Chapter 16.
Around 1pm Agatha Burrows was taking a short break, sitting in Mel and Frieda's back living room behind the swinging green baize door, and enjoying a quiet cup of green tea. This was the very first time in her career as a marriage celebrant that she had presided at three ceremonies on the same day, and also the first time two female gay couples were marrying within hours of each other. Since Massachusetts had legalised same-sex marriage, such bookings were beginning to become more common though, so she expected this wouldn't be the last time.
She couldn't pretend the day wasn't exciting, but it was also definitely stressful. She knew many of the wedding guests were New York celebrities and word would quickly get around if she messed it up. Miranda Priestly and her charming young fiancée had met with her the previous Thursday, and she understood how they wanted the ceremony to go, but it was still slightly nerve-wracking, and those nerves had certainly been well and truly wracked by the bizarre and almost violent end to the previous wedding. Thank God no-one had been shot! The little kid in the fancy cowboy jacket seemed to have stepped out and stopped the police shooting anyone. She certainly had guts, that girl.
Mel popped her head round the door and asked if she was OK, and whether she'd like a plate of food from the lunch buffet, but Agatha said, no, she'd rather wait till all her duties had been performed. Then she could relax with the rest. Miranda had given her an invitation to stay for as long as she liked and eat and drink all she wanted to, and had politely declined the offer of a homily. She could see that the Runway editor wasn't someone who would appreciate sermonising from a stranger.
Upstairs, Caroline and Cassidy were trying their hardest to be good bridesmaids and help Andrea into her lovely frothy, gorgeous dress. Granny Jen and Aunty Margot were doing the lion's share of the work though, passing her what she needed. Then Caroline asked, "Can I brush your hair, Andy?" and when Andy, who was sitting at the dressing-table, smiled and agreed, she carefully untangled the chestnut curls in front of her and brushed them out, then combed them down into a semblance of order.
"You take after your Mom, being so good with hair", said Andy, smiling at her in the mirror. "The first time we really got together, she spent half an hour taming and dressing my hair. Of course it went right down my back then, not just this little mop."*
"It will grow again before you know it," said Jenny. "Are you going to grow it really long again?"
"Yes, I will. Miranda has a thing about long hair, well on me anyway."
There was a knock on the door, and Margot went to answer it. "Nigel's here," she said. "Can he come in?"
"Of course!"
Nigel came through, holding a little jewellery box.
"Here, Six, this is for you to wear, courtesy of one of those designers whose name you couldn't even spell once upon a time. It's only a loan, mind, which I will have to return next week, but I thought you might like some sparkle."
He opened the box and pulled out a little diamond tiara with matching ear-rings.
"Oh, how cool," crooned Caroline. "Andy, you'll look like a princess!"
"Put them on!" shouted Cassie. "Mom will be well impressed!"
So Andrea placed the headpiece securely in her waves and hung the ear-rings on each side of it. It was actually quite helpful as the tiara kept her hair out of her eyes. She had made up her face, following Caroline's stern advice, and the dress certainly felt as lovely as it had when she'd tried it on before.
"Stand up, and let's have a look at you," instructed Nigel, and so she did. She was astonished to see her mother's eyes fill with tears. "I told you, you would make your mother cry!" he continued. "You do look very beautiful. Just remember to stand up straight, sweetie."
"I'm changing my shoes though," she said. "These ones are too high, and I am not towering over Miranda."
Nigel, who had just come from Miranda's dressing room, gave a little sly grin. He'd ensured that her four inch heels would match Andy in height underneath a very fetching pair of dark striped dress trousers. But Miranda wore heels like a pro whereas Six would just as likely topple over at the first opportunity.
"OK, as long as they match", and when he saw Andy's low-heeled choice, nodded approval.
Nigel had organised not one but two trusted professional fashion photographers to cover this wedding, and now felt sure his investment would pay hefty dividends. The next cover of Runway would be a record breaker.
He had just spent thirty minutes with Miranda, and knew their gamble had completely worked. She looked magnificent, gorgeous and utterly sexy in her tailcoat and flashing platinum cufflinks and cravat chain. The outfit had been perfectly cut to fit her female shape, but by covering much of it up, the beauty of her body was paradoxically highlighted, and her make-up made her eyes looked enormous and stunningly dark-blue. Now she was sitting in her room, for the last few minutes before the wedding, and he'd seen Andy's grandmother about to go in to wish her well.
The ensuing little conversation with Momma was just what Miranda needed to stop the butterflies in her stomach. To start with, Momma was outrageously impressed with her outfit.
"Jeese, girl. Well! Darn me. I can tell you if I was fifty years younger, Andy wouldn't stand a chance! I'd swing you up behind me on my horse and gallop off with you as far as the Mexican border!"
Miranda laughed. "That's a ridiculous notion for so many reasons, I can't begin to give them. But do you think it's OK, really, and not too shocking for Richard?"
"Pooh, Richard! He has the imagination of a ground-hog and the common sense of a jack-rabbit. But he has grown up a lot in the thirty or so years I've been training him. His mind has broadened a lot, and I've heard him often talk to Jenny about how much he admires you."
"I just want Andy's whole family to accept me. I know I'm not easy."
"Darlin' we all love you. Look how wonderfully you brought us altogether at Thanksgiving? Andy adores you, I obviously lust after you, even in my old bones, but the whole family loves you. You're one of us now, along with cheeky young Harry. You know, he asked me earlier if I was getting off with anyone at this wedding!"
"It's a shame we don't have anyone who jumps to mind for you."
"Oh, I'm only having a joke here. Gloria and Lee are taking me up North back to Maine tomorrow for the rest of the month, that's exciting enough. Your brother and his partner make a nice couple though, don't they?"
Miranda almost jumped out of the chair where she was sitting. "Charles and George? Oh no, they are not a couple, just a music partnership."
"Now, darling, where's your gaydar? Haven't you noticed? They never go anywhere without each other. They're like an old married couple."
"But I put them in separate bedrooms and they didn't say anything."
"Your brother is a very refined gentleman. I don't suppose he would, but after a few drinks at the reception later, you ask him. I'll bet you a nickel and a dime I'm right!"
"Well," thought Miranda. "I must have been blind. Momma's right. Charles isn't the sort to proclaim it to the world. How dense I've been all this time."
Then Nigel bounced back in. "Come on ladies, let's get moving. I have Cassie here with me. It's time to go down. This show is about to begin."
And he bustled them both out of the room and downstairs, like the perfect best man that he was.
Douglas and Harry, along with Andy's two brothers, Edward and Mike, had been acting as ushers, handing out order sheets to the guests as the big marquee began to fill up. It was going to be absolutely packed. All the catering staff, as well as Mel and Frieda themselves, and the various musicians had squeezed in to stand at the back, and a taxi had just drawn up with a few late-comers who now came flying down the drive to join the assembly.
The Brazilians had overcome their shock and were now more than happy to join the throng, and all of Miranda's dearest friends and family were piling into the front seats. Serena and Emily, who now considered themselves an established couple, were directing traffic into each row, and gasped with appreciation as Jenny Sachs, the bride's elegant mother passed them. As always, she looked a million dollars, on a modest budget, and her mother beside her also looked very elegant, especially for a retired farmer from Ohio.
Then Miranda stepped into the marquee, and a whisper of shocked appreciation at her amazing appearance rippled through the whole assembly. She and Andy had earlier decided to share the twins between them, so Cassidy had come down and now accompanied her mother and Nigel into the front seats on the left.
The McCarthy fiddle and accordion band, who had been playing to entertain everyone for the last fifteen minutes, now fell silent, and then changed their tune completely to a rendering of Handel's 'Arrival of the Queen of Sheba' It was astounding, the sounds they could produce from just violins and accordions as their fingers flew over the buttons in perfect time and harmonic accuracy.
Everyone went quiet and turned to the back, where the bridal party were coming through the opening. Miranda stood up. God, she felt nervous, as if this was the first time she was getting married. But before, she'd been the one to walk up the aisle, knowing both times, that her heart really wasn't in it, and she might as well have been walking to her doom. Now, she wanted to marry Andrea Sachs more than anything else in the whole world. And she had to wait for her.
"Got the rings?" she hissed at Nigel.
"Of course, now shut up and turn round. Look at your bride!" he hissed back.
They both turned, and saw Richard Sachs leading his daughter down the centre aisle. Andrea, whose nerves had melted away under the complete conviction that this was what she wanted, and her desire only to reach Miranda and take her hand, came steadily forward.
She looked absolutely beautiful, and had, as Nigel had predicted, already made her father weep when he saw her. Caroline walked just behind, her dress of blue and silver silk a picture in itself, and she held her head high, like the little princess she was.
Miranda's heart stopped, just gazing at Andrea, and tears also came to her eyes. Then Andrea focused her vision on Miranda, and her eyes went wide with delight, and a huge sexy smile appeared on her face as she saw Miranda's clothes. She came to be with her, and Richard passed his daughter over to the stylish woman, astonishingly dressed in full formal men's dress, but very cleverly feminised. The look on both their faces convinced him this would be a good, strong, permanent marriage. He gave them a smile, and returned to the comforting presence of his wife.
Agatha Burrows, in her formal lawyer's gown, stepped forward.
"Friends and family, Miranda and Andrea welcome you to their wedding today and before you all will now declare their love for each other, and their wish to be married in the sight of the law, and in the presence of this congregation. . ." Miranda's wedding had begun.
Everyone waited for the vows, for the whisper had gone round that they had written each other's.
Miranda went first.
Taking Andrea's hands in hers she said,
"Andrea, I promise to hold you always in my heart, to share my life, and my children, my home and my dreams, so that we will make our future together, and be as one.
I promise I will be there for you in sunshine and in storms. I will never desert you for any other. I will forgive you in return, if you will forgive me for anything I do to hurt you without realising.
You are my soul-mate, my treasure, and the one who will always love me.
I know that, and I promise never to forget it."
Then Andrea replied, repeating the vows, Miranda had insisted she learn.
"Miranda, I promise to stay beside you forever,
To forgive you for all the times you will definitely need it,
To protect and save you from all your silliness and arrogance,
To obey you when you make sensible decisions, and always disobey you when you don't.
I promise to be your wife, with all that this means.
And to give you all my love, now and forever."
Then, after a little more from Agatha, , the exchanging of rings, and a reading of the Philip Sydney Poem, "My true love hath my heart and I have his." came the ringing confirmation everyone was waiting for. "I now pronounce you to be formally married in the sight of the law, and in the company of this congregation. You may now kiss the bride."
Oh whoops, Agatha realised she had fallen into the trap of repeating the old heterosexual rubric, not what she was supposed to do for same-sex marriages, but no-one cared or noticed. The whole assembly craned their heads forward to see and share the magic moment as Miranda Priestly threw all caution to the winds and swept her bride up in a completely all-embracing kiss on the mouth. Andrea twisted her fingers through Miranda's white hair and met her, mouth to mouth, tongue to tongue.
Some wag in the congregation began to count, and many others all joined in. "One, two, three, four, five . . . . !"
It became a chant, until Miranda reluctantly drew back for breath on the count of eleven. The crowd loved it, and all broke into applause. Cassie and Caroline snuggled into their two moms for a group hug, and the music struck up again, this time to the very jaunty tune Andy had been singing all spring, "Oh, we're going to the chapel and we're going to get married! . . .
"Let's go out and have some fun and food. I'm starving!" whispered Andrea, and they walked out together arm in arm as everyone cheered and clapped.
The inevitable photo shoot took up much of the next hour or more, until Andrea decided she never wanted to smile at a camera again. But then she caught sight of a face she certainly hadn't expected to be within ten thousand miles of her wedding.
"Lily! You made it! How wonderful. I can't believe it. When did you get here?" They ran towards each other, and Lily gave her a big hug.
"I know. I'm so sorry I was late. It's been a bit of a marathon, but I arrived just before your wedding began. I've been travelling non-stop for the last thirty-six hours. But you are my best friend in the world, and some things are non- negotiable. You look amazing by the way, and wow, is Miranda hot or what?"
"Definitely hot!" laughed Andy. "I had no idea she was going to wear that. She is a tease."
"Well I wish you both every blessing. And hey, I've got a new fellow in my life. Someone I've met in New Zealand. He's a great guy, and I think I'm staying out there long-term to be with him."
"Great news, but your Mom will miss you."
"I know, but I'm taking her back with me, to see if she likes the place. She has good office skills. I'm sure she can settle therewith us if she wants to."
"Well, I wish you every joy. Now grab some food and enjoy the party. Afternoon tea will be served very shortly, and then we have the chance to dance all evening, with a pig roast on the BBQ."
Miranda came over to claim her bride, and even gave Lily a kindly smile. Nothing, absolutely nothing, could now annoy her, or even dent the grin on her face. She had enjoyed surprising Andy with her outfit, and now she had another little trick up her sleeve. It had taken quite a lot of planning, but she had cleared it with Mel and Frieda, who had opened their second gate into a side track to make it all possible. Kick off time for this surprise was 5pm.
By now, afternoon tea in the British tradition was being served with little porcelain cups and saucers, fancy cakes and pastries on tiered cake-stands, cucumber sandwiches, Devonshire scones with strawberry jam and cream, and tiny meringues stuffed with cream. Frieda had done a wonderful job, even though some of Brazilian teenagers hadn't recognised the cucumber sandwiches as food. As Andy had predicted, the more boisterous of them had decamped down to the beach to play volley ball.
Miranda's jazz band, who had been waiting patiently in the wings, could now be heard playing sets of her favorite standards, while Charles had taken the twins inside to practise their waltz. George had set up his portable electric piano, which had a surprisingly good way of mimicking a traditional keyboard, and they were happily all working together.
The sun was shining, the little on-shore breeze did no more than lightly clear the air, and everyone seemed ridiculously happy. Miranda and Andrea walked together round the company, working the tables and stopping to chat with all their guests. Charles had already introduced Miranda to her cousin Evelyn, and she now took Andrea over to the Bostonian section of the garden party, to meet some of the others. Charles had summed them up perfectly, they were all very pleasant looking, jolly types, easily identified as relations of the twins, even more than hers. Gay or straight, they all embraced her as one of their own, and she discovered that three of them worked together in a successful family business, quite separate from their music making. "What is it", asked Andrea, showing polite curiosity.
"Teeth. We're big in teeth," declared one of the brothers, flashing a large set of perfect porcelain dentures.
Both Miranda and Andrea had to choke back a giggle. "Big in teeth?" confirmed Andy.
"Yep. We run one of the biggest dental technician centres in the Boston area. If you were up here and you needed a crown or some implants, chances are, your dentist would send the work to us."
"Well I never!" said Miranda. "That's very skilled work, I'm sure."
"Yes it is, but it can get tedious after a while. How are your teeth, Miranda?"
"Pretty good, thank you. I was never given many sweets as a child."
"They sure look in good condition! Now if you'll excuse me, I need this tea cup refilling. Kind of titchy, aren't they?"
And he rolled away, leaving Andrea and Miranda stifling their need to have a good laugh. Being "big in teeth" was to become a catchphrase in the family ever after.
But Miranda was really very pleased to meet all her cousins, and felt at ease with them. They shared the McCarthy musical talent which had emerged in her twins as well as in Charles, and when they reconvened for another 30 minutes set of music, to give the Jazz band a break, she enjoyed all their old Irish folk tunes.
Then it was time to set up her surprise. She went inside the house to make a call, and on the dot of 5pm, a big vehicle with a smaller trailer could be seen coming down the access road and turning behind the garden into the back lane. Nigel picked up his cue, and Miranda came out to say to Andy. "Go get the twins, darling. I have a little surprise for them and the other children, and for you."
Andy obeyed, at a complete loss as to what to expect, but then when she had gathered the children altogether, the side gate opened Nigel came through twirling his ringmaster's baton and picked up the microphone on the platform.
"Quiet everybody please! We will shortly be cutting the wedding cake for all our lovely couples here today. It is Hawaiian fruit cake on the bottom tier, for our Asian and Australian connections of Harry and Hannah, then lemon drizzle cake in the middle layer for Emily and Serena, that lovely mixture of sweet and sharpness we associate with them, and finally for the top layer, chocolate heaven for our darling Miranda and Andrea. And we thank Mel and Frieda and their team for providing us with such a lovely venue and feast for our weddings today. I'm sure you all agree it's been a triumph."
Everyone clapped and cheered, and then he handed over the microphone to Miranda. As the whole party fell silent again, she spoke to the crowd.
"My dear friends and family, most of you know me, and you've seen me at my best, and my worst, over the years, but I can guarantee you have never seen me as happy as I am today. Now, as a little special entertainment for all our children here, and for my definitely young-at-heart wife, I have asked to have brought a surprise visitor to grace our celebrations.
"When I was sixteen I ran away to join a circus, yes, you may well gasp with surprise, but it's true, and ever since then I've felt an affinity to one particular animal, for whom on one occasion I even had to sew pyjamas!
"I am talking about elephants, not the elephant sitting in the room for most of my life, that I was gay, but real elephants. I know Andy is fascinated by them too, so I am very pleased to introduce you all to Laura, a baby elephant from Providence zoo, who has come to visit us just for an hour, accompanied by her keepers Joe and Ted!"
And through the garden gate came the men she mentioned, escorting a little grey elephant who blinked at the crowds but otherwise seemed completely unfazed at its sudden celebrity. It was led into a space of its own in the side garden, and the children all gathered round to gaze on it, and pat it, while it tucked into a large bag of hay and enjoyed having its ears tickled.
"Miranda, you're amazing!" Andrea kissed her on the ear, and made a quick decision. "Look, I'm going upstairs to change out of this lovely Valentino dress so I can cuddle the baby. You remembered how I wanted an elephant at the Christmas party, like the twins had at theirs in central Park last summer! But this is a complete surprise."
"I know, just a bit of fun. I did worry it would get stressed, but it hasn't come far, and they tell me it's used to being petted. It will only stay an hour."
Andrea changed back into her first dress of the day, still an extremely pretty one which Miranda had gifted her, and then they all had a lovely time meeting and greeting little Laura, the elephant. At six o'clock she returned to the zoo to re-join her mother and aunties, and then Charles and the twins performed their special waltz. Miranda stepped out onto the dance-floor, taking Andrea's hand and sweeping her in for a really romantic smoochy dance. Then Harry and Hannah joined them, followed by Serena and the bashful Emily. After a few circuits others came on as well, and before long thirty or more couples were enjoying the first dance of the evening. As they danced, Andy whispered in Miranda's ear, "Look, Cindy's mom Della, seems to have hit it off with your cousin, the guy who is big in teeth." And sure enough, they were passed by the couple gazing into each other's eyes, and appearing as happy as anything. They could obviously both dance well in step together.
"When are we slipping away?" murmured Miranda after another hour or so. She was getting hungry, not for roast pork, but for Andrea, whose very presence was driving her wild.
"As soon as you like. No-one will really mind, will they?"
"Go get your things then, and I'll have a word with the twins and Geoff, to tell them."
They tried to slip away unnoticed by most, but of course, that wasn't going to happen, and Andy, driving the Porsche, could hardly push through the crowds throwing confetti and flower petals at them as they made their escape. Miranda was still in her wedding suit, but had taken off the jacket and thrown it over the back seat. Her waistcoat and silk cravat gave her a glorious steam-punk look, and Andrea felt a hot course of desire rise up her body as she looked sideways at her.
"How long to our secret destination?" breathed Miranda after twenty minutes, her hand resting across Andrea's shoulder, tickling her neck.
"About two hours."
"Oh hell, I can't wait that long. Turn off here, and let me smother you with kisses."
So Andy did as requested, turning quickly into a quiet lay-by, pressing the button to raise the roof on the Porsche, and offering her throat to her wife's hot and hungry mouth. She'd promised to obey Miranda when she made sensible decisions after all, even though 'smothering with kisses' turned out to be somewhat of a euphemism!
Epilogue.
The following morning, Mel and Frieda were astonished to find a succession of wedding guests asking to see them, before they all reluctantly checked out.
The first were an older couple, one woman obviously in her eighties, who said they wanted to book the Inn for their wedding, long overdue, they called it, sometime in August. That was great news, and would improve the Inn's cash flow no end.
Then the hilariously campy Master of Ceremonies came forward as well, saying he had just proposed to his young companion, and how about fixing a wedding for early September, when he'd be free of being a stand-on Editor, but before the Paris Fashion week. Mel realised their Inn was going to get quite a name among the fashionistas all over the USA, and their money troubles might be over.
The next couple were the New York police officer and her girl-friend, who said they wanted a wedding before their baby was born in October. This would be a very "Village People" affair and kick NYPD homophobia well into touch.
Emily's father and Kerry's mother also became engaged at the wedding, but they had left early to make a discreet getaway for the airport. "We're settling in England," confided Marcy to her daughter. Don't let on to Sally, but Trevor has a little issue with his passport. Be sure and come visit us over in Bournemouth very soon."
Cindy's mother Della and Charlie McCarthy, the demon fiddle player from North Boston, then took a set of brochures and asked whether they'd still be open for weddings in November. It was all very new, said Della, but they'd really had a great time, and Charlie had a huge advantage over her first husband. He knew nothing about, and had no interest at all, in the law.
"Was it something we put in the tea?" asked Frieda, when things quietened down. Mel shook her head. "No! It was just the magic blown in with this wonderful wedding weekend we've just had. I've never experienced such pure, ridiculous happiness as we've seen here. We can thank our lucky stars we were asked to host Miranda's wedding!"
Author's Note.
You will of course be wondering what happens next. Andy and Miranda can't tell us right now, as they are fully occupied enjoying the peace and quiet of the large king-sized bed, in an idyllic mountain lodge, at the end of a long forest trail, and have asked not to be disturbed for a very, very long time! But I expect they'll be back.
Stay safe.