He didn't know what had happened to him, but he tried really hard to figure it out.
Ralph mostly thought about it for the next few days, but nothing came to him. He'd literally had an erection when Merridew started strangling him.
Did that mean he liked being strangled? That didn't make any sense. Why would he like something like that? Why would anyone like something like that?
The fair boy had fretted over this and reached the conclusion that he had only been tired and confused. Those were the last days of September, he wasn't still entirely accustomed to the scholarly schedule yet, and Merridew's gang had also ambushed him too quickly. That was the only rational explanation that Ralph could come up with.
But what wasn't rational was his own behavior when Merridew interacted with him in the following days. Of course Merridew was his usual self, with his smug and cocky attitude, despite that Ralph believed he would have changed his behavior as well, after what had happened. But it didn't. What changed was Ralph's reaction toward Merridew's provocations and mocking remarks.
The fair boy usually retorted calmly or in the same sarcastic manner when Merridew attacked him. This time, he couldn't help the anxiety that overcame him. It was like he couldn't stop his limbs that had slight tremors, his stomach that tightened in a horrifying, painful knot, and the small drops of sweat that trailed down his forehead and down the back of his neck.
It was mostly the fear that his body would have another reaction like the last one around another bloke or around Merridew himself again, and everyone would see it and realize he was attracted to blokes. Ralph still couldn't accept that crushing truth in its entirety, he still hoped that reaction had just been something random, the reason of never having any relationship or sexual interaction of any sort, and being so physical with another person had just woken up some yearnings, despite that the physical interaction had been a violent fight with another boy.
And not just another boy. Ralph thought in bitterness. Bloody Merridew.
He couldn't understand why Merridew hadn't tattled on him until then, given that it would have been typical for the arsehole. In any other circumstances, he would have believed Merridew was a quite nice bloke deep down inside, if Ralph had been any other person. But he wasn't. He knew Merridew, he knew what an evil bastard he was and what he was capable of. Perhaps he just waited for the right time to strike. The more Ralph thought about it, the more sense it made.
That was another reason why he had the permanent fear around Merridew, couldn't respond to his insults anymore, and tried to avoid him as much as possible. Because Merridew had found the perfect advantage over him, and it was an advantage that would have helped him get his revenge. Ralph still thought what the revenge was for more specifically, he had thought about it all those years, because it didn't make sense that Merridew would still be angry about the reason from the first grade. But nothing was certain when it came to the tosser.
Ralph tried to ignore Merridew's attacks, but of course this tactic brought more of the Merridew torment upon him. Even worse, the professor suddenly decided after all these years to move Merridew next to him, because he'd finally 'had enough with all the drama and wanted to teach them a lesson and make them get along once and for all'. Ralph wondered if that professor had lived in a cave for all his life, because he didn't apparently realize that the idiotic solution would bring even more chaos between two people who loathe each other.
"Mr. Merridew, since you like Mr. Foley so much and continuously desire to get his attention, why don't you move next to him?"
Laughter rippled through class as both Merridew and Ralph paled and remained like two logs. The professor repeated his order, and of course there had to be a loud protest from Merridew's side, which fueled the professor even more.
"And you'll always sit like this in my class. Plus, you'll do all the collective assignments together from now on. Mr. Merridew, I believe you can break up with Mr. Black for at least an hour a week."
Ralph groaned as Merridew reddened in anger and grumbled, before he stood up and carried his belongings as loudly and rudely as possible, even intentionally dropping some of them on the way and slowly bending to retrieve them just to be a pill, which earned him other furious remarks from the professor and snickers from the other boys.
Simon looked at the fair boy apologetically, "I'm sorry, Ralph." The small boy spoke with regret, then gathered his own things and went to move next to Black, but not before Merridew bumped into him and made him drop his books on the floor.
"That's it!" The professor snapped at the end of his patience. "Just move already or you will get detention!"
Merridew grinned satisfied with all the ruckus he had caused, before he violently propped himself in Simon's chair and Ralph cringed, thinking for a second that he had broken it.
The fair boy turned and severely tried to ignore him again, as he intended to look anywhere except to his left. He felt his anxiety overcoming him again and started tapping his foot in restlessness, concentrating on what the professor was saying.
Then he felt a tap on his shoulder. Ralph turned toward Peter, but the plump boy was intensely focused on the lesson and the fair boy frowned when he realized Merridew was attempting to pull a scheme on him. Ralph wasn't going to give him the satisfaction. He arranged his features into a serene expression as if nothing had happened and kept looking forward. Of course, he knew that if he continued ignoring him, it would be worse, which was exactly what happened.
In the next few minutes, he felt as if he was going to boil inside as Merridew carried on with tapping his shoulder. He even intentionally touched Ralph's hair at certain points, making the fair boy tremble in anger. He breathed in deeply, trying to stop himself from lounging at Merridew. It would have got both of them in trouble and Ralph didn't want to have another physical fight with Merridew, not then and especially not in front of the whole class.
When Ralph thought that he had stopped, a small piece of paper ended up on his desk, and the fair boy tried to ignore it, but the bastard started poking his shoe with his own.
"Pst. Foley. Open it."
Ralph exhaled in a long breath and threw an irritated look at a grinning Merridew, before he reluctantly unfolded the small paper.
'You look quite nice today, Foley. How's it down there?'
The fair boy felt the color drain from his face as he heard low snickering coming from the bastard. That was the first time Merridew was bringing it up and he didn't want to respond to this. He didn't even want to be reminded of it, and Ralph pondered the thought of actually not answering, but it might have been worse. The arsehole could have said it out loudly, if Ralph didn't cooperate, and the whole class could have heard it.
He just released a long breath then wrote his acidic reply. Two could play that game.
'I don't know, Merridew. Why don't you check it out for me?'
He almost smiled when he saw Merridew's smug grin somewhat fading.
'Why would I check it out? I'm not eager for it like you are.'
The fair boy's face almost exploded in embarrassment and anger. He didn't understand too much what 'it' was more exactly. He had an idea though, and he wrote back viciously and tremulously.
'I wouldn't be so sure. After all, you enjoyed it almost as much as me.'
This time Merridew wasn't smiling anymore, and Ralph felt the pleasant sensation of a small victory surge through his veins.
'My prick wasn't the one that was desperate for some adventure, sunshine.'
Ralph almost dropped the paper. He discretely looked around in panic that someone might have seen what Merridew had written, but the class was the same. No one tried to peek on them. Drops of sweat trickled down his temples as he threw Merridew a murderous look, and Merridew's grin bloomed for the umpteenth time. Honestly, Ralph was quite sick of that grin.
'And I wasn't the one who humped another bloke in the middle of the street.'
He was getting into perilous territory and he was aware of it. If Merridew's rage blew out, a catastrophe would ensue. And not any catastrophe. It was one that would have put an end to him.
Merridew didn't seem too angry though. Instead, he strangely furrowed his brow as he intensely glanced one last time at Ralph. Shivers prickled the fair boy's back, a sensation similar to the one that he'd had a few days ago, after their fight. It was the stare that lacked the irony and the passive aggressiveness specific to Merridew.
It was unsettling, if he was to be honest, and the fair boy frowned, before he turned and tried to dismiss Merridew for the rest of the class. He still couldn't concentrate on the professor's sayings though, his mind constantly flying to that disastrous day and particular event, the painful anxiety bothering him once more.
Which led to other, older events and finally ended on one certain moment from the fair boy's past.
Ralph was aware that he had always preferred the company of same-sex people, especially when it came to his peers. The reason for that was that every lass that he'd tried to befriend eventually got a fancy for him, which prevented any friendship that could have formed.
He remembered the first time that had happened to him. His parents had tried to get him closer to a girl his age when he was eight, and the girl had been eager to play romantic scenes with him in front of the parents and she had even had a minor fancy for him at the time, despite that Ralph couldn't have been more indifferent toward her. Naturally, he'd had a small interest toward the girl's attempts at friendship at first, but he immediately turned cold, once he realized both hers and their parents' intentions.
They were eight and the couple image was only meant for theatrics, but his eight years old version couldn't have been more utterly disgusted at the perspective of ever being with a girl. He had never thought about being with a bloke either, and when he heard the twins or other boys talk about shameful subjects like masturbation or female body parts, he was always left cold.
Like any other adolescent boy, Ralph had occasional erections and took care of them in the classical way. But he had never thought about anything in particular while doing it, he just saw them as mere biological problems that had to be solved. He even believed there was something wrong with him at one point, but eventually renounced at meditating upon it.
But never, in his entire life, had he considered the idea of actually fancying blokes. Not until the fateful day.
The deep fear fluttered beneath his exterior, raw, mild panic consuming and twisting his mind, as the realization dawned on him. He fancied blokes. He liked his own sex in a world where something like that was forbidden and punished in every possible manner. They locked, tortured, even murdered people for this very reason and here he was, at the hands of his most hated enemy,who possessed this fatal information about him.
A keen sense of awareness wrapped around him, awareness of the fact that he had to act according to Merridew. He was at his hand, now more than ever, he had to respect and stand whatever the evil git pleased. If Merridew told him to kiss his feet, Ralph would have to do it, because otherwise his life would be destroyed.
The fair boy clenched his fist only at the simple thought that he had to bend to the devil himself, intense fury clawing at his insides, but he tried to calm himself. He had to stay in control and not punch Merridew right then and there.
It was odd though how he had never felt any attraction toward any other bloke apart from Merridew. If he had, he didn't remember it or hadn't acknowledged it at the time. He thought about his friends, he thought about Peter and Simon and the twins, and he realized none of them appealed to him in the slightest.
He thought about other boys, he even forced himself to analyze Merridew's friends from a physical point of view, but his stomach churned with hate. He wasn't even capable of thinking about them, let alone considering them as potentially attractive people. Disgust poured through him when he realized Merridew was the only bloke he did feel indeed a certain attraction for, and he shuddered at the horrendous acknowledgement. It was twisted and wrong on so many levels and he tried to perceive what reason was behind that.
Had he always liked Merridew deep down inside, because of their short childhood friendship, but hadn't actually realized it? That didn't make much sense, since for ten years, Merridew had bullied, tormented, and made fun of him in so many ways that he had even got a small anxiety problem because of it.
The fact that he was attracted to that person in spite of everything he had done to Ralph and his friends made the fair boy consider his own mental health. It was weird and truly masochistic, and Ralph stilled in shock when he felt his cock harden at the memories of Merridew punching him and grabbing at his flesh with rough, calloused hands, bruising him, and the slight erection turned into a full one when his mind played the strangling scene in his head again, clear and vivid and almost too real. Blood rushed through him and he desperately tried to erase those images from his head as he moved his legs trying to manage his dick back into its normal state.
Ralph almost banged his head on the table when he realized the thing he had tried to escape from the most returned exactly at the most inappropriate moment, during the class and especially when Merridew was sitting less than a foot away from him.
He thought about other horrendous things and managed to put it down to an extent by the time the loud bell that announced the end of the class resounded through the building. Ralph quickly gathered his books and exited the room before Merridew even had the chance to pick on him again, and in his haste, he even forgot that he was supposed to wait for his friends, so that they would go home together as they always did.
The fair boy almost flew down the halls of the school, his backpack bumping against his shoulder as he barely avoided other students, before he finally managed to get out of that hellhole, breathing heavy and sweat trailing down his neck. He didn't know what he tried to avoid for the most part, but he guessed it was everyone after all, his friends, the people in that damned school, and especially Merridew.
If Merridew even caught the smallest hint that he was in that state again, God only knew what would happen to Ralph. He could have very well made fun of him in front of the entire school, while laughing and pointing at Ralph's crotch, calling the fair boy all kinds of names related to queer kind. Ralph shuddered only when he thought about it.
His mind buzzed as he crossed several streets on the way home, momentarily forgetting about Merridew and reminding himself to apologize the next day to his friends for leaving them behind. Peter and Simon were mostly forgiving and kind, Peter being a little more than harsh on Ralph at times when trying to correct his ways, and he knew Samneric wouldn't care too much about it, given that they always disappeared at the most random times, usually to get their hands on some good-looking birds. Out of the five of them, the twins were the most preoccupied with the sexual aspect of life, as any other ordinary teenage boys should have been.
Peter had a few certain self-esteem issues regarding his physical appearance and Ralph didn't know what to think of Simon, since he was mostly silent, and even after all those years, Ralph still didn't know the boy as well as he knew his other friends. The greatest dilemma was Ralph himself, to his friends and most of the school population. The fair boy was aware he caught eyes everywhere he went and that he had gathered quite many fancies in his previous school years. He wasn't the biggest around, but he was seen as attractive from most points of view, as he heard rumors of him being compared to works of art. Ralph usually laughed at the words spread about him and he considered them somewhat naive and ridiculous.
As he entered the park that he always crossed on the way home, he noticed it was more deserted than usual. The fair boy frowned at the thought of walking alone through it, as he was accustomed to his friends joining him, but dismissed the slight tension quickly. Against his will, his mind returned to Merridew and to how much evil he had caused Ralph, compared to how nicely most people had treated him. He pondered the idea of the bastard being jealous of Ralph's popularity derived from his looks and succes in certain areas at school. It wasn't excluded, of course, and it made much more sense than Merridew still being settled on the first grade revenge. The fair boy snorted bitterly. Of course.
Hurried footsteps shuffled around him, and he jumped slightly startled, checking his surroundings in suspicion; he swallowed unnerved, knowing he had to look behind him as well. It couldn't be, following me here would be just pure evil. He was about to turn around to defend himself, when a hand suddenly pushed into his back, making the fair boy end in a heap on the side grass ground, between the tall creepers. He struggled and punched, but his fists only hit air as he was rolled around to see the face of the aggressor, even though Ralph didn't have to see it to know who he was.
"Thinkin' you gonna escape me that easily, golden boy?" Merridew maliciously laughed, breathing heavily while trying to hold the trashing boy below him with a bruising force. He sat with his entire body weight on a desperate Ralph and pulled a dark object out of his black backpack.
"What in the bloody hell, Merridew?!" He yelled and his eyes widened in pure horror when he saw the camera that Merridew was directing at him.
"I'm going to take proof of your little friend right here," Merridew grinned, patting Ralph's cock through his pants, and the fair boy choked as blood rushed through it, the earlier erection blowing into full force. "And everyone will see how aroused you are by blokes. Of course, my face won't appear in the pictures and no one will know that I'll be the one who'll spread these pictures through the whole school." He sadistically laughed again as Ralph struggled and thrashed even more, while Merridew placed the camera on the ground, at an angle where only Ralph's face could be seen from.
"Stop it!" He protested. "Don't do it!" He tried to push him away, but Merridew snatched both of his hands and placed them above his head, then grabbed the fair boy's neck with the other.
"Don't worry, I won't do anything but strangle you, pretty boy." Merridew grinned, his fingers digging into the smooth skin of the fair boy's neck, before he bent and approached his face to the other boy's and whispered. "Since you like being strangled so much, your dick will do the whole job for the camera."
Ralph gasped and choked as fingers started digging into his neck, and the lack of air was unbearable, but also the most arousing sensation he had ever experienced. Sooner than expected he started moaning as his cock swelled to the point of pain, and he began rocking his hips in desperate search for friction. He did it with such mindless fervor and abandon, he couldn't even think straight while his eyelids fluttered, his vision darkened, and sweat poured over him. He even momentarily forgot the twisted circumstances in which those things were being done to him, he just moved his hips up and down, heart beating wildly into his chest and cock so hard he thought he was going to come right then and there.
"Fuck," He heard Merridew mutter in clear startle, his voice rough and low, in a way that Ralph couldn't distinguish. He couldn't hold back from his shameless moans and scandalous movement; he was so wrapped up in what Merridew was doing to him, in his fingers digging into his neck, that he felt he had no control over himself anymore.
Merridew swore above him and Ralph's hands were suddenly released from the hold; the buttons of his shirt popped off and his chest was exposed to the chilly air. A rough tongue started trailing down his chest as hands roamed over his exposed skin, and Ralph enlarged his eyes when he realized Merridew was groping him. Then the chokehold around his neck disappeared, which made the fair boy dazedly raise his head to see Merridew urgently mouthing at the skin of his chest and stomach, kissing and licking as he grabbed Ralph's waist with large hands, lifting his upper body toward him. Ralph's mind was frozen in shock for a moment, shock at Merridew's sexual gestures toward him, but he couldn't react properly. They were in the middle of the park, in an exposed area, hidden only by a thin wall of creepers; and he barely cared, because the lower part of his body was on fire. He had never been harder in his life and it was all because of another bloke, because of him touching Ralph in such an obscene way.
"Ah-rougher," Ralph blurted out, looking at Merridew through half-lidded eyes, and the other boy stopped for a moment and raised his icy gaze, making Ralph flush under his scrutiny. His gaze was clouded with such intense lust, that the fair boy got even more aroused at the sight of it, if that was possible. Merridew bit him then, so hard that Ralph thought he drew blood, and he continued whimpering and hissing as Merridew's teeth dug into him, sharp and painful, leaving sucking bruises everywhere he reached.
Within a few short seconds, Ralph was uncontrollably rolling his hips again, and he reached for Merridew's fiery curls, fingers digging into his scalp, before pushing his head lower, and Merridew got it. He gave a few more painful bites right above Ralph's groin, and Ralph heaved as he heard his pants being torn open. His cock was taken in one rough hand and he choked when Merridew tugged at it, panting, his eyes fixed in twisted fascination.
"I've always wanted to see this." He spoke, his bolting eyes appearing disturbing in the shadows of the trees. His hand slid up and down the length, then squeezed, and the fair boy squirmed and bit his lip, his face on fire. "Looks nice, but I'm quite pleased to find out it's not better than mine." He smirked and Ralph managed to scowl at him through the whole ordeal, but not for long because Merridew gave his cock another squeeze.
Ralph had to cover his mouth not to yell when Merridew roughly took him into his mouth and slid down far enough that he could feel it hit the back of his throat. Merridew got a good grip on his tight buttocks and held him into place, before he started bobbing his head up and down with savage thirst, sucking his dick like it was something rare and precious, and Ralph clenched his fingers around his hair with all of his strength. He shuddered and moaned, nerves alight, as a sadistic grumble escaped Merridew's throat, his nails scratching and digging into Ralph's abdomen.
"I'll spank you and choke you and bite you," Merridew slurred, tongue trailing the side of his length and harsh fingers rubbing up and down almost violently, "I'll lick you and swallow you up, golden boy, I'm gonna do so many things to you and fuck you till you can't see straight. Oh yes, I'm gonna fuck you so hard and good."
"Oh my god-oh my god-ahh-ah-Jack, I'm gonna-ah-"
He took Ralph into his mouth again, and the fair boy weakly pulled at the hair, trying to warn him, but Merridew didn't move an inch, he continued sucking him with enthusiasm until the fair boy reached his peak and saw white. He came with a cry, arching up into the tight, wet heat of the other boy's mouth, and Merridew moaned, drinking him down hungrily and mercilessly milking his cock, until Ralph stopped tugging frantically on his hair and fell limp on the grass floor beneath him.
All noise and colour seemed to come back to him; the slight sounds of the park, the fade light that fell through the trees, after the white spots of light that had clouded his vision in the moment of his release had passed away. His skin cooled down, coated in thick perspiration, and he breathed heavily, trying to come to his senses. When the reality of the act he had just committed sunk in, his heart stopped for a moment in shock.
He had just gone through his first sexual experience. And with none other but Jack Merridew himself.
The fair boy tried to stand up, but realized there was a crushing weight resting on his lower body. He raised his head and saw the other boy's rusty head lying on his thighs. Air stuck in the fair boy's throat, before he stretched his arm and tried to push him off of him, but Merridew barely budged.
"Jack-" He stopped when he realized he had instinctively called him on his first name then quickly changed his approach. "Merridew. Get off of me." He wriggled, then frowned and pulled at one curl when he realized that the arsehole purposely clutched at his legs.
Ralph leaped a little when Merridew suddenly lifted his head and looked at him, blue eyes amused.
"That was bloody wicked." He chuckled, rubbing his cheek on Ralph's legs. The fair boy knitted his brow and put his palm on Merridew's face, angrily pushing him away, before buttoning up his pants.
"Just get away from me." He quietly seethed. Merridew's grin faded away, then rolled off of him and continued scrutinizing him as Ralph stood up and grabbed his scattered belongings with one hand, while tightening the ripped shirt around him with the other. Merridew stood up as well and grabbed his shoulder before the fair boy even had the chance to walk two steps.
"Foley, wait-"
His hand was suddenly slapped by the infuriated boy, who turned and got into his face so fast, that Merridew slightly backed away startled.
"Don't you think that I will stand doing nothing while you'll ruin my entire life. Because I won't, this time." He spat. "You can put your damned pictures wherever you want, Merridew. But you can make sure that I'll do everything that it's in my possibility to prove that you were the one who sucked me off in the middle of the park." He spoke through gritted teeth, breathing heavily while glaring at a wide-eyed Merridew.
The fair boy was so furious, he couldn't even look at him anymore. With one last threatening stare, he turned and didn't look back once as he got as far away as he could from his damnation.