Chapter Thirty-Five: Clearance

Bonnie felt the sleep slowly drifting away, making way for her conscience to regain the upper hand. She didn't want to wake up because her dreams had offered her such warmth and harmony, even though she couldn't recall what it had been about. Keeping her eyes shut she tried to have just a few more minutes of this wonderful peace.

But it didn't work. She became aware of the warm sun shining through the window down on her and the warmth of the blanket multiplied that so that her body heated up. That fact made it impossible for her to fall back to sleep. Slowly she opened her eyes and took in her surroundings but instead of seeing the familiar furniture she woke up to every morning she was looking towards a window and the trees outside.

Very slowly the realization of where she was took in. Last night, after she had confronted Kai about his recent behavior, they had sex. And not just any sex, wild and angry sex, good sex. Suddenly Bonnie realized she was still naked under the sheets and a shiver went down her spine when she thought about last night.

But when her mind returned to the here and now she wondered how she was supposed to react now. Since she opened her eyes she hadn't moved and she also had no clue if Kai was still lying next to her or not but something told her that she was alone in the bed. But alone in the room? There was a strong presence Bonnie felt and it came from behind her. If Kai was in the room with her he was being extremely silent. Bonnie decided that she would try and turn around without catching the attention of Kai if he was in the room. She just wanted to have an overview of the scene before she would think about how to proceed from here.

While turning around slowly, Bonnie thought about the situation. She had never had a one-night-stand or anything resembling this so she had no clue on how to behave. Even though what happened yesterday could hardly be called a one-night-stand since it had already been the second time. What this all meant for their relationship was something they would have to figure out together.

When she had finally turned under the sheets she was relieved that she hadn't drawn any attention to her. Instantly she spotted Kai sitting on his desk chair, his back half turned to her. He was reading a book and seemed to be taking notes at the same time. No matter what this was about he was focusing on the task at hand and thus didn't realize Bonnie had awoken.

Before she made herself known, she kept her gaze at him. His profile was viewable and his features were tense. He was already dressed in sweatpants and a dark t-shirt and looked gorgeous and Bonnie lost herself in his beautiful face. Snuggling her head into the pillow, she inhaled and his scent streamed through her nose. She felt so comfortable in that moment even though the conditions between her and Kai were more unclear than ever. While she was relaxing he suddenly turned to her as if he felt her gaze on him and looked down on her.

"Well good morning there, sleepy head." Kai greeted her but his tone didn't fit the light words he had chosen. It was without any hint of emotion, he almost sounded bored and that tone discouraged her instantly. Of course they had both been angry at one another yesterday but she had thought that last night had proven that there was still something between them. Something even Kai couldn't deny, even though he was trying very hard to. But maybe she had been wrong in thinking that this might have brought up a new perspective on their situation in him.

Kai kept his eyes locked to hers as she lay in his bed, blanket tugged up to her neck, and waited for her to say something. But what could she say? How would she start this conversation? A conversation it seemed like she had had over a hundred times with him already.

"Hi." She finally replied in a soft tone and smiled at him shyly.

Kai didn't say anything else but turned back to the book in his lap and Bonnie sat up in the bed. The blanket fell loosely around her, exposing a lot of her body and she didn't mind wrapping the blanked back around her. There was no need to hide any part of her body from him when he had already seen and explored every inch of it; twice. It surprised herself how comfortable she already felt around him. Even during her entire relationship with Jeremy she had never wanted to stay naked for too long. She always put her clothes back on before going to sleep, even if it were only her underwear. She had never felt comfortable being naked and this had actually been the first time sleeping naked for her.

"How long have you been up?" Bonnie tried to restart the conversation.

"A few hours. Couldn't sleep." He said with his back to her but then he turned around, his face serious. "You snored!"

"Excuse me? I do not snore." She said scandalized.

"Well, you did last night."

"I beg your pardon, but as long as I live no one has ever told me that I snore. You must have heard your own snoring."

"It was news to me too, but trust me Bon, it was most definitely you." Kai chuckled and Bonnie looked away, pouting. It was almost like the old times when they would squabble playfully and Bonnie turned back to him, a smile on her face.

He didn't smile but his face was more relaxed now and in times like these it was all she could ask for.

"What are you doing over there?" Bonnie asked and pointed to the book he had been reading. Now that she had a closer look, it looked more like a brochure than a book.

"Oh, I am just going over my punishment from my father. It's like a glimpse of my future." Kai said nonchalantly.

Bonnie didn't understand what he meant with that so she reached out her hand for him to hand her the brochure and he did, with a little reluctance, but he did. Bonnie looked at its cover and read the headline: studying economic sciences. Flipping through the brochure Bonnie read all the colleges and universities that offered up the possibilities to become a professional tightwad. She looked up from it and back at Kai.

"You screw up your father's banquet and his punishment for you is to make you study economics?" Bonnie asked while handing back the brochure.

"And he is also being really nice about it. He will even let me choose three colleges where I want to go study." Kai said sarcastically.

"Why would he do that? Where is the point in all this?"

"The point is that I don't want to do it. I have made that clear more than once and now that I openly embarrassed him and started up a crisis he now has to handle, he is making sure that I know my place by showing me what my future will look like."

It was hard hearing him talk and the way his father had reacted was so out of line. She had always thought that things like these- that a father decides for his son what he will one day become- was only happening in movies and books, maybe the past but not right now, not here.

A sudden shiver went down Bonnie's back and she looked around for her clothes. They had not cared about what they did with their stuff last night but she still found all her clothes neatly folded at the end of the bed and reached out for them. She only dressed in the most important things: her panties and her top.

"So how did it go with your dad? Was be mad?"

Kai turned back to her and brushed his hands over his face. "No, and that is really the problem. He was calm and spoke to me like I was some kind of brain-dead bird that would be scared to death if he used any harsh words. But I guess the massage he was sending didn't ask for any hard words."

"I still think it is a weird punishment. Though you are deserving of one for sure." Bonnie stated and earned a glare from Kai for that statement. "What? You have to admit you kind of gone out of your ways with what you did last night."

Kai shrugged. "Was totally worth it. Have you seen his face?"

Bonnie had to fight back a laugh when Joshua Parker's shocked face came to mind but she wouldn't encourage Kai in any way. What he did was reckless and dumb and he had lied to her in the process and she was still mad at him for that. But secretly she gave Kai an imaginary pad on the shoulder for giving her the opportunity of seeing this expression on his father's face. It was priceless.

Now that she was out of casual topics to talk about, which went surprisingly smooth given Kai's previous reactions to her, she had to address the more pressing topic of what they would do now. Bonnie switched her position on the bed so she would look more casual and cleared her throat to get his attention.

"So… I know you probably don't want to talk about it, but I do, so we are going to talk about it." Bonnie beat around the bush before she sighed heavily and just put it out there. "I know we had a huge fight yesterday and that you are really mad at me at the moment, but… well, we had sex yesterday and that kind of confuses me on where we stand right now. So, what did yesterday mean to you and how does that affect us?"

Bonnie's gaze was stuck on his face. He didn't look at her directly but was facing something on the floor, seemingly thinking about what she just asked him. Maybe he really did have to think about it or maybe he just searched for another way to tell her to fuck off. No matter what, she wouldn't leave until she got an honest and clear answer to her question. Where did they stand and was there any chance to fixing their relationship?

Suddenly Kai looked his eyes to hers and sighed heavily. "Listen, Bonnie…" He started and Bonnie already knew that what came next she wouldn't like. "Last night was an irrational act on both our sides. I am not saying that I regret it but I am also not saying that it changes anything."

His voice had been tame and rational, no trace of resentment or anger, but still Bonnie had to look away because all her hopes had been shattered with this short statement. But she wanted to hear the truth and she needed to hear it, if there was no chance any more she needed to know. Still, the tears forming in her eyes were the signs of her heartbreak and she didn't even try to hide them from him. Just as she suspected he had noticed her emotional reaction but to her surprise he didn't just ignore it but stood up from the desk chair and came to sit next to her on the bed. There was still space between them but he was closer to her than he was before. The gesture oddly calmed her down a bit.

"Look, I know this is not what you want to hear but I think you need to hear this. You were right, I did punish you for betraying me and I promise you it will stop but… it doesn't change the fact that I am still hurt and that I just can't trust you anymore. I want to, I really do, but I am not really good with this emotion stuff and forgiveness isn't something that I usually give out to people." Kai explained himself and before he continued Bonnie looked back at him. "Obviously, there was something between us, we can't deny that. But this whole situation is completely fucked up. Not only because of you but also because of me, because of the way I treated you recently. I just can't go back to the way things were. I can't ignore what happened and as much as it pains me to see you like this and know that I am the reason for your suffering, I can't forgive you, I can't go back to being friends, not yet."

There it was, his whole-hearted confession about his true thoughts about them. So there was no saving them, there was no going back. Bonnie understood where he was coming from and she understood that he had to react that way, it still hurt. Losing your best friend and the guy you started to have feelings for at the same time was very hard. She couldn't even find any hope in the fact that he openly and calmly talked to her about their situation, or the fact that he added a 'not yet' at the end of his confession. There was just pure desolation inside her but she stayed strong this time. After looking into his ocean blue eyes for some time, she started nodding in understanding.

"Okay, I get it." Bonnie said quietly.

"I'm really sorry, Bonnie." He added once more and she touched his arm lightly to reassure him there was nothing to be sorry for.

"Don't. You have any reason to do this. I hurt you and now I have to live with the consequences. As long as you stop treating me like an alien or your nemesis all day long, there is nothing I can do."

"I won't."

"Good, because that really started to get to me, you know." They looked at each other for a moment, both of them holding back on so many feelings. "So, am I allowed to talk to you when I see you or is that too much?"

Kai chuckled. "I never said we should start ignoring each other, that's practically impossible. So please, talk to me when you see me. Otherwise it would be strange."

They smiled shyly at each other and due to the silence that followed after, Bonnie decided she should finally see what time it was and nearly got a heart attack when she wanted to check her phone but then remembered that she had left everything in the car before she stormed in Kai's room last night.

The car... her mother's car. The mother that she had never informed where she would be spending the night. Bonnie jumped out of bed from the thought of her mother trying to reach her over a hundred times already and Bonnie not picking up. Abby must be devastated. Bonnie jumped off the bed.

"I… I need to go. I didn't tell my mom where I am. She's probably freaking out. Can you tell me what time it is?"

"It's a little after 9."

Bonnie hesitated, she had thought it was already noon and she turned to him with raised eyebrows. "When the hell did you get up? At 6?"

"More like 5." Kai leaned back on the bed and rested his weight on his elbows, watching her as she got fully dressed. "So if you are lucky your mom isn't even up yet and she will never know. Just tell her you went out to get some fresh donuts or something."

"Hm, that could work." Bonnie admitted and a little spark of hope flashed through her. She had to give him credit where it was due, since he had way more experience in lying to parents and staying away from home for an entire night without saying something, she could have figured he had a solution to her problem.

"But how am I going to explain that I am still in my work outfit?"

"Take a coat? She won't even notice." He put her concern off with a wave of his hand and Bonnie thought that he really, really had too much experience with this kind of lying, her situation not even making him the slightest bit concerned.

When she was fully dressed, she turned around to him and expected some smug smile on his face, because he found her little panic amusing, but instead his eyes were not stuck on her but facing something in the far, this expression seemed almost sad and something inside Bonnie twitched. All of a sudden she didn't feel the need to rush out of here and get home but rather stay and comfort him in whatever was concerning him. But then she remembered: they weren't friends any more. He had told her that they couldn't go back to the way things were and that included their friendship. So he wouldn't want to tell her what's on his mind anyways and maybe, a little voice inside her head whispered, maybe you are the reason for his mood. Bonnie shook her head trying to get her head clean and convince herself that that wasn't the case. Anyways, she didn't have time for this, she needed to get home.

"So, I guess I should get going." Bonnie hesitated and looked to the ground.

Kai didn't say anything but she could make out that he was nodding, still focusing on something in the far. With a lot of effort Bonnie took a step backwards and was on her way to the door, not knowing how she should say goodbye to him. When she reached the door he looked up at her, something in his gaze haunted as if he was realizing just now that stepping out this room would mean stepping out of his life. He opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something but instead he only sighed and got off the bed.

"I'll see you in school then." Bonnie said sadly.

"Guess so." Kai agreed and Bonnie opened the door and stepped out. Out in the hallway she carefully closed it, so that no one would hear her. She slowly went downstairs and headed for the door. She didn't seem to notice any of her surroundings and when she reached the door she barely heard a female voice calling to her, if it was Jo or Mrs. Parker calling her name she had no clue. Ignoring the owner of the voice she stepped outside and walked to her car in a zombie-like trance, ready to text her mother.

Inside the car she grabbed her bag to search for her phone. While she was searching her bag she came across a familiar looking small box and a panic went through every part of her body. She opened the box in haste and checked the containment. A heavy sigh escaped her when she realized that the pill that she had supposed to be taking yesterday was gone. At least she wouldn't wake up to a baby-shaped surprise in the next weeks.

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"Dick move!" Jo rushed into his room without knocking. She didn't care. She had no information about what had happened right in this room before Bonnie left but given her state of mind Jo had just witnessed it must have been tough.

Kai looked up from where he sat at the desk, going through some brochure and watched her with misunderstanding.

"Pardon?"

"You know exactly what I am talking about. She is trying really hard here and you keep punishing her in ways that are not okay, little brother." She yelled, using his little nickname because she knew he hated it. She only used it when she wanted to mock him or if she was really pissed.

"You have no idea what you are talking about, sissy. So keep out of it." Kai said through his teeth, clearly getting annoyed by her interference but someone had to do it.

"No, I won't and you know why? Because Bonnie is my friend too and this is more or less your fault. You befriended her and made me fall in love with that tiny person too, so I blame you for making her sad and for making me worry about her, simple as that."

Kai got up from the chair and passed her, getting out of his room. "You are delusional."

"Oh, am I?" Jo rushed after him. "I know what she did was bad and that it hurt you but what you're doing is 10 times worse. She is trying to make it up to you, why won't you give her a chance." She said while stepping down the stairwell. She nearly ran into him when he suddenly stopped and turned around to her.

"Jo, this is between me and Bonnie, so keep out of it. I made my decision based on what I'm feeling right now and you can't force me to feel any different. We talked about this and we came to an understanding. We're not friends anymore and she accepts that, got it?" He shouted.

"I don't think that she accepts it. Kai, she is heartbroken. You broke her heart and not only in the 'we aren't friend anymore' kind of way but more like in the 'I am kind of into you and you rejected me' kind of way."

Kai stared at her with open eyes, like it was the first time he heard about this. To Jo it became clear that Bonnie was into her brother probably before she had a clue herself. While she was in the hospital the two of them grew close as fuck and Jo had seen it in Bonnie's eyes, the difference in her gaze when she looked at Kai. Obviously Kai had been indifferent to the changes and for a longer time she guessed even Bonnie had been, but a few weeks ago, when Bonnie came to her and confessed what she had done, Jo could see it. Something had happened between them, she just had no idea how far it had gone because she had missed the second piece of the puzzle that was her brother. Kai was a master in guarding his true feelings, even right now she wasn't sure if it was the first he had heard of her suspicion that Bonnie had feelings for him or that he was just surprised someone observed it.

Kai only shook his head and turned around to go further down the stairs and into the kitchen.

"Hello? Kai? I am talking to you." Jo nearly yelled into his ear while he made himself a tea.

"And I am not deaf, dear sister so stop yelling at me."

"Then tell me what you plan on doing to fix this thing with Bonnie!"

"Nothing, there is nothing to fix. We are going to see each other in school, say hi, and that's it. Nothing more, nothing less than class mates." Kai explained dryly.

Jo moaned in desperation and raised her arms in defense. "Alright, I tried. Don't accuse me of not trying to help. I tell you, this whole thing is going to blow up in your face one day. This girl is genuinely into you and you should find a way to work this out, but okay, it's your relationship that you're screwing up." And with that she left him alone in the kitchen.

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When she ran into Kai the next time it was like something stabbed in her heard. She had come to a kind of acceptance that they would go their separate ways but she wasn't prepared for the heartache that came over her once she truly felt what that would be like.

He was standing in the hallway of the school and she was trying to get her stuff out of her locker when she saw him. He was goofing around with Brian Glen and some other kid when he noticed her. At first she expected him to glare at her like he used to do for weeks now but he had told her that he would end his torment towards her and so he hesitated but then waved a hand in her direction and even managed a small smile. She waved back and turned to her locker.

So this is what their relationship would look like now. Waving at each other in the hallway and faking a smile. Nothing else. She swallowed the lump in her throat and got ready for the next class. She could wait for Kai, because they would have the same class but she wasn't sure how he would like that and if he was even going.

He wasn't, she learned a few minutes later after Mr. Collins had started the lesson and Kai was still nowhere to be found. She turned her head towards the window and didn't listen to a word her teacher was saying for the rest of the lesson.

This procedure repeated itself a few more times before he finally spoke to her again. They were in Ms. Gibbens class and Kai was late like he always was, but at least he showed up. Bonnie had heard from her mother that Mr. Bright was so pissed at his behavior that he called in a conference where his teachers, the parent representatives- which her mother was one of- and himself would have to attend. Bonnie had no idea what they tried to achieve with this but she could imagine how Kai felt about the whole thing.

When Kai sat next to her in the last free seat he smiled at her and it almost seemed genuine. She had watched him in the hallway and the cafeteria a few times and always seen him goofing around, laughing and being his old self. Maybe he had come to terms with what she did and it was her chance to finally get him involved in a conversation that was longer than 'hi'.

Kai leaned to her and asked her for a pen. Bonnie frowned at him because she didn't expect him to actually take notes but then she saw the crossword spread across his table and had to smile. She rummaged around for her spare pen and handed it to him. When their fingers slightly touched her whole body broke into shivers. She quickly withdrew her hand so he wouldn't notice. In the past few weeks she thought she had gotten pretty accustomed to the way things had turned out between them but every time he actually smiled at her, talked to her or –gosh- touched her involuntarily her body reacted in extreme ways. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't shake him and it was frustrating because he seemed to be pretty cool about the whole situation.

At the end of the lesson when everyone including Ms. Gibbens had left the room, Bonnie was still packing up her stuff and looked up when a pen was put in her focus.

"Thanks." Kai said while handing her the pen back.

"No problem." She replied a little perplex. He smiled again and this time it seemed honest. That was when her heartbeat decided to explode and she had to mentally calm herself down. She was such a love drunk fool when it came to this boy.

Kai didn't seem like he was in a rush to get away from her so she used the opportunity to start a conversation. "You know, you really should start paying more attention in class. I mean, someday the teachers aren't going to be satisfied with you showing up anymore, and then it would be wise if you were prepared." She said nonchalantly.

Kai laughed once. "You of all people should know how little shit I give about anything school related."

"Yeah, I remember. But I thought someone should just warn you about this so you won't be too surprised when it happens." They started leaving the class room and strayed along the hallway together. Bonnie had the need to ask him about the approaching student conference but she bit her tongue. This was clearly a theme that crossed their relationship status right now.

"You know, if the classes wouldn't be such a waste of time, maybe I would be willing to commit to them more." Kai said while they reached her locker. Bonnie stopped and opened it and Kai leaned on the one next to it and watched her change her books.

"Well, you clearly don't belong here." Bonnie joked.

"Finally someone that agrees with me." Kai praised and they both laughed. It was the first laugh they had shared in a long time. It wasn't something huge but it was still a step forward.

"So, what are you up to this weekend?" Kai asked, not the way that he was really asking her what she would do to find out if they could hang out, but more in a small-talk kind of way. She was surprised that he would even care to keep the conversation going but she brushed her doubts and hopes aside and answered.

"My mother wants to take me shopping tomorrow. It's one of my few free weekends and she was complaining for weeks that she hadn't spend enough time with me, so I guess I have to endure this."

"Yeah, shopping. Such a horrible way to spend your time." Kai mocked her and she pushed him out of her way while rolling her eyes.

They went to the cafeteria together and kept talking about this and that. Nothing important but it was a very nice conversation. They separated when Bonnie was heading towards her friends and Kai went to sit with Brian and the others. When Bonnie sat down she earned some serious looks form her friends. They all knew about her fight with Kai, even though only Faye had the details about the reason of it. But they hadn't seen them talking in a while now and this clearly raised some questions. Suddenly Bonnie was happy that none of them knew how far her relationship with Kai had come and they couldn't judge her for it, even though some of them must have their suspicions.

Bonnie ignored their looks and tried to start a conversation. After a little reluctance they forgot about what they had witnessed a few moments ago and their normal chit chat went on.

Faye dragged Liza and Perry away from the table way before they had to go to class but they had promised her to give her their notes and Faye had to write a test the next lesson so she freaked them out until the point where they caved and went along with her thus leaving Bonnie and Connor alone at the table.

It was a little weird because Connor had been kind of distant the last couple weeks but they still managed to have a decent conversation. When they got up to get to their next class he grabbed Bonnie's arm in the middle of a crowd of students trying to get rid of their trays and made her turn to him.

"Hey Bonnie, listen. I was wondering when I should ask you, because I wanted to give you enough time to get over Jeremy and stuff but I wanted to ask you this for months now and so I guess this is as good as it gets." Connor babbled and Bonnie's heart started racing. Oh, no. What was he doing? "So, I was wondering if you would like to go on a date… with me. Maybe this weekend?"

Bonnie was speechless. She hadn't anticipated this at all. Connor had been her friend for so long and she had never seen him this way. She was about to carefully decline his offer due to some bullshit about still not being over Jeremy but she spotted Kai standing nearby and he was watching the two intensely, his eyes cold.

The sight of him provoked Bonnie so much that she actually agreed to a date with Connor and turned on her heels to walk away. What did Kai think? That he could tell her to fuck off and then still be jealous when some other guy asked her out? Was she supposed to be alone for the rest of her life only to please him? And hadn't he done the same to piss her off? Flirt with this horrible Annabeth right in front of her face? Bonnie rushed to her next class and to her surprise Kai was there too. He ignored her, obviously trying not to show his true feelings but Bonnie didn't care about his feelings right now. If he wanted her to stay away from other guys because of him, he should say so and for most he should start behaving like he wanted to be in her life. The way that he acted he had no business being pissed at her. No fucking way.

Bonnie smiled at herself for being this strong and independent woman and standing up to Kai. She could worry about how she would survive the date with Connor later. Maybe it would be nice.

Author's note: Hey guys, I have to admit I was a little surprised to all those reactions about the possibility of Bonnie being pregnant and I apologize for not clearing this directly in the chapter. I never thought it would be such a big topic coming up so I snuck in a small part to clear this topic. I hope you guys are not too disappointed that a teenage pregnancy isn't in the cards for Bonnie, at least not for the current story. (I will not confirm or deny that there is never going to be such a topic coming up on this story.) But please know, that I do not indent to bring something like this up anytime soon, it just doesn't fit the turn I want to take with these two. So sorry if some of you are disappointed and that I didn't make this situation clear from the beginning. Still hope you'll stick around and that you enjoyed this chapter.