Chapter Forty- Three: Do you?

After she had left the Parker house, Bonnie sat in her car for long minutes, just staring outside. She needed to breathe for a moment, trying to cope with everything that happened the past 24 hours. Shortly after, she decided to go to school for the last couple of hours. She didn't feel the need to actually be present today, but she needed something to occupy herself. Sitting alone in her room, worrying about her friends was no option.

The rest of the day went by very slowly. In school she avoided the interrogating questions from her friends about her belated arrival and basically stayed silent for the rest of the day. At home, she texted Kai to see how he was doing and if he got any sleep. The fact that he texted back within seconds made her realize that he for sure wasn't sleeping, not even trying. She urged him to get some rest and he assured her that he would try.

After that Bonnie went downstairs to cook dinner. Her mom was still working but she'd be home and it would be a nice surprise if dinner was already done. Bonnie looked around the kitchen to find something easy to make, because her talents were limited. While she cooked some hot water for the pasta she was about to make, her mom came in. She ran over to her like a 5 year old and hugged her tight. With everything going on lately, she was just so thankful that her mother was around. Abby quickly took over the cooking, even though she was thankful for Bonnie's gesture, she wanted to ensure that what she was serving would actually be eatable.

Jeffrey joined them half an hour later. It seemed like Abby had told him what was going on because he hugged Bonnie tight. Bonnie was glad that he was around and the three spend a nice evening together. After the dinner, Bonnie cuddled in next to her mother on the couch for a while before she decided it was time for her to go to bed. Last night's events finally took a toll on her. And so she went upstairs and went to bed, not without texting Kai again. He didn't reply within the next 5 minutes and Bonnie was actually relieved. That must mean he had finally found some rest and so it gave her permission to rest herself.

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The next time she saw Kai, she realized how wrong she had been. It was the next day in the evening, right after Bonnie had reheated the pasta from the day prior when the doorbell rang. She went to open it, thinking it might be the mail or something, but she found an even worse looking Kai in front of her.

"Hey." was his only word before Bonnie pulled him inside and hugged him.

"My god, Kai." Bonnie whispered into his ear. She let go of him and watched him closely. He could barely keep his eyes open. They were swollen from what Bonnie assumed was lack of sleep, and his pale face looked even paler than the day before. His overall composure resembled the one of a whipped dog. "What's happening? I thought you slept yesterday."

"I couldn't. Whenever I fell asleep for longer than 5 minutes, I had a nightmare and woke up. I couldn't take being in this house any longer so I drove here." He was looking to the floor while he spoke. When he looked up into Bonnie's worried eyes he added. "Can I stay here for a few hours?"

"You can stay here all night, all week. You know that you can always come here." Bonnie reassured him and smiled. He tried to smile back, but the heaviness of his lids made it impossible for it to seem authentic.

"Did you eat anything?" Bonnie asked while she took his hand and guided him into the kitchen. Kai nodded hesitantly, which was obviously a lie. She made him sit by the counter and prepared a plate of pasta for him, that was still hot, handing it over to him. She placed her own plate and herself next to him and looked at him. "Don't worry, my mom made most of it, so it is actually eatable."

Kai stared at the food and swallowed. Then he looked at Bonnie with a look that seemed almost pleading, like a kid trying to convince his parent not go see the creepy, smelly old cat lady from down the road. "I'm really not hungry, Bonnie."

"I know, but you still need to eat. Come on, I'm not going to make you eat all of it, just try a little bit, okay?" She said in a voice she usually used around children, because right now he seemed as vulnerable as one. Kai nodded and took the fork into his hand. Bonnie watched him eat a forkful and then tended to her own food, always half watching Kai.

After the second fork, which he took forever to swallow, he placed the fork onto the counter and turned to Bonnie. He didn't need to say anything. Bonnie reached out her hand and stroked his cheek and nodded in understanding. She didn't expect him to eat very much and she was happy that he at least tried. But she made a mental note to herself to make sure that he was getting more inside his stomach over the next few days.

When Bonnie had finished her plate as quickly as possible, she took Kai upstairs to her room. There was no question that the boy needed to rest, so she urged him to sit down on her bed. First he struggled, saying that he needed to get back home in a few hours and Bonnie promised him to inform Jo that he was staying over at her place. After that he didn't have a lot of arguments against Bonnie's attempt to get him to lie down.

When he was finally complying, Bonnie wrapped the blanked around his body and watched him. She stroked through his hair while she sat next to him on the side of her bed and watched him fall asleep. It took only a few moments before she heard his even breathing that indicated he had finally come to rest. Slowly and carefully she got up and went over to her desk. She still needed to do some stuff for school and now was as good a time as ever to tend to that. With Kai sleeping right within her reach, she had nothing better to do anyways.

Bonnie opened her geography book and read a few pages. After half an hour of reading she was startled by Kai abruptly waking up. He gasped and sat straight up in bed, he looked terrified and Bonnie hurried to his side.

"Hey, hey. It's alright, it was just a dream. You're here with me. It's okay." Bonnie grabbed the side of his face when he didn't seem to hear her. Finally his eyes found hers and his breathing got evener.

"Bonnie?" he said like he had no idea where he was.

"Yes, I'm here."

Kai sighed heavily and let his head fall on her shoulder. Bonnie caressed his back to comfort him. "It's okay. It was only a dream." She repeated. "Try to get back to sleep."

"I can't." Kai said. "Whenever I close my eyes the nightmares come back. I can't get any rest." Kai mumbled. He raised his head so he was looking back at her. Bonnie had no idea what she was supposed to do now. She knew her mother kept some sleeping pills in the top drawer in the bathroom, but she wasn't going to give them to Kai. She could do more harm than good with that. So she did the only thing she could think of. When she was a child she used to have a lot of nightmares, especially when she first got to Portland. She would sneak into her mother's bed and cuddle very close to her. It would take her a while to fall asleep but her mother's presence next to her comforted her enough so that she would fall asleep and stay asleep.

So Bonnie climbed over Kai's sitting form, slipped under the blanket and lay down, reaching out her hands and opening her arms, to indicate Kai to lie back with her. He watched her for a moment before he obeyed her silent request and lay down next to her. He was quick to wrap his arms around her and placed his head onto her chest. Bonnie closed her opened arms around him and gently drove a hand through his hair.

Kai seemed to relax more and more the longer they lay like this and soon Bonnie witnessed his eyes falling shut again. Her heart was starting to beat faster when she looked down on him. The way he cuddled into her and used her closeness as a safe haven sent a wave of butterflies through her body. But Bonnie needed to get a grip. This was not the time to be reveling in her undeniable feelings for him. She needed to be there for him right now, no time to think about her own needs. It was hard, but this had priority. One day, when he was feeling better, they would finally have the talk and the way he trusted her and depended on her right now gave her a good feeling that after said talk, she would finally get her happy ending.

She stayed up a while longer, caressing Kai and making sure he didn't wake up but at some point the warmth and comfort that Kai's resting figure beamed onto her, made her sleepy. There was no point at fighting this feeling of tiredness and so she slipped away into a dreamless sleep.

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Kai had slept until her alarm had awoken both of them, which was like a miracle. He looked way better as well, even though the dead look in his eyes was showing Bonnie that that was only an illusion.

Bonnie got ready for school and Kai went back home. She couldn't believe he had actually driven to her place the night before. It had been such a risk, since he wasn't really able to walk straight any more from his tiredness. But now that he had slept the entire night, without waking up from nightmares, she didn't worry about him as much.

In school she tried to concentrate. It was hard since her mind always went back to the Parker's. They all had stayed at home. Understandably so, they needed to get better before any of them should return to school. Before the first period Jessica and Olive came looking for her. Of course Jo's best friends would already know what happened and to Bonnie's surprise they hugged her tight. They seemed heartbroken and overwhelmed from the news of Evelyn Parker's death. Of course they were, they knew Evelyn way longer and better than she did, had probably grown up in Jo's house and considered her their second mother. The three girls talked briefly about what they could do to help the Parker kids and agreed on checking in on them but not forcing themselves on to them. Quickly, Olive and Jessica went to their class and left Bonnie to herself.

The time passed slowly until the lunch break. Bonnie wasn't too keen to be around hundreds of happy students now but she was also hungry and wanted to see her friends.

When she sat down in the cafeteria everybody was already involved in a heated conversation. Bonnie didn't mind trying to follow it, she was just happy to be around people she cared about and to have a slightly different atmosphere around her then the past few days. Digging into her food, she relaxed and tuned the conversation down until suddenly everyone around her stopped talking. Bonnie looked up to see everyone watching her.

"What?" she asked.

"What do you think?" Liza asked her and Bonnie slid from one side of her seat to the other, feeling uncomfortable for not knowing what the topic was.

"Umm, you have to fill me in on what you just talked about. My mind was somewhere else." Bonnie admitted and Faye rolled her eyes playfully.

"L.A. or Mexico?" Perry explained and when Bonnie still looked confused her continued. "Well, we were talking about our trip at the end of the school year, of course. Faye and I seem to recall that we all agreed to go to Mexico and Connor and Liza over here want to go to L.A. Now we need your vote."

Right, the trip the group of friends had agreed to make after their last school year. It had been Faye's idea of course. A few years ago, under the influence of some alcohol, Faye had proposed her idea of them getting away for the summer after they graduated and everyone had been excited. Over the turn of their High School Career they had organized it bit by bit. Now that it was supposed to be happening in the next summer, Faye seemed to work on overload to get everything prepared within the next few weeks. Bonnie had totally forgotten about that.

"Oh, okay?! I, um, I guess I'm good with both." Bonnie said, hoping to get away from this conversation. She had no energy to think about this right now.

"No, no, no, no. You have to decide. We are five people and right now the vote is a tie so your vote will decide. Which one is it going to be, Bonnie?" Faye looked at her intensely and Bonnie sighed.

"Seriously, do you really need my answer right now? 'Cause I have a hard time making up my mind right now."

"The sooner the better, Bonnie. There is still so much to organize. I want to start looking for cheap plane tickets, then we have to coordinate the dates, we need to find the housing and so on and so on." Faye went on.

"Yeah, I get it. But does it really matter if I give you my vote today or in let's say a week or two? What difference would it make? I really have other stuff on my mind right now." Bonnie said, not able to keep the emotions and tension out of her voice. Faye's eyes turned from overactive organizer to concerned friend when she realized Bonnie was feeling bad. She opened her mouth to say something but could never say it because Connor already cut in.

"Oh, come on Bonnie, it's not that hard. Just choose A or B and Faye will be relieved. Or is your mind too occupied by your new bff Kai that you can't think clearly when he is not around? Do you need his approval for your decision? I have noticed you being off the entire week and hey, what a coincidence Kai has been MIA the entire time as well, so what's going on? Trouble in paradise? Did you make a bad comment about his hair and now he hates your guts again? Get over it, Bonnie. You're being ridicules."

"Connor!" Faye snapped at him.

"What? We're all thinking the same, aren't we? Bonnie's been a little too focused on Mr. Badboy the past few weeks and it gets on all our nerves. I'm the only one brave enough to mention it. I mean, he isn't even reliable at all." Connor spat back.

Bonnie felt the eyes of her friends rest on her and Connor in turns. Everyone was quiet and awaiting her reaction. She could only stare at him for his stupid comments. It had been obvious that Connor didn't like Kai and Bonnie never really knew why. She had put it all down to jealousy, but the past few weeks she and Connor had done better. After their horrible date the two had estranged a bit but recently Bonnie had the impression that Connor no longer held a grudge against her and that his feelings had been resolved. Obviously that wasn't true.

Bonnie kept breathing normally, forcing herself not to yell at her friend. He had no idea what went on with the Parkers, she wasn't going to hold this against him. "If I were you, I'd be very careful about what you say next. You have no idea what is going on right now and –" Bonnie started but Connor interrupted her.

"Yeah, I really couldn't give less of a damn. All I see is my friend behaving like a total fool over someone who doesn't even care. He is a pain in the ass for everyone here and I think it's safe to say that we wouldn't all be too sad if you two went back to radio silence. We only accept him because you seem to be a blind fool when it comes to him and you keep shoving him down our throats. You have to realize that he can't be the centre of your life, Bonnie. I mean, where has he been this entire week? He's probably too preoccupied planning his next bender or another way to make everyone's life in this school even harder. Pathetic, really."

Bonnie stood up very slowly and watched Connor. She was furious with him for what he said but she still spoke in a calm voice when she finally reacted. "You should really be happy that he didn't hear you. First of all, who are you to judge my friendship with Kai? You will never understand the connection we have and frankly I don't give a fuck if you do. If you don't like him, fine. But keep your useless comments to yourself, because you are not helping anyone. Second of all, you have not the slightest clue what's happening right now. Kai – and if you haven't noticed Jo and Joey as well- have been MIA from school because their mother just passed away. I don't know about you, but I think that gives him a pretty good reason to not attend school. You should be embarrassed right now. Judging someone because of impressions and prejudices, when you actually know nothing about that person, now that is pathetic."

Bonnie turned around and walked out of the cafeteria, without given Connor's shocked face a second look. She had reached the hallway, which was still empty because everyone was still eating, and was just debating whether she should leave now, when she heard footsteps coming her way. The person was clearly a woman because Bonnie could hear her clatter of her shoes on the ground. The girl's pace raised and then she heart Faye's voice call her name.

She didn't stop but Faye still reached up to her in no time, grabbing her arm lightly and stopping her from going any further. Bonnie turned around to watch her redheaded friend that was just trying to catch her breath.

"Is it true? Did Kai's and Jo's mom die?" Faye asked sadly.

Bonnie only nodded and Faye closed her eyes for a moment. "Oh god." After that Faye hugged her tight and Bonnie hugged her back, not realizing until this moment that she had needed this hug desperately. "I'm so sorry." Faye mumbled into Bonnie's hair.

When Faye let go of her, Bonnie could see the empathy written in her eyes. "Did you know her well?" Faye wanted to know.

"Not as well as I wished. She was sick for quite some time now. But she was such a lovely person, a great mother. She didn't deserve it, none of them did."

"Is there anything I can do? I feel like I should do something. At least deliver my condolences or something. But I don't know if that is appropriate or not."

"Sure it is. You're friends with them, too. I'm sure they would appreciate it." Bonnie said honestly.

"But how do I do that? I can't just call and say 'hey, heart what happened to your mom, I'm really sorry.'"

"They are not really talkative these days anyway. Why don't you just text them." Bonnie suggested.

"Isn't that like… impersonal?" Faye wondered and Bonnie reassured her that this was the best way at the moment and that she could try telling them in person at a later point. Faye hugged her once more, telling her that she was there if she needed anything and the girls spent the rest of their lunch break sitting outside in the September sun, talking. Bonnie was really glad Faye was here and knew everything now. She felt better now that she had someone to confide in, someone that looked after her a little bit in school.

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Faye's text arrived when Bonnie was just visiting the twins after school. Like she had predicted they were grateful for Faye's condolences, even though Jo seemed a little more grateful. Somehow the oldest Parker kid seemed a little more stable already, even though it had only been days since her mother's death. Jo was a very strong person. Where Kai got the wittiness and the snark from his grandmother, Jo had inherited her spirit and strengths. When Bonnie left, Jo was about to force Kai to eat something.

The next day, Bonnie checked her phone every few minutes. Even in school, which she normally didn't, which lead to one of her teachers taking it away from her for the rest of the period. It was the first time something like that had happened to her, but she just had to make sure that Kai and Jo were alright. She had told them yesterday that they should text her whenever they had the need to, because today their father had arranged a meeting with a funeral parlor. It was just a first meeting, discussing basics like coffin and flower arrangements. Later, they would have another meeting about the content of the funeral itself. Mr. Parker had insisted that the four oldest kids should join him. It must be hard though, making all these weird decisions for your dead mother. So, Bonnie checked in on them on a regular basis.

During her chat with Kai Bonnie found out that he didn't sleep well last night. Maybe not even at all. So Bonnie invited him to stay with her the night, like the day before. First, it seemed like Kai was reluctant but his tiredness probably won when he agreed to be at her place around 7 p.m.

When he got there, Bonnie noticed the bags under his eyes and the dead eyes looking at her. At least she didn't have to push so hard to get him to eat something. Abby was about to offer to cook whatever he wanted, or at least it seemed that way, when he entered the kitchen, already remembering his reluctance to eat the past few days, but Bonnie had already gotten him to agree to at least eat a little bit.

After that, Bonnie and Kai went upstairs. Bonnie offered him to go straight to bed but Kai didn't want to sleep right away, so they started watching an episode of Sherlock instead. A few minutes into the episode, Bonnie creped a little closer to Kai, only to feel him grab her waist and pull her even closer. Her head was now resting on his shoulder, his arms caging her in. It didn't take more than half an hour and Kai was fast asleep beneath her. Bonnie followed him into the land of dreams shortly after.

For the next few days this was their routine. Kai would come over, they would eat and watch some TV before falling asleep in each other's arms. It seemed like he could only find some rest when she was close by. He only woke up from nightmares a few times, and those times she could comfort him and he would quickly go back to sleep. It was like they were an old couple, the way their course of the day was organized.

After a few nights, Bonnie spent some nights at Kai's place. She insisted on that, because she wanted him to have a better feeling when he was being at home. It was important if he ever wanted to sleep at home without troubles again. Before that, Kai had been very quiet. Not the usual word-vomit she had gotten used to. It was a completely different side of Kai and Bonnie was totally fine with it. But still she wondered if she should motivate him more to talk about what happened. She knew he wasn't one to talk about his feelings per se but she thought that talking about his loss might help him get better. He didn't seem desperate and sad anymore but that unnerved Bonnie because instead of those feelings, there he mostly showed apathy. Combined with his silence, Bonnie really started to worry about him. The only thing that comforted her was the fact that he seemed to want to have a lot of body contact.

Like the third night, she had spent over at Kai's house. It was little more than a week after Evelyn had passed away. It was a Sunday night and Jo had just told them that she wanted to go back to school on Monday. When Jo looked at Kai she didn't even have to ask if he was joining her, Kai was not ready to go back there just yet. Somehow that talk had ruffled Kai and when Jo had left his room, Kai went over to Bonnie, who was laying on his bed and nuzzled his head in the crook of her neck.
Bonnie wrapped her arms around him, like she had done numerous times before, and let her hand slight up and down his back. It seemed like that calmed him down.

"Are you okay?" Bonnie asked after a few more minutes.

"Hmmm mmmh." Kai hummed against her skin.

"Right, so why do I get the feeling that that is not quite the truth?"

Kai sighed. "Because I can't hide anything from you?" He raised his head and hovered over her face now, looking down on the blanket.

"Then tell me what's bothering you."

"It's just-. Everyone seems to move on and she didn't even have a funeral yet. Dad's back at work, Jo wants to go back to school and that means dad is going to expect me to go back as well, but I am not ready for that." He avoided her gaze and so she reached out a hand to turn his head so he had to look at her.

"Then don't go yet. As long as you don't feel ready for school you shouldn't be going. And don't worry about your dad. Even if he would try to force you to go back, I am pretty sure your grandmother would have your back."

Over the past few days she had gotten to know the old lady better. She was just an incredible woman, strong-willed, intelligent, caring, sharp-tongued and- under normal circumstances- probably one of the happiest and open-minded people Bonnie knew. And most of all she seemed to hate Joshua Parker just as much as Kai did, maybe even more. She was always on Kai's side of things, backing him up. It was clear that Dawn Abbott loved all her grandchildren but she seemed to have a soft spot for Kai. The two were a very good team and were most definitely co-runners of the Anti-Joshua-Club. Maybe one day they could send her mother an invite too.

"Yeah, maybe you're right. You've kind of been right a lot of times the past weeks." Kai admitted.

"Oh, what was that? I think I didn't hear you clearly. Did you just admit I am right, like a lot of times?" Bonnie teased him.

"Oh, shut up." Kai smiled his first honest smile since his mother's death and it warmed her heart. It wasn't a bright smile and it was gone as soon as it appeared but it was a first step of getting him back into shape. When he looked at her again, her smile was still very much visible on her face. The intensity of his gaze was confusing her though. He looked like he had something serious to tell her. She cooked her head in question and he inhaled.

"But really Bon, you have been such a help in the past weeks. I don't know what I would have done without you. So, thank you."

"Don't. I don't want to hear you thanking me. What I am doing is nothing. I'm just being a friend, that's all. It is needless to say."

"Well, not for me." He said it like it meant nothing but it did. It showed her so much. That he hadn't experienced it before that someone would look out for him and that he was indeed very grateful for her. She wanted to hug him but it felt like that reaction might be a little too much, so she just smiled at him and caressed his cheek.

When their eyes locked, an intense shiver went down her spine. The sort she hadn't felt in a few days, because of all the horrible things that happened and the fact that Kai was usually evoking them with his passionate stares. He hadn't been in a state to do so in the past few days but right now he was looking at her with a power and intensity she hadn't witnessed in a while. She just kept looking at him, because his eyes were just so beautiful.

The next moment Kai surprised her by suddenly leaning down and kissing her. It wasn't just a peck, like the last time Bonnie had kissed him, it was more. It was deeper, longer and contained a trace of desperation on both their ends. Bonnie's hands instantly found the side of his face. After the first second of shock, Bonnie had started returning the kiss. For a few moments they lay there, kissing, before Kai pulled away just as quickly as he had started this. His eyes searched her face- for what reaction Bonnie wasn't sure, but hers must have been the wrong one, because he drew away from her further, his expression a little haunted.

"I'm sorry." Kai quickly said.

"About what?" Bonnie asked confused. She wanted to reach out for him but he had sat up again, getting out of her reach. Bonnie was puzzled by his sudden change in behavior and needed clarification. So she sat up next to him, turning so she could face him directly. He was sitting cross-legged on the side of his bed and stabilized his head with his right arm. It seemed like he didn't even notice her sitting next to him, so Bonnie gently pulled on the arm holding his head to force him to look at her. The expression on his face was making her feel uneasy. She couldn't identify it completely but somehow something in her head told her it was regret. She expected him to tell her that he shouldn't have kissed her because he didn't want to give her any false hope of them ever getting together, that his mother's death had changed everything for him and they just weren't a good match. So, when he opened his mouth to give her an answer to her question, she was preparing for the worst.

"I'm sorry for just kissing you- that was not right. I should have asked you or something. This thing between us, it's just-. I mean, we never really talked about it and I can't expect you to be okay with me kissing you like that. After all that happened, we just have to figure this out again. It was just all so confusing in the past few weeks and-"

"Stop." Bonnie interrupted his speech. Relief was spreading inside her, because it was clear that he didn't want to back down from what they were having. He was just confused by everything that happened and Bonnie got that. It was actually cute how he didn't want to overstep. "There is no need to apologize. I get that you have to sort things out first. I agree that we need to talk at some point but right now, it is more important that you get better. And when you do feel better, we're going to have that talk. It's better if we don't rush into anything right now. I don't want you to feel bad about any decision you make right now. There is no rush, we have all the time. I can wait."

"But I don't want to wait." Kai turned his head to look at her. Bonnie had to blink several times because his statement had caught her off guard. When she didn't say anything Kai elaborated further. "Look, Bonnie. I know you might not believe me, but I already made up my mind about us the day before you went to Mystic Falls. I know that it took me a while, but I know now that I want to be with you. And I also know what you will say, that we shouldn't get into this right now, that we need to wait and I agree, we should wait. Because you deserve so much more than what I can give you at this point. I can't be the person that makes you happy right now because, well, look at me. A relationship shouldn't start like this. It should be all about butterflies and happiness and right now I am not able to make you happy. And you deserve the perfect start, a traditional way, so I get it if you don't want this right now, but- I am selfish. I have always been. That is why I am telling you all this now, why I am ignoring all the reasons to wait and figure it out when the time has come but- I need you, Bon."

When he was finished he kept his eyes locked with hers, waiting for a reaction. All Bonnie could do was stare at him. Her heartbeat had risen and so had her breathing. This confession had come without any warning. There was no way she had expected him to confront her about their relationship status. And now that he did, explaining in detail that he knew that this was actually not the right time to start a relationship but that he still wanted to- needed to- was nearly turning her crazy. Her mouth was dry and the words just wouldn't want to return to her and she knew she needed to say something fast. Otherwise Kai might think that she didn't agree with him or worse, that she didn't want to be with him at all. His eyes kept searching her face, to see whether she would agree with him or not. She had to give him an answer but there was no way she would be able to say anything within the next few minutes. So Bonnie leaned forward and placed her lips on his, hoping that he would get what she was trying to tell him.

Their kiss lasted for what felt like hours. Bonnie had forgotten about time and space and she only barely felt anything else then his lips on hers and her heartbeat. But it was her that broke away, because now, even though this kiss had made her lightheaded, she needed to reply.

"I don't care about a perfect, traditional way. I care about you." She whispered against his lips and closed the distance between them once more. She wrapped her arms around his neck and felt his arms closing around her waist. Way too soon Kai pulled away from her.

"So, just for the record: Will you, Bonnie Bennett, be my girlfriend?" Kai looked her directly in the eyes, which let her cheeks burn hot. It was surreal. Kai Parker, the bad boy, that never spent too much time with the same girl, wanted her to be his girlfriend. Somehow she doubted that he had ever asked any other girl to be his girlfriend before. She recalled so many moments in which he had told her that he wasn't the relationship-type. But right now, he was the one suggesting it and it felt right.

"Yes, I will. And just for the record: I think I already was." She whispered the second part and closed the distance between them. Their lips touched again for a brief time. When Bonnie looked back into Kai's eyes she could see a hint of adoration in them before they were guarded again by a curtain of numbness she had gotten so used to seeing in the past days.

Her hands found his cheeks again and she looked at him intensely. "Come here." After that she moved backwards into the bed and lay down. Kai followed her example and placed himself next to her, his head resting on her chest again and his arms wrapped tightly around her. She was brushing through his hair again, an action she would always enjoy, and watched him snuggle into her even further. It didn't last too long and both of them were drifting off into sleep.

When Bonnie awoke, she was a little confused. There seemed to be something missing, something that had been there when she fell asleep, something important. When she turned her head to her right and saw the figure laying next to her it all became clear. The thing that had been missing was closeness and body heat of the boy lying next to her right now. The boy that had needed her help and support for the past few days. The boy that last night, asked her to be his girlfriend.

Kai was still asleep. Instead of resting his head on her chest like he had done when they fell asleep, he was now lying on his stomach, head turned towards her, but he was lying several inches away from her, which had given her the impression that something had been missing. She reached out her hand in order to touch his cheek but right before her fingertips would have found his skin, she withdrew. Her selfish need to be close to him had to wait since he was still sleeping and that was something that he had lacked off immensely in the past. She had decided that she would not interrupt his resting at any cause. So she had to settle for gazing at him from the far. That also gave her the opportunity to think about last night's events.

Like did it really happen? Did Kai really ask her to be his girlfriend? She could answer that question with a very certain yes. There had been no indicator that anything that happened last night was her imagination. She could remember the situation very vividly. But the fact that it had indeed happened didn't turn down the question whether he was still supporting his earlier decision to be with her. Kai was as unpredictable as it could be. She couldn't be completely sure of his intentions, even now, or especially now.

Uncertainty made its way into her mind and made itself a home. As much as she didn't want to doubt that her future with Kai would have a relationship foreseen for them, she had to. Luckily, she would only have to wait until he woke up to get her answer to that question. Bonnie turned her gaze back to the ceiling and sighed. How would a relationship with Kai look like? He didn't have any experience in commitments like this and neither did she. Her relationship with Jeremy was basically kindergarten-like. She only saw him every once in a while, not giving her the opportunity to ACTUALLY do things real couples do. Every time she would go to Virginia she would only spent a fraction of her time with him, due to all the other people she had so see while visiting. So basically, her relationship with Jeremy would be limited to texting, calling (occasionally), making out and having sex (also only occasionally). What kind of experience was that?

But at least she had experience in the emotional part of a relationship, because she had had feelings for Jeremy. She had always been under the impression that she had loved him, but now with all the emotional rollercoaster Kai had put her through she wasn't too sure any more. But she was sure that she had liked him more than others, and that was more than Kai could say. Kai had been the ultimate avoider of emotional connections until he met her. It was kind of sweet to think that she had shown him that there was another way, but it also opened up a few obstacles that the two of them would have to face in time. Additionally, they would have to figure out how they would handle their previous friendship. That emotional bond would not just go away now that they decided that kissing each other and having sex on a regular basis was part of their relationship. There was still so much to figure out, but they would have to do that when time passed because right now the burning topic was still making sure that Kai got better.

Bonnie sighed once more and closed her eyes for a second before she turned her head back to watch Kai. She was surprised to look into his beautiful blues when she turned her head. He was watching her, calmly and silently and when their gazes locked he said. "Hi."

The hoarse sound of his voice, an indication that he had just woken up, sent a shiver down her spine. "Hi." She replied her voice sounding equally hoarse. "Since when are you up?"

"A few minutes." He turned to his side, eyes never leaving hers.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Bonnie snickered.

"Because I was watching you." He said like it was obvious.

"Don't you think that is a little creepy? Rather watching someone without them knowing then talking to them?"

Kai shrugged. "I just like watching beautiful things."

Bonnie breathed in sharply at his comment that he so casually made. Her heart started hammering against her chest while he still watched her. A second later he closed the distance between them, leaned forward and captured her lips with his. Bonnie closed her eyes, reveling in the sweet and gentle touch. All the worries from a few minutes ago were washed away. She had her answer to at least one question now. Kai wanted this, wanted her, and the selfish part inside her cheered to this.

This kiss ended too soon for her liking. Kai placed a final quick peck on her lips before he placed his arm around her body and caressed her back. "So, what were you thinking about earlier? It looked pretty important." He asked her.

"Well, last night-you-me-us." Bonnie avoided his gaze because suddenly she felt shy. Admitting that her thoughts were dominated by him was a pretty big thing. Normally, Kai would tease her about it all day but lately he wasn't up to his usual mischief. Who could blame him? So today, the vulnerable side of Kai just accepted her comment and nodded.

It was still early in the morning. Bonnie had about half an hour before she needed to get up and go to school. She offered Jo to give her a ride today, since she had decided to go back to school. Kai had made it clear that he wasn't ready to go back yet. She had actually wanted to try and not wake him up since he had no reason to be up this early, but now that he was she was kind of looking forward to spending the next few minutes with him in bed. Bonnie reached out and cupped Kai's face. She stroked her thumb along his cheek while he leaned into her touch, eyes closed.

"So- this is really happening." Bonnie whispered.

Kai opened his eyes again and looked at her with something like uncertainty in it. Nothing that happened too often. "Unless you changed your mind?" he replied a little unsure.

"Gosh no." Bonnie was quick to reassure him and he visibly relaxed. "I am as sure about us as I was last night. It's just- a little unreal for me. I mean, you're my best friend, and now-"

"I know." Kai pulled her closer to him and stoked his nose along hers so that their mouths were nearly touching again. "It's a little odd but it feels right."

It was weird how much more open Kai seemed about his feelings for her now that he was grieving. It seemed like the loss of his mother and the pain resulting from it was leading him to be more open about it. Bonnie had heard that something like that sometimes happened to people who had lost someone. That they realized how short life could be so they tried to live it to the fullest with the people that were still there. Bonnie might have thought that this was what happened here, but the openness and honesty Kai showed her were limited to his feelings for her. He never talked about his mother and his loss and Bonnie wished that he would. It seemed like he wasn't facing those emotions at all. The numbness and indifference he showed in any other aspect of his life was starting to scare Bonnie. She knew she had to talk to him about it but she wanted to address her observations with Jo first. She knew him best and maybe it was all Bonnie's imagination.

"Yeah, it does." Bonnie finally said and kissed him.

Author's note: Just a little fluff in a dark time. Thanks for reading guys, means so much that you stuck around for over forty chapters of this humble little story.