A/N: As promised, here is your weekly update. Review, pretty please?
Sunday, 1/3/1999
Harry stood in the living room of the Tonks house, his trunk at his feet as Andromeda fussed over him before his departure. The Christmas holidays this year had undoubtedly been the best of his life. In the past, Yuletide had always filled him with a deep ache, reminding him of the family he had lost as a baby. But this year, living with Andromeda and Teddy, and more often than not Hermione as well, the ache had disappeared for a bit. It was different than staying with the Weasleys. They were family too, but at the Burrow he always felt like a minor character in their chaotic comedy. Here, it was different. Here, he was…
"Dada! Dada!" Teddy squirmed in his arms, tugging on Harry's shirt. He lost his train of thought as he looked down at the baby, heart twinging at the sight of his own green eyes blinking back at him. He would never admit it, but Harry loved when Teddy mirrored him. It was like a physical proof of what Hermione had said, that Teddy had chosen him. Merlin, he was so lucky.
Andromeda stopped her lecture on cleaning charms to scoop the boy out of Harry's arms. His arms felt ungainly and useless at their separation.
"Hush, baby, you'll get your story from Nana tonight. Anyways, Harry, you be sure not to sleep through breakfast. Lord knows you've been getting too thin. Oh, and go ask Poppy about a new prescription for your glasses. I know there's some diagnostic spell but can't recall it for the life of me. And don't…"
She trailed off at the sight of Harry's dejected look. Wordlessly, she handed back the baby and he immediately cradled the boy to his chest, sighing and stroking his hair. Andromeda copied him, running a hand through Harry's messy locks and meeting his eye with a soft smile.
"He knows you'll be back, dear. Don't worry."
"He needs me here."
"He needs you to graduate Hogwarts and get your NEWTs, dear. So do I. Do it for us? Please?"
Harry said nothing, looking pensive as he continued stroking Teddy's hair. Andromeda could see him struggling with his departure for the umpteenth time, his emotions unable to beat out her logic.
Finally, he sighed heavily and nodded, kissing the baby's forehead before handing him back to his grandmother. Leaving on Sundays was always hard, but it was doubly so now. Harry knew this week apart from Teddy would feel like an eon.
As Harry hefted his trunk and turned to disapparate, Andi called out, "Oh, and bring Hermione again next week!"
"I always invite her, Andi. She'll come if she's not busy."
"Well, I hope isn't too busy then. Now that Teddy's learned 'Dada' he'll start asking for 'Mama' as well. So hurry up and propose, will you?"
THUD.
Harry dropped his trunk hard against his foot, barely noticing the impact as he spun to face the smirking witch. He was blushing a furious scarlet, cheeks burning with embarrassment. Failing to think of a retort, Harry could only flop his mouth open and closed.
Andromeda, clearly entertained by his loss of speech, tilted her head in question. "I think we both know what her answer will be, don't we? At least, I do."
With a parting wink she hoisted Teddy against her hip and headed up the stairs. Harry stood frozen in the living room, staring at the spot Andromeda had left while gaping like a fish.
Propose? Did she really say that? No, no, I must be going mad. What rhymes with propose? Toes? Rose? Crows?
As if sensing his confusion, Andromeda turned at the head of the stairs and addressed Harry from the balustrade.
"PRO-POSE!" She enunciated and elongated the word, as if talking to a small child. Then, turning with a swish of her braid, she left Harry alone in the living room.
After waiting for his heart rate to reach a safe level, he turned to pick up his trunk, wincing as he stepped onto his bruised foot. His thoughts momentarily focused on the image of Hogwarts' front gate, before returning to a certain brown-eyed, bushy-haired witch.
…
Later that night Harry tossed and turned in his bed, unable to get a wink of sleep. He kept replaying the scene from earlier in his mind, recalling Andi's knowing smirk as she instructed him to propose to Hermione.
Do I know what her answer would be? Does Andi? She did say she knows...and they do talk a lot...but that's crazy, it's only been 4 months...but Andi seemed so sure, why would she joke about that…
Groaning, Harry yanked off the covers in frustration. All this thinking was useless. He needed to do something - but what?
He turned to face the bouquet of flowers he had selected for tomorrow, tucked against his nightstand: a dozen pale yellow tulips, with narrow bulbs and a fresh, earthy smell. Musicae risae, the flower of melodious laughter. Automatically, his mind began to recite the speech accompaniment, about how he loved the sound of Hermione's laugh, because he loved it when she was happy. The words, previously warm and alive, felt dull and stilted.
Then, a new picture came to his mind. A deep crimson red replaced the pale yellow petals, and the narrow bulbs seemed to bloom wider, spiraling in a beautiful symmetry.
Semper fideles, the flower of undying loyalty, signifies the last step in a proper courtship. The wizard, upon presenting these unto the witch, has stated that his heart belongs to her forever. To accept the flower is tantamount to accepting marriage. The witch must then take a rose and weave it into her hat, signifying to the public that she is wed.
When given and accepted with verity of heart and magic, the flowers shall preserve forever. No spell is needed to maintain their freshness or aroma. Indeed, it is said that the smell of the semper fideles is akin to Amortentia, the strongest of love potions; hence the witch shall be reminded of her wizard, and the wizard of his witch…
Harry recalled the passage from Ars Floris word for word, having read it at least a hundred times.
I have to go get some.
Every time he visited Professor Sprout's greenhouse he was always drawn to the flowers of undying loyalty. They called to him like a siren song, pushing him headfirst into that addled corner of his mind where he pictured the cottage, and ring, and children with brown hair and green eyes. Since he had started getting Hermione flowers, his mind had always toyed with the idea of getting her the semper fideles. But he knew that that was silly and premature. No, there was no way he could propose marriage to her so soon...
Nutter, nutter, nutter, where do you think you're going…
Harry's mind scolded him, but his legs swung from his four-poster bed anyways. Before he knew it, he had grabbed his Invisibility Cloak and the Marauder's Map, slipping through the empty Common Room and out onto the Hogwarts grounds.
He entered the greenhouse in a trance, treading a well-worn path to a bunch of freshly bloomed semper fideles.
Their aroma hit him like a wave. It was Hermione. There was no other word for it. He smelled some vanilla, yes, and parchment, and maybe a hint of that strong tea she favored. But it was both none of those things, and all of them at once. Harry didn't know how to explain it. He just knew that this aroma was purely her, and it gave him a heady rush more intoxicating than firewhiskey.
With a practiced ease he snipped off a dozen roses, tying their stems with some twine and conjuring a white cloth to cover the bouquet. Tucking the flowers under the Cloak, he beat a hasty path back up to Gryffindor Tower, feeling manic and giddy with excitement.
Harry was still lost in a trance when he climbed through the portrait hole to the Common Room. At this late hour, the only light came from the low, flickering fire. He did not notice the other inhabitant of the room, until a familiar voice shocked him out of his reverie.
"Harry? Is that you?"
At the sound of Hermione's voice, he flinched and stumbled, tangling his foot in the Invisibility Cloak. Harry crashed unceremoniously to the floor, watching in horror as the semper fideles flew out of his fumbling hands to land near Hermione's feet. He looked up to see her clutching her chest with both hands, a large book open in her lap.
"Harry! You scared me! What are you doing sneaking about so late?"
He struggled to come up with some excuse, but thankfully Hermione saved him the trouble by spotting the bouquet at her feet.
"Oh!"
Her face split into a wide smile as she brought up both hands to cover her eyes.
"Go on, then! I won't look. Promise!"
Not believing his luck, Harry gracelessly heaved himself up, disentangling his legs from the Cloak and darting forward to snatch up the flowers. Mercifully, the cloth still covered the roses.
"I, uh…" Harry paused, not sure what he was planning on saying. Suddenly the whole operation seemed moronic. What was he even doing?
"Uh...I'll be right back!"
Not waiting for a reply, Harry scrambled up the stairs to his dorm, shoving the semper fideles under his bed before hastening back down. Hermione was still sitting at their favored couch near the fire, beaming widely with both hands covering her face.
"I'm back!" he announced.
Hermione smiled even wider as she lowered her hands, beckoning him to the couch. Harry felt giddy at the sight of her, both from the burning secret of the flowers under his bed and her visible delight at seeing him. Not needing to be told twice, he slid in next to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.
She beamed up at him as the fire flickered lower. "So, are you always this cute, or just when I'm watching?"
"Only when you're watching. It's a lot of work, you know. Tires a bloke out."
"Prat." She lightly smacked his chest, curling into his side.
"So, why are you awake? Too excited for the first day of term?"
She smacked him again. "I take it back. You're not cute at all."
Harry chuckled and dropped a kiss to her brow. "What are you reading?"
She slid her wide leather-bound book into his lap. Harry looked down to see a picture of himself and Teddy. He was lying on the carpet of Andi's living room, with Teddy perched on his chest. He watched as he came up to pepper kisses on the boy's face. Teddy giggled and clutched Harry's shirt before the image looped back.
"A photo album?"
"Mm-hmm," she hummed against his shoulder.
Harry flipped to another picture. This one depicted Hermione in the wicker rocking chair on Andromeda's back porch, holding Teddy in her lap as she read to him. She flipped a page as Teddy turned to look up at her, full of wonder and delight. His hair changed from its natural sandy blonde to a rich brunette.
Hermione's finger came down to trace the picture of Teddy in slow circles. They sat silently for a minute, entranced as the short scene replayed itself over and over again.
Harry stole a glance at his love. Her eyes were dark and full in the faint firelight, brimming with adoration as she gazed down at baby Teddy. He felt his throat catch as he recalled her words from Christmas Eve. You chose him, and he chose you back...
It had felt so right, holding Hermione and Teddy to him that night. His entire world, safe and sound in his arms. His godson - no, his son - and his…
Andi's words echoed in his mind again.
Pro-pose! Pro-pose, and then you can call her that, you daft git! Propose, propose, propose, propose, propose…
"Hermione?"
"Mmm?" She was still lovingly tracing the picture of her and Teddy.
"Do you ever think...would you want to? Have kids?"
Hermione blinked up at him, mouth parting into a silent "O". Her eyes were wide with surprise. Not wanting to lose his nerve, Harry plowed forward.
"I like it. Being his dad, I mean. I don't know how it is raising girls, but I think if it's like it is with Teddy I'd like that too. Not that I would mind more boys, you know, I know we can't just pick-"
Harry abruptly snapped his mouth shut in horror as he caught his slip-up. Oh Merlin, I said "we" out loud, didn't I...
He nervously glanced up at Hermione, who appeared frozen in shock. The seconds ticked by, painfully slow. He could not break her gaze, but could not bring himself to say any more either.
"R-Really?" Her voice cracked with emotion. "You mean that?"
Not trusting his own voice, Harry just nodded.
Hermione broke his gaze, staring down at the photo album. She seemed to shrink in on herself, wringing her hands in her lap and ducking her head. Suddenly, she resembled nothing but a shy schoolgirl - a far cry from the fierce woman who rode dragons and destroyed Horcruxes with him.
"Hermione? What's wrong?"
Was she going to tell him that she didn't want a family? Was it because of him? The thought shot through this heart like a sharp, icy spear. It was all falling apart, his little vision of their family and future that he had cherished secretly for so long...
She shook her head, mumbling something he couldn't hear.
His heart was pounding with panic, but Harry forced himself to calm down for her sake.
He tilted her chin up to meet her eyes. The ice in his chest melted at the sight of her, replaced by a burning guilt. She wasn't angry at him, but she was hurt.
"What's wrong?" He repeated the question.
Hermione broke his gaze again, looking down at her lap. She spoke so quietly that he could barely hear her even in the stark silence.
"I'd be no good."
"Good at what?"
"At...kids. Not like you."
He paused, confusion tinging his guilt and pain.
"Why do you think that?"
She turned to cover her eyes with her sleeve, gesturing at the photo album.
"Teddy?"
Her voice, still faint, was shot with emotion.
"I'm never there. Always too busy for him. He deserves - sniff -"
Harry lunged right as she burst into tears, pulling Hermione to his chest.
"I'm horrible, Harry! I'm never there, and I can't even play with him right, it's no wonder he always looks for you first, and - sniff -"
Harry held her to him as Hermione lost her voice, shuddering with small sobs. He waited for her to calm before tilting her chin up again.
"Hermione...you were playing with Teddy just this morning. And yesterday. And the day before that, too."
"Yes, but - "
"You keep track of his shots. And get him clothes. And always feed him when we eat."
"Not - "
"And read to him. Not just the bedtime stories, either. I've got photo evidence."
That earned a kind of sobbing laugh from her. She gave him a watery smile, shaking her head.
"Still, I don't go enough."
"Neither do I, Hermione."
She shook her head again. "You go every chance you get!"
"So do you."
She looked up at him, eyes still watery but tinged with a bit of reluctant hope. He could see she was fighting with herself not to believe him.
"Hermione, it's like you said...I don't have to be Remus for him. Well, you don't have to be me for him. You just have to love him in your own way. You do, don't you?"
She nodded slightly, an errant tear slipping down her cheek. He caught it halfway, cupping her face as he thumbed the teardrop away.
"And...do you choose him?"
Hermione exhaled shakily, and he could feel her warm breath tickling his wrist. She shut her eyes and leaned into his touch, pausing before nodding again.
"That's all it takes."
Harry pulled Hermione to him as she fell apart again. He stroked her hair in a gentle rhythm, murmuring quiet assurances in her ear. After a minute, she relaxed and mumbled into his shoulder.
"I'll come with you every weekend, Harry. For Teddy."
"I'd love that. But even if you can't, it's okay. I'll tell him Mama was busy running Hogwarts and setting records on her NEWT scores. He'll understand."
Hermione pulled back, eyes wide with question. Harry gently cupped her face again, trying to pour all of his emotion into the touch.
"He's already chosen you back. Trust me."
Her eyes flickered through a dozen emotions in a second. Hope, guilt, fear, apprehension, yearning...but finally, acceptance. She believed him.
In place of the piercing cold, Harry felt his heart flush with a heady warmth.
This was it. This was the moment. Hermione was with him now, committed to the most important project of their lives. He felt the truth pulse through his veins before settling deep into his bones.
The semper fideles called to him again, but Harry felt no nervousness. Of course he would propose. Maybe tomorrow, maybe in a month. It didn't matter. He would marry Hermione, as surely as the sun would rise in the morning.
Harry turned to sit against the couch again, pulling Hermione close to him as he opened the photo album in his lap.
"Now, show me your favorites. I have a big pile of his pictures too, you know, but I never thought to put them into a nice book like this. Brilliant as always, love…"
Hermione curled into his side, flipping to an earlier page and launching into the tale of how she had knit Teddy his first hat. Harry laid his head on hers, and smiled as she seemed to read his mind. Yes, Teddy really was growing up so fast. He couldn't believe that the boy was almost a year old. It made him all the more excited for the years to come.
The couple sat entwined like that late into the night, swapping stories and admiring pictures of their son.