This story started out as a prompt on Reddit by u/logicislight

"Harry is doused with a love potion ...and everyone is affected. Even Snape! Harry barely escapes the classroom as the professor begins reciting sonnets about the color of Harry's eyes and comparing his love to flowers. The only exception to the insanity is Hermione, who is used to punching down her feelings and ignoring them.

(We could all use some levity, I think, so please someone write this.) "

Because fighting corona is a trying time for all of us, I decided to write some lighthearted fanfiction for those in need :) Here's Chapter 1, for you guys!

Chapter 1: The broken vial

*CRACK*

That's how it started. Harry wasn't sure who broke the damned vial - probably either Seamus or Neville, as they looked both guilty and horrified as the potion splashed all over his school robes, his hair, his face, and a small stream of potion trickled down his glasses.

'I am so sorry Harry,' Neville said horrified, 'I was trying to levitate the wolfsbane root, but Seamus nudged me in the arm and instead, I levitated a bit of the cupboard and this vial must have slipped and-...'

'It's okay,' Harry grimaced. 'It's fine.'

'15 points from Gryffindor for being an absolute oaf, Longbottom,' Snape snarled from across the classroom. 'Potter, use a drying charm if you need to. I won't allow you to use this accident as an excuse for lousy work.'

Harry scowled, but when he fetched his wand to dry his clothes he noticed that, weirdly enough, he didn't feel wet from the liquid. It was like his skin had absorbed the potion, shining a soft glow over it, and he started to emit an interesting odor.

Then he realized the classroom had become silent. Eerily silent.

He looked to his left to see Lavender and Parvati stare at him with an intensity he had never experienced before. He looked around, to see what they had to be staring at, but was faced with Neville and Seamus, who reciprocated their looks of awe.

'Guys...?' Harry muttered, but then Snape's voice interrupted whatever they wanted to reply.

'Eyes as green, as a freshly mowed lawn.'

Harry blinked a few times and shifted his eyes.

'I... I beg your pardon, professor?'

From the other corner of the dungeon, his words had sounded soft and muffled, but Snape cleared his throat and spoke again, a lot louder this time.

'Eyes as green, as a freshly mowed lawn,

Sparks in it as bright as raindrops at dawn,

Smelling of lilies, of flowers divine,

Please dear Mr. Potter, won't you be mine?'

Harry's jaw dropped. He tried to hold back a laugh, thinking his potion master had gone insane, and turned to his side for the first time, to look at Ron and Hermione. Hermione looked just as dumbstruck as he did, but Ron's eyes were glazed over and his mouth was crooked in a wide smile.

'Don't listen to him, Harry,' he whispered. 'You don't smell like lilies. You smell like pinewood and cinnamon. And your lips look perfectly kissable.'

Ron leaned into him and Harry froze, when he realized he didn't have an extremely unusual daydream and that this was, in fact happening. Before their lips met, he managed to place his hand on Ron's chest, stopping him from moving in further.

'I-... Thank you, Ron, that is very flattering, but-...'

'Why would Harry choose you?' Lavender screeched. 'He should be with me!'

'No, with me!' Neville screamed.

'If anyone, it should be me, his potion's master!' Snape's low voice boomed.

'If he won't be with me, my father will hear about this!' A certain blonde Slytherin replied.

A row broke out, everyone arguing who Harry should pick first, and it didn't take long for curses to be flying across the classroom. Harry quickly realized that he had two options: either succumb to the flocks of new potential lovers, or flee. He choose the latter. Within the commotion of flying potion ingredients and stunning jinxes, he took his cloak out of his schoolbag, hid under it and disappeared into the corridor. Running while hiding under the invisibility cloak proved impossible, but it didn't stop him from trying to scurry as fast as he could. He almost reached the end of the dungeons when a harrowing "He's gone!' bellowed from his classroom, and he winced when the crowd of at least two dozen students and a very eccentric Snape, began to chant "Follow the scent!" as they stormed through the door.

He then knew hiding would prove useless, so he stuffed his cloak in the pockets of his school uniform and decided to make a run for it. Where to go? The prefect's bathroom - perfect. Limited access for at least the majority of the students, and a lot of opportunity to cleanse himself from whatever it was that fell on him.

Harry failed to notice that one student remained in the classroom, looking debatably even more frizzled than Harry. It was his bushyhaired, big-hearted, best friend. Hermione.