Chapter Seventeen: Different Angle

Bonnie was straying slowly along the pavement. There was no need to rush or to do… anything. The sun was already rising again giving her enough light to see everything around her. Bonnie looked into the sky. It was still early in the year but she was sure that this day was going to mark the beginning of a brighter season. It felt like the air had changed and the smell of it was different already. Not too much longer and the first trees would start to bloom.

Bonnie looked around. She had been walking for some time now, not knowing where she should go. She couldn't stay home. When Connor had dropped her off she went to her room but Elena and Caroline weren't there yet. She didn't sleep much until she finally gave up and went out the front door. Since then she had been roaming the streets of Portland with no destination.

She didn't know where she was and that was okay. She just followed the paths that her instinct chose for her. It was going to lead her somewhere and it was going to lead her back as well.

The walking in the fresh morning air made her head clearer. All the events of the night came rushing back to her mind. Or most of them. And now that the air had cooled her thoughts, she was able to place the events to where they belonged.

Bonnie recapped: She got drunk with her friends, fell asleep in the middle of the party after being denied to smoke with Kai (thank god, she thought now) and after waking up Connor offered to take her home, put her on the bench in front of the house and she, still drunk, met an equally wasted Kai and… and…

This part was still hard to wrap her mind around. She had kissed Kai Parker. She had kissed him. Sure, he didn't push her back or anything but it was her move. How the hell did that happen? And what did that mean? What did it say about her? About her relationship with Jeremy? And most and for all her relationship with Kai?

Bonnie was confused to her bone. She had to find a quiet and sober moment to talk to Kai about this. She was afraid that things would never get back to normal now. But they had to. No matter how long her friendship with Kai had lasted she wasn't willing to let that go because of a stupid drunken weak moment of hers.

She thought back to that moment. How she had cried on his shoulder and how safe and warm his embrace had felt. How soft his lips were and how good he tasted.

Did she enjoy it? Bonnie hesitated but had to admit to herself that the answer to that question was a solid yes. The kiss had made her wanting more. Stupid girl.

Did she have any feelings for him? That was a harder question. She cared about him, for sure, but was there anything more between the two of them that neither of them had realized until this point? Who knew? Bonnie decided that she wasn't going to get an answer to that question. She didn't need it. She was with Jeremy and she loved him. There was no need to search any deeper for some hidden feelings towards Kai. It was never going to happen again.

She had been so deep in thoughts that she didn't realize how far she had walked. She looked around and something about this part of the city felt familiar. The huge properties along the streets had green grass, even though it was still February. Bonnie was watching this neighborhood properly while walking along the street.

Until she reached the end of the street and she finally realized where she was. But, this couldn't be. How the hell and why would her instincts want her to come here? What good would it be to be here, basically in the middle of the night?

Bonnie shook her head. Something inside her, something she wasn't able to fight, was dragging her closer to the beautiful white house in front of her. The dim light did nothing bad to the beauty of it and while she was walking down the Parker's driveway she admired the view once more.

The astonishing views never got old and lead Bonnie to not pay a lot of attention to anything else. That was why she jumped when she finally saw a figure sitting on the steps to the porch.

"Hell, you scared me!" she said out loud and the only answer she got back was a deep chuckle.

"Hello to you too. I didn't want to interrupt your… girl scouting. But I do wonder, what are you doing here at this early hour?" Kai tilted his head to the right and watched her intensely. Bonnie wasn't prepared for this. She couldn't see him right now, not yet. Not before she managed to plan this whole conversation.

"I… I don't know. I went for a walk because I couldn't sleep and somehow I ended up here. Didn't expect anyone to be up yet to be honest."

Kai nodded like he understood exactly what she was talking about. "Well, I was getting hungry, the freaking downside of kicking off, so I went to get some food and chill in the fresh air. What's your excuse?" Kai held a bag of cheese balls in Bonnie's direction, raising an eyebrow to check if she wanted some too.

Bonnie's stomach groaned and she realized she could really need some food. So she took a step forward and reached into the bag of cheese balls.

"I don't know, I just couldn't sleep I guess." She told him.

"Too much alcohol?"

"No that's not it, I am basically all sober now."

"Then too much on your mind?"

"Probably."

"Like what?"

Bonnie looked to the ground and drew something in the dust with her foot. She couldn't look at him and tell him what the reason for her restlessness was this night. Maybe if she didn't say anything right now she didn't have to, he would get it and would be the one to initiate the conversation she was too afraid to have.

But after a while Kai hadn't said anything yet so she looked up and saw that he was still watching her, waiting for an answer. Shit, he wanted her to start the conversation.

"Like you, actually." Bonnie finally confessed, looking back to the ground because she was too afraid of his reaction.

"Ah, I see."

Bonnie looked up to him. What kind of reaction was that? Was he so self-confident that he knew that the kiss would have such an impact on her? What did he think of himself? Bonnie saw a smug smile appear on Kai's face as he leaned back.

"What? You have something to say on that matter?" Bonnie spit out.

"Nope!"

Bonnie blinked. He wasn't even willing to talk about what happened? She got angrier and angrier with him and herself. Why did she come here? Why was he still up this late for her to run into him? Why did he show no sign of interest in resolving this thing between them?

Bonnie closed the remaining distance between them in two strides and stood over him, trying to look as angry and menacing as she could. She pushed against his shoulder with a little bit more effort than she would use if she was fooling around with him so he would realize how serious this situation was.

"Tell me you're kidding. You can't be this nonchalant about what happened." She snapped at him.

"I am because nothing happened."

"Nothing… what? We kissed that's nothing to you?" Bonnie was furious now.

Kai shrugged. "No, not if it didn't mean anything to you because it didn't mean anything to me. It was just a kiss. We were wasted and emotionally chipped, it happens."

So this is what he thought about all this. A part of Bonnie was relieved that nothing was going to change between them but the bigger part was furious with him for pushing this aside like it was nothing. For him it may have been nothing because he does this all the time, get drunk, make out with a random girl and never speak of it again. But Bonnie had kissed a total amount of three people in her life. The first has been a certain Ben McKittrick in the first grade, the second being Jeremy and the third being him. She usually didn't do things like this, most definitely not when she was with still Jeremy.

All her feelings took over and she started to randomly punch Kai. But of course he was stronger than her. After a few light hits he got hold of her wrists and tried to calm her down. Bonnie on the other hand didn't want to calm down. She was leaning down towards his still sitting position and fighting to get out of his hold.

"Bon, calm down." He said angrily. But she didn't care, she kept fighting until he finally gained all control and she stumbled into his arms. She was now sitting on his left leg, and buried her face in her hands. She didn't know what was wrong with her, why she hit him or got so furious in the first place. She was ashamed and didn't want to face him.

But Kai wouldn't let her. He took her hands into his and freed her face of them, placing them in her lap. Bonnie kept her gaze to her hands, now in her lap. She avoided looking at him.

"Look at me, Bon." He demanded in a softer tone.

Bonnie shook her head and then she felt that Kai tugged a strait of her hair behind her ear. The gentle gesture surprising Bonnie so she looked up and looked directly into his eyes. What a mistake.

His gray-blue eyes shone bright against the brightening sky. And they were full of emotions. Bonnie could only place a few of them but mostly he looked concerned and it triggered something inside of Bonnie. The same warm feeling as earlier that night came rushing through her body and Bonnie felt the need to touch Kai's face.

Right in that moment when the two of them were so close to each other Bonnie knew that those eyes would turn out to be her doom. Not able to resist the temptation of feeling Kai's lips on hers once again she leaned forward and met his lips halfway.

This time the kiss wasn't as gentle. This time it was more, full of want. After only seconds their kiss had deepened and Bonnie started to explore Kai's mouth with her tongue. Gosh, he tasted so good. He had recently brushed his teeth, so Bonnie could taste the mint tooth paste of his and of course that taste was mixed with the cheese ball taste he had just eaten.

Kai slowly and gently lifted Bonnie off his leg and lay her down with her back on the porch. For that he stopped kissing her for a second but as soon as she lay comfortable on the porch he resumed sliding his tongue into her mouth. Bonnie's hand were around his neck keeping him in place and his hands were busy exploring the side of her rips, one of them sliding underneath her shirt.

Bonnie let out a moan into his mouth. This felt so good. Right now she realized how much she had missed closeness like this. Jeremy had been so far away and even further away emotionally and this… this right here was what she needed.

Kai moved his mouth to Bonnie's jaw and placed a few kisses there on his way down to her neck. Bonnie's hand moved into his hair, holding on to it for dear life.

"We can't do this." Bonnie let out between moans, closing her eyes.

"Shhh." Kai tried to shut her up while sucking on her lower lip.

For another second she enjoyed the feeling that was overwhelming her. But then it hit her. This was wrong. This was exactly what she didn't want to happen. This felt… this felt like nothing she ever experienced before.

This was…

With shock Bonnie rose from her bed!

Her eyes were wide open and her breathing was fast like she just did a marathon. She looked around herself to realize where she was. She recognized the sleeping forms of Elena and Caroline to her left and became instantly calmer. She was at home.

There had been no walking around the town and wildly making out with one Malachai Parker. It was all a dream. Still the background to that dream had probably been the confusing encounter with him late that evening.

Bonnie felt like her throat was sand. She slowly got off the bed. First to not wake Caroline or Elena up- she had no idea when the two of them came home- and secondly because she wasn't sure of her condition yet and if her feet would even hold her.

Silently she made her way down the stairs. The sun was about to rise and dipped the kitchen in cold light. Everyone in the house was still fast asleep, only Bonnie was wide awake after her creepy dream. When she thought about it she realized that dream-Bonnie could have figured out that something was wrong about the scenery. The air was too warm for end of February and the light had some strange touch of orange in it. It felt more like an early summer day.

Bonnie went to the fridge to get some ice cold water. She was still a little shaky; whether it was from her thirst or the dream she wasn't sure. She sat down near the counter and poured herself a glass of water, and emptied it in one gulp. The cold of the drink refreshed her senses and she could form her thoughts more clearly.

It wasn't the dream alone that bothered her, it was the combination of this dream that felt so realistic and the actual happenings that night. She had kissed Kai and like she already made clear to herself in her dream, she had liked it. But like her dream-self she wasn't going to find out what the root for that strange and sudden affection towards Kai was.

A sigh escaped her as she realized that she needed to talk to someone about it. Her first guess was Caroline, but she was still asleep and because Elena would be around them for the next two days she couldn't tell her right away, for obvious reasons. Elena would only judge her for cheating on Jeremy even if she was super drunk and that was the last thing she needed right now. Plus, she wasn't even sure if she was going to tell Jeremy about what happened and Elena for sure couldn't keep it to herself at some point. So Bonnie was going to wait until Caroline was back home and she could Skype her about it.

Or maybe not?

Bonnie heard someone arrive in the kitchen door frame. When she turned to see who it was she looked into the tired face of her blonde friend. Bonnie could see what damage the alcohol had done to Caroline and she silently offered her a stool next to her, grabbing a second glass and pouring another drink for her friend. Caroline sat next to her gladly taking the water and finishing it in no time. She silently poured herself another one and shot a quick glance at Bonnie.

"So, what's keeping you up?"

Bonnie looked at her friend, confused. "I just can't sleep any longer. Guess it's the hangover. What about you?"

Caroline turned around on the stool so that her upper body was now facing Bonnie directly. She wore this expression on her face that made Bonnie swallow. Anytime she had worn this in the past Bonnie had admitted to something. Caroline knew something was up, it was just a question of time when Bonnie was going to spill the beans.

"Okay, why don't you stop pretending? What's going on Bonnie?"

"Nothing, I was just thirsty that's all."

"And I am supposed to believe that? I have been your best friend longer than both of us can remember, I know you Bonnie Bennett. You can't fool me." Caroline stared at Bonnie, who tried to avoid Caroline's gaze. She needed to talk to her about what happened.

"Is Elena still sleeping?" Bonnie asked.

"For god's sake Bonnie, don't change the subject."

"I am not. I am asking if Elena is still asleep up there!" Bonnie turned to look at Caroline with intensity in her eyes so Caroline would understand the urgency.

Bonnie's stare made Caroline build up her awareness. She didn't know yet what this was all about but she understood that it was something of importance. "Yes, she is still fast asleep."

"Good, then you have to promise me something." Bonnie said and waited for Caroline to nod in agreement. "Whatever I am going to tell you now, you CAN NOT tell Elena anything!"

"Sure."

"I mean it Caroline. I need you advise but I can't risk you spilling something to her. I know it's a lot to ask but I depend on you! Promise me." Bonnie tried to make Caroline understand.

"I promise, Bonnie!" Caroline said with all sincerity. So Bonnie sighed deeply and took all her courage to confess to her friend.

"When I woke up at the party, you guys had already left. Connor found me and took me outside to get his car. When I waited for him I ran into Kai and…" Bonnie hesitated. She was sure that Caroline already knew where she was going with this story but she didn't say anything, wanting to hear the story from Bonnie. "I kissed Kai!"

Silence. Bonnie looked at Caroline to see some kind of reaction from her. It wasn't likely for her to hold back her commentary but somehow something about this moment told her she should keep quiet, the onetime Bonnie needed her friend to be honest and spit it right into her face.

After horrible seconds of silence Caroline finally said something. "So, was it good?"

Bonnie blinked. "This is all you have to say about it?"

"No, but it was easiest question to get answered so I asked it first." Caroline raised her eyebrows, demanding an answer to her question.

"I can't believe you, Care. I told you this so that you could give me all the shit about it. I need to hear someone say what a bitch move that was."

"Alright, fine. Bonnie what you did was bad and dumb and you should really feel bad right now. There you have it." Caroline barked out.

"Caroline…"

"No, that is what you want me to say, isn't it? You want me to tell you that you shouldn't have kissed Kai. You want me to give you a bad conscience for betraying Jeremy and you want me to talk you out of any kind of feeling that kiss had brought up in you. But you know what Bonnie? I won't do it. You know why? Because this is not what I am thinking at all. Yeah, maybe it is not the nicest thing to do when you are officially still in a relationship but I tell you, Jeremy has been the jerk of the century and of course to him it is going to sound like the worst excuse ever but you wouldn't have done this if he hadn't ignored you for so long. I know you love him and that you think you did him wrong but you are wrong about that. If he isn't going to give you the love and attention you need and deserve than you have to find someone that does."

"No way is that someone Kai!" Bonnie interrupted Caroline's speech.

"Does that matter? That kiss is just your subconscience telling you to start acting, to start listening to what you really want. And that something isn't Jeremy Gilbert if he doesn't change his behavior soon."

Wow. Bonnie hadn't anticipated this from Caroline. Of course she was right, Bonnie wanted her to tell her what a bad person she was but the things Caroline had said made Bonnie think that she had probably planned on saying that for a while now.

"How long have you been holding back on that speech?" Bonnie asked.

"Urgh, forever. I have seen the way you looked every time you or someone else talked about Jeremy. I know you, Bonnie. And I can see that you aren't happy right now. And that had been going on for too long for me not to say something about it." Caroline send Bonnie a sad smile. She had been a little harsh on her right now but maybe Bonnie needed to hear all of this.

Bonnie leaned to the side and placed her head on Caroline's shoulder. Her friend placed an arm around her shoulder and hugged her.

After a while the position got uncomfortable and Bonnie drew herself away from Caroline.

"So, what am I supposed to do? Tell him?"

"Not necessarily. You need to talk to him for sure. About all the things that bother you so you can maybe safe your relationship. But before you do that you have to answer one very simple but important question: Did you enjoy kissing Kai?"

"Yes." The word escaped Bonnie before she could properly think about the question. Even Caroline was surprised by the answer so Bonnie could use her speechlessness and explain further.

"Not the way you think. I mean. I care about him, he is my friend and all and I have never before even thought about the possibility of kissing him or anything romantic."

"So maybe you should find that out."

"No!" Bonnie said determined. "There is no way I am ever going to find out if there was anything else causing this kiss but emotionality and alcohol. I am not going to turn into the girl that fell for her friend. I am not going to be the girl who falls for Kai Parker, ever." And that was the truth. Even if there were any hidden feelings buried deep inside her, she was never going to try to lure them out or do anything to give them incentive.

Caroline nodded. She understood.

"How are you not surprised by any of this?" Bonnie asked her friend.

"Because I have eyes. He's hot, you're hot. Plus, I have seen the two of you at the party. Everyone was searching for you because you never returned from the toilet so Elena sent me looking for you. I didn't see the point in that and when I found you in the kitchen I realized you weren't alone. I knew that you wouldn't be so close with any guy so I figured that it was Kai you were sharing you time with. And I have to say Bonnie, the way you were talking about him all the time and the scene I witnessed in the kitchen. I kind of liked what I saw and secretly hoped that maybe he was going to be the one showing you that your relationship with Jer isn't the gold standard." Bonnie frowned at her for the last part of her argument and Caroline resumed "I know, I know. You're not falling for Kai Parker. EVER!"

The two girls laughed and Bonnie felt more relieved than a few minutes ago. Talking to Caroline had been the right choice.

"I really need to talk to Jeremy, don't I?" Bonnie asked the obvious question.

"I guess you do!"

. . . … . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Caroline's voice woke her up from a light sleep. She was going to kill her friend. The whole night she had tried to keep Caroline out of trouble and now she couldn't even get her sleep?

When Elena opened her eyes and looked around the room she could neither see Caroline nor Bonnie. But their now dim voices made their way to Bonnie's room from downstairs.

Elena sighed. Now that she was awake she could as well join her friends and be mad at Caroline downstairs. She put on her slippers and made her way to the kitchen, suddenly feeling a hunger burning up inside her.

She was about to make an entrance to the kitchen when she heard her friends talk and the way they were talking about it puzzled her so she stopped at the end of the stairs and listened in on the conversation.

"I don't know what I am going to say. I never had to have a conversation like that." Bonnie whispered.

"Well, I don't say it is going to be easy but after that you'll feel better, I promise." Caroline answered. What kind of conversation were they talking about?

"I am afraid. I still love him, Care."

"Then it is even more important to finally tell him about it. You are not going to be happy if you keep it to yourself."

"I know. But still…"

"Bonnie, let me tell you something: Jeremy is just a guy. I know you won't believe me right now but he is. And no matter how he is going to react it is going to be a huge relief for you. Maybe not at once, maybe you will have the lovesickness of your life BUT you'll get over it and you'll come out of it stronger. And you know… there are some really hot guys here waiting for you to come knocking at their door." Caroline teased Bonnie and Elena didn't understand what it was about.

"Oh, I should have never told you about the dream." Elena heard Bonnie laugh. A dream? Elena didn't understand but it wasn't important right now. What she did get form the conversation- that was clearly not meant to be overheard by her- was that Bonnie was going to have a serious talk with Jeremy. Elena loved Bonnie like a sister but she also loved her brother and knew that Bonnie was really important to him, even if he couldn't show it sometimes.

Elena silently made her way back to Bonnie's room and searched for her phone. When she found it she opened up a new text.

Jer, if you care for Bonnie at all you should really get your ass back in the game. Can't tell you anything specific but I think Bonnie wants to have some serious talk. And there are some guys here that I wouldn't trust not to try and hit on Bonnie. So get out of your nut shell and be a better boyfriend to my best friend. This is the only hint I am going to give you. Girlfriend code!

Elena pressed send and quickly deleted all evidence of ever sending this massage. She knew Caroline or Bonnie wouldn't snoop around her phone but she also knew that she just broke girlfriend code and informed her brother about something that was going on with Bonnie. She really tried to stay out of their problems but lately the two had made it harder for her not to get involved.

If Elena wasn't sure that her brother and her best friend belonged together she may not have gotten involved. But she knew how both of them felt for each other and she just wanted two of the most important people in her life to be happy. And the way Bonnie sounded at least one of them was going to not be happy any longer if Jeremy didn't step up.

Author's note: HUGE sorry for teasing you guys like that. I wasn't trying to upset anyone with the dream sequence but it was something that I really wanted to do and make sure about the way Bonnie felt about the kiss. I promise, there is going to be a real talk between the two of them soon. Hope I can finish the next chapter soon, because I am kind of stuck there. Maybe it is going to be a little shorter because I just really need to get through it and be done with the chapter so I can get to some juicier parts and to progress the story. Thanks again for all the nice reviews, I appreciate it. You guys are amazing, thanks for reading. Until next time, LiLaAir.