Chapter 2 – Resolution
"Say something, I'm giving up on you
I'll be the one, if you want me to
Anywhere, I would've followed you
Say something, I'm giving up on you."
- Ian Axel, Chad King, and Mike Campbell
=/\=
Seven of Nine entered sickbay. She searched the room expertly. It was calm and quiet, much unlike the rest of the vessel. "Computer," she began. "Please initiate emergency medical holographic program."
"Please state the nature of the medical emergency," beamed a familiar voice behind her.
Seven turned to face the EMH. She raised an eyebrow.
"You were offline," she said unimpressed.
"Hello, Seven," the Doctor sang. "As chipper as ever, I see." The Doctor picked up a PADD and moved toward her, fingers skillfully working the small device in his hand. "The Captain had suggested I remain offline to allow for my transfer to the planet." He sighed. "Quite lonely, I tell you. It appears I have grown accustomed to the constant interruptions." His fingers continued to work away on the instrument. "How are the crew?"
"Doctor, while I appreciate your longing for organic companionship, this is an inefficient use of my time."
He looked up from his work. "Apologies, Seven," he began. "What has brought you to my expert care, this afternoon?"
Seven crossed to a biobed and took a seat. "I require an adjustment."
The Doctor moved towards his instruments and picked up his medical tricorder and scanner. He raised his head, chin elevated, eyes focussing on her. "I must say you're a welcome surprise." He could tell the former drone was in no mood for small talk – no more than usual. His head tilted, features softening, a trait he had adapted into his program over the course of his time on Voyager- a key to his bedside manner. "Now, where do you require this adjustment?"
"To my ocular implant and cortical processor."
He narrowed his eyes quizzically and began to scan her, focusing on the tricorder and its readings. The device beeped and sang cheerfully. His brow furrowed and then relaxed. He closed the tricorder. "I am happy to report a complete bill of health, Seven. Ocular implant and processor in fine working order," he completed with an air of pride.
"Unacceptable," Seven said matter-of-factly. "Complete the scan again."
The Doctor raised one eyebrow and sighed. He began another scan of her ocular implant, examining the back of her head, taking his time moving down her body. He smiled to himself.
"And your results?" she inquired.
"The same," he started, slowly closing the device again. "But I am detecting higher levels of a neuropeptide," and off her confusion, "Oxytocin to be precise. A peptide hormone normally produced in the hypothalamus and released by the posterior pituitary."
"I am familiar," she said annoyed. "Could it be affecting my processor?"
He turned to his instruments tray. "Hormones are widely known to affect all aspects of the human form." He carefully placed the tricorder back in its place, meticulously straightening a hypospray so it was in perfect alignment with the rest of his tools. "Is there something you would like to discuss?"
Seven stood from the biobed and clasped her hands behind her back. She tilted her head. "Define, Love."
The Doctor raised his chin toward her. "Love; an intense feeling of deep affection," he recited. "But there are many versions, as we have reviewed in the past."
"Continue."
"Well, on Earth, the Ancient Greeks were students of love, so to speak. There was Agape – an unconditional love; Eros – a Romanic love; Philia – an affectionate love, my personal favorite, -"
"Do these Ancient Greeks discuss a one-sided love?" she interrupted.
"Ah." His eyes widened as her inquiry began to make sense. "Unrequited love."
"Yes."
"A one-sided affection not reciprocated by the beloved. A painful experience, full of deep, strong affection." He lowered his eyes from Seven.
"Hurt within love," she remarked.
"You could say that."
"Thank you, Doctor." Seven moved toward the exit.
"You are most welcome." The Doctor moved to a console and reached for his mobile emitter. "Seven?" he began as she reached the doorway.
"Yes, Doctor?"
The Doctor stepped toward her and she turned to face him. "I want you to know, that I will miss our information sessions. I have grown quite fond of our little discussions."
"As have I, Doctor. I thank you for your assistance."
He smiled with admiration at his pupil. "You have been a most exemplary student. The world will be lucky to know you."
Her features softened slightly, and her head tilted with respect. She raised a hand and touched his cheek. "I have had a most exquisite instructor."
The moment seemed to last longer than they intended. Finally, her hand fell from his cheek. "Would you like me to turn off your program?"
"No, thank you, Seven." The Doctor raised his chin. "I will do so later. I believe I am in need of a walk."
And as she turned in the hallway, disappearing from sight, the EMH brought a hand slowly to his cheek, holding onto the warmth she left behind from her human touch.
=/\=
The door to the mess hall on Deck 2 opened as Janeway approached it. Her footsteps were heavy from the day's long process of exit interviews and the questions she was bombarded with, and from her struggle with writing her report to Starfleet.
By the end of her day, the heaviness of goodbye had resonated within her bones, and deep within her chest. Her feet were sore. Her back ached. She was ready for conversation that didn't involve regurgitated Starfleet memoranda. She was ready for companionship.
"Captain!" several members of the crew exclaimed in unison. She offered a slight wave.
Tom was the first to reach her. He was dressed in a dark blue, Hawaiian shirt with hibiscus print and khaki shorts, slide sandals on his feet. A vision of a father letting loose.
He carried a stemmed glass and was quick to swerve through the thick crowd. All eyes on Janeway - the newly appointed celebrity.
Tom turned again, quickly picking up an additional glass. "Here you are, Captain." He smelled the contents. "I believe it's cider. Or something like that. It was delivered to the ship from Starfleet."
She took the glass from his hand. "Thank you." She smelled the contents approvingly and took a sip. Her brow raised.
"It's good, right?"
"Very."
"Just what the doctor ordered."
Tom looked up from his Captain to a small group that had gathered around them, eager to divulge the Captain in conversation. She was unaware of the crowding, but he took her by the shoulder, and pulled her toward a smaller group. Janeway took another sip.
Harry looked up as they approached. "Captain!" he exclaimed and joined Tom by placing his arm awkwardly around her shoulders, pulling her a bit too close to his body. "Will you be joining us?" and before she could answer, "On Holodeck 2, I-I- mean," the Ensign stammered. "There's a party. Not a raucous party. More of a light gathering. But not too light. It should be fun. But safely within regulations. I'm sure."
Tom took Harry's hand and removed his arm from Janeway. "What Harry is trying to do is expressly invite you to Holodeck 2. Neelix's Paxau Resort program is up and running."
Janeway smiled, pleased with the chosen program used for the Holodeck. "Neelix would be proud."
"So what do you say, Captain?" Harry continued, replacing his arm around the her shoulders. Tom was quick to remove them a second time. He shot Harry a glare, mouthing, "Just stop."
Janeway shook her head. "While visiting Paxau does sound like a formidable idea, it's been a very long day."
"But, Captain," Tom began. "Paxau sounds exactly like what you need." He placed a hand gently on her shoulder and raised his glass in front of them, painting the picture for her. "A moonlit night. The sky thick with stars. The sound of crashing waves in the distance. The soft playing of the live band. A never-ending drink in your hand. A tall, dark, tattooed hunk on your arm-"
Tom stopped short. Harry's eyes widened with worry. Janeway's cheeks flushed slightly.
"OK, we can scratch the tattoo. Alter him to your exact specifications." The air grew still. "Did I mention the crashing waves?" he added.
"It sounds wonderful, but-"
"Captain," Tom interjected. "When's the last time you got out of your Starfleet regalia, put your feet up, and relaxed? When's the next time we will all be together?" He sighed, lowering his eyes. "Besides, you will miss B'Elanna."
"I will?"
"And she said she is bringing the baby," Tom sang.
"She is?" Janeway's voice altered, raising in pitch, abundant with excitement.
He motioned toward the doors of the mess hall. "Your lounger awaits."
Janeway smiled, teeth showing, and grabbed the zipper of her uniform jacket, lowering it. She raised her arms out. "Let the party begin!"
Members of the crew who had been eavesdropping erupted in a chorus of hoots and hollers and Janeway watched as several of them left the room jubilantly, heading toward the Holodeck. Harry and Tom, arms linked together, joined them, quickly refreshing their glasses as they left.
Janeway peered around the room. Only a few crew members were left. One young ensign looked up from a couch, book in hand, and rolled her eyes at the noisy group exiting.
Janeway took another sip, placed her glass in the replicator for recycling, and turned to the door. It opened with ease and she began her walk to the turbolift. It was time to freshen up, and shed her 'regalia' before joining the rest of her crew.
She ran her hands over her face as she walked. She was in dire need of a hot shower, to get out of her boots.
There was little to do at the moment besides avoid writing her report. She longed for distraction from all the goodbyes she had to endure during the day. Final duty schedules had been handed out by her Commander three days prior. It had been the last time she saw Chakotay, his presence scarce now.
It was conjuring up the cruelty of what was to come in the future – days without him.
She had grown accustomed to their daily meeting first thing in the morning. He would be there waiting for her in her ready room, coffee replicated, ready to present his report on the day's schedules, ship maintenance, and discussions he completed with the heads of department.
The truth was if it had not been for Chakotay she would not have known the crew as intimately as she did. He was an invaluable part of the bridging of the two crews. He garnered respect, and respect was given. Without Chakotay their family surely would have fallen apart.
Her perfect other.
The Captain sighed feeling the weight in her shoulders. She lifted a hand to her neck and began to massage it.
Her final meeting with Chakotay was brief. It was apparent the Commander had other things on his mind.
Perhaps it was his own uncertainty - the unknown that awaited him in his debriefings with Starfleet. His own future gripped by anxiety.
Perhaps it was a desire for a return to normalcy, to give up the daily disarray of the uncharted.
Perhaps it was a beautiful blonde ready to take her first steps on Earth. A hand he could hold and guide. A new life he could make with her.
Perhaps.
And when she entered her ready room a day later, no coffee awaited her. Nothing but a silence that filled her with an aching emptiness. The first she had felt in years.
Yes, her familiar was about to change.
Janeway's daily routine was the sadness that came from goodbyes.
She reached the turbolift and pressed the call button. A feeling of disconnect was reaching her brow - a feeling she was unaccustomed to. The doors opened and she looked up.
"Captain," Chakotay greeted, and stepped off the turbolift.
"Commander." Finally their paths had crossed. "Where have you been hiding?" she remarked. "I haven't seen you in days."
Chakotay lowered his gaze to her relaxed attire. Jacket open. Starfleet standard issue grey tee showing. "I'm sorry. I've been busy." He motioned down the hallway. "I was just on my way to the mess hall."
"If you are looking for the party, they have moved it to Holodeck 2."
"Party?"
"Several members of the crew are running Neelix's program." She smiled, teeth showing. "There is this cider. It's really quite good. A gift from Starfleet by the sounds of it."
"Very nice." Chakotay looked down the hall.
"Commander, you seem to be in need of refreshment." She moved her body, tilting her head, attempting to get his attention. Her brow raised. "Would you join me?"
He seemed preoccupied, in search of something, or someone.
"We can catch up on the past few days," she continued, looking to his combadge, up to his lips. "I have missed our morning meetings." Her tone had an air of command and she was proud of her ability to hide the wanting she had within.
He turned his attention toward her and dipped his head, avoiding her eyes. "I'm sorry, Captain. I can't say if I will be attending."
"Please, reconsider," she said reaching out to place a hand to his shoulder, turning his gaze to her hand. "It has been a hard day. I'm exhausted. I'm in need of a friend." Her words were heavy this time, suddenly thick with sadness, her composure failing her. Her hand ran down his arm and left him.
He remained quiet.
"Commander, do tell. A penny for your thoughts."
"I'm looking for someone."
"Seven?"
"Yes," the Commander acknowledged nervously, relieved by his confession.
And there it was. It was true. The pairing the Admiral had told her about had started. For how long, she was unsure. He had always told her everything.
Sorrow was growing inside her, gripping her core. Pang brought on by his betrayal.
As if reading her thoughts, he took her by the upper arm, hand carefully moving down to reach her elbow. The gesture was warm and it softened her features. "I'm sorry, Kathryn. I should have told you."
She shook her head. "It's fine, Chakotay." Pushing her emotions down, she moved her arm, pulling herself from his touch, and with an exhale, "It's good. I'm happy for you."
He offered a light nod at her words, eyes falling from her face, to the pips that adorned her collar. "It was completely innocent," he confessed further. "I don't think either of us knew what was happening."
"For how long?" she inquired, unsure if she wanted to know the answer, afraid his deception had surpassed weeks, months.
"It was something that just started." He stared at the floor. "She is probably the last person I saw myself with."
And who would be the first? she wondered.
They had discussed it on several occasions – the parameters of their relationship. Meticulously dancing around the subject. At the crux, Starfleet and her ongoing adherence to command regulations and protocol. The truth that she did not have the freedom to pursue a relationship. A desire she thought about at times, after long days, returning to her empty quarters. When human desire, and a longing for comfort overwhelmed her. Could she pad softly to his room, and crawl into the safety of his arms? Would it end there?
If there was anyone on the ship who would know how to hold her, Chakotay was the one.
But lines could not be crossed. The order of command her mantra. A life devoid of romantic love something she had grown accustomed to.
And she was happy to have him by her side. A friendship she was quickly discovering she could not live without.
But the truth was, he needed someone. Someone who could give him more than she could.
"Have you seen her?" he asked, interrupting her thoughts.
She held back the desire to clear her throat, afraid it would give her away. She turned and pressed the call button for the turbolift. "Locked away with her studies, I presume."
"Computer," the Commander began, and the familiar chime resonated. "Locate Seven of Nine."
Seven of Nine is in Astrometrics.
His voice lowered. "Oh, you're good."
Janeway raised her hands outward. "I am the Captain."
The door opened to the lift and Janeway entered, followed by Chakotay.
"Deck 3," Janeway instructed and turned her attention to her Commander. "Are you all right, Chakotay?" she asked earnestly.
"It's nothing, Captain. Nothing at all."
"You sure?" she continued, her voice soft with concern.
The door opened on Deck 3 and Janeway stepped off.
"You are right. Today was hard. Enjoy the party." He smiled. "Deck 8."
She returned a slight smile as the door to the lift closed, leaving Chakotay to continue his search.
=/\=
Chakotay entered through the door of Astrometrics to find his intended standing at her controls, busily motioning across the screens in front of her.
He noticed her hands stop for a second as he entered the room. As if it were possible, her shoulders straightened even more.
"There you are. You have been avoiding me."
"I have not," Seven of Nine said matter-of-factly. "I have been engrossed in my work."
"What are you working on?" he sang happily. "Anything I can help you with?"
"On top of assisting the Captain with her lengthy report to Starfleet, she thought it best I complete diagnostics and reports to present to Starfleet Command for my debriefing."
"Can you take a break?"
"I can not." She turned her attention to the screen behind her. "The Captain has notified me that my return to the planet will be delayed. She has requested she be present on my arrival to Starfleet Command."
"More of a reason to take a break."
"The Captain requires this data."
The ever obedient Seven of Nine. If there was one thing the former drone could handle was taking orders and adhering to her obligations in a systematic routine of agility and precision. He was starting to see there would be little he could do to tear her away from her work.
"We have reached Earth, Seven. The Captain has given us leave." He reached out to take her hands from her work. "I thought we could use this time to get to know each other better. Start fresh."
Without looking at him, Seven pulled her hands from his and continued, keeping her back to him. "And what would that do, Commander?"
Commander. He sighed. "Here we go again."
"Yes, we go again."
Her words had rarely affected him. Her motions, her robotic stance, the same monotone drawl infused in her speech. But he knew she intended to be cold toward him now. Ice was lining the words as they fell from her mouth.
"Seven, we discussed this."
"You discussed this, Commander."
"I'm not giving up on you."
"Regulation dictates you should.
"Look at me." He reached up to place a palm to her cheek. She pulled away from him again. "What are you talking about?" He took her hand, gripped it tightly. "I'm not letting you go this easy. You will talk to me."
"Is that an order?"
"No, Seven. It's a request. Please. Talk to me."
She met his eyes. The glow of her alcove, green in his dark eyes. "And what more do you want me to say?" Her voice began to rise with emotion and he was taken aback.
"We are home safe."
"You are home."
He sighed again. "And you are too. Finally, you can come home." He paused. "Come home with me, Seven. If you are nervous, we will tackle it together."
"I am unable to comply."
"Why?" And as she tried to turn from him, he groaned, realizing he was losing the argument. He followed her as she moved to a panel on the wall. "You really are ending this, aren't you?"
"You are correct." She tilted her head to the side. "But for a different reason that has been recently brought to my attention."
"Which is?"
"You are in love with Captain Janeway."
Chakotay scoffed, then off her face which remained expressionless, "You're serious."
"You are in love with the Captain. Confirm or deny."
"Seven..." he trailed. He could feel the heat rising to his cheeks. "Whatever you might be thinking-"
"Confirm or deny."
"I've... I..." he stammered.
Put on the spot, words failed him, and he cursed himself for letting her interrogation aggravate him.
For seven years, he had kept his composure. For seven years, he had bottled how he felt. Kept his shoulders square. Been the dutiful First Officer - a servant to her command.
He had never met anyone like her. She demanded obedience from a faith she had for each member of her crew and their abilities. She demanded honor and adherence, but from a mutual respect you felt deep within yourself. Janeway loved her crew, and her crew loved her in return.
And it was easy for Chakotay to respect her from the moment he came on board. From the moment she took in the Maquis and told him how it would be.
And there was no one else he would rather follow.
She looked deep within him and knew exactly where he would fit aboard her vessel. She was the first one outside the Maquis who looked at him and saw his potential. Saw his strengths, accepted his weaknesses.
The truth was, she saved him - his warrior woman.
So many times he would look at her seated beside him, her eyes focused on the journey ahead through the view screen, and get lost in thoughts of her. His eyes moving across her features, her eyes, her lips, her strong jawline. How it would feel to take her face in his hands, her lips with his. How it would be to take her in his arms and devour her, let her completely take him under.
Loving her was easy. Hiding it, his turmoil. And now Seven had uncovered his truth, and unravelled his intentions with seven little words.
"Confirm or deny," her tone was icy now. The words fell from her lips, slow and steady.
His shoulders lowered. He looked down to his hands and inhaled. "Confirm."
Seven lowered her eyes and a slight smile came to the corner of her mouth, a look of pride at her understanding of human interaction, perhaps what the rest of the crew had already suspected. She looked up at him, unafraid to reach his gaze.
"I didn't mean to fall in love with her," he choked back. "I think I tried hard not to."
She tilted her head again, eyes unblinking. "Have you informed the Captain of this?"
He chuckled softly. "No. Never." He gripped the sides of his pants and rubbed his sweaty palms against the material, now aware of the change of his perspiration and his heart rate which continued to increase. "It has only ever been a fool's dream. She would never..."
He trailed on but Seven knew what he was going to say. "I would not say so, Commander." She ran a single palm over the side of her hair as if to perfect the already perfect. "I have spent many hours observing and cataloguing your interactions with the Captain."
"You have?"
"Yes," she clasped her hands behind her back, shoulders pressed. "It was an assignment set out by the Doctor. So I could have a better grasp on human displays of affection."
"And this included your commanding officers?"
"It did." Seven titled her head. "I can confirm there are more than simple words shared in your daily interactions with the Captain."
"I'm afraid I don't share your same observations," he scoffed.
"There are glances you have missed, Commander," she began. "The small touches you failed to properly appreciate. Her invitations to late night dinners, to moonlit walks on the Holodeck. The Captain trusted you like no other to share these experiences with."
Her shook his head. "She is my friend."
Seven smiled. "She loves you."
He lowered his head, unable to get her to see his point. "Seven, our friendship from the outside might look like romantic love, but it isn't."
"You are only blinded by your emotions, Chakotay. You fail to see the truth."
"Which is?" his voice raised.
"Unrequited love," she began honestly. "A one-sided affection not reciprocated by the beloved. A painful experience, full of deep, strong affection."
"So you do believe it to be one-sided as well then."
"No. I do not." She tilted her head and adjusted her balance. "The Captain has a stressful position. And she has held her position with grace and determination. She could not allow herself to engage in a heated love affair, even if she wanted to. To do anything less would be inefficient and would not be part of the Captain's qualities." She paused. "The Captain has a strong sense of morale and a respect for authority, but now, faced with the end of her mission, soon to be stripped of her crew, and captaincy, she will be open to pursue relationships."
Chakotay's mouth opened, jaw pressing forward. "How did you know about her captaincy?"
"Observations."
"Right." Chakotay smiled slightly. "You make it sound so simple."
"Mating is hardly difficult. Once aroused, the man merely has to engage with the woman-"
"Yes, I am familiar with the ease of the act. But the lead up to that..." His lips pressed tightly together. "You have a lot to learn."
"Curious. Humans are always so engaged in their own feeble emotions. It is you that have a lot to learn." She placed a hand to his arm. "Take the risk, Commander. You merely have to ask her."
The Doctor to Commander Chakotay.
He sighed and waited. Seven remained silent.
Commander Chakotay, come in.
He pressed his combadge lightly. "Go ahead."
Can I see you on Holodeck 2?
"Can it wait?" Chakotay asked.
I'm afraid it can't. It's the Captain.
Chakotay's heart sank and he looked up at Seven who raised an eyebrow.
"You need to go," she said.
"I can't now." He reached out to hold her arm gently. "What about you?"
"My feelings are irrelevant."
"Don't say that."
He filled the space between them and reached out. She complied with his movement and allowed a final hug. He wrapped his arms around her.
"I would have followed you," she said softly. "And I might have been happy. For a time."
"I'm so sorry, Seven."
"I know."
They broke from their hug and he placed a single kiss to her ocular implant, carefully, sweetly.
"Go to your Captain, Commander." She tilted her head and it retained a drone-like quality to the movement. Emotionless. Mechanical. "You must comply. It is the only logical course of action."
Chakotay placed a palm to Seven's cheek and held it. "You know," he said, looking into her blue eyes. "I believe you have completed your training with the Doctor. I think you have surpassed us all."
Coming Soon: Chapter 3 - "Make You Feel My Love" - Bob Dylan