A/N: warning: smut, lemon, adult content. You asked, I listened. Thank you for waiting patiently. Please be gentile, I've never written anything like this, and I'm not entirely sure if I'm happy with it. This came out with way more angst than I had originally intended...god forbid I write anything without it. But as I wrote, I just kept thinking: Has ANYONE other than his mother, Kagome,-and those few times-Kikyo, ever touched him in a non-violent way? That really messes up a person. I feel like it's excessively long and slow, but it fit with the original concept I had, so I hope you all enjoy. It started to get long, so THERE WILL BE ANOTHER CHAPTER!
Chapter 2:
Inuyasha smiled wildly at her declaration. Every dawn after the new moon, from now on. It almost brought tears to his human eyes. Every part of him was thrumming with emotion. He had always hated that part of the moonless nights, but right now, with her in his arms, it felt almost good. He searched her face in wonder, knowing that it would soon be too dark for non-demon eyes to see her properly. He smoothed her hair away and kissed her again.
He didn't know what to do first.
He pulled back after a few moments, letting his forehead rest against hers and laughed, more at himself than anything. Three months of kissing her and when she tells him that he can touch her anywhere he suddenly had no idea what to do with his hands!
Kagome gave him a confused look and spoke his name. Oh, how he loved the way she said his name.
She didn't want him pretending to know what he was supposed to be doing. Loathe as he was to admit his own ignorance, this was about making sure he didn't hurt her and she seemed to know more than he did. He took a shuddering breath, "I don't know how to start."
Her blush and nervous laughter made him a bit more at ease, "Me either."
He scoffed, "Well, that isn't helpful," he inwardly winced, hoping that hadn't sounded as if he was annoyed. He wasn't annoyed, he was excited and nervous and too many other things. She playfully smacked him on the chest again, which sent his mind back a few weeks, when her hands had wandered and he had almost lost control.
Something must have shown on his face because she asked, "What is it?" He really did need to work on keeping his emotions in check while he was human.
His hands went to her arms and pushed her back, just slightly, to give himself room, when a stray bought of uncertainty hit him. She said she would touch him, she hadn't said if he was allowed to remove any of his clothes. They would have to, at some point, but she was determined to make sure that part wasn't until after sunrise. Shame flooded him, causing his face to flush again. He looked away from her, now unsure of everything. Damn it, she was right! As a human he couldn't smell her emotions. He had no way of knowing if something he did made her angry or scared. What if he did everything wrong?
"Inuyasha?" Her hand brushed his cheek lightly, and his eyes found hers for a brief moment before he bowed his head again. She dipped her head to kiss his nose and forced herself into his eye line. "Do you want to take off your suiken?" He swallowed, nodded sharply, his heartbeat quickening as he waited for her reaction, but she only smiled and bit her lip. Her blush seemed to be almost permanent now, "C-can," she sounded nervous, too. "May I take it off of you? I've-" she looked away, "I've thought," she paused for a moment and bit her lip, "I've dreamt about taking it off you...for this."
All of the air rushed out of his lungs and he couldn't seem to figure out how to draw it back in for a few moments. He nodded, dumbstruck. He hadn't believed it when she had said that she had had the same types of thoughts about him as he'd had for her. His arms dropped to his sides and again he didn't know what to do with his hands. He watched her reach out, the muscles of his abdomen clenching uncomfortably in anticipation until her nimble fingers began untying the knot. Her hands hardly brushed against him, so maybe it was more the idea than the actual touch, but his whole body instantly felt too hot and ice cold at the same time. He began to tremble. Maybe it was the weather? Damn, his human body was frail! Wait, did that mean Kagome was cold?
She seemed wholly intent on her task. Inuyasha watched, rapt in her ministrations as she slowly separated the sides once the knot was undone. She made no move to pull the red suiken down his arms, nor did she make a move for the white hadagi. She simply stared at him for a moment, perhaps it was longer, he didn't know. Then her fingers trailed against the lapels of his hadagi, starting at his neck and moving down. He wanted her to continue, but he also wanted so much more. He didn't know how to articulate exactly what he wanted, so all he did was stare.
"Inuyasha?" Kagome had stopped, she pulled her hands away. He leaned forward slightly, missing the gentile touch already. "I'm sorry. You don't have to. You can keep it on if it makes you uncomfortable."
Uncomfortable?! He wanted to screech. In an instant he shucked both of his upper garments, his bare chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath enough to speak. Then instantly regretted that, too. She just said that she had wanted to do that. Damn it, he was messing up already!
Yet Kagome only giggled. Shaking her head, she sighed, "I-I need you to talk to me. I don't know what...I mean, I know what's supposed to feel good, but I..."
"Put your hands on my chest," he blurted. Had that sounded like an order? That wasn't how he'd meant it to come out.
Maybe he had meant it as an order, because she instantly leaned forward and splayed her hands against him, one on each pectoral. It was everything he wanted and no where near enough, "Like this?" The fingers of one of her hands started gentle circles while the other hand trailed down to his hip and back up.
He fought against the rising need to squirm. His mind warred against the sensations. For three months he had forced himself to ignore how her hands had made him feel, he was having difficulty allowing himself to simply enjoy. He could have this. Kagome was his. She could touch him and he could touch her. "Yes," he breathed. Swallowing, he continued, "come closer? So I can kiss you?"
She kept her hands on him and inched closer until he could wrap his arms around her comfortably. They kissed, Kagome's hands continued their gentle exploration. When they paused to breathe, Kagome whispered, shyly, "Can I try something?"
He nodded, before remembering that she had asked for words, "Yes."
She leaned in again, but before he could kiss her, she kissed his cheek. He was confused for a moment, but she continued the light pecks until she reached his human ear. She gave it a light peck, and he almost laughed in confusion. He shivered unexpectedly when she opened her mouth and her breath hit the appendage. He tried to categorize the sensation, it was far from unpleasant, but human ears were not what he was use to. He wondered what her breath would feel like on his normal ears. Would they twitch away from the-
He gasped and tightened his arms around her as his mind blanked at the sudden sensation of her biting the lower lobe of his ear. Her teeth were grazing it lightly, her tongue tickling it, as she sucked on it. He shuddered. He hadn't thought it was possible that the lecher had downplayed the feelings that coursed through his body. And she hadn't gone anywhere near his lower body. He was already overwhelmed. How was he going to handle when they actually got to that part?!
"Inuyasha?" How could she whisper his name as she continued to lave his ear?
"Don't stop," he hissed through clenched teeth. He was probably holding her too tightly, but his muscles didn't seem to be able to relax. Everything was too tight and too much and not enough and he couldn't think.
He whimpered when her mouth left his ear to trail down his jaw and suck lightly on his neck. How was it possible to feel so much when she was doing so little?! Would it be this intense when he was in his usual form? Or would it be like his emotions, easier to suppress and control?
Would it be worse because of his heightened senses?!
She was at his collarbone, still nipping and sucking, when she paused. Pride be damned, he was about to beg her to continue, when she smiled sweetly at him. "Will you lay down? You're so tense, it doesn't seem like you're comfortable."
He blinked a few times, trying to catch his breath. Now that she mentioned it, his back was a little stiff. He hadn't noticed. "That..." he breathed, still astonished, "where did you learn about that?"
She gasped and pulled away, closing herself off. Her gaze dropped to her hands that were clutching the fabric of her hakama. What had he said wrong?! "I...in my time...I just thought...I thought you'd like it!" She actually flinched when he touched her shoulder.
His head instantly cleared, "You idiot. Did it seem like I didn't?!"
She wouldn't look at him, "No. I...I know women are supposed to act like...I don't want you to think..." She shook her head, pleading, "I don't want you to think I'm-"
"Hey," he said gently, his hand cupping her cheek. She leaned into the gesture, almost as if she were afraid it would stop. "Kagome, I didn't mean anything by it! All Miroku told me was how I needed to be gentle! He didn't say anything about what to actually do!" He tilted her face to look into her eyes, they were filling with tears. "It felt really good. I did like it!" A growl rumbled in the back of his throat. "You told me not to pretend, right? You don't have to, either."
"I've wanted this for so long," she wiped a tear away exasperatingly, "I don't know why I'm nervous."
He pulled her into a hug and held her tightly, tucking her head against his shoulder. She relaxed when he rested his chin on her crown. They stayed that way for a while, simply holding each other. Finally, he sighed, it was easier to talk without looking at her. "I wanted tonight to be about you. Miroku said I could make you feel good, but he didn't really say how. And he didn't say anything about you doing anything for me. Like you wouldn't have to, I would feel good enough on my own. Do..." he chuckled darkly, "Are all human ears that sensitive?"
Kagome snuggled against him, her nose brushing between his neck and shoulder as her fingers traced lazy circles on his chest. His heart thudded and he struggled to keep his eyes open. "No one's ever tried...that on my ears. I saw it on TV, and some girls at school talked about it. I don't know what it feels like."
Inuyasha's mouth ran dry. She didn't know?! She could make him feel like that without knowing?! A small amount of tension left his chest. If she could cause all of those sensations without knowing what she was doing, maybe he could do the same for her! "Would you let me try?"
She pulled away so quickly that she knocked his chin, causing him to bite his tongue. He grunted at the pain as she began apologizing profusely. Suddenly, he started laughing; deep, uncontrollable, roaring laughter. She called his name twice before he was able to reign it in to sporadic chuckles. "'Natural,' he said! He didn't need to tell me anything because my body would just 'know what to do!'" He couldn't stop his laughter. "How are we so bad at this?!"
She squeaked, indignantly, and pushed him. He fell back, still laughing. "You jerk!" She huffed and put her hands on her hips. "I'm trying!"
He propped himself up on an elbow and simply gazed at her. Her anger faded and she looked away self-consciously. She began twirling a piece of her hair nervously, "What?" She finally spat.
"None of this is going how I thought it would."
She hugged herself and wouldn't look at him. "I'm sorry. I wanted to make it just as good, so you wouldn't be unhappy that I wanted to wait. I didn't mean to mess it up."
Inuyasha scoffed, "And here I thought I was the one messing it all up." He reached a hand out to her and pulled her against him when she took it. They sat there for a few moments, just gazing into each other's eyes. "So," he started, "did I ruin it, or can I try?"
She blushed. "Did it really feel that good?"
"I asked you not to stop, didn't I?" He thought for a moment, "You said you know what's supposed to feel good? Is there something I could try on you?"
Embarrassment flashed across her face, she stammered a bit, "Yes, I mean...would you let me take care of you first?"
He debated that in his head for a moment, not fully liking that it was the opposite of what he had intended the night to be. "You promise you'll tell me what's supposed to make you feel good after?"
She nodded fervently. "It's mostly the same, I think."
"Like kissing your ears?"
"Yes."
"That felt really good."
She brightened. "I really liked doing it."
"I wasn't holding you too tight?"
She shook her head, "No, it was perfect."
"You wanted me to lay back. How would you keep going if I did?"
Her eyes widened in shock. "I...I guess I was thinking about laying next to you..."
"What if you laid on top of me?" It was a bold statement, but if she could ask to take off his clothing, he could ask to experience what he had dreamt for so long.
She took a deep breath, her voice was unnaturally high when she answered, "I could do that."
"Do you want to try now?" At her nod, he flopped onto his back and put his arms behind his head. He couldn't suppress a cocky grin.
He watched as Kagome stood over him, seemingly unsure of how to actually go about laying on top of him. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before swinging one leg over his and knelt down onto his upper thighs. She leaned forward slowly, until she had to put her hands on the ground on either side of his chest.
He pulled his hands from behind his head to wrap around her. "You ain't gonna crush me, Kagome."
She blew out an exasperated breath, "Well, I didn't want to just jump or fall on you!" She lowered herself to him. She had misjudged the distance, her head was just under his chin. He was about to laugh at her when her movements made his whole body freeze.
She nuzzled his chest, one of her hands lazily trailed near his shoulder while the other slid around and under him. She hummed contentedly.
Something inside him snapped. He was glad her eyes were closed because tears welled in his own. This. This was all he wanted. Her, in his arms, safe. The soft weight of her reminding him that she was real. This wasn't a dream he was going to wake from at any moment. She started to shift, "Wait," he begged, his voice cracking. Damn his overly emotional human form. "Stay like this. Just for a few minutes. Please." Tears spilled from the sides of his eyes, dripping uncomfortably into his ears, but he didn't dare move. Shit. This was going all wrong. How could he have gone from being so happy and excited and feeling more amazing than he had ever had, to sobbing like some idiot child?
She was real. She was in his arms. Kagome was there.
He hugged her tighter.
He couldn't smell her. He couldn't hear her heartbeat. And worse, because it was too dark, he couldn't even see her that clearly anymore. He should have built a fire. Why hadn't he?! Here he was, pathetically human, laying on the ground, shirtless, crying. If some random demon decided to attack, they would both be dead.
This was all wrong. He was supposed to be showing her exactly how much he loved her. He wanted to kiss her, to see if her ears were as sensitive as his. He wanted to make her mind blank out with pleasure, as she had done for him. He wanted to wipe the tears out of his damn eyes, but that would mean pulling his arms away from her. Why wouldn't his body move?!
Between heaving breaths he noticed faint whispering. He cursed his human senses again. Kagome was whispering calm reassurances, her fingertips tracing patterns on his chest.
"I'm here," she repeated. "I'm not going anywhere." Her lips ghosted kisses onto his chest, "Take as long as you need."
He was so angry at himself. Why the hell was she being so caring and understanding when he was ruining everything?
Finally, the tears tapered. His voice was more raw than he'd have liked, "I'm sorry. I..." He sighed and shook his head. He didn't want to talk, he wanted to banish all the thoughts from his mind, he wanted to kiss her. "Kiss me, please?" He was sure it sounded desperate.
Kagome twisted and stretched, her weight settled on his hips, giving pressure exactly where he wanted, but not how he wanted. Her hands cupped his face as she complied to his request. Her mouth was slow and deliberate, her fingers gently wiped away the last of the moisture from his tears. He could not help the way his hips began to rock, just slightly, trying to ease his need.
She began mouthing her way along his jaw, back to his ear and he groaned, gasping out her name. He was panting, his hips moving more insistently, in time with her biting and sucking. She paused and he couldn't stop the almost anguished sound that escaped him. "Inuyasha?"
Why was she asking for something now? Whatever it was, she could have it, he just wanted her to continue. She was draining all of the negative emotions from him, all he could feel was pleasure. He wanted to return the favor, but he selfishly wanted her to keep going. He must have made a questioning noise, he was positive he hadn't been able to use any words.
"Can I touch you?"
The words didn't make sense, she was touching him! She was touching a lot of him. Her whole body was. It was exquisite. He had to force the affirmative from his throat, "Yes," it sounded more like a growl.
Her mouth resumed creating the wonderful sensations on his ear while her hands trailed down his chest. Her hands were hot and feather light. She shifted slightly, but her mouth never stopped. He was gasping, groaning, maybe repeating her name like a prayer, he wasn't entirely sure. Then suddenly he let out a strangled cry as her fingers grasped him gently but firmly between his legs. She squeaked and started to completely pull away but even as a human, he was quick. Grabbed her wrist, holding her hand in place as his other arm squeezed her tightly and he kissed her roughly. Through all of the layers of fabric it felt too intense, but he needed more. He'd touched himself before, but the feeling had never been to that extreme.
When he pulled back just enough to breathe, panting, she asked quickly, "Was I too rough?"
"No," he growled. Wanting to tear off his Hakama and fundoshi to feel those fingers squeeze him again without the barrier.
She looked happy as she gazed into his eyes, "Can I keep going?"
"Please," he didn't care if he sounded desperate. He was. There was a physical ache starting to travel through his whole body. He needed her to touch him. He needed her to kiss him. He just needed her.
"I-I can't if you don't let go."
It took too much mental effort to force his fingers to release her wrist. His whole being felt coiled tight in strange new way. How could her touching him feel so different from when he touched himself?
He couldn't stop the soft cries of pleasure that escaped as she rubbed him over his clothing. He was so close to release already! He just wanted her fingers to touch him, not over his damn clothes!
His hips rocked in time with her strokes. "Kagome! Please! C-can I-"
He whimpered when she stopped, but her fingers were working at the tie of his hakama. The cold air cleared his thoughts briefly before her fingers wrapped fully around him. He was sure he begged, maybe not with words, only half articulated sounds, but he was begging. There was no way to describe it. It was too much. It was wonderful.
He knew Kagome was talking to him, but the words didn't penetrate his pleasure addled skill. He was so close. He didn't know what he needed, for her to squeeze tighter? More her hand faster? She had wanted him to talk to her, but he couldn't. His fingers dug into the grass, he had released her at some point, some vague part of him still afraid of harming her with an uncontrolled, bruising grip.
Then suddenly, the feeling changed completely. His eyes flew open, wide and disbelieving. Hot, wet, suction had enveloped him. It was like nothing he had ever experienced, but there Kagome was, her head bobbed lightly, her lips wrapped around him. A shudder ran through his whole body. The sensation was too much. He was going to...no! Not like that! He didn't want-
Through some feat of strength he didn't know he had, he managed to force a strangled cry, "Stop!"
He felt the chill of the air just in time for his entire world to become nothing but white hot pleasure. There was nothing but intense warmth and joy.
He was unsure of how long he laid there, his body feeling like a tingly blob of mushy, overcooked rice. His senses returned to him slowly. His skin tingled, his muscles were more relaxed than he'd ever felt them, his breathing was long and deep and shuddering. It took a moment, and a bit of effort, but he lifted his hand to blindly reach out for Kagome. He might need a few moments to recover, but he most certainly wanted to know if he could give her the same sensations. He had to blink a few times for his vision to uncross.
When his eyes found her, she was huddled to his side, biting her lip, tears in her eyes, as she wrung her hands. "I'm sorry," she barely whispered. She repeated it, over and over.
His brain was not catching up quickly enough, "Why the hell are you sorry?!" He tried to sit up, but wasn't successful until the third try. He grimaced, finally noticing the rapidly cooling, sticky substance on his abdomen. He grabbed his discarded hidagi and mopped up the mess. When he was done, he looked up to Kagome. She had stopped her apologies, but she still looked terrified. He reached out to her, "Kagome, what's wrong?"
"You told me to stop, and-and then you just yelled and collapsed. I'm sorry. I-what did I do wrong? I won't do it again!"
Well, that needed to be addressed, because he sure as hell wanted her to do it again. "You did not do anything wrong." He reached out for her, she tentatively took his hand. "That was the most amazing thing I've ever felt."
She relaxed slightly, "Then why did you tell me to stop?"
He blushed, "I didn't want to..." How should he describe that? Was there a proper word? "Release," he decided on the word questioningly, "in your mouth."
"Oh," she looked at him strangely, "why not?"
"Why not?!" He sputtered, completely confused.
"I just thought...I was supposed to, you know. Swallow it."
He made a face, more than a little disgusted at the idea, "Did you want to?"
She shrugged, "I've never done this before. I don't know what I want. I just want to make you feel good."
Inuyasha sighed, tucking himself back into his clothing before pulling Kagome against his chest. "I never thought I could feel anything like that. It was more than good. Shit, I've never felt like this before."
"It wasn't bad?"
"Hell no! I am going to need a few minutes, though," he admitted. He wiggled his toes and flexed his fingers, "My toes are numb. And my fingers don't want to move right."
She smiled and kissed his nose. "We have all night!"
"I love you, Kagome," he said confidently. He loved the way she lit up every time he said it. "That really was amazing."
"I'm glad," she hugged him, "I love you, too, Inuyasha."
A growl rumbled in his throat after a few moments, "So, how do I make you feel this good?"