"Is it weird…that I actually feel bad for Chloe, Tikki?"
Marinette threw herself back against her mattress, staring up at her skylight. It was a lazy Sunday afternoon, and the teen had spent that majority of the day helping her parents in the bakery. Sabine sent Marinette off on a few deliveries, bringing the girl to the Grand Paris Hotel.
She noted the swarm of journalists that were posted outside its doors, requesting an interview with Mayor Bourgeois about Chloe.
Tikki looked up from her macaron, tilting her head quizzically at her wielder, "What do you mean?"
Marinette reached up, running her hand through her silky tresses absentmindedly.
"I don't know…I know she helped Hawkmoth steal the boxes, but I can't help but to feel bad for her, you know? I've just been thinking about it."
Tikki nodded sagely, "You're a compassionate person, Marinette. So, of course it's not weird to feel that way."
"I feel like there's a but in this," Marinette added dryly.
"There's no but here," Tikki replied, "You feel deeply for people, and as the new guardian you have to look beneath the facades that people put up."
"I guess…"
Marinette was still learning to accept her new reality. She was the new guardian, and she lost her mentor because of Hawkmoth. Chloe Bourgeois was just an accessory that Hawkmoth took advantage of to steal the Miracle Box and as a result, her entire life was in tatters. Her father's reputation had sunken considerably and even her mother's career had been negatively impacted.
She'd heard from news reports that Chloe and her family were in the midst of an investigation conducted by INTERPOL.
It was an understatement to say that Chloe Bourgeois had fallen on hard times. Marinette couldn't help but to feel bad for her former bully.
Hand-picked by Hawkmoth to do his bidding for him and manipulated into endangering the lives of her peers and the citizens of Paris.
"What do you feel, Marinette?" Tikki asked quietly.
Marinette furrowed her brows, focusing on the bits of puffy clouds that sailed past her window. What did she see? After weeks of feeling as if she were drowning in her every day and superhero responsibilities, Marinette finally had a chance to sit and breathe. She had a moment where she was able to truly allow everything that happened to sink in.
"I feel…" Marinette began, "…like she's lost, Tikki."
A quick glance to the table that contained the Miracle Box brought about a pang in Marinette's chest.
"Marinette?"
"I also feel like she isn't the only one who is lost."
Tikki dropped her treat and flew in front of Marinette, her bright blue eyes revealing a sorrow not unlike her wielder's.
"Oh, Marinette…"
"Tikki, I don't even know what guardians are supposed to do! All Master Fu did was keep secrets! How am I supposed to do a good job at keeping you all safe if I don't even know where to start?" Marinette threw her arm over her eyes and took a deep breath.
Wielder of the Ladybug Miraculous at 13-years-old.
Guardian of the Miracle Box at 14-years-old.
The Marinette of only a few months ago took her position as Ladybug with pride. After all, she and Chat Noir were the only ones preventing Paris from falling to ruin. The burden was one that she was more than willing to take if that meant she could protect her loved ones.
And now?
Marinette didn't know what she was doing.
She didn't know why she was here. She didn't understand why she was chosen for this role and expected to fulfill her duties.
She was just a kid.
She was a child, and she was left with no choice but to support the weight of the world on her shoulders. For weeks she'd accepted her fate without complaint, but there was one glaringly obvious fact that began to bother her.
Nobody had asked her what she wanted.
She was never given a choice. Not in becoming Ladybug and certainly not in becoming the Guardian. And the fact that she was supposed to take this and not share the burden with her partner was what hurt her the most.
How did they expect her to deal with this?
"Marinette?" Tikki asked.
"Is it bad…" Marinette began, "…that I resent Master Fu?"
The kwami didn't say anything, her silence prompting Marinette to continue, "Firstly, he gives me the Miraculous without any explanation whatsoever, assuming that I would become Ladybug. Then, he expects me to keep these secrets from everyone. My family, my friends, Chat Noir, who should've been let in on all this in the first place. Then, he expects that I'll become the new guardian, only to actually pass the title to me without telling me what happens if I were to relinquish my title."
Marinette sat up, angry tears forming in her eyes.
"Marinette, that's not what Master intended—"
"—how am I supposed to know what he intended, Tikki?!" Marinette interrupted, "Everything is a secret!"
"It's for yours and Chat's safety."
"And look where that got us!" Marinette cried, "I'm alone, without any information, without a mentor, and I can't tell Chat Noir because of these stupid rules that don't even work anymore because Hawkmoth knows about the box and has the grimoire!"
Hot tears began to run down her face, but Marinette didn't care. The feeling she'd kept locked away and finally bubbled to the surface. She was angry. Marinette had never felt so angry before.
She was angry at Hawkmoth, for having served as the catalyst to her entire issue.
She was angry at Master Fu, for expecting so much from her and Chat and not nearly giving her enough of what she needed to be an adequate Ladybug.
She was angry at the Order of the Guardians, for expecting so much from Master Fu as a child.
She was angry at the Miracle box, for coming into her possession.
She was angry at herself, for becoming Ladybug.
She was angry at herself, for not telling Chat Noir every single secret that she knew.
She was angry at herself, for allowing every single minor inconvenience to cause her to spiral out of control.
She was angry at herself, for getting expelled from school because of Lila.
She was angry at herself, for letting all those precious moments with Adrien slip away.
She was angry at herself, for every single petty, jealous, and downright unkind thing she'd ever done.
Marinette was just…angry.
Shallow breaths began to escape her, and the room began to spin. Marinette could hear Tikki speaking, but she didn't know what she was saying.
She needed to get away.
Marinette needed to leave.
She hastily swiped at her eyes, becoming more frustrated as a fresh wave of tears rolled down her face. Dragging herself up from her bed, Marinette grabbed her purse and jacket, not even checking to see if Tikki flew into her bag before sprinting down the stairs and out the side door of the bakery.
Marinette dashed across the street, her feet carrying her towards the park. Marinette didn't know what she was thinking, all she knew was that she just needed to disappear for a little bit. Somewhere, in the back of her mind, she knew what she was doing was irresponsible and not at all what she normally would've done.
But the Marinette of the past didn't feel like her anymore.
Marinette sprinted through the park, teary eyes still obscuring her vision. The sun was beginning to set, and Marinette could see the shadows of the trees in the park beginning to shift under her feet.
Irrationally, she moved to avoid running across the shadows, her breaths becoming more frenzied and panicked.
Vaguely she could hear her name being called by a familiar voice, but she didn't reply, instead continuing to run.
"Marinette!" the voice called again, this time louder and with alarm.
Each time her name was called, the voice got closer and closer until a hand wrapped around her arm, pulling her back and spinning her around. Through her tears, Marinette could make out iridescent green eyes peering down at her in concern.
It was Adrien.
"Marinette, are you okay?" he asked, squeezing her arms firmly.
Whatever Marinette meant to say never came out. Instead, a pained wail escaped her lips, and she flung herself at her classmate, wrapping her arms around him tightly. If Adrien was shocked, he didn't show it, instead hugging Marinette closely to his body, murmuring words of encouragement.
"Marinette, just breathe—"
Count to four.
"It'll be okay, just breathe with me—"
Slowly, her anger faded, leaving Marinette too exhausted to do anything but allow herself to be held by Adrien. She nuzzled her head against his neck, finding his warmth comforting.
"I'm here for you, Marinette."