Chapter 6 – Shameless

"So many mornings, I woke up confused.
In my dreams, I do anything I want to you.
My emotions are naked, they're taking me out of my mind.

Distance, inches in between us
I want you to give in,
Weakness, tension in between us
I just wanna give in
And I don't care if I'm forgiven...

... I need you more than I want to."

- Camila Cabello, et al.

=/\=

"Computer, raise the temperature by 5 degrees," he commanded.

No matter how many times he adjusted the shower's temperature, Chakotay failed to reach the desired result. After the morning he had, he wanted to melt within its confines, diving deep, plunging into a lightheaded dream. Forget he had poured his soul out to the woman who held his heart.

He had presented it, giving it to her freely, delving within the far reaches of his feelings, something he thought he would never get the chance to do.

And now he was faced with the probability of its fallout. Seven years of craving every inch of her skin, came down to a few moments; a disorderly affirmation of his love, laid before her, exposed, stripped of its mask.

I've only ever wanted to be worthy enough for you. And until then, I'll continue to wait.

He groaned and hit the shower wall with his fist.

She had suggested leaving together, and making a special request for Voyager; continuing to search the stars, side by side. And maybe he could have concealed his true desires for a little longer. Keep burying the yearning to touch her, to feel her hand wrapped in his. Resist his craving for her sleeping form beside him, safely sheltered in his arms.

He closed his eyes and shook his head. No, he couldn't do that. Not anymore. He had cheated himself of his feelings for too long.

He had spent many days in careful reflection. He had asked for direction so openly, and freed himself of all fear, and his visions had clearly shown him his path. Kathryn Janeway was his absolute.

He hit his head against the shower wall. What was he thinking? Take it slow, he had told himself. Work into it.

But he was leaving. It had been his chance.

He was certain she would never return those feelings. After such a confession, could he even expect her to meet him as he disembarked?

Not a day without you.

And yet...

The timer to his shower ended and Chakotay shook his head. This was it.

He ran a towel carefully over his body and reached to pull on a loose pair of boxer shorts. He brought his towel to his head and quickly ran it over his hair, finally wrapping it around his shoulders. He entered his bedroom and looked down at his bed.

Side by side, lay two uniforms: one Starfleet, one Maquis. He smiled; neither seemed fit anymore.

He wiped one edge of the towel across his face and moved to his table. He was searching for a plain t-shirt and pants when the door to his room suddenly chimed.

"Come in," he said.

But there was no answer, so he listened carefully, and it chimed again.

Chakotay walked towards the door and opened it, and found Janeway with her head bowed, shoulders slumped, working her hands together.

He could read her agitation and sadness immediately. "What is it?"

She looked up at him. Large tears cascaded down her cheeks. She was completely devoid of refrain. "My final order has come through," she choked. Her lips pursed and her chin wrinkled. "A team will be on board Voyager at 1700 hours to relieve me of my command. And then I'm to be off the ship." She shrugged helplessly, and her hands fell to her side.

He placed a palm to her shoulder. "Come in," he soothed, and he directed her in from the hallway.

Her eyes flickered in the dim light of the room, danced quickly across his chest. She turned to see his small bag being packed on the table.

He caressed her shoulder; a feeble attempt to calm her. He looked down, noticing her combadge was missing. He waited until her breathing eased and she regained some composure.

"I'm sorry, Kathryn," he said, drawing her eyes to him again. "I know how much you wanted to be with Voyager on her descent."

She nodded, and more tears fell, gracing her opened jacket, falling to her t-shirt. She continued looking at her hands. She sucked in air and wiped a hand across both cheeks. Instantly, more tears replaced them.

She glanced to the side again, to a neat pile of clothes, a few stacked books, a small trinket. "You almost packed?" she asked.

"I am," he divulged, following her line of sight. "My shuttle should be coming soon."

She played with a finger, and turned her hands over. "It's not."

"No?"

"I had to belay that order." She met his eyes finally, struggling to regain her composure.

"You did?" His brow furrowed in bewilderment. "Why?"

"I have to return the gesture you gave me earlier."

"Ah, about that…"

She reached up and, one by one, removed her pips, pulling them from her collared shirt. She held them in her hand for a moment. He dropped his towel to the table as she opened his hand, and placed her pips in his palm. She took a deep breath.

"You told me you accepted the position for me and not Starfleet, and I want to say that you have made the burden of wearing these easier on me. At times, these seven years were the happiest of my life, and I realize that is because I had you by my side."

"The happiest?" He offered a small smirk.

"While I admit I could do without the Kazon, and the macroviruses, and the enormous space dwelling pitcher plants..." She smiled sadly. "That being said… I'd do it all again in a heartbeat-" She closed his hand over them. "-If it meant doing it all again with you." Their eyes met. "You also kept me grounded. You challenged me when I needed it the most and for that, I am eternally grateful."

Tears were beginning to stream down her face again. He stepped forward and reached up to cup her cheek with his free hand. He wiped away the tears as they fell.

"And I realized something," she confessed.

"What's that?" he asked warmly.

"I've never relied on anyone as much as I rely on you. Never trusted anyone as much as I trust you," and off his look, "Yes, even Mark." She looked down at their hands folded together. "I want to find out how far that goes." She took another shaky breath. "Someone once told me, 'Maybe it's simply accepting what life has dealt us, finding the good in it'."

He smiled hearing his words repeated back to him. "And do you think you have done that now? Found the good in it?"

"I know I have." She touched her palm to his cheek. "I've always had it, so it seems." Her eyes lowered to his lips again.

He placed a finger to her chin, and lifted it until her eyes reached his. "Permission to kiss you now?"

She smiled, thin lipped, teeth beginning to show. "Granted."

Slowly, he lowered his head to meet her lips. She was hot, and salty, and he pressed his lips against hers tenderly, and held it, until she relaxed, and her hand reached out to take his elbow for support. He pulled away and smiled at her. Her eyes were still closed.

She licked her lips. Slowly, her blue eyes opened. "I'm ready to accept the promotion."

His brow furrowed, concern painting his features. "But you would be giving up so much."

"I've travelled to the far reaches of the Galaxy. I've lived a thousand voyages with the best crew I could ask for." She moved her hands to reach up and cup his face. "But I'm ready to start a new one with you."

He smiled, his hand moved to reach the small of her back, and he pulled her closer to him.

"So would you?" she asked.

"Would I what?" he toyed.

"Would you stand by my side?"

He lowered his face to hers, breath warm on her already hot cheeks, and whispered, "Always."

His nose brushed against hers. Her raspy breath clung to his lips, drawing him nearer. He grasped her sacrifice, completely turned on by her confession, and there was no way he was letting her go.

"I just hope I'm worthy enough," she mused.

"Trust me. You are."

Their lips met with sensualness as four pips fell to the floor and dispersed in several directions. It was a kiss he had waited for for seven years, and the more their lips moved in unison, the more his body was drawing toward her, gravitating to her warmth, and scent, and the saltiness of her skin.

He pulled from the heated kiss. "You have no idea how long I've wanted this," he divulged. "How long I've wanted to kiss you." He licked his lips. "Taste you."

"And I've wanted you also," she breathed. "As much as I tried to deny myself a sense of desire, you were always there, picking away at my stubbornness." She smiled and he reached forward with his lips, kissed her behind her ear, causing her eyes to flutter closed. A slow breath escaped her. "I tried to marry myself to this ship, keep steadfast. But thoughts of you would creep up inside my head. How could they not? You were always there."

Her breathing quickened as his lips moved down her neck, words unending were tumbling from her. She smiled and reached to pull his face away from her neck. She stared into his eyes.

"So I clung to our friendship. I tried to write-off my feelings. I had to hold onto those protocols and regulations just so I could make sense of it all. And I couldn't deny you your happiness over a strength in my ideals." She kissed him, warm and gentle, and he relished in the softness of her lips. "We once told ourselves, back in our early years, that we couldn't possibly deny the crew the process of falling in love with each other, even if it went against Starfleet regulations." She paused cursing it's words. "But I couldn't. I was the Captain. I had to set the example. How could I allow myself to fall in love with you?"

"But here you are."

"Yes, here I am." She raised an eyebrow. "Completely overdressed, it seems."

Her hands moved from his face to his chest, and she trailed her hands across his skin. He took a step back so he could watch her, keeping his eyes locked with hers. Slowly, she removed her jacket and dropped it to the floor. She reached up again and pulled her collared shirt from her body. She stood before him in a Starfleet issued grey tank top.

Her captaincy was beginning to fall from her, joining the pips that lay scattered on the floor. His Kathryn was emerging. A woman in need of his touch, desperate for a love she had deprived herself of for too long.

"I couldn't say it before, but I will now." She placed her hands to his chest again. "I need you with me, Chakotay."

Her skin was flushed from confessing all the words that had been building up over the last seven years. He rocked toward her, pressing his body against hers, feeling the warmth of her breath on his face as he moved in. His fingertips lightly grazed her shoulder, played with her skin, and he watched it rise beneath his touch.

"I want all of you," he said in a whisper and leaned in, lightly touching her lips with his, toying carefully, waiting until she returned his invitation.

When their lips parted, he cupped a hand to her face. His lips were inches from hers, noses gently touching. "How much time do we have?" he asked. He placed a hand to her back, pulling her even closer.

She licked her lips. "Hours."

He leaned in to kiss her again, heavy breath starting on new undiscovered flesh. Sensual had turned to seduction as he moved down her neck. She was soft and sweet, and was reaching out for him, her hands on his skin.

Tongues moved now, warm and wet, brushing against one another as they searched for control. She pulled back suddenly, pushing him from her skin, and fear instantly struck him.

"Chakotay?"

He leaned in again but she held a finger against his lips. He continued kissing her hand, breathed against her skin.

"May I be honest?"

He pulled back. "What is it?"

"It's been awhile...and..."

He grabbed the hand at his lips, kissed her wrist. "It's okay." He smiled down at her. "I'm good at following your orders." He held her palm against his chest and leaned in to kiss her lips lightly again.

Her chest heaved against him with each nervous breath. He trailed a hand down her collar bone to her chest, and with the back of a finger, toyed across the top of her breast. She looked down as his hands cupped her body, moved down her sides to rest at her hips. He toyed with the edge of her tank top, fingertips finding new soft skin which hadn't been touched by anyone else in years.

She moved her hands to his back, nails gently playing across his skin. Her touch was intoxicating, exhilarating, blissful.

His hands mimicked her own, and he reached under her top, palms flat across her back, inching the shirt up. He watched the side of her mouth turn upward seductively, and he lifted the garment from her torso, revealing her black bra. He paused, leaned back to watch her chest rise and fall.

For the first time, she was wavering in front of him, hesitant to reach out to him. Free from her command and uniform, creamy skin revealed, she was modest and gentle, much unlike the stiff exterior he was used to seeing.

"What?" she questioned.

He smiled running a hand down her back, supporting her against him. "I'm just taking you in." He ran a hand over her cheek. "You are so damn beautiful."

He kissed her again, tongue lashing, hands beginning to pull and tug, grip and grasp, exploring new flesh, as new and old sensations began to return to him. She swayed, hips rocking into him with the motion of their kiss.

Passion shook her and she lifted herself into obliging hands that gripped her ass, pulling her up into his arms, legs wrapping around him.

He carried her across the carpeted floor to his bed room, lips trailing the skin of her neck. He lay her down, lips never leaving her body.

He reached from her to push his uniforms to the floor, and they landed with a soft thud.

She clawed at his back, pulling him down onto her as her hips began to move against him. She writhed under him, and he said a silent prayer, thankful his body remembered what to do. A quiet moan escaped her lips.

"I want you," she whispered.

"The feeling is mutual."

Her hands reached down to pull at his shorts, taking him firm in her hand. He moaned with her movements, as he lengthened and stiffened in her grip. She carefully moved along his shaft, fingers grasping with expert agility.

With her free hand she scratched his back, and he reached to take both her wrists, lifting them above her head. He returned to her neck, kissing, nipping.

"I need you now," she said alluringly.

He removed one of hands to lower the bra strap at her shoulder. She smiled bucking slighting, lifting her legs to wrap around him, begging him to rock with her.

"Please tell me this isn't a dream," he said. "Because I don't want to wake up."

"It isn't a dream," she said returning his motions.

She lowered her pants and he helped her. Pulling down her panties, he dove between her legs hungrily, fingers finding her teeming with desire.

He toyed with her gently and he looked up to see her eyes flutter and close. He dipped placing fingertips inside her, gently pushing them within. She shifted with his touch, at a sensation she had been deprived of.

He was in love with her scent which was starting to take him under. She was eager for him, warm, wet, inviting. He moved his lips to her breasts, followed curves with tongue, teeth trailing. His fingers continued their skilled work moving deep, pushing her opening, until she had enough and reached for his face pulling his mouth from her nipple, guiding him up her body.

"I need you inside me."

She reached for him again, and wrapped her fingers around his shaft. She breathed against his ear, kissed his cheek, her concentration falling to her hands.

She was quick to hold him against her opening, guiding him in, long and hard. She gasped as he bucked slowly. Air was pushing from her slightly with each gentle thrust, and she angled him, brought her teeth to his ear. "That's better."

"You feel so damn good." He braced himself, lifting from her body. "But I will apologize now. It has been a long time."

"You can make it up to me later," she whispered. She twisted her torso, removing her bra from her body.

"I've wanted you for too long." He pushed deeper, allowed a free hand to run down her body now completely free from garments, and he took her in, memorized every freckle, every line, before the cloud of his passion could take him.

"And you have me, so take me."

He leaned forward and grazed his teeth over her shoulder, nipping gently. She rocked with him. Keeping speed with him, and lifted her pelvis to meet his, sending him further within her, causing her to moan his name.

Waves of their scent were flooding his head, grasping at his core making his movements quicken.

He tried to slow down, but her hips were grinding against him, her heavy breathing resonating in the silence of the room.

Lightning flickered as the familiar wave hit him, sending him over the edge, melting into her form. He collapsed on her chest, sweaty forehead between her breasts as her expertly designed fingers found his hair.

He pushed his full weight onto her. He placed kisses on her breast, teased her nipples and took her in his palm. Her body below him relaxed.

He looked up, thanks in his eyes, and she smiled, and closed hers.

His hand moved down her body finding soft warm folds and he began to flick, rub, tug, until she moved and he knew he had found the spot. She exhaled with his touch. Gasped slightly, and he knew he was on course.

"Oh, please," she gasped.

He kissed her breasts again and pulled a nipple between his teeth, sucking hard.

"So long," she whispered.

He pulled himself up beside her to find her eyes. "That's tragic."

"Not really," she divulged and took a breath, took a second to kiss his jawline. "What is tragic is having to wait seven years to feel you inside me".

He leaned into her, burying his face in her hair. Her voice was raspy, breath thready, and he quickened his movements. Her hips relaxed, legs falling to the side.

He pulled his lips from her and watched the lines on her face form and disappear as she moved through the pleasure. When she was close her eyes opened and she began to kiss him, tongue darting into his mouth. Her blood rushed, and the wave rolled and hit her with warmth as it spread through her body. Her mouth opened and he pulled back to watch her, moved to kiss her breasts as the final course pulsed and she quivered in his arms.

The wave ended and he pulled his hand from her folds, bringing them up to pull her toward him in embrace. She turned into him and curled below his chin, blankets now covering them.

"Thank you," she whispered, as his lightheadedness began to clear and her form focused in front of her.

"I told you."

"Told me what?"

He placed a kiss to her forehead. "You were worth the wait."

=/\=

He opened his eyes and rubbed them. He sat up to put on his shorts and padded softly around the bed to her side.

She was sleeping, breathing softly, wrapped in a single thin, white sheet, lightly draped over her body. Her arms were up by her head, one draped across her forehead, her body spread out. She was peaceful, relaxed - the stress of the past month gone from her face. One creamy, smooth leg had escaped from the sheet and he ran his fingertips slowly up it from her toes.

She shifted at the sensation, goosebumps rising on her flesh, and she turned her hips toward him, as a smile began to tighten on her face. "Hey."

"Hey," he returned.

"What time is it?" she asked groggily.

His hand reached the inside of her thigh and stopped, thumb gently tracing, fingertips reaching out.

"We still have a bit of time."

She closed her eyes. "I guess I passed out."

"We both did." His hand moved inside her thigh. "To be honest, I was a little unsure if you would still be here."

Her eyes opened and she sat up. He moved his hand to her hip, pulling her toward him as the thin blanket fell from her body. Her hair was wild, and she ran her hand through it, taming it, while concern spread across her face.

She inched toward him, and reached up to cup his face in her hands. "Chakotay, I'm not going anywhere." She kissed him softly, and licked her lips. Her eyes danced and her smile returned.

He traced the curve of her shoulder with fingertips. "Can I interest you in a shower?" She nodded in agreement, and took him by the hand, moving from the bed.

The soft warm light from the room played across her skin as they made their way to the Sonic shower.

"Computer," he said as they entered it. "Activate sonic shower."

She wrapped her arms around him as the warmth began to hit them. Steam began as beads of water ran down their skin.

"Can I ask something of you?" she asked, her voice muffled against his skin. She pulled back. "Can you do something for me?"

He pulled the hair back from her face. "Oh, I promise to make it up to you."

She grinned. "Not that."

"What then?"

"Will you stay with me today? Come with me off the ship?"

He closed his eyes and was quiet. "Who is asking?"

Her brow furrowed inquisitively.

"Is it Kathryn or the Captain?"

"Can it be both? A Captain needs her Commander. And I need you."

He took a finger and followed a drop as it fell from her chin,to between her breasts.

She kissed him heatedly and her small hips rocked slowly against him. "Please?" she added with a whimper.

He smiled knowing her intentions, and he reached for her thigh, lifting her carefully in his arms.

She gasped as her back pressed heavily against the wall of the shower. "Is this what you want?" he asked.

Her kiss intensified, tongue and teeth. "Computer, raise the temperature by two degrees".

She lowered her hips pressing into him. "I have dreamed of you in here with me. Touching me, like this. Holding me like this."

They stumbled for a second while he lowered her onto him. Her hands reached out to brace against the wall. One foot lowered to the ground, and in their awkwardness, they found leverage. He bucked into her, harder this time, forcing her back against the wall.

She was wet and hot, and steam was filling the tiny stall.

Her hands were scratching at his back as he pushed further into her. Filling her completely with a last buck.

"Did this happen in your dreams?" he gasped.

"Among other things."

He moved long and hard within her, and bucked hard again, causing her to hit her head against the wall.

"Such as?"

And with a gleam in her eye, "I'll have to show you."

Coming Soon: Chapter 7 - "Feels Like the End" - Mikky Ekko