Author's note: Complete rewrite of the original version I wrote about one year and half ago. I'm gonna add a few more scenes, too.

The story is set somewhere middle/end of season 1, so Clay doesn't feel completely part of Bravo Team Family yet, his relationship with his father is a big mess, and the romance with Stella is solid.

Warning: this story features the theme of suicide.

.

Heavy footsteps echoed through the sleeping base camp as Alpha and Bravo teams paced toward their barracks. Dust caught up in their scraggly beards made the metallic taste in their mouths even worse and lit up their desire of cold beers.

Sonny took off his body armor. "We did it, boys! Last mission of the deployment." He cracked a grin. "It's time to party!"

Bravo Team smiled; they had every intention to make that last hour before the take-off count. Had not been for the pungent odor their bodies emanated, they could almost already savor the air of home.

"Easy there, cowboy!" Jason held a six-pack hostage. "Before you do anything, you need to take a shower."

Silent expectation hovered in the cramped barrack as Bravo waited for the crash to go off. Nobody can get between Sonny and beer, not even Bravo One.

But Jason grinned, throwing Sonny a can. "You stink, man."

"More than usual." At Trent's words, laughs resounded.

"Get that smirk off your face, Ray!" Jason said. "You don't smell any better, and we're not taking a twelve-hour flight with you in those conditions."

More laughs sounded while Sonny sniffed himself and his brother, shrugging at the realization the primary source of the smell was the two of them.

Ray darted a stop-it look at him. "I get it, I get it," he said, lifting his arms defensively. "But next time, it's your turn to hide in the barn with camels, Jace."

Jason grinned. "Not until I'm the boss."

… … …

"Wow, your phone his burning, Romeo!" Sonny craned to take a good peek at the device Clay had laid on the wooden table

-23 missed calls-

All eyes converged on Clay, and while he squinted at the screen, the air filled with the kind of expectation they sensed when they were under heavy fire and the enemy stopped to reload.

"What can I say" —Clay moved a step toward the door, fingers clutched at his phone— "I'm irresistible."

Quickly as it had created, the tension dissipated, and Bravo Team started again to take care of their equipment and more importantly, of their beers.

"Something wrong?" Jason stopped Clay by the doorway.

"I'm gonna find out," Clay said, not looking back.

The warm wind's whistle resounded through the open door, and the smell of sweat and exhaustion took the guy's minds back to dreaming their homes. Concerned looks left space to smiling eyes as Sonny casually made his way to the remaining beers Jason stored aside.

"Shower first!" Jason grabbed the cans right before Sonny's hand landed on them.

Laughs faded in the night as the message in his voice mail made Clay's heart stop.

. . .

Jason approached the lonely figure crouched on the dirt right outside the dorm room. The shadows that his beard and scruffy hair drew on Clay's face under the pale glow of the cell phone's screen underlined the concern in his expression.

"What's up, kid?"

Clay's hands fiddled with the phone while his eyes stared at some undefined point among his feet. Jason's voice could have been just another creepy whistle of the wind.

"Clay." Jason rested a hand on his shoulder. "What's wrong?"

"We're still going home tonight, right?"

Jason shuddered at the unexpected cold draught that seemed to follow Clay's words. "We take off in less than one hour, just as planned." He squinted down at his man; a layer of grim barely hid the pallor of his face. "Talk to me, kid."

Darkness fell as the cell phone screen turned off.

"Did something happen with Stella?"

"Um?" Clay got up and dusted himself off. "She's fine." He glanced around, hearing at the silence hovering. "Where are the guys, shouldn't they pack?"

"Still at the showers. Where you should be too. You really need—"

Clay stepped aside. "I just need to go home."

Jason placed himself in the way before his man could sneak away. Peering through the darkness, his eyes met a gaze devoid of all light. "I know it's about those phone calls. Spit it up, C'mon."

Clay glanced down at his phone. "My mother. She, uh, got into an accident… a, uh, a car crash."

Jason's neck muscle stiffened, and his lips pursed; the image of his wife and kids popped up vividly in his mind. Something happening to a loved one while they were deployed was any operator's worst nightmare.

"Sorry to hear that, kid."

Clay cleared his voice. "She's not good."

Jason patted him on the shoulder. "Hey, if there's anything I can do—"

Clay freed himself from the touch while red eyes ran from eye contact. "I need to collect my things and—" One hand gripped the dorm's doorknob. "See you on the plane."

A SEAL does not shake… Jason's heart clenched as strong as Clay's hand wrapped his cell phone. A voice-mail or a text message were not the best ways to learn something went down at home. But was there ever a good way?

The petty officer's dorm door creaked open under Clay's light push; draught-raised dust made its way inside, preceding Clay's dirty boots.

"Wait."

"Yeah, okay." Clay froze, but didn't look back. "I'm gonna shower."

"Clay, who told you about the accident? These communications usually go through Davis while we're out on the field."

The cell phone's screen turned on, lightening the grim on Clay's face. "My mom's fiancé. He" –Clay snorted— "he never bothered to ask how it works. He probably didn't even know I was deployed."

"You don't seem to like the man very much."

"I don't know him very much. Not at all." Clay shrugged lightly. "I guess he's okay… just…" he grimaced, looking away. "You know, my mom doesn't have the best tastes in men."

The sand carried by the wind irritated their skin while up in the sky, clouds veiled the moon. The obscurity hovering around didn't help Jason decode Clay's already statuary expression.

"I need to finish packing now." Clay stepped a foot in the empty room, switching the light on. Jason's persistent look on the back of his head made him stiffen. "Um, hey." He turned back to his boss. "Can this stay between us?"

Jason stood lips pursed. "Blackburn should know. And Davis, too. She'll help you with the comms while we're on move."

"I'll talk to them, but let the guys out of this, please."

"You know you can always talk to me, to any of us, right?"

Clay's eyes darted at him with apprehension. "I just need to go back home."

. . .

Chuckles and chats filled the runway as sailors and support personnel loaded the back of the plane with bags and pieces of equipment. Absent-mindedly, Clay dumped a case on the metal floor.

"Be careful there, Bam-Bam!" Sonny said, glancing at the beer's refrigerator. "You're transporting the most precious cargo of all."

As those words went from ear to ear, Clay headed off and aimed for another case to transport and secure. He passed by Ray, grazing his shoulder and not bothering to excuse himself. Ray scowled, but when his mouth opened, Jason silently advised him against it. Sonny matched his look, equally apprehensive and confused.

It didn't take long before all was set and everyone was settled and strapped for the take-off. Support personnel was at one extremity; Bravo and Alpha sat across each other.

"Alpha Team owes you a case of beer for being number one for the mission, Adam," Jason smirked at Derek, who was set in front of him.

"And you, Bravo Team, owns Alpha one for saving your asses again!" Derek retorted.

Jason snorted. "That's not how I remember it."

Adam shook his head, his eyes sparkling. "Guys, I really missed this."

"I can bet it, brother!" Ray smiled at him. "But at least all that time babysitting green teamers had not rusted you." He leaned forward to avoid Sonny's head and catch a glimpse on Clay, waiting for him to collect his tease, but he was staring into the distance, hands clutched at his phone.

Adam's eyes shifted across, too, reaching Clay. An air pocket made the plane flinch, waking up even Trent, who usually had the astonishing ability to sleep through storms.

"Yeah," Adam continued, "you would be surprised how those baby frogs keep your mind alert."

Clay turned his head to his mates, faking a weak laugh. "It's not my fault if you can't keep up, gramps."

The atmosphere lightened more once the sailors were given the green light to wander around the plane. Only a few support guys and the napping Trent stayed strapped to their seats while all the others moved to finally put their hands on the so hard dreamed beers. All but Clay, who went straight to place his hammock as far as he could from the commotion.

Jason stared at his young man with his arm crossed and the expression of an apprehensive father on his face.

Adam joined the stare while offering him a beer. "What's wrong with him?"

Bravo members sharpened their ears to catch the conversation, but as no word was pronounced, they gathered around the two. The set of eyes on Clay, who was hidden in the semi-darkness, were starting to be too many to pass unnoticed.

"He's been off since we came back to the base. Something about some phone calls he received I guess," Ray said. "But he doesn't talk."

"Oh, that's weird now," Davis stepped in, a smirk masquerading a severe expression. "A Team Guy who doesn't want to share his feelings. Never heard about it."

She had a point. If there was a thing frogmen were not good at was sharing feelings. And asking for help, too, actually, even when things got serious.

"I tell you what, guys," Sonny said, grabbing two full bottles. "I don't know who the mysterious caller was, but I'm gonna find out."

No one else was as good as Sonny when it came to teasing and bringing a smile on his brother's face, but this time, Jason motioned him not to approach Clay.

"Leave him alone, guys."

"What do you know, Jace?" Ray peered insistently at his statuary expression.

"I know that he doesn't want to share right now."

"He doesn't want to share?" Ray echoed. "And we just stop trying?"

It was apparent Jason knew more than what he was trying to let out, and Bravo's concern for their youngest member conflicted with the trust they had in their boss's judgment.

"Since this is none of your business, Ray," Jason insisted.

"Not our business?" Sonny scowled. "Are you kidding me?"

Jason glanced at Clay, whose eyes were fixed on the plane's ceiling. "Not now," he ordered. "Look, there is no need to make a big deal about it, the kid knows he can talk to us. He will when he's ready." His eyes, as well as all Bravo Team's, briefly shifted to Clay again.

No one dared to ask, "are you sure he does know?" but that thought hovered in the air. Dismay could be breath at full lungs, even though they knew that with another eleven-hour to count before reaching friendly soil, they needed to change the air.

"You heard the boss," Ray said, walking away to join Alpha in the celebration of the end of the deployment.

One last look at Clay's appearance and the orders sounded even crueler to Bravo ears. Being alone didn't seem at all what Clay needed at the moment.

Fortunately, he wasn't alone for real. Cerberus was usually the best at following orders, but this time his furless brother needed him. When no one was paying attention, he sneaked to the hammock and put his snout on Clay's lap, so he had to pet him.

Davis smiled sadly. "At least one of us is allowed to sit with him."

. . .

Two hours into the flight and Davis couldn't bear the sight anymore. After all, she was not a SEAL and didn't have to be under Jason's heel. She approached Clay cautiously even though he was so immersed in his thoughts he would not have heard a bull coming.

"You know it's not gonna ring just because you stare at it, right?" Davis settled on a seat near Clay's hammock and handed him a bottle of water. Cerberus sneaked away, like if he had understood they were gonna have a private conversation.

"Yeah..." Clay turned to her; dark circles marked his pallid face. "You have any news for me?"

She shook her head. "Sorry."

He sat up and stretched his arm to take the water bottle. Davis took advantage of the moment to graze his hand. "I'm sure she'll be alright." She smiled thoughtfully. "If she's strong halves her son is, you have nothing to worry about."

Clay opened and closed the lid without actually drinking. "Strong or not, I wasn't there when she needed me." The bottle crackled in his hands. He laid back on the hammock, eyes to the ceiling. "I did become my father after all…"

"Incidents happen, Clay. You could have done nothing to prevent that car crash."

"What if I did?" His hands gripped his phone tight. "My mom tried to contact me."

Something in his voice made Davis stiffen.

"She tried to tell me that something was wrong—" Clay grimaced. "And I didn't even answer the damn phone!"

His loud tone attracted apprehensive glances on him. He cleared his throat, shaking the attitude off and concentrated on steadying his breath.

A bell rang in Davis's mind. "What do you mean, Clay?" She said as soon as she felt they had some sort of privacy again. "You said your mother had an accident, didn't she?"

Clay's hand scrunched around his phone. "I don't know."

Without looking at Davis, Clay sat straight and then got up. "I need some air."

"You know we're on a plane, right?" As she looked him wandering off, her sad smile faded.

For a good minute, Davis sat alone, tangled by the sensation she was missing some vital information. When she snapped out from her thoughts, Jason was staring at her. He had been secretly peeking at her and Clay for the entire time of their brief conversation. After all, what else would you expect from Bravo One?

He made her a sign to reach him and, from a distance, motioned Adam to do the same. Ray glanced at them but eventually decided the private meeting was not for him.

"What's this about?" Adam said.

"You served with Ash Spenser, right?"

"Clay's father?" Adam's eyebrow raised. "Yeah. Why? Something happened to him?"

The three glanced at Clay, who was now trying, not so successfully, to mix up with the rest of Bravo and Alpha teams.

"What do you know about the ex-wife?" Jason took Adam's attention back to him.

"The kid's mom? Not so much. They were already divorced when I met Ash, and you know how it works with team guys, right?"

Davis crossed Adam's perplexed look.

"Something happened to her?" Adam's eyes shifted instantaneously to Clay, only to come back to Jason with apprehension. "Is that why the kid's so low?"

"Just curious." Jason pressed his lips together, meeting Davis's eyes.

She shifted uneasily. They were not supposed to share those pieces of information with anyone, not even with Clay's ex-instructor, mentor, and family friend.

"Yeah," Adam snorted. "You were randomly curious about Spenser's mother. Right now, on a plane after a successful mission for your team." He stared insistently.

"Alright," Davis stepped in. "I'm too concerned to care about Clay's confidentiality." She turned to Jason.

Adam's puzzled eyes tried to get in their intense game of looks. In the distance, Clay set aside again, petting Cerberus.

Jason gave up, turning to Davis. "What exactly do you know?"

"The little Clay told me." She sighed. "I was barely able to get from him the name of the hospital."

"Hospital?" Frustration drew on Adam's face. "Can you guys fill me in?"

"Clay's mother had a car accident," Davis continued. "The doctors don't want to break the silence on her prognosis."

"Oh, man…" Adam whispered.

Once again, their eyes converged on Clay, who, though, remained unaware. A 'but' or something alike was hovering in the air.

Jason crossed his arms. "What are you not telling us, Davis?"

She shook her head. "Just a feeling."

"Spit it up," Adam ordered as he was talking with one of his recruits.

"It's for something Clay said." Davis lowered her tone. "I think he suspects it was not an accident at all…"

"Are you serious?" Jason's anguished look shifted to Clay, who this time met his eyes.

He knew they were talking about him. The look of betrayal drew on Clay's face at the realization, hardly covering for something else. Could that be shame? More likely guilt and failure, though, just like the three of them felt.

Jason tensed. He was Bravo One, so he should have been able to make his man open up with him. Davis swallowed, knowing she violated his friend's trust. Adam shook his head, sighing. Maybe he could have seen that coming.

"I guess that fits…" Adam's flat voice brought Jason and Davis back from their thoughts. They stared, unsure they heard it right. "It's something that Ash told me back in the days." Adam lowered his tone, and made sure the three of them gave their backs to Clay. "The kid may have his reasons to think of alternative explanations."

Jason darkened. "What do you mean?"

"When Clay told me about his mom being kind of a mess after the divorce, I didn't put things together, but now…"

"You mind articulate?"

"Sorry." Adam slightly shook his head. "Ash told me the divorce was pretty rough. He said Clay's mom started drinking afterward" —he glanced back at Clay, who was once more staring at his phone— "and taking pills."

Jason grimaced. "I didn't know anything about all that."

While the three of them not so secretly watched Clay hiding in his hammock again, Davis stood soundless. She had her secrets, too, but learning such things about a friend in that way was quite shocking.

Adam sighed. "Well, that's not a thing you reveal in a regular conversation with anyone."

"We're not just anyone," Jason grunted, hands scrunched in first.

"You know what I meant," Adam said. "Clay was just a child. I don't even know what he remembers about that time, but I'm sure he's aware his mom was a mess. He told me that was the reason why his maternal grandparents took him away from her. From both his parents."

Defeat hovered in the air.