You rock gently back and forth in the hammock in your back yard, looking out over the marsh as the sun begins to set. You had been there when JJ had taken the fall for Pope when the cops came to arrest him for sinking Topper's boat.
"He'll be ok," Kie told you. But you knew his dad would be furious.
You and JJ had barely been together a year, but you've known him so much longer. He had told you of the countless times his dad had abused him, both mentally and physically. You had shared sleepless nights together trying to help him after, particularly bad episodes. You knew him well enough to know that your home out in the marsh was his only safe space away from it all.
So you waited, watching as the clouds fly by in the wind.
.00
After a little while, you can hear the sound of a dirt bike in the distance. You slowly get up out of the hammock, and turn just in time to see JJ as he hastily rides in. He has a gym bag and his backpack with him. You start to make your way over to him. Once he turns the bike off, he scans the yard for you. His gaze meets yours, and he drops his stuff to the ground in a defeated heap. You can see how puffy his eyes and face is. You run the short distance you have left between you two, and envelop him in a tight hug. You can feel as he quickly wraps his arms around your waist, holding you as if he was scared of losing you the minute he eventually let's go.
"Can I stay here for a bit?" he whispers into your neck, where he has hidden his face.
"Of course," you say. "You are always welcome here," you reassure him.
"Thank you," he mumbles.
"Let's go sit down, we can watch the sunset," you suggest. You feel as he nods his head, and you lead the both of you back over to your hammock.
You gently sit back down in the hammock, and JJ curls into your side immediately. He still hasn't let go of you.
"Do you wanna talk about it?" you whisper to him as you look out over the water.
"He just…." you can feel as he starts to shake while recalling his father's abuse.
"The second we got in the car," he takes a deep breath in. "He punched me, I was pressed so far into the door that I couldn't move and-" JJ breaks down at the recollection. As he sobs you squeeze him tightly, gently rubbing your hand up and down his side.
"It only got worse when he got home," you can feel as his breathing becomes shallower.
"He started drinking more, and the more he drank the worse it got-" he stops abruptly when a cried wracks through his whole body.
"I'm here, I'm here," it rolls off your tongue like a mantra. His grip on you tightens as you slowly move your hands up to pet his head.
"I held the gun to his head," JJ says. "But I couldn't do it, I just couldn't" he cries.
"It's ok JJ, everything is gonna be ok," you reassure him. "Where is the gin now?" you ask hesitantly.
"It's in the waistband of my pants," he says.
"Can I have it please?" you ask him quietly. "I don't want you to hurt yourself with it," you tell him. He nods his head in response. You lift up his shirt enough to see the waistband of his shorts, you can just barely see the end of the gun as it sticks out his pants. You slowly pull it from his waist.
"JJ, you gotta let go of me for a minute," he reluctantly lets you go.
You stand up and walk over to the edge of the marsh. It clicks in JJ's brain what you are about to do, and he rushed to his feet to stop you. But he was too late, you threw the gun as far as you could into the marsh.
"Y/n what the hell!" he shouts at you. He runs past you trying to enter the marsh trying to retrieve the gun, but you grab him by the waist in an attempt to stop him.
"I didn't want you to do something stupid JJ! I love you," you let JJ go after realizing what you just confessed. He stumbles to the ground, quickly turning over to face you.
You both take a minute to catch your breaths, as you both come to terms with what you said.
"You- You love me?" he questioned.
"Yes," you sigh. "I've loved you for a long time," you confess. There is a tense silence that settles between you, as you wait for JJ to respond.
"Y/n…. I- I- love you too, but I'm broken, I'm not worth loving," he says.
"JJ, you are not broken," you state. You push yourself to your feet and walk over to help him up.
"You are just bruised." you grab him by the face and make him look down at you.
"And you are worth loving." you place a gentle kiss to his lips, as he wraps his arms back around your waist.
"I'm in for the long haul now babe," you tell him as you rest your foreheads together.
"Thank you, for everything," he whispers to you. "I don't know what I'd do without you."
"I'll always be here for you JJ, you can count on me."