Kousei stared at the envelope with the kitty sticker holding it closed, Kaori's name written under it.
He was a little curious as to why she had a letter, but then when he turned it around he saw his name on the back.
This sparked his curiosity.
He wasn't sure if Kaori actually meant to send this to him or another Kousei Arima, but he doubts there's another person she knows with that name, it'd be too weird and confusing.
He was curious to the point as to wanting to open it, but he didn't know if Kaori wants him to or not...even though his name is clearly there and all over the back.
See, Kousei was just laying down in Kaori's hospital bed while she went to go practice a little walking with her physician on the rails and turned to his side and slipped his hand under the pillow for more comfort but felt a piece of paper called 'mail'.
So that's where it all led to this.
Kousei was about to slip it back under the pillow, despite his brain having different thoughts, but he heard the door open and in came Kaori with her physician. Kousei, being alerted, quickly shoved the envelope into the pocket of his blazer and made sure it wasn't sticking out before pretending he was just sitting there, staring out the window like Kaori does.
"Okay, thank you. I think I can handle it from here."
"Are you sure, Miyazono?"
Kousei turned his head to barely catch Kaori nod and stumble toward him.
"Y-yeah. I'm sure…"
Kousei noticed how she was struggling a little so he quickly got out of the bed and went over to help her before she fell to the ground.
"Okay then, call if you need help." The physician smiled at the two and closed the door, leaving the two alone with the outside world seeping through the large window pane.
After a couple seconds of silence, Kousei asked, "Can you stand?"
Kaori, not wanting to feel weak, nodded and used Kousei's shoulders to help her stand, but she couldn't make it halfway before collapsing and falling onto the floor again, gripping Kousei's sleeves and feeling him tighten his arms around her subconsciously.
Kaori chuckled dryly and said, "Seems like I can't…" The blonde-haired teen tried once more but Kousei didn't let her by saying, "Wait, Kaori...I-I'll help...just hold on and don't let go, okay?"
Kaori let out a little laugh while she gripped Kousei's upper-arms as they both slowly stood up. "You make it sound like we're in the Titanic."
Kousei, deciding to try and make the day a little brighter, laughed a little as well. "You're right, but luckily...no one is dying! R...right?"
Kaori thought Kousei looked a little adorable when worried so she flashed him a smile and nodded. "Right! Now, all sad stuff aside, let's get up!"
As Kousei tried to help Kaori up, he couldn't help thinking...that she isn't as light as before...and that reassured him a little more.
Once they were up and walking, Kaori spoke up.
"Hey, Kousei. Once I'm able to walk on my own a little better...can you promise me that we will play together again, as one?" Kaori sat down on the edge of her bed with Kousei's help and stared at him with longing her eyes. Kousei ignored that bit.
"Um…" Kousei looked down to the ground and bit his lower lip.
What if she collapses again? I wouldn't be able to handle all that again… But...this is Kaori. She's strong and brave and careless but beautiful and wonderful all the same...so...maybe she'll not. And besides—Kousei looked up and stared right back into her bright, blue eyes—she said she's all right. So I'm going to believe you, Kaori. Kousei slowly grinned, his eyes slowly shining with a glint of longing like hers, but he wasn't aware of it.
"I hereby promise you, Kaori Miyazono, that when you leave this hospital with more stability we'll have an adventure you'll never forget."
Kaori's eyes widened and she broadly grinned before abruptly surprising Kousei by flinging herself forward to hug his waist, burying her face in his chest.
"Thank you, Kousei!" She let out a joyous laugh that Kousei couldn't get out of his mind.
Kousei smiled and hesitantly wrapped his arms around her, gently, and patted the back of her head with a hand.
Don't worry—Kaori was gonna let go but Kousei tightened his hold on her and leaned down so he could hug her more properly, hiding his almost-tearful eyes behind her with her chin was on his shoulder—I am not going to let you down.
~0000~
"Mr. Arima?"
Kousei turned his head around at the sound of the nurse opening the door and calling his name and said, "Yes?"
"Your visiting hours are over, I'm afraid to tell you it's time to go home." The nurse pursed her lips and nodded her head in farewell before leaving the room and closing the door.
The black-haired teen pursed his lips in disappointment and sighed through his nose, looking back to Kaori, who looked a little sad as well about his departure.
"Well, seems like I gotta go now." Kousei stood up from his chair and turned to Kaori one more time before he had to leave. "I'll come by tomorrow… A-and I can bring Tsubaki and Watari with me too...if...if they want to."
Kaori sighed but then she smiled sweetly and nodded. "Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow."
Kousei sent her a tight-lipped smile and turned around to walk out the door, but Kaori wanted to remind Kouse of one more thing before he left.
"Kousei?"
At the sound of his name again, he turned around with his hand on the handle. "Hm?"
"Don't forget that promise. Promise?"
Kousei smiled and nodded. "Promise. See you tomorrow now."
Kaori raised her hand and waved. "Bye bye!"
Kousei slid the door closed and left Kaori in her room, alone with the lights out her window to accompany her.
"See you tomorrow…" Kaori sighed once more, deciding to get some sleep after some time and turned off the lamp beside her.
"Goodnight...Kousei." Kaori closed her eyes to slip into a blissful dream.
But when she slipped her hand under her pillow, her eyes shot open and she quickly sat up to move the pillow out of the way. And just as she suspected, the letter was gone.
~0000~
Should I open it...or should I not?!
Kousei kept having a fight with himself about whether to open the envelope or not, but more of him has been saying 'yes' rather than 'no'.
With all the stress over one little piece of mail, Kousei fell onto his bed and groaned in tire, taking off his glasses and setting them aside to rub his eyes. He blinked a couple times before staring at the ceiling of his room, thinking about what he might have coming tomorrow.
This is too crazy…
Kousei sighed and curled onto his side in a fetal position and fiddled with his glasses.
What could you have left in there for me?
Kousei, deciding to finally open the envelop, sat up and reached for the envelope that was still in his blazer that he still has on and took it out, staring at its slightly crumpled form before opening it.
Please don't be anything negative.
Glasses let out a huge breath and leaned against the wall behind his bed.
Here I go…
Kousei started to read the heading, quietly aloud to himself: "Dear Kousei Arima…"
It feels weird writing a letter to someone you were just with a few moments ago...
You're an awful person.
Indecisive. Gullible. Dummy.
Kousei stared at the letter with a furrowed brow, thinking: What?
He continued on.
The first time I ever saw you was when I was five… It was at a recital for the piano school I was going to. This awkward, clumsy kid came onto the stage and accidentally hit the piano stool with his behind, it drove the audience to laughter. It was too funny. He turned to the piano that was way too big for him and the moment he played that first note, he became the object of my admiration.
The sound was beautiful, like a 24-colour palette. The melodies danced.
Kousei felt a small smile appear on his face, he didn't know Kaori knew him for that long...
I was totally surprised when the kid next to me started crying.
Kousei's expression turned to one of confusion.
And yet, you quit playing the piano. After influencing my life the way you did… How awful is that?
The young teen wasn't sure whether to feel sad or honored.
Awful! Slowpoke! Dummy!
Kousei rolled his eyes playfully; back to this again.
When I found out we were going to the same middle school, I was elated.
How could I have found a way to talk to you? Maybe I'll go buy sandwiches everyday?
But, in the end...all I could do was watch you. After all, you guys were all too tight. There wouldn't have been any space for me to slip into.
Kousei felt some hot tears build up in his eyes but he blinked them back and continued.
I had surgery as a child, and then got treated regularly as an outpatient. After I collapsed in 7th grade, I was in and out of the hospital repeatedly. I started spending more time in than out. I was hardly ever in school by then.
No wonder I haven't seen you at school before…Kousei thought. He absently scratched his head in guilt, guilt for being oblivious all these years.
I knew that I wasn't very well. One night...when I saw my mother and father crying in the hospital waiting room, I realized that I didn't have much time.
Kousei's mouth fell open a little. You knew all this time?!
That was the moment that I...broke into a run.
I started doing whatever I wanted, so I wouldn't being my regrets with me to heaven. Those contact lenses that scared the heck out of me. Eating a whole cake, which I'd never done before because I worried about my weight. Even the music scores that bossed me around so haughtily...I played them my way.
Kousei let out a small chuckle pass through his parted lips, thinking: No wonder you're so careless. But he then remembered that one little sentence.
Wait, she wears glasses?! Kousei looked up to the ceiling and squinted his eyes. This changes some things.
And then...I just told a single lie.
"Eh?" Kousei stared at that one sentence, but continued...wanting to know what that lie was. He didn't know she'd lie...especially to him… Well, she lied about staying alive, but that's different...since she's alive now.
Kaori Miyazono likes Ryota Watari.
Kousei widened his eyes so wide that his eyelashes passed the rim of his glasses.
"WHAT?!"
"KOUSEI SHUT UP!"
Kousei turned his head and looked out his window to see Tsubaki glaring at him.
SHE HAS A WINDOW THERE TOO?!
"S...sorry!" Kousei gave her an apologetic look, noticing how her hair was messy from just waking up.
"Why'd you even scream?!" Tsubaki questioned.
"How'd you even get to the window that fast?!"
Tsubaki narrowed her eyes, making a face that seemed like she was saying Really? "Your noisy as hell yell made me!"
Kousei gasped playfully. "Language!"
"Since when did you care about language?!" Tsubaki questioned once again.
"Since now!"
"KIDS GO TO BED!"
Kousei jumped at Tsubaki's mom's yell and placed the letter down to quickly close his window—he doesn't even know why or how it was open—and grinned cheekily to Tsubaki before shutting his curtain, huffing, and going back to his previous position.
"That was crazy… Well," Kousei picked the letter back up, "back to here."
Kousei found his place and read over the one sentence that caused the ruckus and was still baffled, but he just sighed and slid down so he slumping against the wall. He continued to read.
That was the lie I told. And that lie...would brought before me Kousei Arima. It brought you to me.
Kousei was even more baffled. Why would she want to get closer to me? Maybe somewhere later in the letter she will reveal that reason why.
Please tell Watari that I'm sorry. I guess it won't be long for Watari to forget all about me.
"Huh?" Kousei rose an eyebrow.
As a friend, he's a fun guy, but I'd rather have someone more intense.
"More intense- what?" Kousei was confused. "But at least it makes more sense about what happened earlier…"
Also...please tell Tsubaki that I'm sorry too. I'm just someone who's passing through, who'll be gone.
No...you're not gone...you won't be anymore, you promised, Kousei thought.
I didn't want to leave an awkward mess behind, so I couldn't ask Tsubaki. Or rather just straight-up ask her, "Please introduce me to Arima." I don't even think Tsubaki would've been okay with that.
Kousei's lip stuck out in a small pout. "I...if I'd known you existed and were Tsubaki's friend I would've accepted... Why...why wouldn't Tsubaki accept if you asked to see me?"
After all, Tsubaki is crazy about you! We'd all known that for a long time. The only ones who didn't know were you...and Tsubaki.
Kousei widened his eyes again for the second time that night. "Wha...WHAT?!"
"OH MY GOD KOUSEI!" Kousei heard Tsubaki's muffled scream come from outside his shut window.
"She...she likes me?" Kousei couldn't believe it, so he just brushed it off as a little lie, but he knew Kaori wouldn't lie about anything like that...even if she did lie about her liking Watari. And he remembers that day at the vending machine when it started to rain but he didn't know that she actually...loved him...
"I...I…" Kousei let out a heavy breath and set the letter aside, standing up and walking to the bathroom to dump his face in cold water to make sure he wasn't: 1) dreaming; 2) imagining things.
"This can't be true, this can't be true, this can't be true!" Kousei slammed the bathroom door open and went to the bathtub to turn on the faucet on high and on cold and covered the drain and paced around before going down and shoving his face in the water, internally screaming at the freezing cold.
The young man gasped once he surfaced and breathed heavily while quickly grabbing a towel that was on a rack beside him and held it to his face to warm it up a bit, which was working for a moment until he felt his face numb.
"Ow." Kousei moved the towel away from him and stared at the still water before straightening his back and turning his head to look at the mirror; the tip of his nose was red and his eyes showed a hint of drowsiness.
"What a look," he mumbled to himself, sighing and reaching into the water to reach for his glasses, noting that his sleeve got wet so he has to dry it later.
He slid the black-rimmed glasses back on and drained the water before standing back up and walking to his room again.
I'm pretty sure that's not gonna be the only surprise that's to come...I was probably just exaggerating about that one little detail.
~0000~
The "you" that my underhanded lie brought to me wasn't who I'd imagined.
What do you mean 'wasn't who I'd imagined'? Kousei decided to sit in his piano room and read the letter there, his room was got too hot in the past minutes. He was changed out of his suit and he's just in some black shorts and blue t-shirt. The moonlight seeped through the curtains.
You were more negative and passive than I thought, not to mention stubborn, relentless, and a camera voyeur.
Kousei's eyes widened a bit at this sentence, but he continued to move his eyes along with the text.
Your voice was lower than I thought, and you were more manly that I thought. And you were...just as gentle as I thought…
Kousei's eyes lowered and he furrowed his brow and smiled slightly.
The river was so cold and felt so good when we jumped off Courage Bridge, wasn't it?
Kousei smiled a little more sensually and nodded, responding to the writing.
The round moon peeking into the music room looked like a delicious manju bun.
When we raced that train, I really thought we could win.
It was fun singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star together under the shining stars, wasn't it? There's just something about school at night, right?
Kousei felt tears threaten to come out his eyes, it sure was fun. And to just think that if Kaori did die while he was reading this made his chest feel like it was going to explode if it got any tighter.
Don't you think snow looks just like cherry blossom petals?
To be so consumed by everything off-stage when I'm a musician...that just doesn't make sense, does it?
Kousei inhaled and closed his eyes, like he could just hear Kaori reading this to her...like he memorized this letter by heart just by looking at it.
Isn't it funny how the most unforgettable scenes can be so trivial?
Kousei smiled and shook his head. That's not true.
He can almost hear her say, "What about you? Was I able to live inside someone's heart?"
Kousei furrowed his brow and sighed, opening his eyes to stare at the ceiling. This hurt way too much. But, he's going to answer, as if she's really gone and he's speaking to her. "Yes, you were."
Was I able to live inside your heart?
"You barged right in without taking off your shoes…"
Do you think you'll remember me at least a little?
"If I ever forgot you, you know you'd come back to haunt me."
You better not hit reset!
Kousei chuckled. "As if I ever would."
Don't forget me, okay?
This is totally hopeless and painful, talking to a friend who's not even in the same room as me...but...I'm just reassuring her and myself that I will never forget her… Kousei looked back down to the paper."Okay."
That's a promise, okay?
This is vaguely reminding me of the time before I left her room… Kousei smiled to himself, and at the voice he can faintly hear. "Okay."
I'm glad it's you after all.
Will I reach you? I hope I can reach you.
Kousei felt tears brimming his eyelids. "You've reached me more than I could remember."
Kousei Arima…
I love you.
I love you.
I love you!
Kousei was shocked, he wanted to yell, but instead...a tear managed to free from his eye and land on the piece of paper. I…
Sorry I didn't finish all the canelés. Sorry I hit you so much. Sorry I was such a brat. Sorry a million times over…
Thank you.
- Kaori Miyazono
Kousei couldn't move. He couldn't breath properly. His eyes were fogging up, his glasses were unable to see through.
"I…" That was when, Kousei broke down the second time that day.
He couldn't believe that this is what he would've have been given if Kaori hadn't survived the surgery, if she was confirmed to not have made it and he read the letter, it would have had more of an impact...but...at the same time...it was all the same. It still hurt. It hurt like never before.
"Kaori Miyazono…" Kousei smiled weakly and he wiped his eyes with the back of his hand as he put the letter down to take off his glasses and stare off out the window, looking to the sky.
"I love you too."
Hi! Oh my god, this was a hard chapter to make. Not was it only long, it was also hard to try and put feeling and emotion into this, and to also try to add some humor or keep them in character.
I had to rewatch the last episode to get some of the letter since I don't remember all the words and it hurt, dearly. But, I'm glad to finally get this done. Took me three days.
I hope you guys liked it, it would've been out earlier if school wasn't in the way. Can't wait till Spring Break. And considering 7th grade is getting harder makes it harder to write.
Sorry if this chapter wasn't all the good and if I made them OOC, I tried my hardest and gave it my all. I'm very passionate about these things, mainly YLiA so I'm trying to live up to it.
Thanks for reading, till next chapter :D