before you can finish that train of thought. But… maybe today is not the right day to learn, eh? You look tired."
She nodded hesitantly, hugging her knees a bit tighter. Guilt tugged at her heart as the heiress realized that the sun was starting to set, and that she still hadn't given the old lady a chance to go visit her family yet. Just like she had done yesterday. How selfish could she be?
"I-I'm sorry you had to stay with me out here again, Ma'am. I-it was rude to ask this of you in the first place. Please… go inside and water the graves of your husband and daughter, I-I'll be fine."
"Oh, no, don't feel bad about that, my dear. I couldn't just walk passed the gate and ignore a crying child, that's not who I am."
'You can't leave like that, Nakiri, it's not who you are.'
"Sometimes, people tend to do things that seem completely out of character for them though. A-and I think… this is what causes others to feel so disappointed in them, or even heartbroken… right?"
Her eyes found the brown ones of the woman sitting next to her, pleading for some sort of guidance, for a confirmation that she did at least something wrong. However, all Erina managed to see in those warm depths was a mixture of gentleness and admiration as she continued to smile reassuringly at her. It was definitely not what she'd expected, but still comforting nonetheless.
"You should go home and get a bite to eat, child. It's getting late."
"I-I'll come back tomorrow! M-maybe t-then… maybe then I-I can go in as well."
"Take your time. I'm sure your mother won't hold it against you if you don't feel ready to visit her yet. Some things simply can't be rushed like that. And if you need to talk some more, I'll be here to listen."
"Th-thank you so much for your patience, I don't know what I would have done if it weren't for you stepping in when you did. I feel like I would have just ran away again. How pathetic, huh?"
"I don't think you're pathetic, dear. To tell you the truth, I was scared of coming to the cemetery for quite a while after my family died, or rather for a couple of months, you could say. I stayed at home, not knowing what to do or where to go, but now… I guess I can't stay away from them for even a day. Give it some time, child, you'll see it can help you find enough courage to say your final goodbyes."
Another nod, followed by a warm smile, and Erina turned around to walk back to her family residence, her heart at least a bit lighter after that long conversation with her new friend…
A friend…
And she didn't even ask for her name despite conversing with her for two days straight.
"Excuse me, Ma'am, I-I know it's rude of me to have forgotten this, but m-may I know your…"
Whirling around, her eyes hastily searched for the old lady, only to be met with an empty park surrounding the cemetery. She was startled for a moment, her mouth agape as she looked towards the gate in hopes of catching a glimpse of the woman's black hair, but even there, Erina wasn't able to spot her. It was like she vanished into thin air…
'Maybe there was something she forgot to take care of first? Or my vision is just getting too blurry all of a sudden…'
Shrugging the strange thought off, the heiress began her walk back to the villa, making a mental note to ask for her name first thing tomorrow.
Passing the bus stop once again, she slowed her pace a little and let her eyes wander over the small amount of waiting people. She considered joining them this time either to give it another try, but was stopped by the sudden sting in her chest reminding her of someone's absence. Although she had liked her very first bus ride quite well, and seeing as how long it would take her to get back on foot, she knew there was practically no other option but to wait for the vehicle to arrive, but… despite all that, the heiress just couldn't go through that torture- not yet. She had enough trouble getting that irritating goofball out of her head as it is, so there was no need to bring any more memories of him back to the surface by riding the bus home. As much as she might want, she wasn't going to do that to herself.
Looking towards the small crowd now, she saw him standing there once again, shaking his head at her decision, even though he was smiling the entire time. It seemed he understood what she wanted to avoid, and granted her this one wish by vanishing from her eyes.
Again, a hand was raised to stop him, despite her conflicting emotions right now, and Erina hated herself for always acting on pure impulse when it came to him as she lowered her arm and started making her way back to the villa on foot just like yesterday.
Perhaps tomorrow would be different…
…
Another week passed, and Erina still couldn't bring herself to do what she had set her mind to all this time ago.
She had sat on the bench next to the cemetery with her new friend by her side every day, talking about random things that, sometimes, made the older woman laugh, and sometimes caused her to arch an eyebrow in surprise. In return, the heiress had offered her a small smile of appreciation every now and then for staying with her and cheering her up a bit. Time flew by so quickly that she hadn't even noticed how long it had actually been since she left the academy, and even though she told herself that it didn't bother her at all, deep down Erina knew how much it actually pained her to be away from home for so long, considering that she had never ventured on her own before.
She hadn't really given it much thought up until now, but… since she wouldn't be returning to Totsuki anytime soon, as suffocating as it was, there had to be something she could do with all that spare time on her hands instead. She imagined all those clients, sponsors, business partners, just downright everyone who was in some way involved with the school, being very disappointed in her for not living up to their expectations, probably thinking in this very moment that her sudden disappearance was the result of her not being able to take the pressure that came with the responsibility of directing a high prestigious school.
They were wrong, so very wrong, but Erina couldn't care less about these matters right now, not because out of spite but because she didn't want to add more things to feel guilty for, fearing that her heart would eventually crumble under so much weight.
So for the time being, she figured that it would be best to do something different before she found her strength to go back again. However, due to the fact that she had trouble coming up with a decent plan of action, it was partly left to the old lady sitting beside her to give her at least some ideas of her own. And among all of those suggestions, there was only one that struck the heiress as perfectly doable.
Traveling around the country and learning all sorts of new things about cooking.
It was a brilliant option for her in more than one regard. There was so much to discover, so much to see, and Erina was barely surprised when she found that she indeed wanted to engage in all of what the culinary world had to offer. It would help her to become a stronger person, to get her mind off all this sorrow, to just… forget.
Again.
She had decided then and there that she needed this, and that it would also be a huge honor to follow into her idol's footsteps who had basically done the same at her age.
What else was she supposed to do anyway?
Taking her mother's rightful position as the next headmaster of Totsuki academy didn't seem right anymore, so there were not many alternatives left for her at this point.
Her mind was made up, and she had no intentions of losing focus on that now.
Feeling at least a bit more organized in her head, she had decided to give herself another two weeks to get it together again as best she could, and say goodbye to her mother before leaving Kamakura for good. Maybe even head straight towards Yokohama next?
And with that, time continued to pass, and every day, she had asked the black haired lady to water her mother's grave on her behalf, feeling extremely guilty as she did so, but also a bit relieved when her friend told her that she would be more than happy to do her this favor.
Now, Erina had only one week left, and even though she was slowly starting to feel like she was actually recovering bit by bit, there was still this strange sensation of reluctance inside her that wouldn't go away for some reason. It was the only thing hindering her from standing in front of her mother's grave, the only thing standing before her and her resolve to end her own suffering. Wherever the heiress wanted to go, she hesitated, whatever she wanted to say next, she hesitated, which, in a strange way, made sense inside her head, but… she still wished she didn't feel so diffident all the time.
Erina had the urge to tell the older woman about all that whenever they met, yet somehow she still couldn't bring herself to do it.
How could she phrase it without sounding so utterly pathetic?
What were the right words to start a conversation like that?
'I don't think I can tell anyone I'm scared of coming near my mother's gravestone. It seems so disrespectful… I just… wouldn't know what say once I stand before her…'
It didn't help much either that, every time she turned to wish her friend a good night, the woman would abruptly disappear like she had never been there, depriving her of the chance to change her mind and say something after all.
Although Erina didn't pay much thought to it, her brain constantly coming up with new suggestions as to where she might have ran off to each time, there was still something odd about the whole situation.
For that matter, the heiress still had no idea what the lady's name was. She always reminded herself to ask, but then completely forgot about it when they started having a relaxed conversation. And when it finally came back to her, she would already be gone.
It was quite bizarre…
"So you won't go in today either, huh?"
"I-I… I don't… think I can do it just yet…"
"Are you sure that one week will be enough to get over that anxiety then? I mean, I don't think your mother would mind if you watch her from a distance for now, but… I believe she still is sad to see her daughter like that. Why don't you stay a little longer, give yourself more time to recover."
"I… I have thought about that, but… to be honest, I don't want to. Every day I feel like I'm suffocating in this town, a-and… if I don't give myself a time limit, I will only come up with new excuses not to go in, you know? It's necessary that I do it this way, otherwise I won't be able to move on. One week more, then I'm gone."
"If you think that is what's best for you, dear, I have no choice but to approve. But please don't push yourself too far, alright?"
"Sure, Ma'am, I won't."
They shared a small smile before Erina directed her gaze towards the busy street, eyes closing as she thought about her friend's words.
"You know… I found a bouquet of those colored orchids lying on top of your mother's grave again today. Are you really sure you have no other family member who's currently in town?"
Her body flinched at that question, arms automatically coming up to wrap themselves around her while cold shivers ran down her spine.
She knew that it couldn't be her father, for he had flown right back to the USA after she and her friends had defeated his organization, but that knowledge didn't stop her from reacting the same way she always had when someone asked her about her family, which is going back to being a frightened little girl whenever that man showed up at unexpected times. And he most certainly tended to do that as she had come to find out just a few months ago.
'It isn't him, so calm yourself. Calm down. Calm down…'
"I-I have no idea, actually. As far as I know, no one is aware of my location right now…"
"Perhaps someone who was acquainted with her then?"
"Could be… Seeing as how popular she apparently used to be, it wouldn't surprise me if she had a lot of friends either, but… it's still so strange that there is someone who actually makes the effort to buy new flowers and bring them here every day. They must have liked my mother a lot…"
She closed her eyes at the thought of yet another person suffering out there because of her.
"Now, don't look so upset, child. I'm sure this can be solved at a later date. Let's get your mind off those things, shall we? I'm still genuinely interested to hear more about that particular boy who became the top ranked student at your school, if you wouldn't mind. From what you have told me so far, he seems like a strong yet unique character, and I would be so delighted if you could fill me in on your relationship with him."
"I-I, eh… what? I-I mean, I guess he is to a certain extent, b-but…"
"Quite reckless as well apparently, huh?"
"Oh you have no idea…"
She sighed, body tensing as her left eyebrow began to twitch.
"That idiot always gets himself into trouble. He either challenges someone he should absolutely not challenge to a random Shokugeki, or does other reckless things that could cause him to be expelled. It's like he constantly has to advance his abilities, has to push his cooking to their limit. I don't know why exactly, but… it looks to me like he's trying to prove a point of some sort, either to himself, or to someone else, though I fail to see the rationality in that… To be honest with you, I can't tell what's going on inside his head. How can anyone be so brainless? Just thinking about how he dared to mess up our entire strategy and declared war against me in the middle of a match… it really makes my blood boil! I'm still not over that, so screw you, Yukihira Soma!"
"Oh my, that sounds like you have quite a healthy and dynamic relationship to me."
"Hmph, there is hardly anything healthy about it. Trust me, Ma'am, the only thing he's good at is keeping me on edge, and that is not something I enjoy! I mean, I am a very competitive person through and through, I admit that much, but… he just takes the word ambitious to a whole other level!"
"So… you're saying you two had a cooking competition against some other team? And he just came up with the idea to change your strategy?"
"He did. That idiot!"
"Were you still able to win?"
"…Yeah, but only because I managed to turn things around for us."
"Well then, it seems like it didn't matter in the end now did it, dear? What exactly was his excuse for changing your plans in the first place?"
"H-he…"
'I knew you'd do it, Nakiri.'
A faint blush spread on her face, the memory of him sitting on the floor, holding his cheek in pain as he looked down with guilt, caused her expression to soften and her eyes to squint with affection.
"He had faith, I suppose… which was the reason I let it slide back then to begin with…"
She turned her gaze towards the other side of the park, her amethysts shining at the illusion of him casually leaning against the tree across from her with his hands in his pockets and a charming grin on his face.
By now, Erina had come to accept that she wouldn't be able to get rid of these illusions, no matter what she tried. Be it riding the bus or cooking dinner in the kitchen of her family residence, she always saw him doing something right next to her, yet every time she attempted to reach out and touch him, he would vanish without any trace, leaving a desperate heiress alone with her thoughts.
Now he was there yet again, and all she could do was shake her head, a fond smile subconsciously tugging at the corners of her mouth.
"I believe you telling me you two didn't hit it off on your first meeting, so what's with that look all of a sudden, dear?"
"W-what? What look? I-I'm not looking at anything, d-don't say things like that! We-we're friends now, he helped me get through a very hard time, th-that's all there is to it!"
"Your eyes don't really seem to agree with you though. Are you absolutely sure there isn't anything else going on inside your chest at the thought of him?"
"Th-there… there is, b-but…"
"Remember when I told you that your mother might have led someone straight to you so that they can fill her vacancy and give you something she couldn't anymore?"
She nodded her head, unsure where the older woman was going with this.
"Based on your reactions whenever this kid's name is mentioned, I'd say there is a high possibility that he's the one your mother sent you. And I'm so very happy that it turned out this way either!"
"B-but I-I…"
'Mom sent him to give me something she couldn't? But what is it? We're bickering pretty much every time we run into each other, and even though I have to admit that it is sort of fun, I still can't imagine doing something like that with her…'
"Eh… excuse me, Ma'am, but can I ask you if…-"
Turning her head to look at her, she was quite surprised to find the left side of the bench empty.
Again.
"Wha… Ma'am? Miss…"
'I forgot to ask for her name today either? That's impossible!'
Abruptly getting to her feet, she whirled in every direction, confused when she didn't find the old lady anywhere.
This was clearly a joke. It had to be. There was no way a woman at her age could run away that fast without at least being spotted in the distance… right?
Then again, why would she run off in the first place?
Not for the first time this week, confusion overcame her, causing the heiress to sit back down on the bench, hand placed above her chin in thought.
"She left without giving me any sort of answer like all the other times before. Why does she keep doing that?"
Raising her head, she felt a sudden sting in her heart when the image of Soma disappeared once more into nothingness, his smile stretching even further as he crossed his arms over his chest like he always did when proving a point.
"Don't go too…"
A whisper, only audible for her own ears, yet it carried a message so impactful that the heiress was forced to stand back up with widened eyes, startled when realizing what it was she had just admitted to herself.
'I don't want you to leave me too…'
Her knees gave out under her, making her stumble backwards a few feet before landing on the wooden fabric of the bench once again.
It couldn't be…
She understood…
She finally realized it…
Everything made sense now… her rampaging heart, all those comments that were thrown at her by almost every single person she came into contact with, the thing her mother wanted her to replace…
How could she have not seen it?
Was it possible for someone to be this blind?
The answer was right there all along, and yet she had neglected to even pay any sort of attention to the clues spread out around her.
Love…
Her smiles, that longing, the eyes… this pressing need for him to be here with her… it had been love all this time…
"I-I'm… in love. I'm in… love…? I'm really in love with him…?"
Her heart seemed to literally applaud at her conclusion, hammering inside her chest with joy and agony at the same time.
She was in love with the diner chef who showed her a different way of cooking, a freer way of cooking, a chaotic yet much more enjoyable way of cooking. The boy who had turned her world upside down, and carved his own path when there hadn't been one for her to walk on. The one challenging her in every way possible, competing with her whenever he had the chance, annoying her in ways that only he was able to pull off. Like warm beams of the sun announcing the arrival of spring by melting every inch of ice that the harsh winter season had left behind, she had also melted along with it without even realizing when and how it happened.
And she was more than grateful about that either.
Because at this very moment, the heiress came to realize that she had indeed fallen head over heels for none other than Yukihira Soma…
Never in a million years had she imagined she would end up falling for that red-headed goofball that always seemed to irritate the hell out of her.
And yet here she was, blushing furiously with her heart threatening to jump right out of her chest at the comprehension of her actually being in love with Soma.
But… he wasn't here with her, and she knew she wouldn't get to see him any time soon, which was the reason a part of her felt so incredibly miserable right now. There was no way she would tell him anything, but aside from that, she had no opportunity of running into him whatsoever, and that hurt actually more than she'd care to admit.
How was she supposed to endure the torture of not having him around now?
She had probably broken his heart by leaving the academy, just like Isshiki-senpai had said, and there was no making up for her selfishness.
'Besides… isn't it better this way anyway? He will go on, graduate from Totsuki, and eventually become even more successful than most of the former graduates themselves. Trying to impress me won't matter to him anymore, and that's exactly how it should be… right?'
Her shoulders fell as she buried her face in her hands, the thought of him seeing nothing in her now tearing her up inside. She could deal with business partners being disappointed in her, though it was only to a certain extent, she was still able to make up for it by finding new investors in the future, no questions asked. But imagining him losing every ounce of faith he had in her just felt wrong. It disturbed her immensely, and worst of all, it filled her with an unimaginably high amount of regret for running from him in the first place.
He hadn't been one of those many people who have tried to reach her on her smartphone either, which presumably meant that he had already started to move on…
Was it really that easy for him to forget about her?
"Damn it!"
"Wow, never thought I'd hear you shout a curse word like that in public. What are the odds?"
Her head shout up before her brain even had the chance to process the meaning behind those words, too startled to pay much attention to it.
That voice…
Abruptly jumping to her feet for what could be the fifth time already, she turned towards the sidewalk, assuming that the source of her sudden perplexity came from that very direction.
And it did.
He stood there yet again, hands in his pockets, nonchalant posture just as always.
'Another illusion?'
Only this time, it freaked her out more than ever when she realized he had been talking to her this very second, which had never happened before. She would see him wherever she went, but never had he actually talked to her through all those times, which could only mean that her imagination was starting to get out of hand now that she admitted having feelings for him.
And yet, Erina still couldn't fight the craving to talk to him, even if it only was her mind playing tricks on her. She wanted to bask in the illusion of having a vivacious conversation with him, at least for a little while before he would vanish again.
"W-what are you talking about? I-I never swear!"
"Seriously? Man, and here I was hoping for some kinda big reunion after coming all this way to see ya… Guess I should've expected as much, huh?"
"W-well, you could just-"
Wait…
"What…? R-reunion?"
Before she knew it, Soma was making his way towards her, the smile on his face stretching from ear to ear as he came to a halt a short distance away from her.
"I told ya I would end up coming for you eventually, right? Granted it's not even been that long since you left the school, but… you know… I, eh…"
'Wait! Hold on… What is going on? An illusion shouldn't be saying something like that, should it?'
Her eyes were wide open, her mouth agape, and Erina swore she could feel the fine hairs on her neck rising with each word he said. Her body shook visibly when she stumbled a few feet forward, hand raised in an attempt to touch him, just like all those times before. She would most likely look beyond stupid to bystanders, for they would think she was about to grab nothing but air at this point, but… she had to try. She needed the confirmation that he wasn't real before she would go crazy.
"Hey, eh… you okay? What's with the shivering all of a sudden?"
She stayed silent as her hand stilled a few centimeters away from his chest, scared to touch something that would fade the second she did. She decided to try something else first, not wanting to take the risk just yet.
"W-what are y-you doing here? You should be on vacation, or back at Totsuki, improving your dishes right now… I-I don't understand…"
"C'mon, that's the best Nakiri Erina can come up with at a moment like this? I mean, you've been gone for three weeks, and I'm already bored out of my mind over there! I know you said, it would take you a while to come back, and I respect your decision too, but… I guess… What I'm trying to say is… well, eh…"
Seeing the hint of a blush starting to appear on his cheeks caused Erina to press the palm of her already outstretched hand against her mouth, shock, and realization hitting her all at once as he cut himself off to give her a puzzled look.
One, she knew a mere illusion wouldn't be able to make…
"No way…"
"Okay, now you're acting weird. Is something wrong? Why do you look so-"
"You… y-you're r-really here…?"
"I… guess? And before you get angry, I just came to tell you something, so…"
Her body acted on its own, not needing her to give her consent as she practically threw her arms around his neck, pressing herself as tightly as possible against him when she was convinced that he wouldn't disappear after all.
The heiress knew it was silly, and probably exaggerated as well, but… she couldn't hold back a few tears escaping her eyes the moment she felt him reciprocate the embrace, his hold firm yet gentle at the same time. She could tell from the way he buried his face in her neck, taking in her scent, that he had missed her just as much as she had… if not even more.
Her hand tangled itself in his soft red locks as she let the tears fall on his shoulder, forgetting each and everything that happened around her.
He was here, she was in his arms… everything would be okay now, wouldn't it?
"Took ya long enough, princess."
"S-shut up!"
He let out a low chuckle, his arms holding her closer to his body.
"…I've missed you a lot, you know."
"I-I… I suppose it-it wouldn't hurt to say t-that… the feeling is mutual then…"
"Jeez, it really shouldn't be this hard to get some nice words out of your mouth, ya know?"
"A-and despite it being impossible, you still refuse to stop trying."
"Hell no. I can't stay away from a challenge, no matter what kind. You know that."
Oh, he had no idea how well aware she was of his craving for a good competition, especially when she had to admit that she was the exact same way. But there was no point in telling him something he had already figured out for himself a while ago.
With that, the heiress closed her eyes in content while squeezing his body one more time before she let go and took a step back. As inconspicuously as she could manage, Erina raised her hand in order to get rid of the remaining moisture on her cheeks, her heart beating out of control when she sensed his golden orbs following her every movement. He had noticed her tears, so there should be no point in hiding them, but… Erina was a woman with pride, and thus, she refused to let him actually see that she had indeed been crying mainly because of his presence. It would probably go over his head at some point, and with the way her self-esteem tented to take offence at his cockiness, that was not something she thought she could tolerate. Ever.
"Th-there is just something in my eye."
"I didn't say anything."
"I-I… well- whatever… w-what is it you wanted to tell me anyway?"
"Oh, right! There were two things, actually…"
"Two?"
A sheepish expression crossed his face as he raised a hand to rub the back of his head in that oh so familiar motion. She felt a pleasant shiver up her spine at the sight of him grinning with those squinted amber depths, that light blush never leaving his features as he did so.
"Yeah. I was, eh… well, Gramps sent me here with a message for ya, but… I don't really think this is the best time, or place to talk about something like that."
"W-what? Y-you mean… G-Grandfather seriously asked you to come all this way just to deliver a message?"
How fond was he of this boy?
"Well, it would've been easier if you hadn't turned off your phone, ya know."
Even though his voice was filled with amusement, the silent accusation behind it still made Erina flinch. She didn't think even once that someone would still try to get through to her by different means in order to give her any sort of information after her sudden departure overnight. It had to be something of utmost importance if her grandfather went so far as to order the redhead to come talk to her in person…
"W-why did he tell you about it though…?"
"Well… in a way, you could say that it was partly my fault… I had a reason for coming here as well, and I guess it kinda worked out for both Gramps and me that I would be the one giving you that message."
"I-I… I'm sorry… for not responding to anyone's calls… I shouldn't have been so selfish."
"Nah, don't worry 'bout it. Like I said, I had reasons of my own to see ya, so there's no need for you to feel guilty for anything, alright? You probably do that enough as it is."
She lowered her head, eyes closing at the memory of not having set one foot inside that cemetery behind her for the past eight days. She had spent time pouring her heart out to some stranger instead of building up the courage to go in and say goodbye to her mother, which the heiress felt quite ashamed for. Looking back now, it seemed like she had accomplished absolutely nothing in those three weeks she was gone, and it drove her up the wall even more when she contemplated how she must be coming off to the young chef standing before her right this moment, fearing that he might think less of her now that he saw her in such a pathetic state. It wouldn't surprise her if he didn't see her as someone he needed to surpass anymore, if she was no longer a challenge to him…
"C'mon, don't do that again."
"W-what?"
"You're looking upset just like you did last time. It's gonna be okay, so don't start sulking, now, alright?"
"Wha… what are you saying? I'm not sulking over anything! Mind your own business, please!"
"Yeah, yeah."
Strange.
This conversation seemed oddly familiar somehow…
She couldn't point a finger at it, but… it seemed like they had exchanged similar words at some point before, and it had ended with him smirking confidently and her throwing a death glare in his direction. Just like right now, as she tried to ignore how the setting sun emphasized his handsome profile and made him look like he was literally glowing.
"Just saying though. It's really good to see ya getting all worked up like this, ya know. Not gonna lie, I was kinda scared I'd never have a chance to witness that side of you ever again."
"Hmph, o-of course you would see it again, dummy. I told you before that we would run into each other eventually. Although, this is a bit sudden…"
At that, Erina paused for a moment, startled by her own words as realization hit her. Her eyes instantly found his, and judging by the thin layer of sweat building on his forehead, he also knew what she would want to address next. Why he looked so nervous all of a sudden- or was it excitement shining in his eyes-, she couldn't tell though…
"So… what is this other thing you need to talk to me about, Soma? I'm assuming it's not boredom that caused you to make a dash for the train station at sunset, right?"
"Nope, not exactly."
His smile now shifted into a gentler one, amber eyes filled with so much tenderness that it caused her heart to go on a rampage inside her chest all over again. And this time, Erina knew exactly why that was…
"I came to tell you that… I won the bet."
"H-huh…?"
"C'mon, don't you remember the bet we made with Alice the other day? When you guys were stalking Kurokiba on campus?"
'What…?'
"I-I don't understand, when did we-"
She abruptly stopped her rambling when a certain scenario came to mind. A scenario between him, the heiress herself, and her white haired cousin while they had been hiding behind a bush in front of the academy's main building, joking around and laughing to their heart's content.
'Ignorant to the truth as always I see. Don't worry you two, you'll figure it out eventually, but until then... we'll have some fun!'
'…Sorry dear cousin, but I'm not telling! Go find out yourselves.'
'Is that a challenge?'
'Well… in a way, I suppose it is.'
It seemed so long ago now, yet Erina could still remember every single word of the conversation they had that day. A bet made to see who would come to understand the meaning behind Alice's words first, a bet stating that the winner would enjoy the privilege of ordering their opponent around for an entire day, a bet between the two of them…
"D-does that mean… y-you…"
"Yeah, I solved it. Took me quite a while, but…"
He stepped forward, eyes never straying away from her as he casually closed the distance between them. It was as if the warmth of his smile was actually keeping the cold shivers away from her body, leaving her with nothing but content and security when she attempted to take a step back with shock written all over her face.
She had grasped her cousin's words only now, and thus the heiress was willing to accept that perhaps this time, just this one time, she could let Yukihira Soma be the winner. And even though her pride prevented her from stating that out loud, Erina knew he could probably read in her eyes that she had mentally applauded his victory.
By now, they were face-to-face, bodies almost touching when he regarded her with that sheepish smile again, eyes drifting to the side for a second.
"But first, I need to tell you something else… I'm… sorry for saying all that nasty stuff to you, Erina. I swear to you it wasn't because I hated you or anything like that, it was… I-I guess it was out of fear. My way of cooking had changed all of a sudden, a-and I had no idea why that was happening. At that time, all I knew was it had something to do with you, nothing more, s-so I figured… if I keep my distance from you, things would eventually get back to normal. But… they didn't, and I had to come to terms with the fact that I've mistreated one of the most important people in my life. It doesn't exactly make me feel better to know that the explanation for all those strange sensations going on inside me had been much simpler than anything I came up with either, but… thinking back… I'm kinda ashamed of myself for acting so childish without considering how you were doing. You didn't deserve any of that, and… I'm truly sorry for making you go through all this. I was an idiot, hell, I think I was the leader of all idiots in this planet for not seeing what had been right in front of me, but… I finally found out why I felt so drawn to you this entire time. In a way, it was your absence that helped me realize that…"
She continued to stare at him, wide-eyed, hanging to every word he said.
"That- what I'm trying to say is… I love you, Nakiri Erina. And, well, I don't know why exactly, but something tells me I always have… From the moment we met, I had this urge to prove to you that I meant it when I said that I was aiming for the top, that my cooking was not something you could just ignore. Little by little, you became the one I needed to get your approval first before I could confront my dad in a Shokugeki again, and… I dunno, I feel like it had even turned into something more with each conversation we had. At first I'd wanted to reach your pedestal, then I had this crazy idea of becoming friends with you and learning from you, and now… I just figured out that… I want you without anything else in between. It's strange, but I don't think I can go on without you anymore. Pretending that none of our battles over the past year ever happened is not how I want to continue, but… aside from that… The reason why I cook has changed now, and only with you next to me, I feel like I can do much better. Otherwise it's not gonna work, ya know? S-so, eh… yeah… I guess I needed to get that out before it would end up killing me."
She couldn't believe what she was hearing right now, her face started to burn with an intensity that could rival the summer heat itself, and Erina was sure, if it weren't for his eyes keeping her in place, she would have landed on her knees already. He looked so vulnerable, so nervous, so… uncharacteristically shy that it made the heiress want to just wrap her arms around him and hold him close to her chest all over again.
Their eyes met, and not for the first time today, Erina felt her heart stop before it attempted over and over again to jump straight out of her body, bursting with excitement at his earnest words. The words that turned her world upside down once more, in the most pleasant of ways. The words she never thought she would hear him say out loud, let alone directing them at the one who used to despise him and his carefree nature.
Was this really happening?
She had just realized that she was in love with him, and all of a sudden, he appeared out of nowhere right in front of her, saying that he won a stupid bet by understanding his feelings for her… it seemed so surreal, and yet she found that all those details didn't matter to her in the slightest, her heart filled with too much joy to pay any sort of attention to them.
"That's just… eh, well, you don't have to- I mean… it-"
And with that, she decided that she needed to show him exactly how little she cared about anything other than his confession right now, her arms moving all on their own when they got a hold of his neck and pulled him down towards her.
This time, she was kissing him, softly and tender at first, but more and more daring as the seconds passed them by. It caused him to stop his rambling, eyes wide open with surprise before he melted into the kiss, closing them as his head tilted to one side in order to get even closer. At first, it had been the heiress herself dominating the battle emerging inside their mouths by slowly parting her lips and licking over his lower one, but now the tables had turned completely, and she was left with no other choice but to endure the sweet torture of him taking the lead rather quickly, exploring the insides of her mouth with his own tongue before meeting hers again halfway.
It was nothing like any other kiss they had shared so far, this one was heated yet to a certain extent still gentle, pleading yet filled with satisfaction, desperate yet containing all of their love for one another. It held so many emotions, so many words that neither of them needed to say verbally, which made Erina's head spin as she tightened her grip around his neck in fear of actually falling to the ground this time. His own hands were placed on her hips before he just slung one of them around her waist while the other moved up to gently tangle itself within her long hair, the sensation causing pleasant shivers to run down her spine.
When they parted, he still kept her face close to his while gracing her with an affectionate smile. Her lips were almost touching his again when Erina gave a reply to his previous confession, eyes reflecting the love she felt for him as their foreheads pressed together.
And despite the words she was about to say, there was no doubt in her mind that he would understand what was really hidden behind them.
"D-don't think you finding the solution to the puzzle f-faster than me is in any way significant, understand? I-I figured it out as well, s-so we should be even…"
"Seriously? I don't even get a nice response after what I just told ya? That's cruel!"
"W-well, you better get used to it from now on, because I won't change any time soon."
He let out a small chuckle against her lips, his breath tickling her heated skin.
"So, does that mean… you want me to stay with you then? It's not like I had the entire past year to get used to your attitude towards me or anything, but… I guess it would take me a little while longer to learn how to deal with it properly, huh."
"Sh-shut up."
And that was the only reply he allowed her to make before he closed the distance between their lips again, passionate, longingly, fervent with each caress of his tongue against hers. Even though it was shorter this time, Erina still felt just as affected by it as she had with the first one.
"I-I guess it would be only fair to tell you t-that I… I-I sort of… f-feel the same…"
His arms pressed her body tighter against his own, making her wish the moment would never end as she ran her hands through his soft red tresses with a genuine smile on her face.
Here, in his arms, she was safe, here she was freed from all the loneliness that had surrounded her for all those weeks, here… she simply was at home. And Erina knew he would be the only one that could ever make her feel that way, despite every hardship that was awaiting her. If she was with him, there was a chance she could get through them all.
And to her, that was more than enough.
And that was it for this chapter, everybody! I hope you all enjoyed it! Please let me know what you think again, I would be beyond honored to talk to you, or answer questions should there be any.
Though, if it's alright with you guys, there is something I would like to explain before calling it a day.
The part with the old lady at the cemetery, when she mentions visiting her husband and daughter every day to water the graves, is actually something I took out of our own culture. You see, I'm a girl from turkey, and here we have a tradition that goes way back to the ottomans time, stating that it is quite a good deed to water a grave. We start from the head and pour the water until we reach the toes. Furthermore, in the Islam it is said that the suffering of the dead can be eased just a little bit further when we let some greens grow above the grave and water them. It's a religious believe, and I hope you guys won't hold it against me, if used it here as well. I think it's a beautiful way of taking care of loved ones, even if they're no longer among us, you know?
Well, that was it. I thought, maybe it would be a little interesting for you guys to know the background of that scene. Thank you so very much for reading, and I hope I'll see you all at the next chapter!
As always,
Take care!