Philia part III

Selina watched over her daughter sleep, and marvelled over the miracle she is. Her full head of dark hair, delicate paper-like still wrinkled skin, the eyes, now closed, she knows, are still misty blue, and although Alfred told her most baby eyes change colours she hopes the blue hue will remain.

'What will you call her?' Asked Barbara leaning on the crib next to Selina, she smoothed away some imaginary wrinkles on the baby's blanket.

'Helena.' Told Selina, caressing her daughter's soft rosy cheek with the tip of her fingers.

'Helena? Where did you get that from.'

'A Portuguese painter.' When Selina got too heavy to move around the rebuilding Gotham, she had decide to get some proper education now she was to be a mother. She enrolled herself in distance education courses, and found out most of the stuff she otherwise would find boring was actually interesting when she didn't have to worry so hard about her next meal. But it took a fair amount of time and persuasion, and a lot of nagging for her to get to the point that she had to accept that she needed help and that there was people willing to take care of her.

And although she really hated math, she got really interested in art despite having no talent of herself, she had made some awful watercolours before deciding that she liked more knowing about art than doing art. It was weird to get to that conclusion because never before she had been better in knowing than doing.

'Helena Wayne,' Barbara stated, 'it has a nice ring.'

'Helena Kyle.' Selina corrected her, annoyed, she was so tired of that stupid conversation but Barbara wouldn't let it go, even Alfred wasn't pushing her anymore in that aspect. He had found no trace of Bruce whatsoever and even tough Selina knew he would never give up hope and stop searching, he talked about Bruce each day less. She knew he was bottling it up, and burying himself under his work on the reconstruction of the Manor, but she just didn't have remaining energy or will at all to try to talk to him about it. She had a new baby to worry about. Bruce left, he left. He chose to leave. One day Alfred would have to get over it.

'You seriously will never tell her? What will you say to her in a few years? Because she will ask.'

Selina took a deep breath.

'I'll have a few years to come up with something then, won't I? Stop nagging me about it!'

'Geez, temper! Go to sleep, your affliction is exhaustion, and you heard Lee, you should sleep while she is asleep too.'

That was Barbara now, mom Barbara, annoying as hell mom Barbara. As usual the power went to her head. But unlike when she was a crime lady, she usually meant well.

'I'm not sleepy. Where is Babs? She's nicer to talk than you.'

Barbara Lee's vocabulary consisted in basically four works: 'mama'; 'wee', for Lee; 'wina', for Selina and 'no'. And she mostly used the last one. No 'dada' yet to Gordon's greatest grief.

'She's still at Jim's. I thought it was better having just one baby in the house for the first days.'

'Barbara… You didn't have to…'

'Oh, don't be silly. And it's not a favour, you are paying me back later.'

Selina snorted.

'Of course.'

ooo

The years that went by made changes not only in Selina's life but also in Gotham herself. With Lucius Fox as its designer, Gotham now was technological marvel even if it had kept its gothic aesthetics. You could see the clash between chromed skyscrapers and centenary gargoyles on the same street. By Helena's second birthday the Mansion was up again, Alfred made various invites to Selina to move in with the toddler, but she refused. She was finishing her high school degree and working at an internship in one of the new opened galleries opened by Barbara's old contacts that decided to return to the city.

When Helena was five and started kindergarten they moved from Barbara's to a small studio apartment on East End. By then, Selina had returned to work with the underbelly of the Gotham, but now she didn't go to small stuff, she made enough on her day job to feed herself and her daughter, but she didn't want to let the label of young struggling mother to define her, and she had a real talent, why not use it?

Each job made her name climb higher on the art world scene as a notorious thief. It made her feel proud of who she was. Of course, it wasn't something she could share with her kid, but she liked to have something for herself. She loved Helena, so much she never thought it was possible to love someone like that, but she wouldn't be the kind of woman that the only thing she valued in life was motherhood.

One night she was coming back from a job when she heard screams and found a cop trying to rape a small mouse-haired teenager girl. After saving the girl, almost killing the cop, and promising to make Jim Gordon's life hell until his trashy employee was locked in Blackgate to rot, she decided to take Holly in. How couldn't she? It was stupid, another mouth to feed, and a strange person in her house when she was so used to be just her and Helena, but it was also nice to have someone that understood how her life used to be. It was even nicer to show Holly that things could be different.

And life with a traumatized fourteen years old and a bubbly five years old could be eventful. Helena fell in love with Holly instantly, trying to copy the older girl's every move to the point of being annoying. Holly tried to be kind to Helena, especially in the beginner days when she was terrified to do something wrong and be thrown in the streets again. But a year later she was comfortable enough to tell Helena to shut up when she would talk non-stop during a movie session or call her out when she touched her stuff without permission. But the girls usually would get along well, sometimes too well to Selina's liking. If she thought that Holly would always take her side for feeling that she owed her forever, she had fooled herself. Between Selina and Helena it was pretty clear with whom Holly's loyalty lied with.

Selina didn't mind as much as she pretended to. In truth, between her dangerous live and all tragedy that she had endured and seen over the years, the knowledge that her daughter had so many people that loved her and would take care of her if something happened to Selina helped her to sleep at night.

ooo

When Helena was six she asked Selina the first time. She knew Alfred and others have been telling her stories about Bruce since the beginning, she never forbade it in first place, but Helena had never asked her directly before.

'Your daddy left, kitten.'

'To where?'

'I don't know.'

'He didn't want to be with us?' Helena eyes were wide with tears, they became green around her fourth birthday, a little darker than Selina's and with blue and golden specs, they were the most beautiful eyes Selina had even seen. She even commissioned a portrait from her favourite forger.

Selina heart broke and the old pain came back, aching and still very much alive.

'He didn't know about you. He left before I found out.'

'Why didn't he come back?'

Selina gathered her daughter in her arms pressing her small soft body close to hers, Helena smelt like baby lotion and cookies, Selina breathed in sighing.

'I don't know, baby, I don't know.'

She felt such a failure in those moments, mommy should know everything.

ooo

Batman made his debut when Helena was almost ten.

Selina knew exactly who he was. No one else would be that ridiculous or dramatic. His mask had bat ears. It was plain stupid. Yes, her costume had ears too, but hers were tasteful and sexy. Bat ears. Batman. What a nerd.

Yep, I'm ending this chapter here. Insert evil laugh

Lot of telling not showing in this one, but it I had to show all that I told you it would take foreeeeeeeeeeeeveeeeeeer.

I think you noticed this story changed its tone a bit, no more angsty stuff, that was the plan, things get better as time goes by. But I did let some upsetting stuff out concerning Holly because I didn't want to deal with that.

Well, this is it for today. Again, thank you so much for the kudos and bookmarks, extra thank you for the people commenting you have NO IDEA of how that helps. Especially in times like these.

Keep taking care of yourselves.