The day after Halloween was mild and sunny, unusual for this point in the fall when rain showers, mixed with intermittent snowfall were commonplace. However, the air inside Ewen High School had a noticeable chill as Jerry made her way down the hall to her second period study hall. Ever since Monday, she'd noticed more and more eyes on her as she went about her business. She'd thought she was becoming paranoid, but today, the tension from her fellow students was unmistakable. She noticed two girls whispering to each other while looking cautiously over their shoulders at her, and her heart dropped. It was happening again.

She arrived at Mrs. Rossbeck's room, took her seat, and laid down on her desk, her face buried in her folded arms. She's begun to feel ill and thought that closing her eyes would help, but the heat from her breath suffocated her and made her feel worse. With a heavy sigh, she sat back up and grabbed a book out of her bag, hoping to at least get a little reading done for English.

Carrie sat down without any acknowledgement from Jerry, and although this unsettled her, she decided it would be best not to bother her about it. In all likelihood, she thought, it was homework related, in which case, she would need to concentrate. She took her own assignment out and began working on it until she noticed Jerry put her book aside and lay back down on her desk.

"You okay," she asked.

Jerry's fuzzy head shook back and forth in reply.

"Oh." This was all she could think of. She had never before seen Jerry in a state other than that of profound okayness, and the change disturbed her.

She considered her next course of action carefully. From her bag, she removed a small bag of mint candies and held them out towards her despondent desk buddy, nudging her with her knuckles to get her attention.

Jerry raised her head slowly and looked straight through the candies to a spot on the floor. "What's this?"

"Just some mints," said Carrie, softly. "They might make you feel better."

Jerry looked up at her blankly and took the bag. "Thanks," she mumbled, before putting her head back down.

"Wait a second," she said, suddenly sitting back up. "I forgot!" She began rummaging through her bag in search of something. Upon finding it, she turned around and, with a smile, deposited it on Carrie's desk.

"It's some leftover halloween candy. Kids didn't take it all, so we have a ton."

Carrie took it and put it aside. "Thanks," she said. "But," she hesitated, "I thought you were sick."

"Nah, I'm not sick," she replied. "I'm just worried about some stuff."

"Worried," asked Carrie, quizzically.

"Yes, Carrie. I do, occasionally take things seriously enough to worry about them," she replied with an eye roll.

Carrie retreated. "I didn't mean it like that," she said.

Jerry nodded. "I got ya," she said, her demeanor now closer to normal. "Yea, I got some drama to sort out too, as it turns out. Hope you weren't looking for me to be all fun and games."

Carrie shrugged. "I don't really expect much at all," she said. "I just want to make sure you're alright."

Jerry was quiet for a moment. "Well, I wouldn't exactly call everything 'alright,' but thanks… Also…" she let out a heavy sigh. "I want to tell you something."

"Okay."

She took out a piece of paper and began to write on it, pausing here and there to consider a word or phrase, and then continuing on. To Carrie's surprise, it took up a whole page, and then half of the back.

Once she'd finished, she folded it, careful to conceal all of the writing in the folds. "Here," she said, handing it over. "Don't read it until you get home though." As she said this, her mood seemed to drop again, and her eyes turned back to the ground.

"Is it bad," asked Carrie.

"I don't know," she replied. "That's got to be up to you."

Confused by the cryptic nature of the exchange, she simply nodded and placed the note under the cover of her notebook.

She went straight to her room upon arriving home. Her mother had not arrived home from work yet, leaving her free to read the note uninterrupted. She pulled it out from her bag and carefully unfolded it. She squinted at it a bit, as Jerry's handwriting was what many would bluntly refer to as chicken scratch, but she was soon able to make out the note.

So, we've been rather chummy over the last couple of months, and I don't know what you've heard yet, but there is a rumor going around about me. I haven't had anyone confront me about it yet, but I've heard some of the things people say when I walk past them in the hall, and I'm 99% sure I know what's coming. So, I thought that, if you were going to get the story from anyone, it should be me first.

I'm a lesbian.

There. Now you know. And before you ask, no, I'm not into you like that. I just like you as a friend and have no intention of hitting on you or being creepy or anything like that.

Of course, you're at liberty to do what you want with this information. Stop talking to me, take this letter and tape it up in the hallway for everyone to read, whatever. You can't do anything that hasn't already been done.

Of course, I would prefer if you still wanted to be friends, but that's not a call I can make for you. After all, if you were to do so, you'd probably get bullied just for hanging out with me once this shit really gets going, and I don't think you need more of that shit in your life. You have enough to deal with.

I just think you're neat, and I wanted you to know the truth about me before some other bitch put her spin on things. And if today is the last time we talk, I'll at least know why.

This revelation was a bit of a shock, but also somewhat of a relief. In the time between study hall and her arrival at home, her imagination had been going wild over the possibilities of what her friend could have wanted to confess. This was tame in comparison.

She'd heard a few other students at Ewen High described as gay, along with other, less flattering terms, and knew roughly what it meant for Jerry to describe herself as a lesbian. Her knowledge, however, had its limits, since the one and only time she'd ever asked Mama about the topic, she was met with a glare so frightening as to make her regret her inquiry immediately. She was then subjected to a twenty minute sermon and interrogation as to how she came to be familiar with the dreaded subject, followed by thirty minutes of forced prayer, thankfully, not in the closet.

Since then, she'd never really thought much about it. Gay people were always far away, in clubs in big cities, or in communes in the middle of nowhere. Nobody she knew was gay, or at least, nobody that she knew she knew was gay, until now.

She didn't understand what the big deal was. After all, there were so many other things that had at one point received the same vitriol from Mama. Rock music, school dances, summer clothes, almost any aspect of modern teenage life was equally repugnant to her. It was unlikely that Margaret White would have deemed any of Carrie's fellow students pure enough to keep her daughter company, so this particular revelation didn't really seem to matter in the greater scheme of things. Why, she wondered, should this spell the end of their friendship? Who else was she supposed to be friends with, if not Jerry?

She skimmed over the note again. "You can't do anything that hasn't already been done…" She must have lost friends before, and as lively and spontaneous as Jerry was, Carrie couldn't remember a single time where she had spoken to anyone else at school for more than a second.

She was alone.

The thought stuck in her mind, alone, and for the first time, she realized that, more than anybody, Jerry understood her world by virtue of sharing this particular quality with her.

Carrie had to swallow hard to suppress the urge to cry. She didn't want to cry for Jerry, since it just didn't seem appropriate. Still, the urge remained, and wouldn't let up without an interjection of some kind.

"Fuck," she said aloud. Yes, she thought, that is better.

"Fuck," she said again, more defiantly. She didn't know if she could be a good friend, she'd had so little practice, but she knew that she could be a friend of some sort. She smiled at the thought of finally being of some importance to someone her own age.

Downstairs, she could hear the door open. Mama was home. She shoved the note back into her bag and headed downstairs to meet her mother at the door. She'd undoubtedly want her to sit with her while she listened to the vic and talked about the wickedness of her coworkers.

As she sat in her chair sewing, she felt unusually serene. She didn't even mind her mother waxing apocalyptic about the many sins she'd witnessed in town.

She'd get to see Jerry again tomorrow, she thought, and could tell her she wasn't going anywhere. Good. Good.